Thailand Nightlife Roundup

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).


This picture pretty much sums up Bangkok's problems at the moment.  As usual, various countries have issued travel advisories and warned people from traveling to Thailand.  The truth is a person in Bangkok would have to go out of his way and search out the area where the demonstrations are; the rest of the city, i.e., about 99 per cent, is completely normal.  I do hope for better days for Thailand and certainly less bloodshed, but, truth to tell, the situation of tourists being afraid to come here is a double-edged sword for me: It means fewer good-looking young guys to compete with in bars and fewer Japanese guys spending too freely on the girls, thereby raising prices for locals; but on the other hand fewer tourists mean fewer book-buyers (assuming anyone still reads books these days).


The Londoner had its Oktoberfest and it proved to be a lot of fun.  The entire staff entertained guests with their German version of a dance led by Peter the Brewmeister.



Yes, it is true, the Federbrau girl at the Londoner is a doll.  Very lovely and very sweet.  And I took a few shots and made a video of a woman coming on to her as well!  Amazing Thailand!  Two of the shots are above in the center.  Fortunately the Federbrau girl (as well as the cute Chang Light girl) likes men.


Very strange.  I was in a bar and reached into my shirt pocket and came out with a packet of Equal, a bandaid, and half a Kamagra.  Having been wiped out the night before I tried to figure out what I was thinking when I put the shirt on.  The Kamagra would of course have been for any encounter of a carnal nature.  The bandaid?  Well, maybe I figured if I fell down it might come in handy.  And the Equal?  In case I felt like having a cup of coffee late at night without adding to my calories.  I guess.  Very strange.


I hadn't been to Bangkok's Chinatown at night for over ten maybe fifteen years.  So when Mojos was closed because of a no-liquor-allowed election day and two of the Coyote girls expressed a desire for Chinese food, off the four of us went (one more guy).  Believe it or not at 11 o'clock in the evening, Yaowalat Road was still crowded with people.  Eating of course.  My only prayer was that the goldshops would be closed.  I hate to be in close proximity when a Thai or Chinese woman is near a goldshop.  Makes me nervous as hell.  There is a real magnetism between Thai women and gold shops.  Thank the gods they were closed.  The nuts of the chestnuts (two right hand pictures) are edible and sweet and soft, kind of like certain women.  They are roasted right there on the street; get 'em hot.  We went to a sharksfin restaurant, one of many, and the food was delicious.  We ordered a lot and the bill was not small.  But the crab soup, sharksfin soup, Peking duck, and all the rest were perfectly done. 



A few more pictures of Mojo's Coyote dancers.  Remember they have ten dancers every night and they start about 10:30 and then have breaks and then dance more.  But on Mondays there are only four dancers so not the best day to head for Mojos.  Also, there is rumored to be some kind of new policy to hire new girls and some of the regulars have to take a month off.  Not sure what that is all about but still a nice place to watch some excellent and exuberant coyote dancing.


What it Will be Like When You Get Older

Worried about getting old?  You should be.  Here is what it is like for me these days:  I wake up in the morning and think to myself that if I can just make it into the shower then maybe I can actually start the day, after all.  And once I get into the shower I think Hey, if I can just make it into the kitchen as far as the coffee pot and get that started then maybe I can actually get going.  And then I think if I can scrounge around in a drawer and find that I still have a pep pill left then maybe I can actually get some writing done.  And then I admonish myself: You will not again do what you did last night - you will not get drunk, muck about with women, and stay out till all hours of the morning.  But then it hits me: I didn't go out the night before!  Nor did I drink or muck about with women or go to bed late.  It just feels like I did.  So now you know.  Still: Getting old is definitely better than the alternative.  As Granny used to say, Every day above ground is a good day.  This just in: Khun Chamlong, one of the leaders of the Thai opposition said the other younger leader had handcuffs while in jail but he didn't have to wear them because the police said he was "old."  So I guess there is some benefit for being old, after all!


Cross Cultural Confusion

I was told this hilarious story by the coyote dancer involved.  She said some guy came into the bar and (the music was loud) said something about liking menu.  Well, as you know, Thais don't say "menu" as we do: they say "may-noo."  So the girl looked at him and said "No!"  The guy had complete surprise written all over his face.  Then she added, "I no like!"  Then the guy was completely flummoxed.  And she was flummoxed that he was flummoxed.  Then she added, "I like Arsenal."  So there it was: She thought he had asked her if she likes the soccer team Man-U.  Cross cultural confusion in spades.

I'm still in touch with several guys who used to serve with me in Thailand in the 60's, although I've only seen two since that time as most live in the States and never come back to Thailand.  A great group of guys but a recent incident demonstrates what happens to your perception when you go back and spend decades living in the States.  In an exchange of e-mails I attached the above picture.  One of the guys said "send more!"  But another said, "She looks 12 years old.  You can get in trouble for that."

Not his fault, but it is sad, isn't it?  You see, in Thailand, there is no law against photographing a 24-year-old, college senior, coyote dancer, but it doesn't surprise me that in politically correct America there might be such a law.  I think the problem is that men in America are so used to the incredibly increasing size of American women that they now assume that such heft and girth and flab is the "norm."  So when they see a good-looking young Asian woman, well, she must be too young by, um, "normal" standards.  And that of course is why so many folks in America see us all as pedophiles out here.  Partly because the girls look so young and partly because dime-a-dozen journalists from England and Fox News and wherever come out here for a few days, check out the nightlife areas where farangs go, and then do a sensational article or TV special titled something like "Street of Shame!"  Of course, it needn't be said that these dime-a-dozen journalists never venture out into the areas where Thai men go, some areas which do harbor women who cannot leave; nor do they spend the time or have the expertise to report on genuine human trafficking which certainly exists in the Asia-Pacific region.  After a few of Fox News type stories about girls or boys for sale while showing pictures of Washington Square (Washington Square!) or Nana Plaza, no wonder the poor, befuddled, pussy-whipped Western male in the West (and his 240-pound mate) thinks we're all pedophiles.


Nataree Massage on Rachadapisek opens at two in the afternoon until midnight.  Young, sweet, succulent, curvaceous, beautiful girls working there.  Not that any of my readers would be interested.


The neon bar signs on Soi Cowboy keep getting bigger and brighter.  Now all we need are the casinos to go with the glitz and the women and we can call it Las Vegas East.  And unlike plastic Las Vegas which is still basically for mom, pop and the kids, Soi Cowboy rocks!







Dear Sir,
It was predictable that Imtiaz Muqbil would blame the atrocious bombing of the Marriott Hotel on the West, in particular on Americans fighting the Taliban - in fact, on everyone but Muslims themselves.  Imtiaz is the type of Muslim who needs to see Muslims as the victim, no matter how horrendous the act.  The truth is many innocents were being killed long before the border war began and in fact as the Pakistan intelligence service had been at one stage in cahoots with the terrorists it is a case of the chickens coming home to roost.  Someday Muslims like Muqbil might actually admit that these atrocities are carried out not because Muslims are victims but because of the jihad imperative within Islamic theology.  Dean Barrett



Although the Post would not print that letter with my real name they did print one more favorable to Muqbil even though the writer used a pseudonym.  As the Post claims those using their real name get preference they once again ignored their own guidelines and once again we can see the Bangkok Post for what it is.  I told a friend that I could see only three reasons the Post allowed a Muslim fanatic a column every two weeks.  One, those in charge of letters are Muslims, two, those in charge of letters are childish enough to like to stir up controversy regardless of falsehoods and the rantings of a superficial writer, three, those in charge of letters are assholes.


A friend of mine laughed and said, "Dean, you're a smart guy, but you're an 'ideas' man so you're sometimes a bit naive.  They allow pro-Muslim crap because they make a fortune from the yearly special national day supplements from Muslim countries.  And they are not about to upset their goldmine by running intelligent articles showing Islam for what it is."


OK, live and learn, he may well be right.  But reading the ignorant, slanted, self-pitying rantings of Imtiaz Muqbil may actually be showing anyone (who doesn't yet know) what even "moderate" Muslims are like.  And in that sense Muqbil and his pathetic handlers at the Bangkok Post may be doing us all a favor.





$1,000 Lap Dance Defies the Market Slide

By Jennifer 8. Lee

strip club

As markets have precipitously declined, business in upscale Manhattan gentlemen’s clubs has jumped. (Photo: Michelle V. Agins/The New York Times)

The implosion of the financial markets seems to mark the twilight of the second gilded age. History may look back with scorn at $30,000 couches, $600-an-hour therapists, $25,000 hot chocolates and super Sweet 16 parties.  The Wall Street folks, you’d think, seem to be saying goodbye to all that.  Except, apparently, in one area: strip clubs (or “gentlemen’s clubs,” as they like to brand themselves).  Isn't it nice: there is always money for a sexual tease no matter how long the breadlines.  At least American men have their priorities straight.  Except that they get basically nothing for US$1,000!  Read the whole article below:




As it is a pretty safe bet that most readers of this column have yet to buy my book The Go Go Dancer who Stole My Viagra & other Poetical Tragedies of Thailand I have decided to post one of the poems from the book from time to time.  Some of the poems are serious and some are for fun. 


The Night Bubba got it for Free

Bubba wasn't feeling all that well
even before he left the hotel.

But he took his Chlorthalid
for his high blood pressure
and his Toprol
for his heart hesitation
so he felt protected.

And of course his potassium pill
he took with his meal
as directed.

And one aspirin for his heart
and as he had pain in the toe
Bubba took Indomethacin
which should not be taken with alcohol
as anyone with gout should know.

But despite his lingering fear
Bubba couldn't resist just one more beer.

So it's not hard to tell
when he took the Viagra as well
and got excited over Dang's charms
why Bubba died in Dang's arms
in that short time hotel.

Too bad Bubba didn't live to know
that even after he died that day
his erection continued to grow and grow
and Dang couldn't resist just one more lay.

Which (according to those who should know) was the only time she gave it away.


******************* ******************* *******************


Cross Cultural Confusion (part 2)


One more story in this category: An American friend who speaks fluent Thai was speaking to a Thai lady from the northeast about the elections in Thailand.  The conversation went like this:

Man: So isn't it true that people in Issarn get paid to vote a certain way?

Woman: Of course.

Man: How about you?  Did you take money as well?

Woman: Of course.

Man: How much?

Woman: Five hundred baht.

Man: But when you go to vote if nobody can tell for whom you are voting, then how does the guy who paid you know if you really voted for him?

Woman (indignant): What!  You think Thai people have no ethics?

Me: 'Nuff said?





Now in Bangkok stores, Bookazine and Asiabooks: Identity Theft, A Novel


Christmas is coming - Give Books as Gifts!


The first time in literary history that a novelist barfines one of his own characters!







This is the headline of a review in the Nation of David Young's latest novel, No Problem Girl.  I have an interview with David on this website and he is indeed a fine writer.  But I have a problem with reviewers who dump on "bargirl novels".  As I said before, it is not the subject that counts but what the writer can do with the material.  Just as one of America's greatest plays, The Iceman Cometh by Eugene O'Neill, is set entirely in a bar and at the time was probably dumped on by lots of folks for being set in a bar with hookers and drunks.  I sometimes get the feeling that Bangkok reviewers at least at the Nation are by and large a rather puritan bunch, ready to dump on any novel that includes a go go dancer.  As for "extolling decadence," remember: All human emotions are degrading except lust.



Even after Chuwit beat up a journalist in public, and said that he felt good after doing so, hundreds of thousands of Thais voted for this thug for mayor.  Very sad.  Anyway, it's probably a good thing that Apirak won; the least of the evils and he might even be a good guy.  Preliminary results:

1 Apirak Kosayothin 5 991,018
2 Prapas Jongsanguan 10 543,488
3 Chuwit Kamolwisit 8 340,616


Lucky You!  You have been chosen to receive the blessings of the Snow Fairy!




I am still, after two years, adjusting to my new life.  It's like I went to another planet to live, in many ways.  It seems so very weird to me that the apparently indestructible bindings that held my life together disintegrated like so much cotton candy in a hot shower when the heat was turned on them.  Bye-bye "Christian" friends.  Bye-bye my former wife's family.  Bye-bye long-time work friends.  Bye-bye "son" and his family.  Bye-bye first wife of 40 years who wants nothing more than a (sometimes) civil business relationship with me and who would rather die than tell me anything whatsoever about her life. 

BUT two things--one: the "crik" of life flows one way.  No paddles are issued.  There ain't no goin' back up the crik.  Soooooo....there ain't no use worryin' about it.  And, two:  I wish I could have had the life I now have at a lower price, not only to me, but especially to others (notably my ex-wife).  But in no way would I want to go back to the life I had before, even if I could.  Gradually, living in a small Thai town has come to seem less like an extended visit to Mexico and more like "home".  I no longer flinch when motorcycles routinely ride up the shoulder of the highway the wrong way towards me.  I am not even vaguely surprised when a car exercises the "right of eminent domain" and pulls straight out in front of me, figuring, correctly, that I will stop if I can.  My jaw no longer drops when I see people dyeing their hair, brushing their teeth, picking lice out of kids' hair, or doing just about any other damn thing on the sidewalk in front of their house.  I don't expect vehicles to necessarily have their lights on at night (real men don't need headlights and besides, it uses fuel to run the alternator to generate the electricity for the lights---and, to cap it all off---it wears out the light bulb!!!  

Actually, this concern for wasting fuel is also the explanation for the driving on the wrong side of the highway---you have to go to a u-turn break in the median strip to turn around and, since where I'm going is "just down here a little ways", it just wouldn't make sense to waste all that gasoline (or diesel)).    I am trying to get used to the short term plan being lunch and the long term plan being Dinner (in those cases where there is a plan at all, that is).  I can now occasionally discern when the answer to any request (which is inevitably and always, always "yes") means not just not "yes", and not even "no", but "Hell, no!"  And I now work into my plans the fact that the statement "I'll be there to do that work tomorrow" means only "You can take it to the bank that I for damned sure won't be there to do that work today".  I am pretty inured to walking into a shop and being waited on by someone who is evidently about three-fourths asleep and whose experience on the floor has totaled, at least insofar as can be demonstrated by their ability to actually help me, the  4 or 5 minutes prior to my walking in.

On the other hand.  I live in a gorgeous, rural area with virtually zero air pollution and very modest water pollution and no traffic congestion.  It's such a small place that still people stop and visit right in the middle of the road, just like they did back home 50 years ago (in Wyoming, that is).  And Thais are, of course, the world's champions at making the best of life's many curve balls.  So, in every and all exigencies, the first strategic move is to laugh at life's absurdity and to try (with truly amazing ingenuity) to make whatever happens be, at least in part, enjoyable and fun.  I have a wife who takes wonderful care of me and worries about me and does everything she can think of to make my life more enjoyable.  And I have a number of ex-pat friends with whom I can trade lies and drink beer.  And, for this year at least, I have a good job teaching English.  And, on a pretty  regular basis, some Thai who owes me nothing and hopes to gain nothing, will show up with one of this country's patented acts of nearly unbelievable graciousness.  Yesterday, for example, two waitresses in the coffee shop I was at risked life and limb running into the middle of traffic to save my errant dog from certain destruction after it panicked, thinking it had been deserted by my wife, and took off for home down the middle of the town's main street.
So, all in all, life is good. 


“Epitaphs of the War” (1914-1918) Rudyard Kipling:


If any question why we died,

Tell them, because our fathers lied.


You'll be happy to know that Chateau Jade, the leading house of domination in Bangkok, has created a new and very special adventure with very special rates.  Now you get two mistresses for three hours for 7,000 baht or, if you prefer and think you are man enough to last, two mistresses for 24 hours for 20,000 baht!  And for those daring to venture beyond vanilla sex there are other great deals as well. (How do you define "leading" in this case?  Number of whips available per mistress?  Amount of experience of the mistresses?  Number of satisfied clients?  Anyway, don't ask.) Our Lady in Black


Asked at the news conference if he had any message to convey, Mr. Le Clézio said: “My message will be very clear; it is that I think we have to continue to read novels. Because I think that the novel is a very good means to question the current world without having an answer that is too schematic, too automatic. The novelist, he’s not a philosopher, not a technician of spoken language. He’s someone who writes, above all, and through the novel asks questions.” - Winner, 2008 Nobel Prize for Literature, the French writer Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio


Thought you might enjoy this fake Sarah Palin photo making the rounds.




How to be liked by Thai go go dancers and coyote dancers, etc.


I know what you're thinking: what a stupid topic; everybody knows the answer is simply to spend a lot of money on them.  Well, yes, that certainly helps.  But what I have found over the years is that not showing too much interest in them also helps.  Eventually it happens to all of us: you buy a dancer a drink and she sits with you for a bit and maybe even chats with you a bit and then she is off to the hongnam or else goes to talk with a friend and voila! within a minute or two she is having a drink with another guy across the room. 


Nobody particularly likes that scene but even when I was a GI stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War (Yes, for you young'uns, there was once a war in Vietnam.  We took second place) it didn't bother me much when that happened.  I figured she was making her living and probably even had a quota of how many drinks per month she had to get or else her salary was cut.  So I didn't get pissed off and complain to the mama-san or call Taksin in London or whatever.  In fact, what I often do now, is point out to these girls that they won't be young forever and when they are old nobody is going to give them money and they had better make some now and save wisely.  And furthermore I am just an impoverished writer and wouldn't make a good catch for even the most over-the-hill bar lady.  And then I add that maybe they would do well to hit on some of the other customers who look like well-heeled businessmen and sometimes I point out a few. 


So then, you see, I am in their camp, on their side.  Sure, still just a customer, but one they can talk with about the quirks of other customers and they know I am not jai-rorn (hot-headed or quick-tempered.)  And, yes, speaking enough Thai to be able to speak with them a bit in Thai will do wonders for your popularity.  So you bought a drink for a dancer and she's off with another guy.  Hey, he might be one of her regulars from whom she makes far more money then she'll ever see from a cheap Charlie like you. So don't sulk; don't complain; don't get your balls in an uproar.  Call over another beauty.  And be freaking happy you are in Thailand.




Nope, it's Hanoi!  I guess real women cost too much or nag too much or something.


************************************** ******************* *******************  ******************* ******************* 

Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

I had to go to a hospital in Bangkok this week to get some tests done for a nasty allergy problem that just doesn’t seem to want to go away.  It is absolutely incredible how all the nurses and female staff in Bangkok hospitals look like models with perfect white skin, slim bodies and angelic faces.  Every time I visit I promise myself to get sick again as soon as possible. It really is like entering a parallel universe where all the plain looking women have been shipped off to some foreign land.  This particular occasion my doctor decided that I needed to have some blood taken so I was escorted off to a nearby room by the second best looking nurse in the unit.  Cursing my foul luck for not having drawn the hottest nurse, I winced a little bit as the needle was taken out of its protective case.  She asked me what was wrong, and I said that I hated needles and was going to turn my head to the side and pretend I was in a more pleasant place.  Imagine my shock when she stood up, left the room and returned with the HOT nurse in tow.  Then the HOT nurse held my hand and stroked my arm gently while my blood was being taken in order to calm me down and make me more comfortable.  Now that is customer service.  Man do I love Thailand. 

I have an important pointer for all you guys who love the bar gals as much as I do.  Make sure to get their email at the time that you ask for their mobile number.  I had 2 gals visit in the past week that had changed mobile numbers but were still using the same email address.  It turns out that when they get a “sponsor” who starts sending serious money to them, he often insists that they change their phone number so that customers can’t find them. As if that’s actually going to stop the gals from cheating!  I have some prime swamp land I would like to sell these guys and tell them it’s Manhattan.   If you have the email address you will side-step this problem.  Believe me it’s really worth it as the gals tend to be super horny when they have been confined to spending long periods of time with just one customer.  For me personally I must say I could barely walk this week.  One gal is considering going to Germany to spend 3 months with her sponsor.  She asked me in Thai if it’s really boring making love to the same person for 3 months.  My response was “when I was married I made love to the same woman for more than a year.  It was so boring I often considered suicide.”  She changed her trip to 3 weeks.  The gals are very disorganized and rarely write down all of their mobile numbers, so please remind yourself after each “special” orgasm to get the gal’s mobile number and email address. 

My recent favorite quote comes from a married guy who said “the only good thing about marriage is that you no longer fear death.  You almost welcome it.” 

The little slut called ME a slut!  I was having an unpleasant conversation with a busty young gal the other day who seemed somewhat disappointed that after several sessions of casual sex I still had no interest in being her boyfriend.  I am sure that my readers know I never use the “R” word (Dean and his mates at Londoner Pub have a strict policy that anyone who utters the word "relationsh*p" must pay a fine of 20 baht into a charity box) so when I only phone a gal for a booty call I feel somewhat justified that she is happy with the arrangement.  Well, this little minx was getting herself all fired up and using some sarcastic Thai expressions that my Thai language teachers failed to inform me of.  When her eyes swelled up and it seemed she would burst into tears for sure, she called me “sam-son” in Thai and punched me quite hard in the shoulder. 

I continued to keep my cool (a must if one is going to be happy in Thailand) and made a dramatic demonstration of taking out my mobile phone and allowing her to see that I was deleting her number.  It was all good fun to me and I must admit I got a kick out of seeing her so distraught, all the while assuming that I must be one hell of a lover to bring out such passion in this tightly bound little bundle of sexuality.  She really was a great fu*k but then the to-do list just keeps getting longer so I was somewhat relieved to part company with her. 

I returned home (chuckling to myself the whole way) and went straight to my Thai dictionary to look up this unknown word she had used to describe my character.  It translates as “promiscuous.”  That little slut called ME a slut.  The nerve of some people.  With the frequency of sex most punters have in this city, I would need to be having sex at least 5 times a day to have any hope of being worthy of that compliment.

Until next time.  Khun Nana

******************* ******************* ******************* ******************* *******************

Click on Picture to see the latest American military strategy in Iraq.


Another "Holy shit!" picture.

************************************** ******************* *******************  ******************* ******************* 




Letters from Readers


Hi, I’m a foreign woman who sometimes disapprove of a elder foreign man and a young Thai woman playing out.  I have a good reason for it.  My husband worked both in Yangon and Bangkok for 20 years but I think he stayed more in Bangkok than in Yangon with me and the family. He promised me he will never have a woman in his life except his wife but he spent some money on the bars and soapy massage parlors sometimes.  I agreed with him to buy sex when he’s needed.  But after all that years, I came to know that he has a Thai woman who he keeps like a long term girl friend for more than 10 years.  She’s twenty years younger than him , he bought her a car, and fulfilling facilities which I was never aware of it.  After I knew about his history,  I came to hate Thai ladies.




Um, not quite sure what to say to this.  I got this e-mail from "Bob and Oy" or about them.  Not sure if it is real or just an internet put-on but why would a woman hate Thai ladies instead of hating the man who left her for a Thai lady?  My feeling is that the temptations of places like massage parlors will probably prove too great for a husband and so if a wife agrees with his going to such places sometimes as long as he brings nothing home by way of disease, then that is a fantastic wife.  Where I would draw the line is if the guy has had a looong relationship with this woman which involves spending lots of money while his marriage might be having financial problems.  Men and women will never agree on this kind of thing because, for the most part, our needs are different; but in my opinion a married man keeping another woman is the real betrayal, not the occasional mechanical tryst which lasts one or two hours.  And, by the way, I still call Rangoon "Rangoon" not Yangon.  Screw the assholes running Burma.




Attn: Mr. Barr Who Doesn't Care About The Little Guy Anymore (if that is your real name):

"And, lucky you, Fon is going to appear on a book cover in a new book coming out soon written by Jesse Gump."

So now I have to spend money to get a pic of Fon?  Sweet Jesus on a cracker man do the tentacles of your publishing empire and greed admit of no shame?  What happened to the dreams and ideals of writer youth that just wanted to write a good declarative sentence and bring smiles to readers' faces?  Now you are part of a giant International Dean Barrett megalopolis of petrochemicals, and movie production, and China mainland bridge building, and panty research, and 'Oh Yes' --  now pics of Fon. 

So I just give up.  There will be no more pics of Fon in my life.  It is time to move on.  My only regret is that I do not live on the fifteenth floor.  The fall would kill me.

From A Reader You Will Never Guess



Alas, Dana is upset!  (Probably behavior displacement because he can only seduce 55-year-old Palin-type hockey moms in Boston bars who lecture him on how men living in Thailand chasing after succulent young Thai women are "socially inept" and "afraid of accomplished older women" and blah, blah, blah.)  But Khun Dana, you needn't spend a bloody satang to see Fon on the cover because I will be putting Jesse's cover up on a future column when the book is out!  So you jumped to the wrong conclusion, Mein Herr.  If you have read my columns by now you should know I have little interest in money and far more interest in lovely Asian women.  I would say that has been my Achilles's heel but not sure I can spell "Achilles" so I won't.  Anyway, I hope you continue to have illuminating conversations with America's hockey moms and you have a good day in Boston.  As the governor of the fairly large igloo called Alaska probably said, "Dang it, God created American men to be with American women like it says in the constitution and the Bible so both sexes can shoot moose from helicopters and fire a few rounds off toward Russia while praising the Lord."  P.S. What about the 14th floor?  That might work.



Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to







Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids





A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only.


Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.


So enter and win 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt, courtesy of Peter, PJ and Jason, third prize the usual Nada diddly-squat. As for last column's contest the hotel was Washington Square and lots of readers got it right.  This column's prize is worth 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers.  Last column's answer was of course Washington Square.   Last column's picture was also taken from Washington Square.  No one got it exactly but they did know where the buildings were (Royal Parkview, Sukhumvit Soi 20)and the names so I allowed the two earliest with those answers to win.  As a change of pace, to win this time, you have to be the first to answer a question about one of my books.  The main female Thai character in Memoirs of a Bangkok Warrior was:


a ladyboy


a bargirl


a go go dancer

a suicide 

a dominatrix

a nymphomaniac

a spy


That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at:


More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand



Over 3,400 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 42 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks.


10/4/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Two local soldiers are brutally executed by Muslim radicals.


10/7/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Militant Muslims murder a man sitting in his pickup truck. The victim's teenage son is severely injured.


10/12/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Islamists shoot a man to death in front of his 8-year-old daughter.



Would you like to see a short video of an HONOR KILLING up close?  Muslim men chant Allah while stomping and throwing huge stones on a defenseless woman while the blood streams out of her head.  Once you see this you may understand why I have taken up the fight against Islam.  Just click on the video at the top left hand side of the page.



Thousands of Deadly Islamic Terror Attacks Since 9/11


Click on Pictures



YouTube’ must erase anti-Islam material: KHRS

KUWAIT CITY : Kuwait Human Rights Society (KHRS) Chairman Dr Adel Al-Damkhi has asked the government to put pressure on the officials of ‘YouTube’ — a video sharing website — to delete all derogatory statements about Islam and Muslims from the site, reports Al-Seyassah.  Urging the authorities to take the necessary legal action in case the website fails to erase the statements, Al-Damkhi stressed “uttering profanities against Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the worst form of human rights violation in the world. Attacks on the values and tenets of Islam are extremely dangerous and unacceptable.”

Actually, the "worst form of human rights violation in the world" is the killing and beheading and burning of those who are not Muslims and the laws that say Muslims leaving Islam must be killed.  But Muslims love to pretend they are the victims - no matter how many people they blow up.



click on pictures



Another Saudi Cleric Moron


A Muslim cleric in Saudi Arabia has called on women to wear a full veil, or niqab, that reveals only one eye. Sheikh Muhammad al-Habadan said showing both eyes encouraged women to use eye make-up to look seductive. How about women wearing a robe that reveals only one breast instead, moron?


Two fine Pat Condell Videos against Sharia Law in Britain and brainwashing religions



Click to view full size image
Aqsa Parvez
Strangled to death by her father for adopting Western-style dress
Keywords: canada

Strangled to death by her Muslim father for wanting to adopt Western-style dress



Bangladeshi women disfigured by acid attacks by Muslim men


YouTube (owned by Google) censors comedian's anti-Sharia video called 'Welcome to Saudi Britain'

A comedian has been censored by YouTube for making a film in which he condemned the existence of Sharia courts in Britain.  Google's YouTube allows Muslim fanatics but censors anti-Muslim videos.  However, thanks to angry protests YouTube has now backed down and stopped kissing Muslim ass.  At least, this time.




The FBI reports to Congress on the growing danger of Islamic conversions and the embrace of violent Jihad taking place in the nation's prisons. Primarily the target is the young Black violent felon population, the largest subset of violent felons in our nation's prisons.



Hanged for Being Christian  (Telegraph)
Muslims see nothing wrong with ordering each other to believe or else, since it is entirely necessary to Islam's survival.

It Could Happen Here


SUKKUR, PAKISTAN: A teenage girl was killed by her father in the name of honour in Gosarji village on Sunday night. Karam Ali Lashari suspected that his daughter Waheeda, 19, had illicit relations with one Ashfaq Shah and shot her dead.


Ayesha Baloch
Mutilated two months after her marriage on the suspicion of premarital sex
Keywords: pakistan

Mutilated by Muslim men who suspected she had had premarital sex



"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property ‹either as a child, a wife, or a concubine‹ must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the Queen; all know how to die; but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science ‹the science against which it had vainly struggled‹ the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome."     - Winston Churchill

“Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”-- by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 





Some books that tell it like it is!


Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion. 

Back to the Welcome Page

"Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

- The Poisoned Pen Book Review