Welcome to my website. Unlike the universe, this site has a purpose. To offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere. And to have some fun.
Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)
There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, The Londoner, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Big Mango and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting. Second prize is one of my books or else a 500-baht book gift voucher from Dasa Books.
I will also add information to a column as I receive it or report on nightlife as I encounter it so check back now and again as there may be much new even within a week or ten days. And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).
Getting a little wet, are we? Some folks love it, some don't. Nothing like sitting in an air-conditioned go go bar when your clothes have been soaked by children, bargirls, street urchins, roving gangs with hoses and buckets. Anyway, Happy New Year!
I heard an interesting piece of information about a Nana Plaza bar the other day. It seems one of the top showgirls from a well known bar with shows was barfined by a guy who fell hard for her. Before they left the Nana area, the guy and the girl were having drinks when the showgirl's phone rang. Sure enough, it was one of her regulars who was very upset she wasn't in the show and that she wasn't available. Presumably, this punter paid this EP (Entertainment Provider) some money each month, I'm not sure about that. In any case, the showgirl informed the Punter, i.e., he-who-had-barfined-her, that she had to go back to the bar and couldn't go with him after all. The guy was not happy but did go back to retrieve his barfine from the bar - and the bar said no way.
So this raises an interesting dilemma. An ethical question: Who, if anyone, is responsible for giving the guy back his money? No doubt from the bar's point of view they took his money in exchange for giving him the girl, which they did. But as she works for them, should they take some responsibility? Should the punter have tried to have gotten his money back from the "regular"? In my opinion, the bar bears some responsibility but definitely the showgirl should have given the money to the punter, at least the half of the barfine that she was making. Unfortunately, the guy ended up with nada. As granddad used to say: "It's enough to piss off the Pope."
If the story reported in this newspaper is true, it could only have happened in Thailand.
I met a brave fellow who does de-mining in Laos. He searches for and eliminates mines planted by various armed forces over the decades of war. I asked him what he uses to eliminate the mines. His answer: "Laotians." Oh. OK.
I have to relate the horrible news that ex-Marine, ex-college administrator Frank Olcott of Frank's Corner has passed away. Frank was 79 years young and the corner of the bar at the Londoner Pub still places out signs about 6 in the afternoon announcing that seats are reserved "for the young people of Frank's Corner." Before he passed away, Frank took steps to ensure that his family - lovely Thai wife and children - would be well taken care of. Frank will be greatly missed by all those who knew him. The picture shows Frank in July last year with a waitress at the Londoner. Frank was an inspiration to all those who knew him.
I sure wish somebody had told me how dumb the film The Legend of Zorro was so I wouldn't have wasted my time watching it. It was bad enough to have a kid in the picture, and the weak story line of the breakup of Zorro and the Big Breasted Woman whose name I forget. And the marital squabbles between Zorro and his ex-wife demeaned both characters. But the scene with the horse smoking the pipe was right out of Mr. Ed, the Talking Horse, or Francis, the Talking Mule, or whatever those programs were back in the late '50's. I feel like getting my money back from Blockbuster for the VCD or DVD or HD-DV+RW-ATM or whatever the hell these discs are now.
"You talkin' tah me?" (Rumor-Control Headquarters says this is Peter's new bodyguard at Shebas)
"The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything, except our modes of thinking; and thus we drift toward unparalleled catastrophe." - Albert Einstein
"The unleashed power of the Thai pussy has changed everything, except our modes of thinking; and thus we drift toward unparalleled catastrophe." - Dean Barrett
We do tend to get in a bit of a rut regarding our nocturnal habits. But, believe it or not, there is life beyond Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy and Patpong. The Brown Sugar jazz club on Soi Saracen is just one of a number of clubs, bars, and restaurants near Lumpini Park worth visiting. Brown Sugar itself is a bit small with not many seats, but it does have some of the intimate feel of the gone-but-not-forgotten jazz and blues bars of New York and elsewhere. The patrons of the bars in this area are always a nice mix of farangs and Thais.
By the way, some of the shots, such as the one at the left and below, were taken with my new Canon digital IXUS 55 which I think in the USA is called PowerShot SD450. Anyway, if you click on them, you can see that the quality of the shot is far superior to the compact Nikon film camera I was using until it slipped out of my pocket during the recent lesb- I mean, dance contest on Soi Cowboy and dropped daid on the floor. RIP. I realize some of you might not be old enough to remember "film" cameras; just ask your grandpa.
Back to the normal stamping grounds, I checked in at some of the King's Group bars on Patpong and shore nuff they got them sum perty little thangs workin' thare. I do like the way the bars in the group have you sign your bill for each drink, whether it be yours or belonging to the little darlin' for whom you are providing refreshment. That is a wonderful method of eliminating disputes about bills. The Entertainment Provider asked for a beer instead of a coke and her beer was 149 baht. I assume she asked for a more expensive drink because - duh - there was more money in it for her. But considering that one can sit with lovely, available women with cheekbones so high aircraft have to be diverted from the area, that is OK with me. And that long black hair. And that beautiful shade of brown skin. And those eyes. And those curves. And that smile. And, and, and, and...
There have been many complaints over the years, especially in letters to Bangkok newspapers, about Thai guys dressed in official looking uniforms in front of places like Temple of the Emerald Buddha scamming tourists. The guy says because of a Buddhist holiday the temple is closed and he gets them a samlor and they get sent to a gem store where they end up paying lots of money for junk and never getting their money back, or else practically having to fight their way out of the store. Horrible for Thailand's image but, as usual, no one in authority does anything about it. But if you have friends coming to Thailand for the first time, do warn them about this scam, do warn them about how pedestrians do not have the right of way, and do warn them to avoid taxis waiting around nightlife areas.
I wonder if I could create a satire in which a tourist couple writes a letter to the editor complaining that they wanted to visit a gem store but a guy in an official looking uniform told them it was closed due to a national gem store holiday and sent them off in a samlor to the Temple of the Emerald Buddha and then they found out later it was a scam because the gem stores weren't closed after all?
"Jakarta - Officials in a town outside the Indonesian capital will arrest unmarried couples who kiss for longer than five minutes according to guidelines accompanying a new law, a report said Friday." Talk about people with too much time on their hands.
The Bangkok Theory of Relativity: E (Entertainment Provider) = ATM²
Mama's Lecture on Avoiding Fights in Thailand
I mentioned in a previous column how I didn't bother to take a photograph of the outside bar sign of a Soi Diamond bar because one of the guys working the door was an asshole. But I do want to stress that it is quite easy to get into a fight in Thailand but also almost always possible to avoid one. I heard one story about an English guy who likes to brawl needing to take a whiz. This was in Pattaya where he had to walk down past lots of beer bars to the men's room. A Thai guy told him it would cost him three baht. When the Englishman made it clear he wasn't about to pay, the Thai guy stood up and the Englishman pushed him back down in his seat. Then proceeded to enter what passed for a men's room and took his whiz. Of course, when he stepped back outside, eight Thai guys were waiting for him. He got his wish, a nice brawl, in which he apparently gave as good as he got but nevertheless got bashed pretty good. No hospital, just bashed up. He said at least he didn't have to pay. So here is a guy who got beat up to save three baht.
Let me give just a bit of motherly advice, although for guys like this who think a night out without a brawl is a wasted night I realize the advice is useless. When I was writing Murder in China Red (a detective novel starring a Chinese detective set in New York City) I bought a number of books and videos about fighting styles and weapons techniques, etc. One of the books was titled: A Bouncer's Guide to Barroom Brawling - Dealing with the Sucker Puncher, Streetfighter, and Ambusher by Peyton Quinn. And very near the beginning of this book is this:
"I have come to suspect that everyone who has done some real fighting arrives at some, if not all, of the following conclusions. The first and most obvious is that fighting is no game. It has serious legal and medical consequences. The second is that most of the time it is possible to avoid the fight. However, you must be willing to do so, and you must know how. Now, some of you are thinking, 'I've heard this shit before. Stay out of fights. I didn't buy this book to hear that. I bought it to learn how to fight better!' You might even be thinking about skipping ahead to some 'techniques.' If so, WAKE THE FUCK UP, PAL! Avoiding the fight is a goddamn technique, and not just a self-defense technique, either. It is an absolutely essential survival technique. It must be practiced just like you must practice a backfist or any other strike or counter covered in this book."
If only guys out there in Thai nightlife areas would have the same amount of common sense as this incredibly experienced street fighter and biker bar bouncer they would be much better off. So, yeah, a ladyboy grabbed your arm while another reached for your pocket hoping to come up with a wallet. You can either say something like "Not polite!" or "No money, my wife took it!" in Thai and forcefully continue on your way and get on with your evening's pleasure, or you can throw a chair at them and get beat up as one guy did recently. But remember, in a fight with a Thai, ladyboy or boy, dozens of them will suddenly appear like mushrooms after a spring rain, and they are most likely not there to help you. And sometimes a knife flashes as well. So like the man said, "Avoiding the fight is a goddamn technique!"
A well built farang looking for a nice brawl got into a scuffle with a ladyboy and he/she took off his/her high-heeled shoe and hit him on the head with it, causing him to have a concussion and 18 stitches. So when you see a Thai woman or ladyboy in a bikini and high heels, remember, a high-heeled shoe makes an excellent weapon (Just see what it can do to hardwood floors). They are in fact armed with a weapon. You most likely are not.
In Pattaya recently a 44-year-old American guy was chased by a working girl and her pimp and she stabbed him. He died in the hospital. She claimed he called her a "bag." So this poor guy died because of something so stupid and because these low-class scum let their tempers get the better of them. It seems clear that the over-the-hill girl had offered her sexual services to the guy and he'd refused. We'll never know if the guy actually even said anything to them. But would he still be alive today if he had done what I would do in that situation: I would have smiled and said in Thai something like, "Sorry, I'm too old now," or "Sorry, I'm still a virgin." I don't know and I hope the scum that killed him goes to prison for life. But my point is that although the term "running amuk" is an Indonesian/Malay term it does apply to Thais also; the type of Thais who do not think rationally about punishment for their act.
More than once in the Thai countryside I have come across very tough looking Thai guys at night staring at me as if they were wall lizards and I were their prey. I would smile and greet them in Thai. The effect was amazing. They immediately smiled back, greeted me politely, even warmly, and, occasionally, began a conversation. Most had never spoken to a farang before and enjoyed the opportunity.
I realize what I'm saying will be lost on those idiots who come to Thailand looking for a good brawl or those who think Chuck Norris's reverse flying back kick is good for anything other than movie sets. But, for the rest of you, leave your egos back in your hotel room, smile a lot, use common sense, keep a cool heart, enjoy Thailand's nightlife, buy my books, get laid with gorgeous women. OK? Nuff said? Mama's lecture is over. Now Go forth and multiply.
This just in: The Go Go Dancers Association of Soi Cowboy Southern Section has just named my book, The Go Go Dancer who Stole My Viagra, as the best book ever written on Thailand with the words "go go dancer" and "Stole" and "Viagra" in the title. I'm deeply honored. All choked up, in fact.
The Top Dozen Things You’ll Miss The Most When You Leave Thailand
OK, so for whatever reason, you’re back where you came from. Home in the Western country of your choice. (Or your spouse’s choice.) But then you start missing aspects of Thailand you hadn’t even thought about when you were living here. But gradually you notice they are missing from your life. Or else your friends notice you act in strange ways. In order to forewarn you, to make your transition as easy as possible, here they are: The top dozen things you’ll miss the most when you leave Thailand.
Broken Pavements – You’re back in London or New York or wherever, and your friends comment on how clumsy you are when you walk along a sidewalk and how you nearly trip and fall on every block. You know why but it’s hard to explain to people who have never been to Thailand, right? The reason is simple: because the pavements are too damn smooth. Your body’s trunk and leg muscles and your stride have become used to the upturned, broken, cracked, fissured pavements of Bangkok and it will take months for you to become accustomed to the smooth, level, horizontal pavements of Western cities. Meanwhile, behind your back your friends snigger and call you “The Stumbler.”
Smiles – They say the Thai smile is only a pleasantry and doesn’t really mean all that much. And, yet, once you’re back in a land where smiles are few and far between you realize how you took all those wonderful Thai smiles for granted. So you smile at strangers you pass in the street or at waitresses in restaurants and very quickly discover that you are regarded with great suspicion; that you may be some kind of nutcase. People do smile at you in the West: when you tip them or when you slip on a banana peel or when you approach a beautiful prostitute and get caught in a police sting. But, as for those gorgeous smiles you once took for granted, faggedaboudit!
Inactive Posts – As you have seen during your years living in the Land of Smiles, should an official do something wrong, or be caught with his hand in the till, he is simply “transferred to an inactive post.” And perhaps he is transferred “pending investigation.” But in time all will have been forgotten about the official and his alleged transgression and all will be well. Now, however, you are shocked and astonished to read in newspapers and see on television that in your country when officials are caught in the act of violating the public trust, they are actually tried and often punished! It seems like cruel and unusual punishment to you, a bit barbaric, in fact, and you express your opinion to your friends. Only to find you have few friends left as they now refer to you as “loopy.”
Rituals – You have spent years in Thailand and have gotten used to the fact that just about every human endeavor has rituals, be it the Palad khik ceremony in a bar or a brief wai to a spirit shrine as one passes by. Or, standing up for the Thai King’s anthem before the movie starts. Strange, isn’t it? You’re at a movie theater back in the West and your hands grip the armrests of your seat, waiting for the imminent beginning of the Thai King’s anthem but – it never comes on. But, as your head is still in the Land of Smiles, in your haste not to offend the Thais, you are fooled by the opening bars of an advertisement’s jingle and you do stand only to be fiercely denounced and damned by those sitting behind you as a “bloody arsehole.”
Palad Khik – You’re sitting in a British pub or in a bar on Santa Monica Boulevard in L.A. watching a boring game on their TV set and you know something is missing. And then it hits you. None of the girls is holding a long wooden phallic shaped object and banging it around the bar, the counter, the floor, etc., and dipping it in water and holding a garland over it. And none of the laughing, excited girls line up behind one another, legs apart, and throw the khik between their legs. In fact, none of the girls where you are now drinking are laughing or excited or seem the least bit interested in bringing in customers using that or any other method. In fact, there are no girls in your pub or bar – just middle-aged women who will clobber you if you call them “girls.” And, needless to say, none has called you a “hansum man.” You go back to watching the game on the bar’s TV and wonder why you ever left Thailand.
Paying more than locals – You can’t believe it at first. But back in the West, whenever you go to an attraction of any kind – indoor or outdoor – everyone pays the same price regardless of race, color, creed or nationality or visa status! It’s unbelievable. In fact, such an egalitarian policy makes you feel a bit guilty, doesn’t it? In Thailand, you were told again and again that you were expected to pay more than others and that there was nothing wrong with that policy. Finally, you assumed it must be true. And so, you stammer something to the ticket seller about having come from abroad after several years of living there and surely it would be only just if you should pay more than people who have never left the country. She assumes you’re some kind of freak hitting on her and warns you to f**k off or she’ll call the cops.
Settling traffic problems on the spot – As you’re driving down the road, you hear a siren and, sure enough, someone in a police car is ordering you to pull over. You do pull over and roll down the window. You had been meaning to fix that broken tail light but hadn’t got round to it. The officer sidles up to your window and asks for your license. You give him a big smile and slip him your license along with a ten-dollar bill. Alas, rather than a rapid conclusion to the event, he becomes upset and directs you to follow him to the station. The rest of the night is a bad dream and the proceedings are not pleasant. And you end up paying much more than ten dollars.
Difference in age groups – One of the strangest things you notice is that men and women walking around together seem to be paired off in roughly the same age group. You are used to seeing young women with long black hair walking with much older men with silvery hair, if any hair at all. Indeed, there was a time when you participated in such activity yourself. But now everyone seems to have paired off according to age bracket. Just one more bizarre Western custom you will have to gradually come to terms with.
Motorcycle taxis – No, it isn’t just the absence of motorcycle taxis buzzing around your car like flies that seems strange to you. There’s something else. You can’t shake the habit of very slowly, very cautiously opening your car door when you want to get out, because you are so used to motorcycle taxis zooming past. Friends don’t understand why you are so slow getting out of a car and behind your back call you: The Weirdo.
Pollution – Again and again you find yourself breathing too quickly or taking in huge gulps of air. After years in Bangkok, your lungs have become used to pollution and grime, and now suddenly, without warning, they have to try to deal with clean air. You visit a doctor who takes an X-ray and he tells you he’s never seen lungs so black. He states that the best way to avoid problems is to very gradually reduce the pollution about you as, compared to Bangkok, the air where you are living now is simply too clean; that you are shocking your system too quickly. When you ask him how you can get your lungs very gradually used to fresh air without overdoing it too fast, he suggests you take up smoking.
Dashing across the street – You and your friends approach a crosswalk. Cars stop and your friends walk across the street. You on the other hand run your ass off and reach the other side of the street, panting, heart pounding wildly, but safe. When your friends catch up with you they ask you what your problem is and remind you that the pedestrian has the right of way. The idea that a pedestrian has the right of way seems revolutionary to you if not downright asinine. Behind your back your friends (if you have any left) say you have your head so far up your ass you need a glass belly button to see out.
And now - the number one item you will miss the most when back in the West:
Women in the Men’s Room! - You’re in a shopping mall and you really need to go, don’t you? So you stroll into the men’s room, amble up to the urinal and take out Mr. Johnson. But nothing happens. And you can’t understand why. And then it hits you: There are no women in the men’s room!
Think about it: when was the last time in Thailand you walked into a men’s room and there was no woman inside cleaning up? Go to any hospital and you’re guaranteed to see a woman cleaning the men’s room or just leaving the men’s room to get more toilet paper or paper towels or just entering to clean the men’s room, or she’s just left the door open because the floor is drying.
Go to any movie theater, from the Emporium on down, and it’s the same thing: there is always a great comfort in knowing there is a woman in the men’s room. Go to any pub or bar, especially go go bar, and of course it is the same. Many of the bars have unisex bathrooms in any case and you have become used to standing at the urinals along one side of the room while, on the other side of the room, go go dancers stand in front of mirrors over sinks brushing their hair and putting on makeup. And in those go go bars that do have separate restrooms for men and women, the women’s room is too small to allow one shift of dancers to change, so some of the dancers can always be found changing in the men’s room.
And you have become so used to this that you now find it difficult if not impossible to take your whiz in a men’s room without the familiar and comforting presence of a woman. You mention this problem to your friends. You find you no longer have friends. You book your flight back to Bangkok. One way.
The Silver Dragon Bar on the second floor of Nana Plaza has Happy Hour from 6:30 to 9:30 which allows you to have two drinks for the price of one. Not a bad deal. The bar was OK but I found it a bit small, a bit dull, and fewer girls than in the old days. Of course, who knows how many had been barfined? Which reminds me that a couple of weeks ago something like 75 percent of the girls in Rawhide on Soi Cowboy had been barfined, leaving the remainder to tend to customers and dance on stage as best they could. How well nightlife areas are doing depends on whom you talk to, the girls dancing, the managers or the owners. Sometimes they agree all is well, sometimes they agree business is lousy, sometimes you have to piece it all together. Maybe a good clue would be to ask the flower-selling kids or Om, the showshine boy. Or ask how many garlands are sold for the shrines. Or ask the elephant keeper how many bananas he's sold. In the picture above taken inside Lucky Luke's, it seems business is OK. But if they are selling more garlands for the shrines at Nana does that mean the girls and ladyboys are buying them in thanks for so many customers or are they buying them out of desperation because there aren't enough customers? I guess that is best left as a rhetorical question.
Gary Glitter was sentenced to three years in prison in Vietnam for doing his strange things with little girls. He will no doubt get out sooner than that and screw up somewhere else and be arrested again. I have no sympathy for this guy whatever but he did show a bit of style, not to mention hubris, when he claimed he was merely teaching the girls English and that he allowed them to stay with him overnight "because they were scared of ghosts." It probably was true they didn't want to walk home late at night because of ghosts but if he thought that was an excuse for mucking about with 12-year-olds he thought wrong.
Once again a letter writer to a local English language Bangkok paper shows her agenda in this case by comparing black slavery in America to the bar scene frequented by foreigners in Thailand. I say "her" because the letter has the usual tone of the perturbed, lonely, horny expat female who can't understand why men don't hit on her as they did in the West. In fact, it demeans the history of the slave trade to compare it to a place like Nana or Patpong where the girls are free to go and work wherever they like. But we all know the type of frustrated chic who writes letters to Bangkok papers complaining about Thailand's nightlife scene.
From the Mail Bag
Dean, The "90 days" thingy you refer to on the 60 day tourist visa to Thailand means... "This Visa MUST BE USED within 90 days of its issue date." And that's all... It is still a Visa valid for 60 days ... it sounds like you found out that part of it... LoL. Carl Voll
Carl, thanks, no doubt you are right. But there is something in the wording which is not totally clear and which is why so many people end up at the airport Naughty Boys Corner paying fines.
Ever been to the Y'Not Bar on Sukhumvit, Soi 3? A lot of folks didn't think it would work but it's been there for a year and a half and shows no signs of slowing down. Oh, sure, the genial Danish proprietor, Bjarne Pedersen, has taken down the Danish flag near the front of the bar which might be a smart move considering he is between the Africans and the Arabs and some of them are customers. But there has been no trouble from anyone and the flag is still on the menus. There are 18 friendly girls there, a few pool tables, and inside to the left yet another bar which is separately owned but cannot really be seen from the sidewalk. An even stranger arrangement than Erotica and Erotica VIP at Nana Plaza. Bjarne was told he was crazy to open a bar there (much as Alex of Renoir on soi 33 was told he was crazy to open a bar on soi 33 long ago) but the bar is doing fine.
One of the things I love about Thai women, especially those working in the nightlife scene, is their imagination regarding supernatural and ghosts and important mythological figures which seem very real to them. Their logic is not always easy to grasp but it is there if you can did it out. For example, at the Y'Not Bar, I asked about the Nang Kuat figure at right. She is in all the bars to wave in customers, to attract business. I asked why the girls had placed so many toy vehicles on her shrine (click on the picture to see them). They said that was of course so she could go around and pick customers up and transport them to the bar. Duh, I knew that.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by one of my multiple personalities..." William Burroughs, Naked Lunch
Finally, don't forget that there are various elections in the Kingdom from time to time and bars may be closed for a day or two. But pubs are usually open and you might just be served the brew you're after. TIT - This is Thailand.
Links You Might Enjoy
A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy. Click here and then click "preview videos."
Like satire on Thailand? Try
Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week? Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.
Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week? Try this great site:
Tired of shoveling snow? Check out Bangkok's sunshine.
Bangkok's weather report.
A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.
A bit of black leather never hurts. But she does.
Our Lady in Black
Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?
Links You Might Not Enjoy
T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only.
Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.
Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:
“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –
Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed”
Got feedback to this column? Got information on Thailand you would like to share? Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise? Been ripped off? Just write me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
OK, an easy one this time: for 3,000 baht worth of food and drink, be the first to tell me where this picture was taken. Second prize is one of my books. Extra points if you can tell me the name of the elephant as well. Last column's photograph was taken at the roof garden of the Sin Bar on Sukhumvit, soi 4 (soi Nana). Lots of folks got it wrong; one got it right.
That's all for this fortnightly column. Drop by again. Explore the rest of the website. Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, you number one!"
And never forget: Nothing says goodbye like a bullet.
Dean Barrett can be flamed at: email@example.com
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