Thailand Nightlife Roundup

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, The Londoner, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Big Mango, PJ's Steak & Rib Grill and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  Should no one win, the following column contest prize will be 7,000 baht in vouchers, etc.  Second prize is one of my books.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

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Burriram, November 2006 (cont): The rice is left on the road to dry for a day or two.  Roads in the area have lots of rice on one side, sometimes on both sides making it difficult to pass another vehicle because it is bad form to drive on somebody's rice.  No one steals another man's rice so it is just left out and raked with wooden rakes into furrows so as much as possible will be exposed to the sun.  The rice is then painstakingly by hand scooped into burlap bags and the bags are sewn up and placed in the truck.  Farmers use brooms to sweep any leftover rice into a pile and pack that as well.  Dave's father-in-law didn't want to trouble Dave so he and others went out early in the afternoon to finish bagging the rice.  But Dave heard about it and went to help.  So as a result we ended up working not in the cool of late afternoon but at the height of the midday heat.  I made a slight faux pas because when I went to help out I noticed the "chick" sewing the rice.  I asked Dave, "How old do you think the chick is?"  Dave: "What chick?"  "The one sewing the rice bags."  Dave: "that's my wife's mother."  Whoops!  But how could I tell?  I could only see her eyes.  No wonder she wasn't skittish when I photographed her!

 

Bad piggies eating the rice!  Getoutofit!

 

A few more photographs of Dave's lovely wife, Fon.  Yes, there is indeed something special about a farmgirl.  But, believe me, like the rest of her family she works long hours every day.  As the farmers say of their women, "She can plant her rai of rice a day."  A rai, by the way, is 1600 square meters, or 0.396 acres.  Doesn't sound like much but try planting it in the sun!  One rai also equals 400 square wa. Could have fooled me.  (Actually, "Wa!" is what I say when I look at Dave's wife but don't tell him I said so.)

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I'm happy to report that despite the stars on the dancers' nipples and slightly earlier closing times, bar owners say there has been no real crackdown, just the big boys in the area, hence, the caution.  By the way, remember when Rainbow 4 started paying top dollar for go go dancers and that started the bidding war?  Well, they may well be sorry now as some of the dancing girls in the top bars are making 15,000 and even 17,000 baht a month and that is just for salary!  There are no licenses for new go go bars in Bangkok so if you want one you'll have to buy an existing one.  And boy are some of them overpriced!

On exactly 2:20 on December 3rd I heard my first Christmas Carol and felt miserable but that evening I stopped in the Londoner and felt a bit better thanks to the three cuties near the door.  They have traded in the beefeater outfits temporarily for off-the-shoulder Santa duds.  Works for me.  Needless to say malls such as the Emporium are all set for Christmas.  I just wish they would turn down the volume on the shows they present there.

Disastrous news from Angelwitch, Nana Plaza: Their leading lady in the show, Noy, is gone!  She has been living with a Finnish guy and the guy decided to buy her out completely.  So for more money than you and I will ever see, the bar agreed, and out the door she went.  Sad, sad, sad.  Of course, new shooting stars are rising but it will be awhile to find one like Noy.  In addition to her other assets, she really did have dramatic intelligence.  She could act.  And, anyway, how come a Finnish guy gets her?  And where the hell if Finland, anyway?  What's it ever done for anybody?  Did it split up when the Soviet Union split?  Is it now Finlandia and Finlakistan?  Sorry, I digress.  Speaking of Angelwitch, Dave the Rave (davetheravebangkok) claimed in his last column that I had been turned down for a tryst by one of the cute twins in the show.  This is not correct.  We simply had a problem in communication.  Her English wasn't as good as I had assumed it would be and she had trouble understanding terms like handcuffs, whips, restraints, police uniform.  I'm sure we'll get it straightened out in time.

I had been avoiding the Mandarin Bar at Nana Plaza for over a year because there were at least three ladyboys dancing there and I don't like hetero bars mixing it up.  But I just went back to see if anything had changed and I must say hell yes there are some very lovely young things dancing there now.  No more ladyboys.  Meanwhile, here is a picture of a Big Mango girl who cheerily blocked my shot of the Mandarin Bar entrance.  Oh, well, you can find it.

During World War II George Gobel, the late comic, served as an instructor pilot in Oklahoma.  And he stated that "no Japanese plane ever got past Tulsa."  During the Vietnam War I served mainly in Bangkok and I can assure you no Vietnamese tank ever got past Patpong Road. 

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This was told to me by a guy I have known for years.  He teaches English to Japanese.  One Japanese couple he teaches told him they went to Chatuchak Market and looked over the puppies and found a cuddly one and bought it and were crazy about it.  They looked up everything on the internet about how to take care of it and then took it to a vet for shots, etc.  The vet looked it over and (I kid you not) said: "This isn't a dog; it's a bear."  What can I say, he swore he wasn't making it up.  Anyway, TIT This is Thailand.

A Canadian friend told me that when he was crossing the Canadian-American border the American customs official asked him if he had any firearms.  My friend said, "No, firearms are illegal in Canada."  The guy asked him where he was going and my friend said "Camden, New Jersey."  The guy said, "Are you sure you don't have a firearm?"  My friend said, "No!"  The guy said, "Get one."

Yet another border story.  An American friend from California went to Mexico and bought up a case of what he says is good Mexican wine.  But as he tried to get back to the States, the US authorities at the border told him he was only allowed to bring in two bottles duty free.  My friend shrugged and said he didn't know that but he would be willing to pay whatever duty was charged.  The guy said, "I'll tell you what.  I'll let you take the case in duty free provided that when you get back to your home, I want you to take ten of the bottles and pour their contents down the sink.  Can you do that?"  Of course my friend said, "Sure."  Right.  Sure.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

Ah, let's pause for a moment to give thanks to those who serve us, specifically these sweet, wonderful, lovely, succulent beer girls or in her case a vodka girl.  Aren't they something else?  Dark hair, light brown skin, big smile, cute dimples, tiny white skirt, curvaceous legs, white boots, I mean, Jesus Christ, I mean, ahhhhhhhh...............

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Below is a "passport" I got from the Gas light Bar on Patpong Road in the late '70's.  In the days before the horrible night market brought gaping tourists and changed the ambiance of what had once been a fantastic street.  I found the passport while cleaning out a storage space in New York City.  Click on it: it's fun to read.

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http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

Hanrahan's Pub on Sukhumvit soi 4 is still going up although a bit below schedule, I believe.  As some of Bully's Pub customers pass by here I would think this is not good news for Bully's which is at the moment doing quite well.  I believe the owners of Hanrahan's also own the Robin Hood pub on Sukhumvit at the corner of soi 33/1.  At this rate, Thailand may soon have more pubs than beer bars.  Stop Press: Hanrahan's had a soft opening on the 13th.  It won't be long now! But will the owners make the same mistake they made with their Robin Hood pub on Sukhumvit: male bartenders?

Strange Things you may not have known Department: For the past 20+ years there has been an Elephant Polo World Championship held in Nepal.  From 1994 until 2001 Alf Erickson, who has now lived in Bangkok for seven years, entered an elephant polo team in that event.  His team was called the Screwy Tuskers and it was mostly composed of his daughters and girlfriends.  Since girls can play the game using both hands on the polo stick (while men could only hold the stick with one hand) they had a slight advantage.  It was unusual to have an all girl team so they got a fair amount of free press.
 
When the Anantara Resort in Hua Hin decided back in 2002 to hold an annual King's Cup Elephant Polo event Alf decided to enter a team of Thai Ladyboys: The Screwless Tuskers (note the 'screwless' bit). And that got a LOT of free press.  He was able to convince the organizers that his "girls' could use both hands on the polo sticks as they were 'screwless'.  Yes, all the players on the Screwless Tusker team are Thai ladyboys.  Alf assures me he and his wife are not.  The Thai event is largely used as a money making event for the Thai Elephant Reserve.   And all this time you thought white guys only come to Thailand to hang around bars, didn't you?  You can find out more about this here: http://www.corkscrew-balloon.com/polo/index.html And, by the way, Alf seems to have the world's largest collection of corkscrews.  I wonder how much wine he consumes? 

There are some good writers living in Thailand but admittedly it is hard to know who is a good writer because there is also a lot of junk being published.  Ken Klein lives in upcountry Thailand and has finished his second book, this one entitled Building a House in Thailand.  His first book was the well received Thailand Stories.  His latest book has it all: ghosts, snakes, deranged ex-pats and enterprising bargirls.  We've read about some of the subjects before but his writing is fresh and incisive.  A good read by an intelligent writer. 

 

Baccara Bar on Soi Cowboy has completed a facelift and looks real nice.  I assume the facelift was paid for by all the money the Japanese tourists are pouring into that bar.  On several nights I have been the only non-Japanese customer upstairs and almost certainly the one with the least money.  Remember I mentioned one (Caucasian) friend who wanted to take an upstairs dancer out for 2,000 baht for a shorttime?  She made a face and suggested he try Nana Plaza!  And the beat goes on.

 

Panties

Panties: A Brief History.  Why didn't I think of writing that book?  And is that a cool pun in "brief"?  Yes, indeed, covers do sell books if it's the right cover.  The girl at right and below is of course Lily Koh.  A sweet Thai girl who loves to look sexy.  Just type "Lily Koh" into Google.  You'll be glad you did.  Although you might just get a bad case of Liliokohitis.  In the lower photo at left she is about to arrest her girlfriend.  Oh, yeah.  Thank whatever gods may be that I live in a place where women like Lily are available.  As for those of you who don't, what can I say: "Sorry 'bout that, G.I."  But, remember, as the Good Book says, The Horny shall inherit the earth.

 

 

 

Can you believe a wife in Russia couldn't get sex from her husband so she beat him and made him take his clothes off and taped up his Johnson to try to get sex but when that wouldn't work she taped him up completely and he died but she is only going to get up to 24 months in jail?  You think I make up stuff like this, don't you.  Nope, click here.

 

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Sundays in this town are great.  I started off with breakfast at Old Dutch at soi Cowboy and then walked about soi Cowboy for awhile.  As I said before, walking through a nightlife area during the day is like seeing a beautiful woman with her makeup off.  I feel closer somehow because I've seen her with the mask off:  The barstools up off the floors while the floors are being cleaned, the vans with the beer pulling in, the old women vendors selling food along the soi to bargirls and passersby, the towels and whatever drying in the sun, several bar girls who live above the bars sitting in front of the bars gossiping and laughing.  And it's convenient because the subway is right there.  So off I went to Hua Lumpong train station and began walking into Chinatown.  Got lost and ended up in front of the Taipei Hotel and along the street - on a Sunday morning! - were some of the least attractive women I've ever seen waiting for customers and eyeing me as I strode (quickly) by.  I wonder what the scene is like there at night.  Checked out a couple of temples and food stands.  Finally got tired of walking in the crowded streets in the sunlight and walked down to the river where I hopped on a ferry and got off at the Oriental Hotel.  No one on the ferry asked me for money so I guess I saved maybe three baht.  Then spent about 600 baht for lunch at the Oriental.  But one of the world's greatest desserts - sticky rice with mango and coconut milk sauce - was still available although I think mango season is over so if you love this dish get it now!  Walked all the way up Silom to the Skytrain, headed over to Siam Paragon, of course, crowded on Sunday.  Their food areas really are amazing, from Thai desserts to all kinds of specialty foods and some really good restaurants.  After dinner, I had enough time and money left to either buy Beethoven's 9th Symphony or go get a massage.  I regret to report that I went for the German guy instead of the Thai chick, which may mean I had a serious but hopefully not fatal bout of maturity.  I have always regarded maturity as similar to being afflicted with the gout or arthritis and have tried to avoid it at all costs.  I was sufficiently worried to call my doctor but he just said, "Take two bargirls and call me in the morning."  So I did.

 

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Speaking of books, Geoff Alexander spotted this "Novel for Rent" sign in Kuching.  Why rent a car if you can rent a novel?

Several people wrote in to tell me I made a mistake when I said His Majesty the King will be 80 on his recent birthday.  He was born on December 5, 1927, in Massachusetts.  So he would be 79.  Very true, although Chinese and East Asians often count the time in the womb so in Asian years they are a year older than in Western calculation.  And in the old days in China if you were born just before the Chinese New Year you somehow ended up being born as a two-year old! 

A Thai journalist wrote an article in a Bangkok English-language newspaper regarding Issarn girls becoming more Western.  She wrote in response to an article about the subject.  One of her observations was: "And if one wants to target an Issan woman for marrying a foreigner for economic reasons, please think again.  Do not forget that many wealthy Thai women, and especially those in the middle-classes, also take economic reasons into consideration when they choose their life partner."  Well said, lady!

A bit of good news:  A Norwegian appeals court has ruled that striptease is an art form and should therefore be exempt from value-added tax (VAT).  And the Diamond Go Go club which sued is going to get all court costs paid as well.  Three cheers for the Norwegians.

Dumb Move Dept: I am told by a punter who lives in Chiang Mai that a Scandinavian gentleman tourist in his 50's could not get any beer in the 7/11 during the King's birthday.  He was told no liquor was being sold out of respect to the King.  Being extremely unhappy at this news, he got hold of some paint and began painting over several posters of the King.  Until the Thai police came.  He is now jailed and charged with lese- majesté.  Not smart.

Have you ever wondered where the 9 ball on your pool table went?  Wonder no more, I found it.  The ancient, decrepit, four-wheelers, Daihatsu & Subaru, neighborhood vans affixed it to their gear shift!

Just after 8 in the evening on a Thursday night: Inside the Deja Vu bar.  Girls dancing on stage and up above on the glass ceiling.  I hate to be unkind but not one of the girls was attractive.  So my friends and I said to be fair maybe the stunners don't come in until about 9.  But we left about 8:20 and moseyed over to Dollhouse which had acres of young, attractive and very friendly ladies.  After about an hour we moseyed over to Rawhide which also had some real cuties.  Dollhouse and Rawhide ladies also were far less shy about exposure.  I would never want to break anybody's rice bowl but with hot competition I would think the owner or manager of Deja Vu would want to shape the bar up a bit.  Something about the way the Rawhide girls dance to Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White that sends my shirt up my back like a windowshade.  And that shower show!  Not for the faint-hearted.  As you can see from the photograph, there are often more entertainment providers about than punters.  Many would-be punters flew home for the holidays but bar owners are expecting the big boom in January.

Exclusive!  This just in!  Martha Stewart has been replaced!  Her cooking show will be taken over by an assistant.  Remember, you read it here first!  Click here.

Do you like reading?  Do you like kind of, well, kinky stuff?  So read some great kinky stuff or write it yourself.  Try the latest update here: http://www.erotica-readers.com
 

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Dept. of Embarrassing Revelations: "A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.  The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms."

 

Homosexuality is forbidden in Islam but not pederasty.  Why is it Catholic priests are outed and punished but Islam's mullahs get away with their crimes against children?  No wonder the Koran promises beautiful young boys as well as other sensual delights.  Photograph courtesy of www.faithfreedom.org.

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Pattaya Go-go Update

 

The man or rather the legend known as Polecat in Pattaya has decided to contribute regularly to this column.  So be advised should you be planning a trip to that NeverNeverland by the Sea, you might wish to check the latest here first.  This time the Polecat focuses on Extremes.

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A great Christmas tradition is the publication of a new Guinness Book of Records, and the Pattaya Polecat is currently in negotiation with the Dublin brewery to write a Guinness Book of Go-go Bars. The award for the BIGGEST a gogo in Pattaya has to go to PEPPERMINT in Walking Street.  Up the escalator (working or not) and it’s like arriving at a rambunctious all-night party at which you’re the guest of honour, as razor-sharp waiters usher you to your very own front-stalls seat.  And make no mistake, every seat in the house is a good one: swivel on your stool to watch the dancing line-up of 10 girls at a time; or smile at the 3-4 naked lovelies shimmying behind bars and inviting you to throw a tip into their cage; or gaze into the mirrored table-top on which a tanned beauty in a little green skirt and no knickers is dancing – she’ll be grateful if you show a generous appreciation of her assets.  Admire the buxom topless bar-wenches; and survey the little corner stage with 3 young cuties in diaphanous black skirts and nothing much else – these are often the most beautiful girls in the house, or in Pattaya, you might think.  Too shy to make your move? Then there are hostesses in pretty dresses just dying to sit with you and make you feel at home.  All this plus shows (I like the nightdress slow striptease especially) for 50 baht (if you drink draught beer), and all drinks half-price till 9.30.  Peppermint and its sister-bars BEACH CLUB and HAPPY (which has the added attraction of dancers in ‘schoolgirl’ kit) have found a winning formula that keeps them firmly at the top of the food-chain.

 

Remember those stories about being lost in a deep dark wood and, cold, lonely and hungry, stumbling upon a gingerbread house?  A place where everything was child-sized?  Where you felt snug and safe?  Where you got a very warm welcome… Well, you can get that in Pattaya’s SMALLEST go-go bar, HOT AND COLD 2, a tiny hole in the wall in Soi Yamato. With a little well-stage accommodating just 3 dancers, and seating for maximum half a dozen punters, it’s like turning your living-room into a go-go bar – especially since you may be the only customer.  But don’t worry, the handful of dancers, who double as service staff, are youthful and attractive, in a chunky, Charles Addams kind of way, and literally queue up to practise the dark art of making loneliness and heartache disappear – for full in-house treatment a fee of 1300 baht is quoted.  Prices of drinks, starting with draught beer for only 45 baht, are well below the go-go average.  If you’re one of those perverts who like to see little hands clutching at the pillow (and the Polecat is certainly among those), this bar also has Pattaya’s shortest go-go dancer, called – you guessed it! – Noi.

 

The MOST NORTHERLY go-go bar in Pattaya is CLASSROOM 2, opposite Big C on Soi 2, an open-plan a gogo with 3 dance-areas.  I don’t know if the plastic surgeon at nearby Pattaya International hospital has shares in it, but a good half of the dancers are very handsome young women, with straight noses and perfectly proportioned curves.  Depending on the day, dance-uniform is either schoolgirl kilts, or scarlet halter-top with matching tight skirt, which looks stunning on a golden body.  Every now and then a supercute girl in a flimsy black something comes on and does a show with ice, oil or another girl.  Drinks are reasonably priced, barfine 600 baht (but 1000 baht all night for showgirls).  Last night one of the girls had a birthday, which meant a lot of Saeng Som was flowing, and after the DJ had spun the obligatory Happy Birthday To You disc, he put on a rocking mor lam version of the same song, which had all the girls hip-twirling.

 

Travelling south out of Pattaya, just before you get to Jomtien Beach you pass under an arch saying you are leaving The Extreme City. But don’t cry, just after the arch, on the left, is the MOST SOUTHERLY go-go in town, the WE ARE NUMBER ONE a gogo (Thappraya Road), wittily named since it actually IS the first a gogo if you approach Pattaya from the south. A recent makeover has expanded the bar, and upgraded the décor with Americana, and the dancers with frilly pink 2-pieces with no-knicker flap-skirts.  The girls are cute to middling, funny and friendly, and though the draught beer at 75 baht is not cheap, all-inclusive use of the hotel-style short-time rooms is only 1000 baht for an hour.  Open at 3.30pm, it’s a cool and comforting place to hang out after a day on the beach.

 

POLECAT GOES TO COWBOY               

It always amazes me when I meet a long-time Pattaya resident who says he’s never been to Bangkok except maybe for essential business.  So if you’ve never seen Soi Cowboy, between Sukhumvit 21 and 23 near the Asok SkyTrain station, check it out now.  Prices can be high – 120-140 baht for a bottle of beer – but you get a lot for your money.  BACCARA gives you a forest of perfect legs at eye-level from two shifts of dancers, while tilting your head back reveals knickerless ‘schoolgirls’ dancing on the glass ceiling.  In LONG GUN and RAWHIDE you get sexily-dressed, sensuous shows.  In DÉJÀ VU, where draught beer is 70 baht, beautiful cowgirls mince downstairs and more ‘schoolgirls’ step-press in navy pelmet-skirts upstairs.  My favourite, though, is FIVE STAR, a little bar with a big punch.  From 10pm an expert rock band plays all the classics, and there are more pretty girls than there could ever be punters.  At midnight the go-go gives way to gently erotic formation-dancing, culminating in a well-rehearsed two-girl baby-oil act which nearly had me fainting (or was that all the Singha I'd drunk?).  All drinks 100 baht; I had a glorious singalong-and-dance, hug-kiss-and-outrageously-sweetmouth couple of hours and still left with change from a tenner (that’s $20 to anyone from between Eastport and San Diego).

 

STOP PRESS!

* THE EDEN CLUB is now scheduled to open in Soi LK Metro on 20 December – but the building doesn’t look half ready.  Will this be another Suvarnabhumi?  Maybe we should ask Thaksin back to speed things up.       

* JUPITER a gogo in Soi Pattayaland 2 has closed, and WILD WEST BOYS has moved across the road into the vacated premises. Jupiter staff have moved into the more compact Wild West space, re-christened RODEO. Same silly prices – 99 baht all drinks (no draught beer), 150 baht for a ladydrink, same shabby décor, but you can keep fit climbing to the bathroom on the 3rd floor.

* The 29 baht draught beer offer at THE KITTEN CLUB has been withdrawn.  It’s now 89 baht, but before 7pm you get 2 for the price of 1 – beers, that is.       

 

NEXT ISSUE: In his New Year’s Day column the Pattaya Polecat will present his review of the year including his Top Ten Pattaya go-go bars.

 

FEEDBACK: If you have any feedback on this column, or any information you’d like to share with the Pattaya Polecat, email pattayapolecat@hotmail.com

 

 

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INDECENT PROPOSAL? A TRUE STORY

 

from the Polecat in Pattaya

 

Heiko had recently retired aged 60 from the Volkswagen plant in Stuttgart with a generous monthly pension and a large lump sum. The day after he retired, his wife of 35 years was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and died within 3 months. So Heiko decided to move to Thailand for a while to clear his head and decide what to do with his life. He booked into an upscale hotel in North Pattaya and every night went to the bars in search for a soulmate, someone he could share his life with. But he found the girls in the bars, though friendly, ultimately shallow and mercenary, and he soon tired of their company.

    Then one day he was in the hotel coffee-shop finishing his Continental breakfast of a roll, butter and jam and strong coffee when he noticed the new waitress. She was young and slim and wore a starched white blouse and a short black skirt which showed off her honey-coloured legs to perfection. When Heiko asked for more coffee she poured it with a smile which made his stomach turn over. He discovered her name was Ploi, and he knew he’d found the girl of his dreams.

    Several times he asked her out, but she declined with a smile, saying she didn’t speak English, and anyway she had a boyfriend already, back in the village. But he didn’t give up, bringing her small presents and flowers and finding ways to get that heavenly smile again.

    And then finally he knew what he had to do. One morning he called her over to pour coffee, and made his offer. He’d marry her, give her a home, and take care of her family. When she started to make the usual excuses, he held up a hand. “And,” he said, “I’ll give you one million baht. Take it.” And he opened up a thick brown envelope, and held out to her the thick brown wad.

    A week later Ploi left her job. She now lives with Heiko in a spacious bungalow with pool and live-in maid out near Mabrachan Lake. She is much admired locally for her chic dress sense, and for being generous with lifts in her new Toyota Fortuner. It is said that she’s expecting twins early next year. 

 

 

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Mail Bag

Greetings Oh Mighty Deanster--It is traditional amongst the smart set to costume the compliment with a lead-in like  "Well, I hate to say it; however . . . "   

but I'm a bigger, more sycophantic manfan than that and I do not mind stating personally and on a public forum that your DeanBarrettThailand website is one of or maybe the best site of it's kind.  It's strength is diversity.  Diversity of subject matter and diversity of the visuals.  There are some other fine websites that also do well in this category BUT THEY ARE EATERS OF DOG AND . . . sorry, lost my composure; anyway I like your site quite a lot. 

One of the things your site does particularly well is treat Thai females with respect.  Thailand is a sovereign nation of sixty-four million proud people whose hearts beat with the same hopes and dreams as anyone else (well, probably not; but I had a chardonnay and a gin and tonic on the flight into Boston).  They deserve to be treated respectfully.  Your latest column that featured the couple David and Fon was an example of this and of course their successful cross cultural mating rekindled in me and I imagine many other farang men the dream of happiness and acceptance and love Thai style....  Anyway, I love your website.  You are clearly an almost saint-like alpha male who has found his metier (fxxx the French).  I couldn't find my metier if I was let loose in a factory that said DANA METIER FACTORY.   

The only fly in the ointment is that your wonderful website only comes out twice per month instead of weekly or daily.  Come on man--don't be a flippin' tool.  You know we want it.  You know we need it.  You know we'll beg for it.  You know we would crawl across a Polo Lounge stage with our asses on fire to get to it--so why not give us a daily or a weekly column?  I mean, and if I can be perfectly candid; what kind of a jackass are you?  If your dying mother needed blood plasma infusions daily or weekly would you limit her to only twice per month treatments of elemental life force plasma?  You know, I think you would.  That's the kind of big time, royalty check spending, 'too good for the rest of us' famous author jerk you are.  Monster. I hope you burn and twist in the fires of hell for eternity.   Dana

Dana, you keep complimenting me like this and folks will think I paid you to write your letters.  I have no doubt that I will burn and twist in the fires of hell but I hope not for all eternity.  That sounds like a long time and I specialize in short times.

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Hi Dean,  I hope you'll mention in your next column that the Stickman reader submissions are now back up and running as normal.  Although Stick feels he doesn't have time to handle them anymore so I offered to take over organizing them.  I just thought it would have been a great loss, otherwise. There is some really first-class writing there, and it gives a pretty much unique insight into life in Thailand and the region.

Many of the contributors could make a living from their writing skills, I'm sure. But I guess it's like pavement artists and buskers - many are really talented but struggle to make a living. You're one of the lucky ones, and know how to invest your earnings wisely in helping gorgeous long-haired damsels with their financial problems.  Damn you!  By the way, it would be really great if, when we clicked on your photos and other links, they could open in a new window.  Just a thought. 

Bangkok Barry

Barry, thanks for yours, happy to pass on the word about Stick's reader submissions being back up and running.  I believe he has thousands of submissions up there.  Yeah, I do my best to assist Thai women in any way I can as I feel I am doing tamboon and what goes around comes around.  As for photos opening in a new window it sounds like you think you're talking to someone who knows something about computers; you'd have to teach me how to do that.

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On one of your pages you write the following:  Men – “bad smell,” or “menstrual period.”  Men (เหม็น) that means smell is not a synonym for menstruation. The 'men' used in Thai to indicate menstruation was borrowed from English, and is spelled เมน.   John Baker

John, thanks for yours.  I have already gone to the "Thailand Nightlife Glossary" page and made the correction.  It's good to know scholars in the Thai language read this site as well as dirty old men.  Although I'm losing it from lack of use, I can still read quite a bit of Chinese, but I never learned to read or write Thai.  Something about all those squiggles remind me of crabs and lice and make me want to scratch my crotch.

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just stumbled across your site from Bangkok Dave, from Stickman's site - I absolutely love reading your webpage.  It's so true and to the point.  I have been to LOS twice and agree with most of what you say - esp about buying the mamasan a drink - very important.  I also watched your stroll down Soi Cowboy.  Excellent work.  Please keep it up.  I do have one question - how in the hell did you end up so lucky to live in Thailand ?  I have met so many interesting people (mostly guys visiting Thailand) that sometimes I wonder if I enjoy talking with them more than meeting the women!!!  Ok, I lied - but still - meeting these people has really opened my eyes and made me want to explore the world.  Anyways - I look forward to more columns.  Steve from Boredomland.

Steve, you don't know how lucky you are: Just think of all the reading and video-watching you can get done over where you are!  In your part of the world, you look at a beautiful woman and think, "God, wouldn't it be great if I could take her to bed?"  In my part of the world you look at a beautiful woman and think, "Have I taken her to bed?" or "Will I let her talk me into taking her to bed?"  It's a constant struggle here, Steve.  But just think of the money you're saving by not living in a candy store like Thailand.  And, besides, feminazis will damn men like me for being "socially inept" and being "afraid of accomplished older women" and praise guys like you for being responsible and mature.  By the way, what is that strange system over there, I can't quite remember- wait, I remember now, it's called "dating."  Yeah, that's it.  Taking a woman out, trying to impress her, spending lots of money and not knowing if you will "score" or not.  God, it sounds so, well, so exotic!  Sure wish I had excitement like that in my life but not all of us are born lucky.

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Oh, almost forgot!  A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all from the exquisitely lovely Nang of the Londoner Pub and myself.  See You Next Year!

Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like satire on Thailand?  Try

http://www.farangaffairs.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only. 

http://www.tshirthell.com.

 

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

 

 

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Contest for this column

Last week's contest:  Once again only two people got it right which is the way I like it because it means the question can be answered but it can't readily be googled.  I mentioned "cheesesteak" for which PHILADELPHIA is famous.  I also mentioned that his writing was DARK and that I wouldn't quote any PASSAGE.  DARK PASSAGE, a film starring Bogart and Bacall, from the book written by the late cult writer who was from Philadelphia, David Goodis (1917-1967).  He also wrote Down There which became the film, Shoot the Piano Player.  French directors such as Jean Luc Godard and Francois Truffaut have made his work into films.  Try his books; you'll like them.  (If you like dark novels.)

Be the first to answer a contest question or to guess where a photograph was taken and win 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is one of my books, third prize the usual diddly-squat.   Winners of contests must live in Bangkok or be about to visit the lovely city of clean air in the next month or six weeks.   All you have to do to win this time is to tell me where this photograph was taken.  Be specific.  It was taken in Bangkok.

 

That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

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