Thailand Nightlife Roundup

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, The Londoner, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Big Mango, PJ's Steak & Rib Grill, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc.  Second prize is one of my books.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

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The Bangkok weather is still fine but as you know about mid-February it will begin to turn hot and then will come March and April, the hottest of the year.  Enjoy cool days while you can. 

Yea!  Bangkok gets two airports!  Maybe more coming soon!  We won't be the hub of Asia, we will be the hubs of Asia!  Hooray!  But the big question is: will the haircut service that used to offer more than just (nudge, nudge, wink wink) haircuts move back into Don Muang?

One more reason to head for Siam Paragon: Mermaids!  If only I were a bit younger I could have made a fool of myself over them.  Aren't they sweet?

Erotica Bar at Nana Plaza continues to hold my interest as the strangest and most interesting of all.  In the beginning, there was one owner of the bar downstairs and, above the glass ceiling where other girls danced, a separate owner of the bar upstairs.  The downstairs owner did not want to encourage you to go upstairs and if you did you would have to pay your bill first.  But the girls upstairs did all kinds of sexy things on the glass floor to entice you upstairs.  Then the places united under one owner, Aussie John, with calmer dancing downstairs and wild dancing in schoolgirl outfits upstairs.  And the katoey mamasan continued on as mamasan.  Then they hired a few cut men upstairs for Japanese clients.  Then the upstairs was rumored to be shut.  So about a week ago I went just before nine and the downstairs was not open but the mamasan said it opens at nine.  And sure enough several of the many cute, young girls on stage (and one obvious, tall katoey) were heading upstairs.  So despite a katoey or two, I like this place not least because of their pralat kik ceremony and their outside shrine to the baby, Gumon (see the milk bottles at left).  But now things have got even weirder as about a month ago one of the girls spammed a lot of folks with an email that Aussie John the owner is being hunted by the police and she named a very serious charge.  I emphasize that may be completely wrong information about John but he hasn't been seen lately either.  The only thing that is certain is that John seems to have pissed off one of the bargirls and that in itself is dangerous enough.  And the beat goes on...

It was sad to see Bob and his friends carrying out the interior items from the Hog's Breath in Nana Plaza - deer antlers, boar's head, boxes, etc.  Bob had the bar for God knows how many years and finally under financial pressure from a bank had to sell.  Rumor-Control Headquarters has it that the wall between the Boar's Head and Spanky's will be torn down thereby creating a bar in which at least two customers and two dancers can cram inside at the same time.  Apparently, Bob still will carry on his free Sunday chili as well as golf tournaments, etc., but based in the tiny Tavern Pub just down the street on soi 4 which also according to Rumor-Control Headquarters might knock out a wall to take over the hair dresser's thereby creating a pub in which at least two or three customers can sit down at once.  Perhaps if this trend continues someday one entire floor of Nana Plaza will be one big bar.  A friend of mine went by the old Hog's Breath the next night and a girl outside said, yes, it is open, and sure enough inside were three customers drinking despite no dancers and no decor.  I guess go go bars never die; they just get carried away.

Most of the small pubs on soi 4 have been doing very good business.  Hanrahans, the new Irish pub, have been doing good business at their outside tables but inside the 2nd and 3rd floors are not very busy.  Several punters love the pub's happy hour of buy one Jameson and get one free.  The Hilary bars are kicking butt as usual.  The new Swan 4 bar is not doing great but the other Swans are.  The "after 2 a.m." scene is jumping.  Tequila Dragon on 7/1 is still the top destination packing them in every night until 6 in the morning or until they are notified by the boys in brown that it is time to shut their doors.  Gulliver's on Sukhumvit soi 5 is doing fine, wall to wall ladies shooting pool and shooting the breeze and shooting nearby farang men come-hither glances.  And Sunday, the 4th of this month, is the 20th anniversary of Lucky Luke's at Nana Plaza so for God's sakes, don't miss it.  Steve Leather and I have books for sale there although I don't think anybody ever noticed.

Slim waists have bWaisteen the mark of attractive women throughout history, says a US scholar who has analysed thousands of ancient texts. Dr Devendra Singh scoured references to fictional beauties from modern times back to early Indian literature.

He found that slimness was the most common term of praise from an author. The study, published in a Royal Society journal, adds to evidence highlighting the role of the ratio between waist and hips in attracting a mate.  BBC News on line

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This is kind of weird.  I got a snail mail letter from someone in Texas saying that his copy of Thailand: Land of Beautiful Women had some pages missing.  I said I would send another if he would send that one to me so I could show the printer.  But in another snail mail letter he said he had cut some of the pictures out already and couldn’t return it but offered to make me a leather belt.  And could I introduce him to Thai women?  Hmmmm. 

OK, so there was a number after his name and, sure enough, it turns out he is incarcerated in a Texas correctional institution.  But I decided to send him another copy anyway but since he obviously doesn’t have internet privileges I can’t suggest sites in which he might meet Thai women.  Then I got a letter from the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, a “contraband denial form” saying the prisoner would not get the book because it didn’t come from the publisher but from an individual.  The prisoner appealed but as you can see from this letter (click on it) lost the appeal: “An offender may receive publications in the mail only from the publisher or publication supplier, including bookstores.  Offenders may not receive publications directly from an individual.”

I’m kind of pissed off because the guy didn’t get it and some prison guard or above probably named Bubba or Texas Red is going to get the book for free and enjoy going through it, drooling over little Lek and Noy and Dang while quaffing prodigious amounts of brew.  But, hey, maybe I will get a lot of orders for the book from Texas.

Oh, yes, I checked the internet and found that the prisoner involved is in for, among other things, murder.  So never let it be said that my books don’t have passionate, high class readers.

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Pattaya Go-go Update

 

The man or rather the legend known as Polecat in Pattaya has decided to contribute regularly to this column.  So be advised should you be planning a trip to that NeverNeverland by the Sea, you might wish to check the latest here first.  This time the Polecat focuses on, um, well, you know.

 

HEY SUGAR, TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

In Jeffrey Eugenides’s 2003 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Middlesex, about a female-to-male transsexual, Cal (formerly Calliope) dates cute Japanese-American Julie Kikuchi, who hopes, when she first meets him, smooth-skinned and soft-spoken, she isn’t going to be ‘the last stop’. “Asian chicks are the last stop for gay guys, you know. If a guy’s in the closet, he goes for an Asian because their bodies are more like boys’.”

 

If Asian chicks are the last stop, then Thai ladyboys (katoey) are Grand Central Station and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe rolled into one. If you’re Mr Macho 110% they may be your most feared nightmare … and your most secret dream! Often more beautiful than real women, they can be thrillingly more dangerous too. Honey-traps for the unwary, they’re scattered at random throughout the girlie-bars of Pattaya, hungrier for you than any woman.

 

So learn to read the ladyboy logos – taller than average, wide shoulders, narrow hips, Adam’s apple, husky voice and (bizarrely!) big breasts – especially in beer-bar complexes on Naklua Road, Soi 1, Soi 8 and Soi Buakhao. Old-timers reckon that if you have the slightest smidgeon of doubt that the object of your amorous attentions is a woman, then you’re right: she’s a man.  Or ask a genuine Thai lady to verify: they always know.  But do join the tourist hordes to gaze at the wondrous creatures sauntering late at night on central Walking Street, especially the impossibly tall, svelte, evening-gowned JENNY STAR regulars (underneath Peppermint agogo) and the more convincing beauties in BLUE ICE (beneath Polo).

 

Every night sumptuously professional shows are staged at ALCAZAR and TIFFANY’S in Second Road – expensive, but essential if you want to see the very best that Thailand’s katoeys have to offer.  And don’t forget your camera – for a tip you can have your photo taken with the stars afterwards.  More earthy is the popular MALIBU bar/restaurant on the corner of Second Road and Soi Post Office, where the continuous cabaret of ladyboy dancing and lip-synching culminates in a Tina Turner on steroids, who will ask you (holidaying to the hilt in Pattaya) “What’s love got to do with it?”

 

Just round the corner, in Soi Yamato, is Pattaya’s only ladyboy go-go bar, STRINGFELLOWS.  It’s a long way from the big-top-like CASCADE or the supermodel-studded TEMPTATIONS in Bangkok’s Nana Plaza, but can be a lot of fun.  The 10 or so red-bikini-ed ‘girls’ in this dark little 4-pole den are young and energetic devotees of the dance (music mainly hip-hop and disco), and range from the tall, lean and strikingly-featured to the short and cuddly, with a spread of winsome and (some) surgically well-shaped cuties in the middle.  They like to play, but they generally don’t impose.  Drinks are reasonably priced, with ladydrinks 90 baht, and 500 baht gets you a dancer off and use of a room upstairs.  The shows, at 8.30, 10.30 and 00.30, are short but saucy, with 3 of the more glamorous dancers disrobing to reveal the bodies which, with slight local enhancements, their mothers gifted them with.

 

For enthusiasts with limited time, Soi 6 has 2 exclusively ladyboy bars, HI! BOSS and the unsigned CRAZY HOUSE (near the Beach Road end), both with lanky, rather angular staff; while a number of other bars in the same street, especially GOODFELLAS and ROXY, offer a sweeter, prettier mix of genders.  Needless to say your imagination sets the limits of what variations are possible.

 

Worth checking out also is the gay enclave between Soi 17 and Soi Yensabai known as Sunee Plaza.  Only 5 minutes’ walk but a world away from the well-stampeded tourist track, the go-go dancers are mostly boy-boys, some epicene or on-the-turn; but many of the service staff are attractive ladyboys, and in EUROBOYS, K-BOYS and SUNDANCE are quite likely to cuddle up and sweet-talk to try and beat the show staff to the barfine.

 

WARNING: FREELANCERS AND ROTTEN APPLES!!!

Meeting and befriending ladyboys in these locations is probably as safe as relating with bargirls – most are friendly and honest, and I haven’t actually heard of anyone having an unpleasant experience, apart from the usual shocks to the ego and the heart.  But late at night on the streets a different animal prowls, catoeius praedatorius, who seems to be offering a garden of delights but is single-mindedly after your cash.  Avoid eye-contact or conversation with ladyboys on the southern half of Beach Road, particularly after midnight.  Pickpocketing and robbery with assault are frequent occurrences, and inviting one to your room can easily lead to tears – yours, not ‘hers’.

 

OH! A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE

Roar, the jovial Norwegian owner of pool-ball-diving THE BLUE LAGOON (Center Condo, South Pattaya Road), has just opened a second agogo, BLUE LAGOON II, on Beach Road, at the back of the Best Friend muay thai beer-bar complex between Royal Garden Plaza and Walking Street.  It’s an intimate space, plush bench seating facing a central stage, bottled beer 80 baht and ladydrinks 100 baht, music rock ’n’ roll classics.  On the first night it was packed with muscled, flowing-haired Vikings entertaining the generous batch of dancing girls, some drafted in from the mother-bar.  Wearing themed ocean-blue-and-white skirts, none of them would win gold, silver or even bronze in the Youth & Beauty Olympics, but it’s early days, and Roar’s hands-on commitment to his customer-base will doubtless stamp this new bar with a unique character.  A good start would be building an in-house bathroom so you don’t have to exit the bar and spend 5 baht in the complex’s public toilet.

 

GO-GO UPDATES

NEW LIVING DOLLS 1, one of the hotter go-gos on Walking Street, popular with a younger farang clientele, is dismaying the competition with barfines of 400 baht, 200 baht after 2am, and tickets at the door for free draught Tiger and Thai whisky.  New coyote stations add spice to the attractive line-up on the main stage.

 

WHAT’S UP (Soi 15) has added a new mini-stage in a side seating area for near-naked girls to beat each other senseless with a floppy black loofah-thing.

 

HOT & COLD (Soi Post Office) have reinstated their nightly show, from 10.30pm, with their better-looking dancers performing in pairs and groups. Catch the amazing slippery-as-a-seal Ning, only 19 yet a past master at blowing away balloons with intimately aimed darts.

HOT & COLD 2 (Soi Yamato), featured in this column on 15 December as the smallest go-go in Pattaya, has now closed its tiny doors, and staff have moved to Head Office (see above) in Soi Post Office.

 

NEXT POSTING: The Pattaya Polecat has received some strong responses to his 1 January ‘Top Ten Pattaya Agogos’ selection, and will publish results in the 15 February posting.

 

FEEDBACK: If you’d like to share your views on this or any other subject with the Polecat, or have information you’d like to pass on, email pattayapolecat@hotmail.com

 

 

An angry go go dancer without her makeup doesn't like her picture taken

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I mentioned the beggars on the streets of Bangkok once before, especially the Cambodians along Sukhumvit Road.  These, we are assured by those in the know, are placed there in the morning by Charles Dickens-type Thai gangs and collected in the evening, and the beggars themselves get very little.  I mentioned that I couldn’t give to all but when I passed by at least I would wave and smile or something.  But a few months ago I decided to do more.  The kids are adorable and I hate to see them sitting there, bored out of their little minds. 

So one evening on my way down the stairs from the Emporium to the street, with Soi Cowboy as my destination, I spotted a mother and a baby and a little girl sitting on the stairs with a cup out for money.  So I turned around and reentered the Emporium and made my way up to the 4th floor and bought a big penguin doll for the little girl.  I looked forward to seeing the happy smile on her face.  When I returned the stairs were empty.  I figured they had been picked up by the shady gang or whoever.  But I remembered another mother and her cute little girl sometimes sits on soi 33 near the Renoir.  So Penguin in hand I ventured along soi 33 looking for that kid.  Nada. 

So I returned to the corner of soi 33 and Sukhumvit and went down the steps to the Londoner Pub and ordered a black Russian and complained to one and all that there was never a beggar around when I needed one and how I didn’t like penguins anyway and how last year a baby penguin bit off a woman’s nose and how the same people who think penguins are cute think sharks and crocodiles are just misunderstood loveable creatures who only attack when attacked, yada, yada, yada.  The girls working there as usual paid no attention to my rant but loved the penguin so I knew there was no way I could go to Cowboy with it because some girl would manage to get it off me.  So, last try, I again went off to the stairs and lo and behold there was the mother and kid but no baby.  I was about to make a child happy and looking into those big black happy eyes I would know that I had greatly improved my karma for the next life or so.  But the kid was now sound asleep.  Fuck it!  So I gave the penguin to the mother to give to the kid.  And went back to the Londoner to rant some more.  Score: 0 for 1.

But I was determined to see a happy smile on a child’s face, a smile which I had put there; so not long after that I happened to pass by a family of Thais being spoken to by two Thai policemen.  This was on Sukhumvit near soi 33.  The police were not being nasty, and the little girl was not crying, but it seemed they were waiting to be picked up by a police vehicle, I guess they had fallen afoul of some law or other.  The mood didn’t seem one of happiness and joy.  When I passed by I smiled and waved to the little girl and she smiled shyly back.

So I went into the nearby 7-11 and bought her an ice cream and walked back and held it out to her and she screamed “Mai ow!” (don’t want!).  Great.  The mother assured me she was just shy, so I told the little brat, sorry, I mean, lovely little girl, that I would give it to her mother to give to her.  Then I waved goodbye, not failing to notice the “farangs-are-insane” smiles on the faces of the Thai police.  Score: 0 for 2.

Not willing to give up so easily, I kept an eye out for my next opportunity to make life a bit pleasanter for a child beggar.  It came just after Christmas when I was near Robinson on Sukhumvit.  A mother and a cute little girl were sitting on the sidewalk and the poor kid looked really bored.  So off I went into Robinson’s to get a toy, this time a little white lamb with a Christmas cap.  Any little kid would love it!  Now I would see pure joy on the face of a child and feel that I was not just a lowlife, oversexed farang indulging in the sensistic impressions of the phenomenal world.  By the time I walked back to the mother and kid, the kid was fast asleep.  God damn kids, anyway.  So I gave the mother the toy to give to the kid, chatted a bit and started to walk away.  Then she said that the little girl is a look fat or fah fat or something (twin) and that her sister was just up the street.  Unreal.  So I walked up a block or two and, sure enough, there was the cute little toddler sitting all alone playing with her toy phone.  Because her sister got a doll and she didn't I suppose I am responsible for the fact that she will grow up angry and maladjusted and whatever.  Anyway, I make it a rule not to give toys to kids without their mom around as the situation could be misunderstood and, despite my distinguished appearance and pristine nature, I could be mistaken for a dirty old man.  (Evil to him who evil thinks and all that.)  So I said hello, smiled, put some money in her cup, and walked on.  Score: 0 for 3. 

I remember walking along the river in Phnom Penh and a lovely little thing in a frilly dress, she must have been all of nine or ten, I guess, smiled and walked up to me.  She seemed to speak no known language and asked for nothing.  What I wanted to do was to take her across the street and buy her a lunch and then a doll and then send her on her merry way.  If I had, I would probably be languishing in some Cambodian prison now.  As no good deed ever goes unpunished, sooner or later I will probably get in trouble, but I will not give up my quest to put a big smile on a little kid's face!!

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A friend of mine stayed in Pattaya recently and said he stayed at the Secrets Hotel right in the action of Walking Street (soi 14).  He claimed it was cheap and clean and just where he wanted to be and, of course, guest friendly.  Dunno.  Haven't tried it but if you do, let me know how it is.

Who remembers Lucy's Tiger Den?  I do.  Click here: http://www.savacool.com/Report/Tiger's_Den/Lucys_Tiger_Den.htm
 

Everyone says what they believe to be true: the world is round, etc., and everyone says the Thai girls working in clubs for Japanese men are the most beautiful of all although very expensive.  Well, very expensive they may be but the girls sitting outside and in the doorways of all those Japanese clubs along Soi Thaniya are certainly no better looking than Thai girls in nightlife areas for Western men.  Remember: the ricefield on the other side of the fence is always greener, the water buffalo on the other guy’s farm is always bigger, and it seems a given that there are private clubs for Thais or for Japanese in which the women are unbelievably beautiful.  Don’t believe it.  If you can’t find a gorgeous woman in Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy or Soi 33 or Washington Square, then you aren’t looking very hard.  Um, OK, is it too late to scratch Washington Square from that list?

Speaking of Patpong Road, one of the favorite bars in the 70’s and 80’s was the Safari bar on Patpong I.  Then it began its slide waaaay down.  I am happy to say the obese dancers have been replaced by a few cute ones.  Don’t misunderstand, the place is still a throwback to decades ago which is precisely which gives the place its tacky charm: the music, the one dancer per stage, the hopelessly tawdry décor, the ceiling with its hundreds of flowers.  A good place for an early evening beer.  And I can't leave coverage of last Christmas without mentioning the wonderful imagination of those working in the Toy Bar on Soi Cowboy.  There you have it: A katoey Santa Claus. 

Lost in Translation.  Submitted by Ray Huxley

Last column I mentioned the blue pipe which was laid along the sidewalk of Sukhumvit for many, many blocks.  I mentioned that it is the worst job I have ever seen: the pipe breaks up the sidewalk and in many cases forces the sidewalk up like a small hill.  It is as if whoever did this wanted to see how many broken or sprained ankles it could cause, making me suspect doctors are somehow involved.  A friend asked why the government allowed this and I said the government probably did this.

 

 

Eden Club in Pattaya certainly had its troubles.  It opened as Hell Club on soi LK Metro on 27 December.  Then 4 days later French Marc, the Bangkok and overall owner, was in the hospital having quite serious treatment and tried to get in touch with his partner in Jomtien.  He got no reply so, pulling out all the needles and drips, discharged himself from hospital and went to the flat, only to find his partner dead.

Dasa Books on Sukhumvit is having a February special on Romance/Chick Lit books.  I doubt anyone reading this column is into chick lit books but they are also having a special on biography and autobiography.  And they have something called "blow out bins" which for some reason reminds me of Star of Love and Lolitas but I believe they are referring to bins with low-priced books.  Their store is on Sukhumvit Road just up a bit from the Emporium.

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One more letter regarding their embedded Muslim fanatic columnist the Bangkok Post refused to print.  There are as many cracks in the so-called even-handed policy of the Bangkok Post as there are at the airport's runways:

Dear Sir,

 

Imtiaz Muqbil mentions the slave trade of the Europeans but, surprisingly, omits any mention of the Muslim Arab slave trade in Africa which continues to this day in Sudan and Mauritania.  The Muslim slave trade began a thousand years before the European one and was ended a century after the Europeans ceased theirs only because of economic and military pressure by Western powers, not due to any conscience on the part of Muslims.  During the Muslim Arab slave trade about eleven million Africans were enslaved and eunuch stations were established along the trade routes to castrate boys.   Women were prized as sex slaves. 

 

Equally surprising, Muqbil makes no mention of the hundreds of thousands of European and American Christians kidnapped on land and at sea by the Barbary States of Muslim North Africa.  Historians write of the “forced labor and sadistic treatment” of prisoners.  Muslim leaders insisted that the Koran allowed them to enslave infidels and both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were on one occasion told this in person.  Strange it is that Muqbil, a Muslim, seems to have remembered only the one slave trade involving European guilt but has forgotten all about the horrific Muslim slave trades.  A puzzlement.

 

Dean Barrett

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As an American, the stupidity of some Americans embarrasses me more than the stupidity of others, esp. when it is something unbelievable like the following.  I first saw this in the cartoon, Doonesbury, and wasn't sure if it was true or not. Apparently, it is.  As Trink would say, Any comment would be superfluous.

The influence of fundamentalists in American politics is for the most part fairly subtle, for example in the stance the US Park Service takes on the age of the Grand Canyon.   Park guides are forbidden to mention that the geological evidence overwhelmingly indicates that the Colorado River took millions of years to carve out the magnificent gorge, because a literal interpretation of the Bible requires one to believe that the Earth is only around 5,000 years old.

     

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Thanks to James Ganaha for letting one and all know that in Pattaya on soi 8, Beach Road, Legs is open every day.  Do I detect a pun in the bar's slogan?

Brothel

Prostitution in the Netherlands became legal five years ago but the city wants to close about 33 of the brothels in the Red Light District of Amsterdam.  For the full story, click here

 

 

 

 

http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

 

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash."  - American military wisdom

 

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If ever proof were needed that I am a handsome man here it is: a card from Rawhide on Soi Cowboy given to me by a lovely dancer which says: "You have the honour of being selected by a Rawhide lady as being of such distinguished form and appearance as to merit particular distinction as a fine example of the male gender, and therefore qualifying as a 'handsome man'. 

 

Eat your hearts out, gentlemen.

 

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A riot broke out on Soi Cowboy last night, something about a Thai girl dating two men at the same time.  I would never have suspected a Thai go go dancer might do such a thing but as you can see when you click on it, pictures don't lie.  Speaking of not lying, if I told you elephants were blocking roads and demanding treats from cargo trucks you would say I was making stuff up.  But the following was in a local Bangkok paper.  TIT.

 

"Chachoengsao _ The road through Khao Ang Rue Nai wildlife sanctuary will be closed at night to stop wild elephants stopping and raiding cargo trucks. ''A herd of about 20 elephants frequently blocks the road and holds up cargo trucks until a bundle of sugarcane, tapioca or pineapple is tossed to them as a highway fee,'' Chachoengsao governor Arnont Promnart said yesterday.... Otherwise, the truculent animals would attack and damage the trucks, as happened on Jan 6."

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Photo by John Krukowski.  Where or when, who cares?

 

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Mail Bag

Dean, I think the lady that told you that her leg was not riap and said it was NIAN was pulling your leg.  After being here for many years NIAN means HORNY in Thai.  She may have misunderstood your intensions, or my spelling is different from yours but my Thai wife agrees with me. claymore

Dean, upon further discussion about nian with my Thai wife, who wanted to know why I was asking her about being horny, it seems there IS a Thai word spelled like nian in Thai that does indeed mean smooth skin, apparently I had the tone wrong but to my ear they sound exactly alike.  But I was half right as the nian, NIAN is an oldie but goodie Thai double entendre, to see if you REALLY understand Thai you say nian meaning smooth, they say NIAN meaning horny and watch your reaction. O' well .... claymore

Um, OK, Claymore, that, um, clarifies the situation.  But how about from now on I just tell the girl in question that I will pay her barfine and skip the romantic prelude about how smooth her legs are?

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As a citizen of Minneapolis, I am happy to inform you that the colored lights on top of the cabs (signifying Muslim / non-muslim taxi drivers) has been thrown out.  As a matter of fact, the airport commission is coming up with a new rule - if a fare is denied for any reason, the taxi driver is banned for a period of time.  For a second infraction, the driver is banned for I believe 6 months (but I'd have to research that - I do know it's a long time) and for a third offense they are banned altogether.  Wonderful news - esp since I was denied a ride for having a box of wine by one of the Muslim bastards.  The airport did give them a prayer room (after a recent incident which you probably heard of - 4 Muslims were kicked off a flight in Mpls for praying loudly, sitting in different seats, and asking for seatbelt extensions when they weren't needed).  I keep telling my friend this country is going to hell and it's partially due to the Muslim influence.  I just hope they wait until I retire to Thailand in 17 years before they really screw it up.  Steve in Minnesota.

Steve, thanks for that.  I heard that many people around the world wrote to the airport commission after the item appeared on www.DanielPipes.org.  In no Muslim country in the world do the minorities - Coptic Christians, Bahais, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, etc. - have equal rights with Muslims.  But whenever Muslims are in a minority they demand everyone accommodate to their religion and be oh-so-sensitive to their culture.  That bugs me.  Just as the Muslim woman in Florida who demanded to wear a full veil while being photographed for a driver's license bugs me.  And when we oppose shit like that we are accused by Muslims and their leftist asskissers of "Islamophobia."  Give me a break!

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Dean, so right about the Darling (massage parlor) these days. They must be listed in a guidebook or something and don't see the need to deliver a quality product.  I call it "the home of the $100 hand job".  That's usually what they try to get away with and then practically demand a 1,000 bht tip.  Outrageous....and at these prices you would think they would buy some fresh towels and get that water heater fixed. Sheeesh. While I'm ranting...did you ever see a crew with a worse attitude than the Morning Nite Bar or Hillary Bar crew? The staff will come at you in groups and ask for drinks!...like I want to buy a tray of lady drinks every time I go to have a beer..or say no, no, no, all nite...not fun. The owner should do a better job teaching the staff a bit of manners and respect instead of coaching them to fleece the clientle.

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Dear Dean
Just to confirm the history of our Duke of Wellington. In 1846 he led his private army (made up of mainly female natives and white tigers) against the GRC's (Great Rubber Company) factories in the north of Indolenthland (Which comprised of the current day countries of Thailand, Lao and about 1/5 of France.  Although he succeeded in stopping any more rubber being sent back to Great Britain for the production of items which were offensive to him, he soon succumbed to lethargy and accordingly later on syphilis.  Hope that clears things up.  Mark

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Hi Dean, I note that Yahoo have now expurgated their site of almost all our favorite Lili Koh references in favour of other Lili Koh's who don't pose for pictures. I didn't know that search engines did that -- but, hey, my level of technical ignorance has now become quite profound.  Andrew

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Hey Dean,
Thanks for the excellent link to the Playa Cofi Jukebox in your latest nightlife post.  But I had to open a new window to call your website up again, since I didn't want to have to shut the music off by going back in my browser.  A minor pain in the ass, but worth it.  Keep up the good work.  P.S. I never knew Aretha Franklin did a version of Burt Bacharach's "I Say A Little Prayer For You" until now (from my birth year of 1968...I know...I was just a gleam in Mom's eye when you first hit Bangkok but nonetheless...) "Mony, Mony" Tommy James and the Shondells is playing as I close this one out...Cheers, Jim Venzke
 

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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like satire on Thailand?  Try

http://www.farangaffairs.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only. 

http://www.tshirthell.com.

 

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

 

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This week, be the first to answer this question and win 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is one of my books, third prize the usual diddly-squat.    Where was this photograph taken?  The photograph was taken in Bangkok.    Last week's photograph was of one of the restaurants at the Lagoon, at the Siam Paragon mall.  The food floor has some great stalls with incredible food, especially Thai of course, but there are also a slew of great restaurants.  The Canal is the water inside the mall and you can sit along the Lagoon outside at several of the restaurants.  There are so many Japanese restaurants I doubt that all will survive for long.  I never thought I would be recommending that people eat at a mall but these restaurants are excellent and not expensive.

This column's photograph was also taken in Bangkok.  Just be the first to say where and you get 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers.

Attached Image

That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

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