Welcome to my website. Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere. And to have some fun.
Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)
There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, PJ's Steak & Rib Grill, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting. It will double to 6,000 and, if still no winner, to 9,000, etc. Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt. And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).
To avoid risk of suffocation
dispose of this column carefully
and keep it away from little
infants and children
I noticed the exterior of the Santana Bar on Sukhumvit, soi 33, had undergone a major facelift and was now a beautiful neon blue. But on my way down the soi to take a picture, I happened to pass Khun Nong, a lovely thing from Sarakham, who was sitting outside the Van Gogh bar. She gave me one of those Thai smiles - you know the type - the one that suggests that she is so happy and delighted to see me and the range of possibilities involving just the two of us is endless and blissful; if only I would stop for a drink. So, of course, being of weak disposition in the face of a female Thai smile, I did stop for a drink or two. If only these dead French artists could wake up and take a walk down soi 33 and see what great material they have to paint. No wonder I get less writing done than I did in New York. And by the way have you noticed that real barber shops have been springing up on soi 33 like mushrooms after a spring rain? The soi is fast becoming Haircut Central. Also, three houses in a row are being torn down along the soi. What is coming up is anybody's guess.
This lucky Santa has not one but two very sexy helpers.
Apparently, Sex and the City is making a full-length film so the four bimbos will no doubt soon be on the big screen babbling away about "relationships." (The latest American religion for females, in case you haven't noticed, is babbling in a self-centered, self-absorbed, self-pitying way about "relationships.") And woe be to any man who doesn't take their crap seriously. Thank God I live in Thailand. I would much rather buy a go go dancer a lady's drink and listen to tales about her water buffalo and problems with rice farming than listen to pretentious garbage gleaned from self-help manuals and incredibly stupid books about "relationships, commitment, communication." Yuuuccckkk! How do Western men stand it back there?
"A novel works if the writer manages to identify with the characters. That means putting oneself in the shoes of others, not judging them." Orhan Pamuk - Nobel Prize winning author
Have you ever noticed that when you travel back to your own country after living for some time in a very foreign land, you notice things about your own countrymen and women you never noticed before. I already mentioned such things as the lack of smiles and how they love to babble about Relationships and about how deadening and boring Western suburbs are. But something else struck me when I was last in America. On just about every morning TV show there was serious woman to woman talk about Breast Cancer; there were postage stamps issued to fight breast cancer; magazines and newspapers had articles about Breast Cancer; companies sold products in pink colors with some profits going to fight Breast Cancer; on my Delta flight, they had a special two-dollar drink and of course the profits they said went to breast cancer; on milk cartons we are reminded to fight Breast Cancer. Now I love breasts at least as much as the next man, but did you know that almost as many men die from Prostate Cancer each year as women die from Breast Cancer? And yet not a word did I hear in America, not a word did I read about fighting Prostate Cancer. Not one word about the cancer killing men. Anywhere! Years ago I also read that eight times more money was being devoted to fight breast cancer than to fighting prostate cancer. I suspect the difference now is far greater. So my question is: Is this just one more example of the marginalization of the American male? Have American men become such wimps that they are now dispensable? Have they decided for the sake of political correctness to die quietly and not make a fuss? Next time somebody asks you to contribute to fight Breast Cancer, ask them how much they are contributing to fighting Prostate Cancer. Yeah, I love breasts but I love my tackle too, you dig?
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Khun Nana's Corner
Khun Leigh is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible. From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.
She never got out of the airport. That’s what I told my buddy George would happen if his hot Thai gal visited the US alone. Three years ago I partied with a very amiable chap named George on a semi-regular basis. He was mid-thirties, athletic and had a good job working for an international bank. Occasionally he would bring his main squeeze along on our escapades and I can’t say I minded at all. Now, I should stop right here and say that normally I am a bit perturbed with my mates who insist on dragging the girlfriend along when we are out to have fun. It can be quite irritating to say the least. However, this gal (her name was Sirapa) was a lot of fun and quite often would drag girls over to our table for me to meet. She had good taste too! Boy did she know how to get on my good side. Anyway, she had a sister in Miami and decided to spend Christmas with her. George really didn’t want to go as (much like myself) he had enough of America to fill several boring lifetimes. I jokingly said to him that there was certainly no one in Miami 1/10th as beautiful as Sirapa and that she wouldn’t even get out of the airport before men would be literally throwing themselves at her. I was half joking of course. Sirapa was quite stunning but I really didn’t think there was any danger in a short two week trip. Well, soon thereafter George was transferred to Hong Kong and we lost touch. Just a few months ago I happened to bump into him at one of my usual hangouts in Bangkok and he told me this story.
“You don’t know how many times I have heard your words (she won’t even get out of the airport) echo inside my head! Sirapa did fly to Miami alone, but her sister went to the airport to pick her up. One of her checked bags didn’t make it through so she went to the airline office to file a claim form. There was a French guy in the office whose bag had also been misplaced by the airline. They struck up a conversation and he begged her to go out with him. She explained that she was only in Miami to visit her sister, but this guy was so smitten that he went all out to impress her. She said he sent flowers daily to her sister’s house and after one week of rejections he finally talked her and her sister into joining him on his private yacht for a trip to the Bahamas. It turns out he is a multi-millionaire and has already bought a huge mansion for Sirapa and her sister in Miami Beach. Why didn’t I go with her? She never even made it out of the airport!!”
If you want to go out on the town in Bangkok, have a great time, eat good food and hear live music by top bands the Beer Garden in front of Central World Plaza is the place to go. It is amazing just what a bargain for entertainment Bangkok can be if one just bothers to wander a few meters away from the tourist areas. There are four separate areas that are divided up into Beer Singha garden, Beer Heineken garden, Beer Chang garden and an area they call “Holland” which has about 40 HOT Thai gals dressed in the traditional German/Holland style “beer maiden” costumes. Ok, give me a minute to catch my breath…. Now, there must be five thousand people enjoying themselves nightly across all four areas and there are literally hundreds of “pretties” or gorgeous young Thai gals serving the tables and dressed in the uniform of their particular sponsor. I went there last week with a spicy young gal from Suan Dusit University and we sat in the “Heineken” area and saw “Clash” who is one of the top ten recording artists in all of Thailand—for FREE! Yes, no admission charges. We each had two plates of tasty Thai food, I drank a large pitcher of beer, she had several orange juices and the check came to a whopping 540 baht! A little more than fifteen US dollars or ten Euros for an evening that would easily cost ten times that in farangland. Of course in farangland you wouldn’t have the “pretties” to look at!!
It’s bleak, it’s just so bleak!! This is the lament of many of my western friends who are appalled that no alcohol will be served this weekend because of the local elections. I am sure you are thinking that Khun Leigh obviously hangs out with a bunch of hopeless alcoholics. Er…no comment. A close mate asked me this morning what I will be doing on this God forsaken alcohol deprived night. My response was “I plan on being intimate with my very favorite and EXTREMELY hot Thai gal, then go to dinner at an Isaan restaurant where they have traditional Isaan music and dancers in a tropical open air environment, and then we will go to a movie and back to my place for a lengthier and proper love making session. I guess every day in Paradise can’t be special. It’s just so BLEAK, how will I survive??
Until next time.Khun Nana
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I spent a few days in Pattaya recently and would like to give you my impression of four or five establishments. Once again, I have only positive things to say about the Happy a Go Go off walking street. Lovely girls who know who to dance, obviously some coordination in their movements about the stage as one replaces another, and ladies drinks are only 99 baht.
I tried out Living Dolls Showcase as well. A kind of dancing show begins at ten o'clock and after a number is over the regular dancers return and this alternating system continues for awhile. Two "regular" dancers sat down next to me and a friend, and when the bill came I learned that ladies drinks in this establishment were 350 baht per drink!! Also, it seemed that fifty baht change was missing, but we were in a hurry to get out so I will give them the benefit of the doubt on that one. One of the regular girls wanted 2,500 baht short time (in Pattaya!!) and she said a show girl's barfine was 1,000 baht (just the barfine!) I will not go so far as to call this bar a ripoff bar as it was only my first time there in years but I would place it on the Extreme Caution list. Why pay 350 baht for a ladies drink in there when you can sit with beauties in many other bars such as Happy a Go Go and pay only 99 baht? And be sure to count your change!
Another bar is Coyotes which I always enjoy as the dancers are young, wild, and enthusiastic. However, during the high season it is pretty full with guys later at night just as more girls are dancing. Too much competition for us long in the tooth types. So a friend and I decided to go when they opened the following evening. But, alas, there were only five or six girls dancing early in the evening. Worse yet was their attitude. As if we didn't exist. I mean, I know it is nice not to be hustled but there is a happy medium between ignoring customers completely and going over to play some game, and hustling them for drinks. The management needs to let the young things know that when customers are there, the girls should at least give them a smile when they walk by.
The Blues Factory is off Walking Street on the way to Coyotes and has some wonderful bands. Don't miss The Blues Factory. Also, of course, back on Walking Street, the upstairs Peppermint go go bar is always quite a scene and quite crowded. They do a good business and deservedly so. The Windmill a go go down Soi Diamond is perfect for those who enjoy a sleeaazy good time.
Finally, I again stayed at Cockroach Arms, meaning the Penthouse Hotel on Soi Pattayaland 2. A friend wanted to see the place and it is funky and weird and fun for about one night. There is a closed circuit channel on the TV so you can, more or less, see girls dancing inside the kitten club downstairs. Unfortunately, the Kitten Club is a disaster. Up close you realize most of the girls are skanky and some of the girls are ladyboys and one in particular was aggressive and acting stupid. They dance over some jets of air which lifts their skirts Marilyn Monroe style but hey who wants to see ladyboys' skirts fly up? So, although I have mixed feeling about the hotel itself, I have no mixed feelings whatever about the Kitten Club: AVOID.
And here are a few shots of Pattaya. Lovely young things inducing customers to enter, inside the Blues Factory, ladyboys, and don't miss the guy sleeping by the sidewalk. And there is fruit carving and chestnuts and stuffed toys and food and women and what isn't there?
The Rawhide Bar on Soi Cowboy has a lot of dance contests and according to the handout the best dancers "dance their little socks off!" Well, I'm here to tell you they shed more than just their socks. But the funny part is the note at the bottom of the judge's sheets with numbers of the best dancers to check off. The note says: "Some of the dancers may smile, bat their eyelids, or use flirtatious words to attract your vote. But please remember this is an extremely serious competition, and you should vote purely on the basis of dancing skills." Um, right. Another beer please and a lady's drink for the lady.
"The only person more cynical than a drunk is a reformed drunk." - The Wrong Case, James Crumley
The Long Gun girls painstakingly decorate the bar for Christmas; and at Bear Hudson's Christmas party a rather heavy gentleman sits on Santa Claus's lap to open his present; Taffy of the New Square One Pub, more or less sober, sings up a song.
Slogan on the shirts of the barmaids inside the Witch's Tavern, soi Thonglor: "God's busy - Can I help you?"
I won 200 baht on the Mayweather-Hatton fight. I watched it at the Londoner Pub along with many others. As I say, I find sports booooring but boxing isn't a sport; it is a bloody art form. I figured Mayweather would sucker Hatton the way Ali suckered George Foreman: tire him out then go for it. He did. The Brits at the L.A. stadium booed when the American national anthem was played. They sure as fuck wouldn't have in 1943. How soon people forget.
By coincidence, I finished reading two books recently, both involving Jim Thompson, the "Legendary American" king of Thai silk, who mysteriously disappeared in the Malaysian Highlands in 1967. Siam or The Woman who Shot a Man was a weird book by Lily Tuck and I can't say it was worth reading. The other is in a completely different genre, a thriller by Francine Mathews, The Secret Agent, and in my opinion a well written, intricately plotted thriller involving what might have happened to Jim Thompson. Both books use imagination but the latter was more interesting even though the former is supposedly the more literary of the two. It is simply too thin in the sense of not enough meat on its bones to be interesting even though there are some ideas about Thailand in it that ring true.
By popular request, Khun Dae's picture again. Amazing Thailand!
Did you read about the Mexican guy who killed his girlfriend, ate her, and then killed himself? Nothing unusual there, you say, right, but in his apartment after finding her dismembered body parts (which he had yet to get around to at mealtime) they found an unfinished novel, Cannibal Instincts. Her torso was found in a cupboard, her leg in the fridge and some bones in a cereal carton (no specification on what cereal brand). The guy had said he was a writer especially a horror writer. Well, the thing is, if it is publicity you want for a novel, kill and eat the girl only after the novel is published and out in the marketplace. Not before. Idiot.
Well, it is that time of year when we find it impossible to get away from mindless, sappy, syrupy, Christmas songs, some maudlin, some religious, some pseudo-religious, some simply written to drive us insane. The only good thing I can say is that at least they are Christian and Not Muslim. But here in Buddhist Thailand it might be nice not to have quite so much commercialization of holidays, whatever their religious gobbledygook. One of the many things I love about the Texas Lone Star Saloon is that the bar acts as a kind of filter: it filters out the bullshit going on in the World Outside. For one thing, it filters out bullshit vocabulary. It is the least likely Westerner-frequented place in Thailand to hear such yucky expressions as "Harry Potter," "global warming," and "meaningful relationship." And of course such terms as closure, empowerment and other bullshit are not heard there either. But the best part is this: Nobody at the Lone Star gives a rat's ass if Bing Crosby will be home for Christmas or not; nobody cares if Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer helps to pull Santa's sleigh but one of the regulars pointed out that if he lands on the roof of the Lone Star he's more'n likely to get his sleigh shoved up his ass. And, there being at least one deer hunter around here, he might just end up on the wall along with the water buffalo head. One of the bargirls had some interesting suggestions for Frosty the Snowman involving two women and some peppermint candy canes. And, as for the Little Drummer Boy, there have been several animated discussions as to what would happen to the "obnoxious little shit" if he showed up at the Lone Star and played anything other than Country Western on his "faggoty drum." So if your idea of Christmas is to buy a Thai lady a drink and sit in a booth with her and get merrily drunk with her and avoid the seasonal bullshit and hypocrisy, head for the Lone Star. And, oh yeah, Merry Christmas.
I hope you enjoyed the Birthday celebrations of HM The King of Thailand. He is now 80 years old and may he have many more years of reign. Here we see employees and customers in the Londoner Pub lighting candles, watching the King intently on TV, and having a Thai old time. Remember: Thais play at their work and work at their play. And why the hell not? Maybe we all should.
"He had forgotten that most people can be at ease in a foreign country only when they are disparaging the inhabitants." George Orwell, Burmese Days
Links You Might Enjoy
A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy. Click here and then click "preview videos."
Like to check out some bars in Thailand? Try
Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week? Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.
Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week? Try this great site:
Tired of shoveling snow? Check out Bangkok's sunshine.
Bangkok's weather report.
A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.
A bit of black leather never hurts. But she does.
Our Lady in Black
Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?
Maps of all the provinces of Thailand
Listen to RadioBangkok.net
Contact Direct Line for Travel Insurance in the UK
Links You Might Not Enjoy
T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only.
Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.
Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.
Taliban Singles Dating Page
Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:
“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –
Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed”
Got feedback to this column? Got information on Thailand you would like to share? Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise? Been ripped off? Just write me.
So enter and win 6,000 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt, courtesy of Peter, PJ and Jason, third prize the usual Nada diddly-squat. As for last column's contest it was of course Thailand's Cultural Center out on Rachadapiset Road which has been there for seven years or so and yet nobody got it. Don't you people like culture?! Yes, for many years I too thought whenever people mentioned the National Cultural Center they were referring to Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy but lo and behold there is a cultural Center out there. This column's prize is worth 6,000 baht in food and drink vouchers. Just be the first to tell me where the picture was taken. Or if you can't guess that then tell me what famous film she appeared in. Or if you can't get that tell me the name of the male lead in the picture. Or if you can't get that reach down and pull your head out of your ass. Yes, there is a clue to one of the questions here somewhere.
That's all for this fortnightly column. Drop by again. Explore the rest of the website. Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet. And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.
Dean Barrett can be flamed at: email@example.com
More News on the "Religion of Peace"
There is a website selling "My name is Mohammad" teddy bears. I do not approve of it simply because I think it is unfair to the Teddy Bears. Teddy bears did not have sex with a nine year old girl, rape, pillage, murder and order murders, Mohammad did. So why disgrace teddy bears?
Al Qaeda beheads and dismembers the bodies of American soldiers in Iraq
Muslims in Amsterdam went on a riot after a Muslim man stabbed two police officers nearly killing them. The female officer managed to shoot the guy dead. Muslim reaction: Rioting because a Muslim was killed by an infidel and, worse yet, a Muslim male was killed by an infidel female.
Muslims take their religion very seriously... as
this little tyke found out when she
accidentally stepped on her Moroccan teacher's prayer map as he was bowing to Allah.
Gay Pride Day in Iran
The Religion of Peace visits (and blows away) an Indian audience
Muslims in Sudan want to kill the British teacher over the teddy bear incident
The Religion of Peace visits UN Headquarters in Algeria
In Canada a Muslim father strangled his daughter because she wanted to dress like the other girls in her school and not wear the Hijab. The girl at left. A policeman at the house at right.
The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand
9/19/2007 ( Yala, Thailand ) - Islamic militants gun down a 45-year-old woman working on a rubber plantation.
9/20/2007 ( Yala, Thailand ) - A 23-year-old civilian is shot to death by Muslim radicals.
9/21/2007 ( Yala, Thailand ) - A woman and man are murdered by militant Muslims in separate shooting attacks.
10/25/2007 (Thailand Narathiwat) A man and his two sons are shot by Muslim gunmen in a drive-by shooting as they are on their way home from a wedding.
10/25/2007 (Thailand Pattani) A married couple are murdered in their own home by Islamists, who then torch the house.
10/27/2007 (Yala, Thailand) - Muslim radicals gun down a 68-year-old man riding home from a tea shop.
11/16/2007 (Yala, Thailand) - A 42-year-old hospital worker is murdered by Islamic gunmen on his way to work.
11/15/2007 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - A woman is shot and killed by Muslim terrorists while riding home with her daughter.
11/21/2007 (Pattani, Thailand) - Islamists shoot four Buddhists to death at point-blank range, then plant a bomb that injures six others.
11/25/2007 (Pattani, Thailand) - A disabled woman is shot to death as she leaves her plantation.
11/24/2007 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - An older Buddhist couple are murdered by Islamic gunmen in a drive-by attack.
11/24/2007 (Yala, Thailand) - A middle-aged man is shot to death by Islamists while sitting in a tea shop.
12/4/2007 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Six people are killed when Islamists bomb a restaurant, two at the scene and the four others in the hospital.
One American congresswoman speaks out on Islam: http://www.aina.org/news/2007112093227.htm
Is he swimming with a girl, a boy, or what?
A wonderful video about Islamic hypocrisy:
An Iraqi couple were beheaded in front of their children by their cousins because the man wore Western-style trousers.
Three suspected al Qaeda militants, including two sisters, beheaded their uncle and his wife, forcing the couple's children to watch, according to Iraqi police.
The killing came because the school guard Youssef al-Hayali was considered an infidel because he did not pray and wore western-style trousers.
And Another Day Goes By. A graphic video showing the many horrors of Islam: http://www.youtube.com/watch?watch_response=&v=olZ60wtrAtY
Lawrence O’Donnell, Jr., is MSNBC’s Senior Political Analyst and a panelist on “The McLaughlin Group.” He has won a reputation over the years for a volcanic temper, and has gained attention recently for an emotional attack on Mormonism. But will he speak out about the elements of Islam that Islamic jihadists are using to recruit and motivate terrorists? Don't hold your breath. Here he is with Hugh Hewitt, via Hot Air:
HH: Would you say the same things about Mohammed as you just said about Joseph Smith?
LO’D: Oh, well, I’m afraid of what the…that’s where I’m really afraid. I would like to criticize Islam much more than I do publicly, but I’m afraid for my life if I do.
HH: Well, that’s candid.
LO’D: Mormons are the nicest people in the world. They’re not going to ever…
HH: So you can be bigoted towards Mormons, because they’ll just send you a strudel.
LO’D: They’ll never take a shot at me. Those other people, I’m not going to say a word about them.
HH: They’ll send you a strudel. The Mormons will bake you a cake and be nice to you.
LO’D: I agree.
HH: Lawrence O’Donnell, I appreciate your candor.
Lawrence O'Donnell is emblematic of the cowardice of the mainstream media in the face of the biggest crisis of our age. He is no different in this cowardice from virtually everyone else in the mainstream media. The only difference is that he admits it.
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