Thailand Nightlife Roundup

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, The Londoner, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Big Mango, PJ's Steak & Rib Grill, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc.  Second prize is one of my books.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

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The story of my life: Sitting on a stool in the Texas Lone Star Saloon.  A pretty young thing (by Lone Star standards) sitting next to me stroking me a bit.  Finally, I say: “Hey!  Don’t get me excited.  You know what would happen then.”

Her: “Yes.  We walk to ATM.”

Wisdom out of the mouth of "babes."

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The Ambassador Hotel on soi 11 has a problem.  Somebody seems to have room keys to several of the rooms.  A fellow who is well known to the hotel was sleeping in his room with his Thai wife and adopted daughter when his wife woke up, half asleep, thought she saw somebody, but thought she was dreaming, and went back to sleep.  But woke up shortly thereafter, thought about it, and woke up her husband.  He laughed and said "nobody has been here."  But on his way to the bathroom checked his trousers and sure enough wallet was missing.  His glasses that had been on his computer were hidden under a table and the computer cables had been pulled out as if the thief was even preparing to steal that. 

He raised holy hell because he worried what could have happened to his daughter.  The hotel knew him well and the manager and everybody else woke up, came down, etc.  Everybody ended up at the Lumpini police station.  During which time two more guests of that hotel showed up to report a theft from their rooms.  My friend called the American Embassy who didn’t seem inclined to do much but he only wanted it reported and a notice of the report sent to him because he had had his driver’s license stolen (not passport) and if that were sold to somebody such as the North African boys on soi 3, they would then apply for a passport, etc., and he might not be able to return to Thailand.  So the embassy agreed to place it in their files and send him a copy. 

The hotel is planning on changing over to cards but as of now they have only keys, no chains, no bar locks, nada.  So wherever you stay, remember somehow to block that door.  And if there is nothing but a key, complain to the manager but meanwhile prop a chair against the door, whatever.  In this case, the Thai manager and staff aided the guests and gave them free stays, meals, and limousine to the airport.  But never take safety and security in a hotel room for granted.  Mind yo’ mama! 

Another friend tells me he pulled in a street girl and in the morning she was gone and so was his American Express gold card.  He said he had money and a gold necklace, etc., but she only took the card.  He noticed the theft about two hours after the girl had gone so he called Amex to see what the last charge was and it was at Villa Market the day before as it should have been.  So he cancelled the card.  Nothing lost.  The girl must not quite have got her act together, methinks.  I mean, if you steal a credit card, the idea is to use it for some big ticket item as soon as you can, right?  So what was she doing in those two hours?  On her way to Siam Paragon but got stuck in traffic?  Somebody else wanted her for a short time?  Had to stop in a temple to give thanks for her good fortune?  Why steal the damn card if you’re not going to use it in a sensible and speedy manner?!  The mind boggles. 

PJ’s is quickly gaining a following on Sukhumvit, soi 31.  He had two singers in the other night, customers they were, one did Ray Charles material beautifully, the other started a rock and roll group way back in the 60’s and is still going.  No music, just they decided to sing and do their thing.  A nice evening. 

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Lucky Lukes at Nana Plaza, the open air bar to the right as you enter, had its 25th anniversary recently.  It has lasted longer than most marriages.  The band was good as were the ribs.  Russell has taken over from PJ, as PJ now has his own restaurant.  So stop by and say hello to Russell at Lucky Lukes and then say hello to Walter at Big Dogs and then make your decision as to whether you had better get home or paint the town.

 

Are you tired of spending large amounts of your hard-earned money only to be made uncomfortable, even to feel guilty?  Nothing takes the pleasure out of a lovely hotel room on vacation than to walk into the bathroom and find some kind of “Protect Nature” card on the mirror or “Last Chance to Save the Earth” notice on the sink.  Such as: “Imagine how many towels are washed with chemicals around hotels all over (fill in country’s name).  Help us to protect our rivers and the sea by re-using your towels.  Towel back on towel bar or over shower door means ‘I will use again’.  Towel in towel basket means ‘please change’.” 

Yeah, yeah, I know.  The environment is all screwed up and it’s all Bush’s fault or Cheney’s fault; relax, I know the drill.  And rest assured I actively do my part to help the environment by encouraging Thai women to take showers only after being with me; not after being with other guys.  But on vacation I would like to relax; so if I could I would like to write my own “Protect Nature” card:  “Towel back on towel bar or over shower door means I was in a hurry but considering the money I am paying for the room plus, plus, I expect a clean towel.  Towel in towel basket means ‘please change’.  Towel up the General Manager’s ass means I am not a happy guest and do not wish to find any more “Protect Nature” cards in my overpriced room.

And of course every other product and service has now got into the cover-your-ass "we-protect-the-environment" routine.  Buy a printing cartridge and it says "...Canon is recycling used cartridges to aid global environment protection and resource conservation.  Please contact your dealer or Canon concerning the recycling of used cartridges."

Contact my dealer??  What the fuck are they talking about?  They didn't give any phone number and even if I had the time and patience to track him down, the guy probably doesn't speak good English and if you think my Thai is good enough to talk about used cartridges and how best to dispose of them to aid global environment protection and resource conservation, guess again.  And, anyway, this being Thailand dealers here have probably never even heard of recycling.  Don't get me wrong: I do understand the problem.  The thing is it's too late!  The experts say that due to the amount of carbon emissions and other shit already released into the atmosphere, it would take 200 years just to get it back to where it was.  If we stopped polluting now.  Which we're fucking not, right?  In other words, it's too late!  We passed point X!  You can't put the dildo back in the box!  And even if we in the West use dirty towels and wear dirty undies, do you really think governments like that of China are about to join in fighting pollution seriously?  It's not going to happen.  And I read an article about cows emitting methane gas or some such shit and about how those bastards are the real polluters of the atmosphere and they won't change!  Look, I'm sorry that future generations are fucked, I really am; but inasmuch as they are, why not just enjoy what we've got and dry ourselves off with clean towels and throw the printing cartridges in the klongs like the Thais do?

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Pattaya Go-go Update

 

The man or rather the legend known as Polecat in Pattaya has decided to contribute regularly to this column.  So be advised should you be planning a trip to that NeverNeverland by the Sea, you might wish to check the latest here first. 

 

 

PATTAYA’S TOP TEN AGOGOS REVISITED

 

Happy San Valentino, people – and a great big THANK-YOU! for all those emails replying to the 1st January column and giving your views on the best Pattaya agogos. The Polecat stands with his hat in his hands, duly chastened. Of course there are hot agogos aplenty in this pretty little city, many of them more stuffed with flesh-crackling raunch than the ones he personally frequents. (People who know him say he’s the shy type who avoids crowds, preferring intimate encounters in quiet, dark corners). So here are your faves, in no particular order, with your comments:

 

         PEPPERMINT, HAPPY (both Walking Street) and BEACH CLUB (Soi 15). “Consistently voted Pattaya’s No.1, mate!” (Sid, Brisbane) “Happy! Happy! Happy!” (Dean, New York City); “Never seen so many pretty young girls in one bar!” (Eric, Copenhagen); “You don’t get hassled” (Brian, Blackpool); “Groovy schoolgirl kit – they look like they really do ride that yellow bus!” (Rick, Austin); “That nude formation dancing is electrifying!” (John, London) “Looking in the mirror will never be the same again” (Spencer, Los Angeles).

         ANGELWITCH (Soi 15). “Shows brilliant – way better than the usual rubbish” (Tony, Sheffield); “Loved the nurses’ reverse striptease (Brian, Blackpool); “Regular go-go dancers now much better-looking” (Duncan, Sydney); “Better than Bangkok” (Chris, Bangkok); “Drinks pricey, but worth it” (Steve, Maui); “A great show to take the family to see” (Margaret, Bury-St-Edmunds).

         DIAMOND (Soi Diamond). “Those show dancers are pure wet dream!” (Gustav, Trondheim); “The spunkiest, sexiest, sizzlingest showgirls in town” (Larry, Sacramento); “Regular go-go dancers now much better-looking” (Duncan, Sydney); “The go-go of choice for dancers from other bars out on the razzle” (Fon, Pattaya); “Love the wild go-go contests!” (Peter, Edmonton).

         COYOTEE’S (Soi Marina Plaza). “Cute side-stage dancers in white fringed two-pieces and ankle socks will break your heart!” (Jan, Rotterdam); “Intriguing interior – especially girls entering via fireman’s pole!” (Les, Doncaster); “Sexy nude shows – they get all tangled up in those soap suds!” (Minnie, Tuscaloosa); “Those ‘ass-dance’ contests – wow!” (Tony, Sheffield)

         NEW LIVING DOLLS 1 (Walking Street). “Hot party atmosphere!” (Gustav, Trondheim); “These babes have got to be the friendliest in Fun Town” (Darren, Liverpool); “Amazing barfine deals!” (Dieter, Dortmund); “Free drinksh makesh shenshe to me (slurp)” (Les, Doncaster)

         SUPERBABY (Diamond Arcade). “Baby! Baby! Oh baby!” (Dean, New York City); “They may look bored, but don’t you believe it – there’s some little volcanoes in there!” (Peter, Edmonton); “Bouffant blonde hair with ringlets – a cutting-edge fashion statement!” (Minnie, Tuscaloosa)

         FAR EAST ROCK (Soi Post Office) “Great place to chill in the afternoon” (Stuart, Maidenhead); “Dancers not the youngest, maybe not the prettiest, but always good for a laugh” (Neil, Melbourne); “Those girls have got the experience that counts every time” (John, London)

         POLO (Walking Street). “Don’t forget the oldest, best show-palace of them all – top-notch professional entertainment!” (Margaret, Bury-St-Edmunds); “Don’t mind the tour groups, the fun shows will draw you in – maybe literally, if you sit too near the stage!” (Alan, Bristol); “Never seen so many pretty girls, so much action!” (Eric, Copenhagen)

 

So there you have it! Another batch of bars where a good time’s virtually guaranteed, and the Polecat’s grateful to you for reminding him of these wholesome places. Maybe he’ll see you there next time!

 

AH! SOIXANTE-NEUF – A VERY GOOD YEAR!

CLUB 69 has at last opened its doors on Soi 15 (opposite WHAT’S UP) with a square interior and interesting wall designs that could have come from a Gaudi cathedral. The staff are cute and engaging: naked and near-naked dancers on little round platforms, smiling hostesses in mini-cheongsams, and slippered service girls all help you to feel at home. 3 girls playing in a Jacuzzi give you what it says on the can. Draught beer 65 baht. Vibrantly busy, this place has hit the ground running.

 

Meanwhile, nearly-new BABY DOLLS and XXX next door have been sold on to a new owner, who’s knocked down the wall to make one big bar with little pole-platforms, plus a square stage for shows. Watching the lacklustre hoofers, the phrases “brown paper bag” and “don’t give up the day job” swim into mind, though the owner says a new batch of girls is expected at the end of the month when they’ve worked out their notice.

 

TERRIBLE THAI TEENS!!!

The Polecat’s had some productive encounters recently with beautiful, slender young women who claim to be 18 or 19 years old dancing in HOT & COLD, SUPERMODEL, NAUGHTY GIRLS, DOLLHOUSE, BEACH CLUB and THE SEA (and doubtless they’re elsewhere too) – productive for them, that is, since he helplessly asks them “You want drink?” as soon as they approach, and has even been known to hand over a red note immediately and without being asked – well, she was completely naked, and had a smile that would have lit up New York City in the 1977 blackout. Unsurprisingly these girls are often the star showgirls, and with their supple young bodies can do the scissor-kneed body-ripple as convincingly as any veteran. But don’t forget to check ID cards carefully – girls as young as 15, talent-scouted in up-country villages by ambitious mamasans, have been known to work the poles, but 16 and 17 can also land you in trouble, and “She said she was 18, your honour!” is no defence.

 

HOLLYWOOD OF THE EAST

Thank-you Pattaya City Hall for the upper-case legend ‘PATTAYA CITY’, twinkling from the headland through the colours of the spectrum over Pattaya Bay, under a sickle moon.

 

COALS TO NEWCASTLE DEPARTMENT

Shady Thai man approaches the Polecat late at night on Walking Street, asks out of the corner of his mouth, “You want lady?”

 

FEEDBACK: If you want to give any feedback on this column, or have any information you’d like to pass on, email pattayapolecat@hotmail.com

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"Once you've gone Asian, you'll never go Caucasian." - attributed to Whore House Charlie

A friend of mine got a call from his Thai girlfriend in Korat.  She had had a bit of an accident while riding her motorcycle.  No, she was all right.  The bike was all right.  But it seems she dented a car and the owner wanted 4,000 baht.  So my friend agreed to send it to her then did some work and went off to a massage parlor.  As he was exiting the massage parlor, his cellphone rang and the girl wanted to know if he'd sent the money yet as four hours had passed.  He said no but he would.  She said they were still there at the accident scene.  My friend had not realized the guy was staying there with her until the money arrived!  So my friend ran off to his bank and did his ATM thing to transfer money to her bank so they could go to the nearest ATM.  And all was well in the Land of Oz once again.

He also told me that it was a small village and he happened to be speaking on the phone to the mother of a girl who used to dance in a Soi Cowboy bar but left because she was pregnant.  He asked if she'd had the baby yet and the woman said no, coming soon.  My friend said it seemed like a long time.  the woman asked how long women in the West were pregnant and my friend said about 18 months.  He went on to give lots of BS and it wasn't until he said we were all born with tails which had to be cut off that they realized he was joking.

People in the Thai countryside often know very little about the West.  It sometimes reminds me of the questions the Chinese in southern China asked foreigners in the 1800's: "Do you have a moon in the sky in your country?  Do you have a sky?"  Never assume your girlfriend's family or wife's family knows much about you and your culture (unless it involves your intimate financial data).

Does anyone know the name of the bird that wakes me up about 6:30 every morning?  I’m not sure if it is wild or somebody’s pet across the street.  It starts out low and the sound is one syllable then gradually gets higher and higher with each sound and the bird call segues into two sounds with a kind of slur in between.  Is this what a whippoorwill sounds like?  If so, it better start writing it's fucking will.  I suppose given my admiration for beautiful women in black leather it would have to be a bird with "whip" in its name to torture me.  Poetic justice, as they say.

This is bad enough but the bird wakes up somebody’s dog, the yapping type, which keeps barking.  So I took pink pills to sleep then when they weren’t doing the job I started taking purple pills.  People told me the pills I take now are dangerous and can change my personality.  But I don’t see any change.  I just want to kill the fucking bird and kill the fucking dog and burn down the houses around mine and kill anything that moves or makes a sound.  Still the same happy-go-lucky fellow as before. 

As this picture proves...well, anyway it proves something.

While several of the top go go bars are experiencing a decent high season, the operative word is “decent.”  Because the more honest owners and managers in Pattaya and in Bangkok have told me that yes they are making a profit but this high season just barely qualifies as a high season.   As we all know, the fewer tourists, the more ladies available for us and the price drops accordingly.   My problem is I need the tourists to buy my books.  If they don’t, then I don’t have money to barfine Entertainment Providers.  But if the tourists are here then they spread too much money around too quickly and the prices go up and I can barely afford beer let alone the company of Entertainment Providers.  Catch-22.

Yes, the folks at Erotica Bar at Nana have confirmed that Aussie John ran afoul of the police and there is now a Thai owner.  The shirts the girls wear in there still talk of the Erotica Bar "upstairs" so they must have been made before the owner combined the two, ending the squabble between upstairs and downstairs.  And of course Pretty Lady is back with the highly polished bars reflecting whatever might be above the bar such as go go dancers in skimpy outfits.    

Again and again I hear stories or know of cases where a Thai woman working in a bar really does throw away opportunity.  The most recent case I know of is a girl who was barfined from a Nana Plaza bar and a married Japanese guy wanted her as a kind of mia noi so he began paying her 60,000 baht a month.   Part of that money was to go for her going to English classes and other classes.  She no longer had to work at the bar and she didn’t even have to see him too much because although he lived in Thailand he was married.  A great deal if ever there was one.  But sure enough it came to pass that after a couple of tries she stopped going to classes on other subjects, then stopped going to English class as well.  The guy eventually found out and when he confronted her she admitted she was lazy and didn’t want to go.  He cut her off.

So a friend and I were discussing this.  When these girls are old and they look back on life do they say to themselves: Hey, I really blew it!  I had great chances but didn’t take them.  Probably not.  They might just see events and how they turned out as their karma.  Or like most human beings simply rationalize what happened.  Of course one big problem is that unlike East Asia and its Confucian background, Southeast Asia, for the most part, never stressed the value of an education.  Whatever the answer is, I have seen cases where girls should have been thrilled to get such a package deal from a guy but eventually by cheating on the guy or by being lazy or whatever they lost the deal.  Sad.

 

Click on the picture to see Soi Cowboy booming.  What a change from when the place first began decades ago!

I heard the talk at the Foreign Correspondents Club of Thailand (FCCT) by Anwar Ibrahim of Malaysia.  A Muslim with intelligence, humor and common sense.  Here’s hoping once he is allowed to run again (2008) he wins.  However, even he used the term "Islamophobia."  No matter how horrific the acts of Muslims in burning, beheading, bombing, if you criticize them or the violent teaching of the Koran, then you will be charged with Islamophobia.  I would say many Muslims have Jewophobia, Buddhaphobia, Bahaiophobia, Christianophobia, etc.  By the way, thus far, 24 Thais have been beheaded by Muslims in southern Thailand and Muslim fanatics have warned Muslims not to buy land from Buddhists fleeing the Yala region under pain of great punishment.  Ethnic cleansing is going on in the South yet the Bangkok Post leans over backwards to blame everyone except militant Islam.

Another friend was telling me the story of how he began dating a girl working as a waitress in a restaurant.  Yes, she really was a virgin.  And sweet.  And shy.  He wasn’t the type to give her a package deal each month but he said he would help her with her studies if she went to school, etc.  She moved into an apartment with another girl, a girl who was getting 30,000 baht per month from a Japanese guy.  Sure enough, it wasn’t long before the virgin began suggesting she should have some money each month as well.  She soon changed her job and joined a kind of Karaoke club out on Rajadapisek Road.  My friend met her there and was told by the manager that he had to pay to talk to her and for the table and as it was only him he had to pay for the whole table, etc.  She had two glasses of orange juice, he had one beer.  Total cost: Baht 1700.  My friend pointed out that that was what the girl was paying for her apartment for one month because she shared the 3500 baht rent.  To make a long story short, when she had her own offer from a Japanese client she called my friend and asked him what to do.  He said it depends on whether she wants a provider or a boyfriend.  In the end, she chose the provider.  My friend said the amazing thing was has fast she changed from the shy virgin to a girl willing to be set up by a provider – while kind of skipping the boyfriend stage altogether.  As that great philosopher, Dollaripides, once said: “It’s all about money.”

Here is the sign and the door of the Hog's Breath Saloon.  As you have no doubt heard or learned upon trying to enter or read in my last column, the Hog's Breath went out of business after many years and the door is locked.  The owner of Spanky's will tear down the wall, combine the two bars and call it Spanky's.  I would have thought something like Spanky Hog would have been a nice touch.  Bob who owned Hog's Breath is actually Canadian, not a Yank, and his maple leaf flag hangs proudly down the street in the tiny pub/bar known as The Tavern.  I like the politeness and friendliness of the girls working in The Tavern.  If I lived in the area I might hang out there more.  As I said before, it calls itself something like a little slice of America.  But I don't want a little slice of America!  No feminazis, no healthnazis, no babble about relationships as if it's a bloody religion, no word police, no thought police, no political correctness, no!  I think the owner of the Tavern should change the sign to read "This ain't America!" then he'd get a lot more Americans going there.  Because as we say at Washington Square way up on soi 22, "I'll fight for my country; I just don't want to live there."

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Over the last several months, I have been receiving a lot of mail and I appreciate people taking the time to write.  Of the letters I print in the columns, there are almost no complaints about the contents of the column and you may think I publish only the praise and not the criticism.  Believe it or not, I haven't got any letters of criticism and will certainly publish any that are coherent, cogent, and germane. 

However, please note, the lack of angry letters does not mean everybody thinks I am peachy keen.  I know this is going to deeply shock readers of this column but I am not universally loved!  It seems this column and my lifestyle are sometimes debated in forums on other websites (by those using pseudonyms) and those opposed seem to fall into one of three camps: The feminazis, who mistake a simple hedonist (me) for a sexist; Muslims, who mistake my criticism of militant Islam for criticism of all Muslims; political leftists who think because I like sex and don't like militant Islam I must therefore be a neo-con rightwing nutjob (even though I never even voted Republican in my life nor have I ever been "reborn"); I also notice that because I criticize Islam I am sometimes referred to as a racist (even though Islam isn't a race, so how could I be a racist?). 

I mention this because I didn't want anyone thinking I censor letters to this column; and second because in a movie I saw once Paul Newman said, "A man who has no enemies probably has no character."  So, please note, even a sweetheart of a guy like yours truly has enemies out there so yes, Paul, I do have character.  In fact, as the saying goes, "Controversy sells books; silence sells nothing," so people mentioning me in any way are basically doing me a favor.  But, naive fuddy-duddy that I am, as I never attack anyone without using my real name, I expect others to give me the same courtesy.  Which on most forums these days is an old-fashioned, unrealistic, unlikely, ain't-gonna-happen assumption.

pigChinese New Year is on the 18th and it is of course the Year of the Pig.  It is actually not correct to call it the Chinese New Year as it is a lunar new year celebrated by other East Asian countries as well.  But that's the way it is.  According to the roundup of the usual entertainment providers here in Bangkok, the more drinks you buy for go go dancers, the luckier you will be this year.  Oh, by the way, I was once married to a Chinese woman so take a couple of tips from me.  From now until at least through the 18th, do not use scissors or knives as you may be cutting your luck.  And always sweep toward the center of the house or apartment so as to avoid sweeping out your luck.

I had a few drinks in Finnegan's the other night, the small Irish pub on Sukhumvit, soi 4.  They have a decent menu and the serving wenches are friendly and comely.  And an interesting sign in the toilet about depositing toilet paper in the rubbish bin.  So rubbish should be deposited in the toilet?  Anyway, lots of Irish accents around, so much so that for a minute I thought I might be in some kind of movie.  My granddaddy was McCarthy, and some Irish folks in NYC told me that means his ancestors might have come from Cork.  I like Finnegan's but the problem is when I went in there I was in a pretty happy mood.  But they play songs sung by Irish tenors or baritones with incredibly beautiful voices, but heartrending as hell.  Like the Koreans say describing their own melancholy "han" they are like the Irish of Asia.  So by the time I left Finnegan's I was ready to bawl like a baby.  Maybe they should play Rap?  No, no, Paddy, lad, just joking. 

 

Plaintive Letter in the Bangkok Post says it all

'Islamification' of Siam

I am concerned about news reports that the "PM backs Islam in state schools". The government's recent moves to foster Sharia law in the South is worrying enough, given that Sharia law conflicts with our (former) constitution's equal protection of men and women. But now they also want to force Islam upon the state school system. We are constantly being told by the government and other experts that the conflict in our South has no religious overtones, but the terrorists themselves constantly refer to their victims as non-believers, infidels and other buzz-words of the international jihadists.

Immediately and before any evidence could be ascertained, the government said the New Year bombs could not possibly be the work of Muslim terrorists, but at least one Australian newspaper published an article saying it had been shown Thai intelligence reports that the southern Muslim terrorists were behind the bombs.

Now we have radical Muslim preachers on Thai late night cable TV encouraging jihad, and the government does nothing. Instead, they spend their time fawning over representatives from the OIC assuring them the government here is doing its best to limit the killings in the South. There is a real and growing Islamification of Thailand taking place all around us and I would like to say that I am deeply concerned about the present government's coziness with these radical forms of Islam, and the possibilities of what all this implies about their real vision for Thailand's future.

LEK
Krabi

Anyone married to a Thai or who speaks fluent Thai know anything about the late night cable TV encouraging Jihad?  (Me, I don't have either a Thai wife or cable; woe is me.)

I happened to be sitting next to a Canadian fellow in The Tavern on Sukhumvit, soi 4.  He was a muscular chap who worked in oil fields or something like that.  He said he was a "Vibrator Technician," which he said has on one occasion got him slapped and on others got him laid.  But it is true, he handles heavy machinery and that really is his title.  He also told me that he knew an Aussie running a bar on ko Samui who had been in Kuta (Bali) the night the restaurant was bombed and over 200 people died.  He said he had friends visiting and they met there but he had to go to the loo which he described as being way in back.  When he was in back the bomb went off and he came out and stepped over bodies to find his own friends dead as well.  And he in turn met another survivor of the bombing who said the serving girl had dropped his bill and he bent over to pick it up and the room exploded, but the protection of the bar counter saved his life.  The technician said the bar owner now lives to enjoy each day as if it is his last!  So should we all!

http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

 

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A Nana Plaza makeup artist at work.  In the open air.  Or in the open pollution.

 

Life is strange Dept: I know a former go go dancer on Soi Cowboy who really liked an Englishman but he was honest enough to admit that as much as he liked her, he wasn't the settling down kind.  So she eventually married another Englishman.  But whenever the first Englishman is in town, her husband complains that she seems to disappear for a day or two.  I know both of these gentlemen and unknown to them, as they have never seen one another, they have actually been sitting in the same bar no more than a dozen feet apart.

When the first guy went to Issarn to visit the girl's family, the mother was gracious and kind and apologized to the man for the fact that they lived in such a poor area and in a house with almost no roof and with battered-in walls.  But she added, "Not to worry, once you marry my daughter and buy us a new house, all will be well."  I wonder if that conversation contributed to his decision not to "settle down."

 

Please click on the above to read our new columnist!

 

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Mail Bag

Dean, Completed my excursion to Thailand and got back to work a couple days ago. Today, I had time to take a look at your January 15th column in which you comment,"...I regard militant Islam as a clear and present danger, not unlike the rise of Nazism in the 1930's, and so I write about it.  The subject is directly related to Thailand because of the Muslim problem in the South, which, like elsewhere on this planet, as I mentioned above, arises from the jihad imperative within Islamic theology.  And, hey, be honest, how many other websites can you name that combine Thailand's incredible nightlife with examples of Islamic hypocrisy and brutality?"

I think we are now living in what the Chinese call "interesting times" and my concerns are a couplefold: (1) It seems to me that there is wide spread denial of your observations and (2) While I appreciate your bravery, you really ought to be careful. You are a pretty funny guy and it would be good if you stayed around awhile.  

I understood G. Gordon Liddy to say on Fox News that in the vicinity of the mideast there is a belief that if some folks stir up a big enough "conflagration" the 12th Imam who is resting at the bottom of a well in Iran will rise up to smite the infidels. Have you a comment?  Glenn

Glenn, many thanks for your concern.  I don't think I am important enough for anybody to take me out but one never knows: outraged Muslim, outraged bargirl, outraged feminazi, who knows which one it will be.  People can deny my observations on Islam all they like but in fact Muslim men and women who escaped from Muslim countries write books telling it like it is, and they are far more critical of Islam than I am; especially the women.  As for the farmer in the dell, sorry, I mean the Imam in a well, I'm afraid I can't help you much on that.  I don't believe in UFO's, Scientology, tribal myths AKA religion, angels, and I don't believe the world began in 4004 B.C. (although this column did).  Next time I stay in Issarn with a Thai lady, I will ask her and her family to check their well for the Imam.

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Hi Dean,  Always enjoy your bi-monthly up date; latest update fully describes Safari Bar, one-mean-80’s hot spot, one slithering 20’s pit stop! But great place to start off with………but again it always gives that impeccable surprise, precisely what the bar-scene is all about and YES currently there’s some fine bodies to move on with!!! Say hello to Na for me…..and what’s going on at the Pink Panther these days? TTFN  Laocowboy AKA George

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Finally after some months of reading stickman, I clicked on to your website thru the Big Mango. Just read your raves and rate they are right on. Several years ago after returning from Australia I mentioned to a coworker how all the trouble spots I read about in Asia and elsewhere, and were not being reported in the US papers were being driven by Muslim terrorists. And the rant about the western women was right on also.  I was married to my Thai wife for thirty years and she was absolutely, not subservient, in fact I never met a Thai woman who was.  Rich
 

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Hello Mr. Deanbarr--Again the site is late.  My god man, don't you have people?  People you can yell at to get this giant airship untethered twice a month?  You know, it is not just the content that we wait for that is an issue here--when the site is late we worry about your health . . . . ok, it is just the content (and more pictures of Fon) that we wait for.  Dana

The site is not late; people are in different time zones and for sure, Dana, my friend, you are in a very different time zone.  But, OK, I will see if Fon will agree to a few more pictures.  If so, I'll put them up next time.  As they say, specien for you.

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The "Genesis According to Lek" article was hilarious. Keep 'em coming, especially funny firsthand stories."... it's first finger was shorter than it's ring finger ...".  Really?  That's a new one to put on "The List Of Things To Check For".  And "Any sex tests done
with toes?".  No, but it reminds me of the movie "Shallow Hal".  Hilarious concept, especially since I have a friend who isn't interested in women with "bad feet".  Keep up the good work,
Craig-Ben

I confess I haven't yet got around to checking on whether or not Electric Blue actually has one or more ladyboys working there but whenever I try to go there, I get off the Skytrain at Saladaeng and go into Patpong II but there is a dominatrix in front of BarBar which as you know is very near Electric Blue and I get kidnapped and young Thai women drag me inside and tie me up and have their way with me.  I don't think this is the proper way to treat an amiable, not-too-worldly fellow like myself, so last time they did that I reported the incident to the office of the tourist police but there happened to be a female tourist police officer there and she really looked good in that uniform and before I knew what was happening, she dragged me into the storeroom (which has about the same equipment as BarBar) and had her way with me.  Not sure who I should report these incidents to.

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Hello,  I'm starting a new book exchange group called Bangkok BookCrossers and wondered if you would consider giving us a mention somewhere on your English Language Bookstore Roundup page.  The group is inspired by www.bookcrossing.com, a website that allows readers to pass their books on to others and track where the books travel.  Our group will be getting together once a month starting Tuesday, February 6 to chat and swap books we've already read and want to pass on.  (Our first meeting's at 6:30 p.m. at Kuppa on Sukhumvit Soi 16.) It's completely free and anyone who loves books is welcome to join us. 

I've just set up a yahoo group to get us organized: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bangkokbxers/ . If you'd like to know more about how the group will work, here's a link to an article from the Shanghai Star about a similar group I started in Shanghai when I lived there: http://tinyurl.com/2q7c6r .  Please let me know if you have any questions.  Thank you! Erin Golsen

OK, Golsen, but how do you keep track of where the books travel?  I mean do you guys put some kind of electronic bracelet around them or a mini-nano-tinyweeny-chippywhippy inside a micro dot on the copyright page?  I mean, for example, my illustrated copy of Flora Fleshes it Out is in my bathroom on the shelf above the sink.  If I were a member of your group could you have told me that?  This is scary shit!  Now I know what Mission Impossible guys do when they retire.

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On the meanings of words, my girlfriend tells me the following information:

 riap ( เรียบ )= smooth like a girl's skin

 nian ( เนียน ) = smooth like a closely shaven face

 ngia ( เงี้ย ) = horny

 If anyone cares -- unlikely I know -- I hope this helps clarify things.

 

Binn


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 Khun Bill, many thanks for yours.  Not sure if this clarifies or not because I got the impression from the demimondaine that riap was "smooth" for things; nian was "smooth" for a woman's skin.  As for "horny," I shall ask about and see what happens.  OK, the lady I asked at the Texas Lone Star Saloon says riap is for things and nian for human skin but riap could be for body if you like but not face; and ngia is not a word to say in an upperclass establishment (don't know if she was including the Lone Star in that sweeping statement or not.)  But as we were both a bit soused I would have to say I might have got it wrong.

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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like satire on Thailand?  Try

http://www.farangaffairs.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only. 

http://www.tshirthell.com.

 

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

 

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Last column's picture was of the Shangri-la Hotel lobby which on Sundays turns into a ballroom.  Lots of fun to watch if you've never been there.  This time, something a little different.  Whoever writes the most humorous caption for the picture of the go go dancers on Soi Cowboy wins the prize.  I be da judge.  If nothing strikes me as humorous prize doubles.   Just tell me what one might be saying.  About the customers.  About whatever.  Enter the mind of a go go dancer.  Explore.  Plenty of room to do so.  So enter and win 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is one of my books, third prize the usual diddly-squat.  For those of you hung over, look to your right to find the picture: 

 

 

Attached Image

 

That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

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How not to make friends and influence people: Palestinians rejoice when learning of 9/11 attack.