Thailand Nightlife Roundup

 

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 6,000 and, if still no winner, to 9,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

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The last two times I have landed at Suvarnabhumi Airport there have been fewer touts inside the airport posing as taxi drivers (when they are in fact limousine drivers).  However, the time before last a very beautiful young woman inside the airport no doubt working for a limousine service asked if I wanted a taxi.  I hated to refuse but as the odds were she wouldn't be accompanying me, I did.  This time after landing from Nakorn Phanom, outside the door, another beautiful one asked me if I wanted a taxi but I smiled and said no and continued on to the taxi line.  Somebody is certainly aware that sex sells and they also have great taste in women.  Once again we are being told in the press that something is about to be done about eliminating these touts from the airport scene.  Don't hang by your thumbs until that happens.

 

If you click on this picture, you will see what looks like a complete wreck.  But it is actually the front interior of one of the four-wheelers that ply the lanes of Bangkok.  You can see the driver's foot at right.  I guess they don't spend much on maintenance.

 

Another young lady appearing in the pages of After Dark magazine.

 

 

Sexpat lit

FCCT panel on writing: From right: Chris Moore, Stephen Leather, Colin Cotterill, myself.  Photo by Ian Fuller.

I know there are some (mainly females) out there who associate me with "sexpat literature."  And yet about one third of my writing is in the field of theater, i.e., plays, one third is on China, and only about one third is on Thailand.  And even on Thailand I don't write "sexpat" garbage.  For example, if you read Memoirs of a Bangkok Warrior, you know it is a MASH-type satire on the American military in Asia and in the only love interest the Thai woman is blind.  So one would have to be rather kinky to see that as sexpat literature.  I love satirical writing so even Murder at the Horny Toad Bar was written as a send-up of the detective genre.  Don't get me wrong - there is a market for sexpat literature and there always has been in every society, so if that helps to sell books, then fine.  But here is my definition of sexpat literature:  A guy, usually a white heterosexual male, comes to Thailand for the first time, heads for a nightlife area, goes into a bar, and against all advice on the internet and everywhere else in which we scream DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE FIRST GO GO DANCER WHO COMES OVER TO YOU, the guy does fall in love with her.  He gets laid!  He then has an affair with her lasting for a few weeks or maybe even longer.  It might end happily but as he hasn't bothered to learn any of the language, culture or history of Thailand it most likely ends in disaster. 

The true disaster, however, is that this guy wakes up one day and gets the idea in his head that his adventure was unique, sensational, and wouldn't everyone be grateful if he wrote a book about it, maybe fiction, maybe as non-fiction.  And so one more poorly written book appears on the shelves, especially in Pattaya, which because of so many of these books, is in danger of sinking into the sea. 

I am not down on sexpat lit because of the subject matter, as many Western women are.  I am down on it because most of the writers have nothing new to say, nothing unique to add, etc.  If a writer wants to write on a subject that has been written about as extensively as Thailand's women and farang male adventures with them, he had better be different, or very funny, or very interesting or something!  Otherwise, why write it?  What counts is not the subject matter but what the writer can do with the material.

You want somemore, white boy?  Or you had enough?  Photo by Colin Dunjohn.

 

The Beauty of Burriram.  Eat your heart out, Dana.

 

 

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I seldom get into the small bars on Sukhumvit soi 33 so I decided to try one of those which has not yet gone Japanese-only as several have - It is called Hangout.  The girls (only six of them) were nice enough and I had a bit of fun with two of them, conversation only, I mean.  The bill at 400 plus baht for two ladies' drinks and for my black russian was I thought neither cheap nor expensive but I cannot figure out how bars like this make any money when there is so much else going on in this town.  This particular bar was owned by a Thai.  It was, by the way, a Saturday night and I was the only customer.  Why do people think they will make money with a small bar on soi 33?  They won't.

 

 

The Apache Indians are still up there guarding the roof but the Apache bar as you know by now is called Coyote.  (Not to be confused with the fairly recently opened Coyote's Mexican restaurant and bar on Sukhumvit near soi 33.)  There were several girls working, two of whom were very pretty.  There are signs about suggesting a special dance upstairs, talk to the dancers, they say.  In general, small bars on soi Cowboy seem to do better than those on soi 33.  Just in case you are desperate to buy one, I mean. 

 

 

Yes, Mojo's is still swinging!

 

 

OK, this is a little off-topic but when Miss Teen South Carolina answers this question, the question should have been what are you high on?  Tens of millions of viewers have seen this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

 

 

Stumbling your drunken way down Sukhumvit, soi 33, and accidentally run into an elephant looming up in the darkness.  Yes, it happens.  Read all about it: Expat writer killed by elephant in nightlife area.  Not believed to be anything personal.

 

 

I must say things were swinging at Patpong's Electric Blue, both figuratively and literally.  There are indeed some pretty lasses in there.

 

 

I do feel sorry for Western men and their "lives of quiet desperation" when it comes to not getting any sex but even I never suspected it was this bad.  How about a very lifelike female doll that costs about US$5,500 plus $500 postage?  Don't believe me?  Click here: http://www.realdoll.com/

 

Several readers have written in to tell me that yes "sussing" is a word, or, at least it is British slang.  No doubt I picked it up when living in the British Crown Colony of Hong Kong for 17 years from 1970 - 1986.  Also, I am told "shleping" (however it is spelled) is Yiddish and is also a word. 

 

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." [George Bernard Shaw]

 

 

Soi Cowboy is still swinging.  What a different soi it is from when it began many years ago!  And, of course, there are the elephants whose job it is to smash into drunkards.  And finally there is a very serious game of Liar's Poker being played at the Londoner Pub.  With those serious faces one must assume they play for Big Bucks!  Notice how the guy in the blue shirt in the last picture resembles the guy with the elephants in the center picture.  Must be identical twins.  Or maybe all Danes look alike?  Anyway, now Muslim fanatics can see what a Dane looks like.

 

Yes, it is true, there has been a crackdown on the bars once again and they must close on the dot at 1 in the morning.  At least at Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza.  Not sure about Patpong but the crackdown seems to have begun due to recent political changes and I do believe it includes Patpong and everywhere.  So of course the unofficial beerbars on sidewalks are making a killing while the owners of the regular go go bars grit their teeth.  Well, been there before, nothing to do but just wait it out.

 

It is nice to have friends when you need them.  As I am writing a scene in the sequel to Skytrain to Murder, my detective needs some autopsy information from a guy he knows.  At first I had set it in the Boots and Saddle, the Washington Square bar based on the Texas Lone Star Saloon.  Then I realized I didn't want too many scenes set there and I also wanted something a little different so I thought maybe the guy would be into ladyboys and bring one into the Lone Star.  Nope.  So, anyway, in the novel the guy agrees to meet the detective but in a ladyboy bar.  Which meant I had to go to a ladyboy bar to get the feel of it, so to speak.  Which I wasn't about to do alone.  Fortunately, Khun Nana and another friend, John from England and South Africa, agreed to accompany me on this daring venture.  So we went to Obsession and then Casanova.  No problems but I must say the "girls" in Obsession are better looking and lots more of them than in Casanova.  But the Casanova Bar is very laid back and more relaxed.  But we all agreed that there were a few of them in Obsession, that if they looked the same outside as they did on stage, we would not have known they were guys.  Amazing Thailand.  As the sergeant used to say on Hillstreet Blues, "Be careful out there."

 

This Thai thief has been arrested for stealing, of all things, books.  He and others stole books from stores and then resold them.  I remember that happened in Manhattan when I lived there all the time.  But one thing I don't worry about is that if a thief enters my apartment they will steal books or wall hangings, etc. That's not their thing.  I do wish my books sold as well as, for example, the late poet Charles Bukowski's in the States.  In some bookstores his books are stolen so often that they have a sign in the "B" section, "For Bukowski see front desk" or something like that.  They actually keep them up there so they won't be stolen.  So I will know when I have arrived.  There will be a sign in the "B" section saying, "For Barrett and Bukowski see front desk."

 

Yet another Thai taxi driver pissed me off.  Most of these guys are quite polite and I have no problem.  What I have learned is that, especially on lower Sukhumvit later at night (and of course near Patpong), these guys want to pick and choose where they will go.  So instead of stopping and letting you get in they open their window and ask where you want to go.  I always simply gesture for them to keep going because I'll be damned if I'll play their game.  The other night about 11:30 on Sukhumvit near soi 7 I got into a taxi and told him where I wanted to go and he said, "No meter, OK?  One hundred baht."  Of course I said no way.  So he said "No go."  So I did what I encourage everyone to do: get out of the taxi, leave the door open, and stalk off.  At least the asshole will have to put it in neutral or put on the emergency (assuming he has one) and get out and go around the car and shut the door.  If enough of us do this, they might get the message.

 

Fun scene on Soi Cowboy the other night when a large and drunk farang started making trouble in one of the bars, wanting to photograph the girls on stage and not pay his bill, etc.  Thai guys escorted him out and down the soi even while he was flailing about and calling out "police!"  He made the mistake of hitting a well known and very humble muay-Thai guy and in a split-second the farang was on the ground.  Out cold.  It is scenes like this that prompt me to refer to Soi Cowboy as Off off off off Broadway.  Who needs New York?

 

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Khun Nana's Corner

Click to enlarge

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

For some reason I was extremely nostalgic this week and began pondering the simple pleasures of living in Bangkok.  We all know about the hot babes, delicious food, tropical climate and friendly people.  However, if I just wanted good food and hot babes I don’t think I would have ever relocated here permanently.  After all, I was making a very good salary back in the States and could have continued working and traveling the world at my leisure with a pocket full of money.  There are so many simple pleasures that make living here a constant adventure and mystery.  Below I have listed some of my favorite “simple pleasures” of living in Bangkok:

1) Getting off at any train station in Bangkok and wandering around aimlessly with no goal or destination in mind.  This is such an exciting city and the streets are just full of mystery, special moments and energy.  Strolling along you glimpse a guy fixing bicycle tires, a coconut juice salesman with a weird straw hat, an old lady selling smoked peanuts and corn, more lovely ladies than you could possibly count, and oops, I just about got run over by a guy on a strange three wheeled vehicle who couldn’t possibly see me because his merchandise is piled two feet high right in front of his face!  It is so easy to get stuck in a pattern and go to the same places using the same routes and seeing the same things.  Just get on the Sky train or MRT and stop at any station that you don’t normally frequent.  You will be rewarded handsomely if you just wander the streets with an open mind and heart.

2) Sitting at a beer bar at the entrance to Nana Plaza, in front of a Soi Cowboy gogo bar or at an outside beer bar or restaurant on Patpong 2.  You can just sit for hours sipping a beer or diet coke and watching the carnival unfold.  Thousands of bar gals coming and going, lady boys strutting like a rooster, elephants, people who are unidentifiable as to gender, nationality or gene pool, midgets, soi dogs, food vendors, customers who look like they just saw a ghost, and there is never a dull moment.  Seeing the farang ladies with their husbands will remind you of what brought you here in the first place. As for the 3rd gender, trust me when I say there is nothing uglier than a lady boy arriving to work in the rain, two hours worth of makeup running down their face! 

3) Being treated like royalty when you are spending a minimal amount of money.  I pay $270 U.S. per month for my apartment, but they treat me like a King.  When I go out of town, they send someone to my room to water my plants.  They fired a security guard once because he allowed someone to come up and see me without my permission.  If I buy something for the room that requires installation such as a ceiling fan, the maintenance guy comes in after finishing work and installs it for pennies.  I have a swimming pool that could be at a four star resort.

4) The easy going positive attitude of the Thai people.  In Thailand, life is to be enjoyed.  No reason to get upset if traffic is terrible, the waiter is slow or the weather too hot.  Just relax, enjoy yourself.  The easiest way to obtain a horrible reputation here is to get angry over little things.  When I return to the U.S. and see how stressed out and full of anger and rage people are it makes me miss Thailand right away.  It a constant source of amazement for me that the average Thai is MUCH happier than the average American, and on 1/20th the amount of money.  It makes me shake my head in total bewilderment to watch my old friends in the U.S  killing themselves working 60 hours a week and thinking the extra income is going to bring them happiness.  Sad indeed.

5) Having friends from so many different countries, in different lines of work and all different ages.  Living here I have made friends who are ages 18 to 90.  From so many different countries that I don’t think I could calculate the number.  Some are entrepreneurs, writers, actors, computer salesmen, teachers, pirates, vagabonds and Princes.  Yet we all get along and find something interesting in each other.  I met an English Muay Thai boxer this week as well as a Malaysian Orthopedic surgeon.  This place is amazing. 

I am sure our faithful readers have their own “simple pleasures” and we would love to hear about them.  Until we meet again be happy, healthy and never forget to view the world as if through the eyes of a child. I leave you with the quote of the week, which comes from my mate Alejandro.  “I didn’t think I liked women anymore until I discovered Thailand.”

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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What's been happening in Nakorn Phanom?  This is a question I frequently get.  Well, not really, but, anyway, Nakorn Phanom, as you know is waaay up in Issan near Laos, just across the river, not to be confused with Nakorn Pathom, the place not far from Bangkok with the great chedi (stupa).

Actually, not much of anything is happening in Nakorn Phanom which is just the way the 20 or so farangs living there like it.  The downtown has zero to offer, one movie theater, no disco, no pubs, etc. There is, however, a clock tower built decades ago (Thai year 2503) to honor Ho Chi Minh, and a house he lived in in 1928-1929 is still there and it is a tourist attraction on which both Thailand and Vietnam are spending lots of money to promote.  The people are extremely friendly and there is a mixture of Thais, Laotians and Vietnamese.  Beautiful flowers and vegetable gardens are everywhere, especially among the Vietnamese houses. 

Thanks to the kindness of John Middlewood, who has retired up there, I was taken to picturesque villages and to several somewhat impoverished schools which we help in various ways, "we" being TLCB (Thailand, Laos, Cambodia Brotherhood), guys who were stationed in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War but not stationed in 'Nam itself.  And very near the present airport are still signs of old American Air Force barracks, hangars, and other buildings dating back to the Vietnam War.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of that far-away place which might prove useful should you get up there. Of course, you should also do what I forgot to do - bring long sleeve shirts and even a light jacket because in the north and northeast it can get real cold in the morning and even at night along the Mekong.  In the pictures below, you can see the airport at rush hour, the mountains of Laos across the river, a temple in town, the clock tower, lucky me getting to stand beneath a coconut tree planted by Uncle Ho himself, a Chinese shrine, a few pigs, side view of Ho's house, front view, and some farm implements at the house.  His house wasn't bad, had two bedrooms, but when he lived there it must have been hot as hell during certain months.  He was there, of course, because the French at the time were in Indochina and didn't exactly appreciate his presence.  As events turned out, the feeling was mutual.

 

Ho Chi Minh's house

 

http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

 

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Having Suicidal Fun in Hanoi

 

Lewis Hitchcock

 

 

I put a lot of time on a motorcycle, but this (as illustrated in the picture) won't happen to me, for I assume every Vietnamese around me is about to do the most dangerous, unthinking, empty-headed, rude, inconsiderate (some redundant words) simultaneously, and they consistently do - maybe 3 of them doing it within 5 seconds.

But I'm over at the Minsk Shop of the renown Anh (Older Brother - he's not that old) Cuong in the Old Quarter where I have my beast serviced and repaired, and they're telling me about these tourists, they'll be guiding, who just don't have a clue and think the Vietnamese drive like normal people. One of Vietnamese Minsk guys is accompanying several tourists who are on Minsks and he's in a vehicle providing mechanics' support and what have you and maybe for safety, and says these tourists will be flying down the road at a speed of 90 kilometers an hour, flabbergasting him.


You just can't do that here. Cars will always pull right out from a minor road into the highway without looking to see whether any traffic is coming (in other words they are less mature than an American5-year-old). You name it and these Vietnamese pull off the stupidest most dangerous maneuver possible - all the time.

So the Minsk guy was telling me the tourists he's accompanying are flying down the road 90 kilometers an hour, and one of them ends up with a jaw broken in two places and then the hospital of course, not quite planned on for their tour. I can just picture it -guy's flying down the highway at 90, a car jumps right out in front of him without looking and with no delay, and guy's in lots of trouble. Lucky it wasn't a broken brain, and Hanoi is the brain-injury capital of the world with 3 dozen "serious" brain injury cases showing up daily at just the Vietnamese-German Hospital in Hanoi. (They have graphic pictures outside, my type of viewing - or so I thought, but these are so bad they even get to me. I should get copies of them and put them out on the internet. You wouldn't believe what happens to flesh when it confronts metal etc; doesn't have a chance.)

I remember, not that long ago - in September, coming back from Yen Bai (3 provinces west of Hanoi) and was in Phu Tho Province (2 provinces west of Hanoi), and something made me delay - (good chance I thought I may have seen a massage shop), and I slowed down, eyeballed, and decided to keep on going. I found it might have saved me, for ahead of me a good-sized young cow jumped right out in the highway quickly, and had I not delayed, I'd have been right there. (Actually cows and water buffalo are of better judgment than the Vietnamese, for the former are normally steady moving and predictable. There's luck involved. One morning going to Cinematheque (March 24last year) I didn't have it - when I turn on a 1-waystreet, no view of it until you are on it, and coming at me was some guy going the wrong way catching me by surprise and I went down hard. (I still wonder, why not him?) It's been body armor ever since. When you are experienced like me, you bring down the probability to very low that you're put in an accident, maybe like the odds are 1 in 10,000 for a given unit of time rather than the tourists' 1 in 50.But even the 1 in 10,000, well give yourself 20,000opportunities, and they get you twice.

 

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The beaches of Sihanoukville, Cambodia.  Mainly family beaches for the locals with a scattering of farangs around as well, young traveling-type folk.  The beaches weren't bad at all and there are some pretty good hotels nearby.  It will be a while though before foreigners pack themselves in there.  For one thing, the bus from Phnom Penh to Sihanoukville took five hours.  Also, during the one time the bus stopped, we were not told we were stopping or for how long or what was going on (it was a local-style restaurant).  So, eventually, all the farangs got off and wandered about and here was a great opportunity for locals to sell food and other items to farangs with money in their pockets but there was no attempt to do so except for a few women standing near the bus with eggs (like we need eggs?) and who spoke no English. 

 

In Thailand, of course, there would have been menus in English and/or lots of things Westerners might purchase.  I think this is one example of what happens when the entire educated class of a country is eliminated as the Khmer Rouge did in Cambodia.  At least outside of the capital, it will take years before Cambodia knows how to really appeal to a foreign market.  And, of course, the corruption is even worse than in Thailand although yes, I know, that hardly seems possible.

 

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Letters from Readers

 

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Dean,
love your site, I particularly like the response to people who do not like older foreign men with younger Thai women. I just wanted to comment on the drinking ban on or before elections days. I’m thinking that if you as a person can not go a few days without booze in a public venue, one really does need to re-think your drinking habits. I see far too many guys in Thailand that tell me part of LOS experience in getting shit faced...NOT! 
Later...  Andrew S.

 

Thanks, Andrew, and you are right about guys who can't go without a drink for a few days; but the ban is silly because farangs cannot vote, anyway, so it makes no sense whatsoever.  But of course one of the reasons I am in Thailand is that it is WACKY and that's the way I love it.  Cheers. 

 

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Dear Dean
I have some rather unpleasant news for you. In an attempt to relay your message to Wei I bought her a drink last night. It was much too noisy in the bar to talk with her about your intentions, so I had no choice but to bar fine her. Later in the shortime room as I was having dinner at the 'Y' (she was busy watching some Chinese warlord epic dubbed in Thai on the TV), I came up for air and said my friend Dean wants to marry you and have babies. She said 'Dean have money?' I paused and said No, he is a writer, and like photographers, is poor. I told her the only writer I know  who had money was Mario Puzo. She said 'When friend you Mario come to Thailand?' I left it at that.  Earl Richards
 

Earl, didn't I ever tell you that "Mario" is my middle name?  OK, maybe not, but I'll make up some namecards in Thai and English that say Mario - Very Rich Writer.  That should do it.

 

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Dean,  Your piece on aging bar ladies mentioned two hard-working souls who were raising kids with the husbands long gone. A common story here of course. So where does all that 'Thai families are so close' bullshit come from? Seems to me that families stay together more in the West than they do in Thailand. Although I guess that's changing the same as everything else.  Bangkok Barry

 

Barry, families used to stay together in the US and Western countries way back when there were log cabins, hostile Indians, and no nightlife.  What it really comes down to is agricultural societies transforming into becoming modern, service, urban and suburban societies.  But many Asian countries babble about the, for example, "Thai way of cultural togetherness," when in fact people stayed together because they had to when it was in their interest to do so as it was an agricultural society.   It is not a cultural thing, despite what they may think.

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Dean, I was doing some research today comparing what drugs are common in the USA and Thailand for a future client. I came across something that just made me smile. As is well known, some drugs for hypertension can cause sexual dysfunction. There are some groups that have little or no sexual side effects and other can wreak havoc. A diuretic can cause a lot of problems, but an ACE inhibitor matches a placebo meaning no effect. Stopping at the drugstore across the street from my apartment then only had 2 types of the same brand one being generic. It was Enapril that is an ACE inhibitor and dirt cheap 10 for 15 baht. At Boots you can find all the rest with prices as high as 50 Baht per pill. So I would say without a doubt the Thais have sex in mind when stocking drugs.  John

John, I had to read your letter three times to try to figure it out.  Possibly one of us needs to take fewer ACE inhibitors?
 

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Hi Dean, I stopped in to Electric Blue last week as I ran into an old friend
(real bar friend, she does not go out for fs) who started working there and was doing the "welcome" routine outside the bar. Long story short:

0/  I was with my drinking partner buddy.

1/  We sat down.  Talked with my gal friend, hadn't seen her for a year.

2/  Saw a cute dancer (#26) on stage.  26 finished dancing went to a couple of Japanese guys with whom she had a drink waiting.  Japanese guys left.  26 goes to sit on a stool near the door.

3/  After awhile my gal friend notices my interest and asks if I want to talk with 26.  I say "yes".  My gal friend gets 26 to join us.

4/  26 does:  What's your name?  Where you from?  How long you come Thailand? routine and then asks for a drink.  I say "wait two minutes", and 26 says "I have to go dance".  Ok.  Good.  Save me a drink.

5/  I start chatting with two fun waitresses.  Great fun, nice personalities.

6/  26 finishes dancing.  Sits down and says, "you buy me cola".  I say "no".  26 says something to the waitresses in Thai.  The waitresses, looking uncomfortable, then tell me that I HAVE to buy 26 a cola because bar policy is that a customer MUST buy a ladies drink when the customer has asked a lady to join him.  I look at my gal friend and ask her about this, she says, no, that the customer chooses whether to buy a ladies drink or not.

7/  I buy the cola.  The cola comes.  26 tries to do the "cheers" thing.  I draw my beer away and say that she can drink her cola anywhere but at our table.  26 has a deer in the headlights look, then walks away.  26 tries to give away the ladies drink ticket to the waitresses who refuse it like it carried the plague.

Ok.  I had my fun, and it was the best THB135 that I spent all night just to watch 26's face and reaction.

BUT!  My question is: does Electric Blue have a policy where the customer MUST buy a ladies drink after having called a lady to sit down?  I spoke with 26 for all of 30 seconds, and if such a policy is indeed in force, I shall never go back.  Strange policy considering that it was a weeknight and that my drinking buddy and I constituted 20% of the customers in the bar.  Any information that you have on this would be appreciated. Thanks, Greg

Greg, I have no idea if this is policy or not there.  By coincidence, I paid Patpong a rare visit and made it past the doms outside BarBar and the chicks outside Twist Bar and into Electric Blue about a day before I received your e-mail.  You are right, the waitresses are a lot of fun.  I did call a dancer (#2 - nice face, personality and nice rack for which she paid 500,000 baht) off stage and when she came over bought her and one waitress drinks.  Had no problems.  But I did ask several guys what they thought of the incident you described.  They all said a customer should not have to buy a dancer a drink but, on the other hand, they had never not bought a dancer a drink once they called her over.  If the owner is in next time I am there, I'll ask.  But I have to say that, for Patpong, I do like Electric Blue.  The chicks are good-looking, the seats are comfortable, and the management is smart enough to give us popcorn so that we will eat it and the salt on it will make us want to drink more.  My own perspective:  I'm alive.  I can still get it up.  There are beautiful, available women all over town.  So don't sweat the small stuff.

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1. "Could it be that somewhere deep inside your limbic system you are on your own timeframe and that what you believe to be the sustained narrative constituting your own identity is actually a non-sequential distorted version of reality?  Just a thought."   

Yes, and it is a good thought.  Guess I am one of the lucky ones.  Now, if you through obfuscating and stalling; when can I look for those pictures of Fon to be arriving?  If I had 98 pictures of Fon I would send them to you; how does THAT make you feel?  Monster. 

2.  Regarding the Chinese version of Buddhism allowing them to touch money: what a joke.  When don't the Chinese touch money?  Try and stop them. 

3.  Regarding your enthusiasms for the girl photos in After Dark magazine: I am going with charity on this one.  You have to burble and drool like all authors faced with time and content urgency issues but this is just ridiculous.  These are HORRIBLE BORING UNSEXY WHITE SKINNED girls that no man is going to get on a plane for.  Obviously the crack investigators at After Dark magazine have figured that the Thai and the Japanese market is the way to go.  Fools. 

Personally I would pay ten times the cover price for a magazine full of Essan wonders with feet shaped like canoe paddles, dark skin, and please no women over 4'10" tall.  Think Fon only a foot to a foot and a half shorter with wider feet.  Yes, I am an aficionado with my thumb on the objective reality pulse when it comes to Thai female beauty.  The fact that you are shilling for this magazine and taking payments is not really the interesting part; the interesting part is that I know the money you are receiving is being spent on Essan wonders.  Regards, A Fan Whose Identity You Will Never Guess


Ah, a letter from Dana, what more proof could one need that there is indeed a God somewhere looking to make my life more... pleasant?  Well, I cannot agree that the women in After Dark magazine are boring, etc., because I find them sexy as hell and encourage the publisher to send me more.  And, alas, I get no kickbacks, baksheeh, cumshaw, under-the-table handouts for running photos of sexy women from them or elsewhere; I just like pretty women.  My only deal with magazines is that if they use my material I would like them to run a cover of one of my books somewhere in their rag on the off-chance that someone somewhere might be interested in actually buying one of my books - a revolutionary thought, I know.  But - believe it or not - we agree absolutely on the superior beauty of Essarn women which is why in my photobook The Girls of Thailand, I placed a Korat construction worker on the cover. q.v. (does that mean "which see"? - I forgot).  By the way, the book came out in 1980 and is long out of print so this is not a cleverly disguised ad for the book.  But I think you will agree that the charm and beauty of this construction worker is the essence of what we desire in a female.  Of course, if she had come to Bangkok today, she'd most likely be working at BarBar or Demonia as a dom, as Mistress Bricklayer or some such title.  (More fun chastising wayward farang men than piling up bricks in the hot sun, methinks.)  My, my, times do change, don't they?


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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

http://www.bangkokbarfun.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

 

 

Listen to RadioBangkok.net

 

mms://wma.radiobangkok.net/bangkok32?MSWMExt=.asf

 

 

 

 

Contact Direct Line for Travel Insurance in the UK

 

 

 

A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:

 

www.canterburytalescafe.com

 

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only. 

http://www.tshirthell.com.

 

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

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So enter and win 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt, courtesy of Peter, PJ and Jason, third prize the usual Nada diddly-squat. As for last column's contest it was of course the famed Sheba's bar, Soi Cowboy. 

This column's prize is worth 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  Just be the first to tell me where the Bangkok pictures were taken.  As you can see from the picture above, last week's picture was taken in Electric Blue, Patpong II.  This week's photo is even easier:

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That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

 

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More News on the "Religion of Peace"

 

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The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand

 

 

3/15/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Two people are killed when Islamic terrorists bomb a hotel.

 

3/15/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Islamists set fire to a school to draw firefighters, then detonate a bomb, killing one.

3/17/2008 (Yala, Thailand) - Eight children are injured when Mujahid set off a bomb at a playground.

3/17/2008 (Yala, Thailand) - Two men are shot to death by Muslim militants.  

3/19/2008 Thailand Yala - A Buddhist village guard is shot to death by Islamic terrorists.

3/19/2008 Thailand Yala - A 70-year-old Buddhist is murdered by Mujahideen gunmen at a grocery store.

3/20/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Muslim radicals gun down a local Imam.

3/20/2008 ( (Yala, Thailand) - Two people are killed when Muslim radicals throw a grenade into a moderate mosque.

3/24/2008 (Yala, Thailand) - A 48-year-old man is murdered by Muslim gunmen after dropping his wife off at work.

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A 12-year-old Afghani girl in a forced marriage with an older man who mercilessly beats her, begs people in this 35-second video to help her escape or else her "husband" will kill her: (warning: graphic) http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d58_1204868913

 

Pat Condell's wonderful six-minute video on Saudi Islam hypocrisy.  Thanks to Steve Powell for alerting me to this:

http://www.dotsub.com/films/moredemands/index.php?autostart=true&language_setting=en_1618

 

 

Article: German men are being murdered by Muslims for associating with Muslim women (in Germany!):

http://frontpagemagazine.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID=A6A9577D-95EA-49F6-A613-EFC86B36B48B

 

 

 

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Here is a list of just some of the more Asinine "compromises" the West gives to Militant Islam:

 

Leading Muslim students in prayer at a public San Diego elementary school.
* Allowing cab drivers in Vancouver, B.C. to refuse certified guide dogs for reasons of religious conviction.
* Admonishing doctors and nurses in Scotland to refrain from eating in front of their Muslim patients and colleagues during the month of Ramadan.
* Proposing in the Netherlands that people of all faiths refer to God as Allah in order to "create more dialogue."
* The Archbishop of Canterbury's arguing that adopting elements of Shari'a law in Britain would benefit social cohesion.
* Allowing members of polygamous marriages to claim extra welfare benefits in Britain.
* Sponsoring a Muslim lifeguard program for the benefit of private female sessions at the city pool in Mississauga, Canada.
* Dropping Knorbert the piglet as mascot of Fortis Bank for fear of offending Muslims.

 

 

 

The Religion of Peace visits Pakistan

 

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Another woman stoned to death by Muslims:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGaXxtvf2bM&NR=1

 

 

Seven Christians were killed recently in Pakistan when gunmen raided the offices of a Christian welfare organizBody of Pakistani Christian carried from sceneation in Karachi. One person was critically wounded. Police say all of the dead were Pakistani Christians. The two gunmen escaped. The shooting took place at the office of the Institute for Peace and Justice. It's a Pakistani Christian charity working with municipal and textile workers in the city. Karachi police say the gunmen tied the workers to their chairs and shot them in the head at close range. Christian groups in Pakistan are commonly targeted by extremist organizations. The picture shows the body of a Pakistani Christian being removed.

 

ISLAMIC cleric Abu Bakar Bashir has returned to his hardline rhetoric with a call for followers to "beat up" Western tourists and for young Muslims to die as martyrs.  In the sermon, organised by an Islamic youth organisation and delivered a few kilometres from the home village of convicted Bali bombers Amrozi and Mukhlas, Bashir likened tourists in Bali to "worms, snakes, maggots", and specifically referred to the immorality of Australian infidels. The address was caught on video by an Australian university student. "The youth movement here must aspire to a martyrdom death," said the cleric, who was convicted of conspiracy over the 2002 Bali bombings that killed 202 people, including 88 Australians, but was later cleared and released from prison.

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