Thailand Nightlife Roundup


Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 6,000 and, if still no winner, to 9,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).


Been to Mojos on Sukhumvit soi 33 lately?  I've been telling Bob for years that his girls at Office Bar, and now Mojos as well, are absolutely lovely and he should send me pictures but all I get are sports schedules of jock games.  How many times do I have to say it:  I don't give a ratsass about how many times some hideously overpaid halfman/halfchild with the IQ of a dying water buffalo can kick a ball into a net or bat a ball or toss a ball, etc., etc.  Show me the women! At last, lo and behold, Uncle Bob sent the five pictures of Mojo table dancers above and it ain't even Christmas.  Aren't these ladies lovely, succulent, curvaceous, irresistible and cute as a button?  And feminine and, well you know.  Aren't you glad you live in Thailand?  They dance every night from 10 to one in the morning except Monday.  Just click on the pictures and enjoy.  Warning: They might make you horny.  And, by the way, they do indeed know how to shoot pool.  Also, don't forget the very talented and very attractive all-girl band on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

Giving Away Military Secrets

I hate to give away military secrets but it is for a good cause; one related to life in Thailand.  Especially nightlife.  Check out this recent headline: 

A "large" US spy satellite has gone out of control and is expected to crash to Earth some time in late February or March, government sources say. Officials speaking on condition of anonymity said the satellite had lost power and propulsion, and could contain hazardous materials. The White House said it was monitoring the situation.  27 January 2008 BBC News website.

If you look up at the night sky (well outside of Bangkok, of course), you can see lots of stars and maybe the moon and, lest one forget, all kinds of satellites and space debris.  The satellites keep track of what is happening down below and do a lot of other chores as well.  Nearly 50 countries have placed satellites in orbit and there are thousands of active and inactive satellites, more thousands of pieces of junk and tens of thousands of pieces of very small junk (yet which could definitely muck up the satellites should they be heading their way).  And you may or may not know that debris from all this gobbledygook often heads earthward, making it more and more dangerous to be outside.  Which is precisely why I have so often advocated remaining inside, preferably inside a Bangkok go go bar.

OK.  I hear you.  You're thinking, well even assuming that the above is true and is not just part of paranoia and lunacy on the part of this writer after once again mixing unstable generic uppers with Wild Turkey on the rocks, why would a go go bar in the City of Angels be any safer shelter than anywhere else?  A good question, indeed.  And now is where, for the sake of your safety, I must reveal a military secret.

You see, satellites in orbit follow fixed paths, predictable paths.  But even so-called unmanned drones are guided by satellites which are controlled by men on the ground.  Now guess where the air operations of the United States in this part of the world is headquartered, i.e., what is known as the Combined Air Operations Center.  Answer:  "Southwest Asia."  Right.  And for the boys stationed over there in southwest Asia when they finish their shift and it comes to finding a lovely woman for the night, it ain't gonna happen.  So guess where these sex-deprived fellows take their R&R?  You guessed it: Bangkok.  More precisely, the bars and clubs and massage parlors along Washington Square, Soi Cowboy, Patpong Road, Nana Plaza, Rachadapisek.  They go from the extreme of getting zero sex in "Southwest Asia" to landing in Bangkok where they get more ass than a toilet seat.  Which is precisely why they have made certain that none of the satellites' orbits' pass over these places.  Because they know they will often be in these places themselves and they know that the bargirls know that they control the satellites and the last thing they want is to piss off - let alone harm - the very same girls they are trying to barfine for the night.  Lek, Dang and Noy would not be happy if some hot-assed space debris from the network-centric American warfare games in space came crashing through the roof of the bar where they work, especially as a lot of the girls live above the bars. 

"Celestial Shrapnel" may be a cute name for it but whatever you choose to call it, no way that shit comin' down on the Long Gun or Angelwitch or Electric Blue or the Lone Star or Nataree Massage.  Because, when all is said and done, that shit can pulverize whatever it smacks into and no way in hell red-blooded, eternally horny, sex-starved, American boys gonna let it pulverize pussy.  So do as I say and play it safe: Remain inside Bangkok go go bars and massage parlors as much as possible.  This has been a public service announcement.

This just in: ("Breaking News," as the infuriating BBC and CNN would say) the American military now says it will shoot the satellite down.  Let us pray they are as accurate as some of the pussy-shoots-balloon girls I have seen in more than a few bars.  Otherwise, duck yo' haid!


Yet another elephant, a rather large one, makes its way down Soi Cowboy.  I notice it is near Long Gun.  That means it probably won't go longtime.



Take a Walk on the Wildside.  Or at least a walk down a klong.  Way back in the 60's I used to paddle in them.  In those days there were no rails, no walkways, and a lot more trees.  Of course, you have to be a bit careful not to piss off any klong dogs, and some of the concrete and wooden sidewalks are caving in because of the continual waves from the passenger boats and no doubt cheap cement loaded with cheap sand so you have to step carefully in a lot of places.  Still, klong-walking can be fun.



A friend of mine was in the Nataree Massage Parlor the other day and the friendly Papa-san, as always, mentioned that the girls behind the glass were about 1900 baht, the ones outside the glass up to 2600 baht, and the one by the door 3200 baht.  My friend was astounded.  3200 baht for a two-hour massage!?  Why?  Papa-san pointed out that the 19-year-old was beautiful, just in from Chiangmai and very friendly.  My friend's first thought was that anybody who would pay 3200 baht for two hours with a massage girl is nuts and should see a therapist.  Fortunately for him, that stupid thought passed through his mind as quickly as it came and he immediately paid and took the girl upstairs.  He claims she was worth every baht.  The only thing that puzzled him was that she said she had no boyfriend and had recently arrived from up north where her mother took care of her nine brothers and sisters, except for the older ones who had left the area.  And, oh yes, she did have a 22-year-old sister working there in the massage parlor, and she did have her own large apartment and when she called her sister at home to see how she was feeling my friend noticed she had an iPhone.  Hmmmm.  Mysteries of the Orient.


She doesn't realize it but this chick needs an older man to take care of her.  Me.





Been to Khao San Road lately?  It really is a fun area.  It's in Bamlumpoo district and the closest you can get to it is the National Stadium stop on the Skytrain, then hail a taxi.  By then you will be close enough that the driver will probably be willing to go to Khao San.  But don't forget the nearby sois such as soi Rambuttri are really worth exploring as well.  I am working on the sequel to Skytrain to Murder and in this book the detective goes to Khao San to confront a bad guy who works as manager of a bar and gets into a fight.  I like to research novels as closely to reality as I can so I went to Khao San road looking for a fight with a bar manager.  But everybody was too high on uppers.


  Me: "Put em up, man!" 


Bartender: "Yeah, dude, whatever."  Customer: "Chill out, grandpa."

OK, fuck these people.  Anyway, I stopped the taxi on Bowonniwet Road and walked to Khao San.  The road was blocked off to traffic.  Khao San and its open-air restaurants were crowded with impossibly young faces from countries young and old, and several of them hefted enormous backpacks making a suitcase-type like myself feel a bit out of place.  Travelers with Lonely Planet guides and Rough guides and travel information printed from the internet still ate in cheap Thai restaurants, shared information on their off-the-beaten-path travels with others, and based themselves in inexpensive hostel rooms and guesthouses.  But almost as soon as the first wannabe hippy traveler arrived, the area had begun the gradual process of transforming itself into something several niches more upscale.  Which made sense because, despite their cheap armpit-revealing spaghetti-tank tops and sleeveless tees, baggy pants and thongs, temporary hennas and synthetic dreadlocks, most of the backpackers were from middleclass families and probably owned more credit cards and ATM cards than I did.  And so along with the pensions and cheap inns and Thai food vendors and vendors selling fake journalist credentials, phony student ID cards and bogus teaching certificates, there were now silver shops, travel agencies, pirated DVD stalls, upmarket hotels and restaurants and bars with extensive menus, quality food and wine and prices to match.  Lots of small bookstores with new and used books such as Aporia Books and Saraban, etc.  Even some small Bookazine stores have made an appearance.

Akha hilltribe women offered me wooden trinkets that imitated frogs, teenage girls handed me leaflets for massage parlors in which I could have my eyelids tattooed for only a thousand baht, and a Sikh gentleman outside his tailor shop was certain he could improve my appearance with one of his inexpensive suits.  I had begun to sweat before I was halfway down the road and I remembered that for some reason Khao San always felt a few degrees hotter than the Washington Square area.  But give it a try; you'll enjoy it.



This just in:  The Ponytail bandit, the chick who robbed seven US banks in three states and fled to Thailand, has been caught on Khao San Road!  Apparently, still wearing a ponytail!  Duh!  Shouldn't she have, maybe, like, changed her hairstyle a bit.  Anyway, no offence to anybody, but an awful lot of the chicks on Khao San road dress alike and look alike so how the hell could the Thai police pick her out from all the rest?  Photo credit: Nation.  Check out the tattoo.  Doesn't that shit hurt?  Not sure if her boyfriend was caught or not.  I assume the farang in the picture is from the US embassy because he is wearing a long-sleeved shirt, tie, and properly concerned expression.


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Khun Nana's Corner

Click to enlarge

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

No one wants to be James Bond! I have lived in Bangkok quite some time now, and the biggest shock in my expat life so far is that nearly every guy who moves to Paradise tires very quickly of the single life and moves a lass in to his living quarters and lives the same domestic existence that he had in his home country.  Maybe I grew up watching too many James Bond movies?  I always thought that a dream life for any man would be to have thousands of gorgeous ladies to choose from, maintain his freedom and independence and therefore live the life of an international playboy.  Geez was I wrong!  I am most certainly in the minority here as a man who enjoys his freedom and all the luxuries that come with being a single guy living in Paradise.  What is even more shocking is that these guys tend to fall into the same destructive patterns of behavior that they had in their relationships in the West.  Such as allowing the gal to control the relationship, thinking that they have to spend a lot of money on her to keep her happy, and losing track of all their friends because they chose a jealous and possessive mate.  The number of guys here who choose a controlling gal and then give up all of their independence in an attempt to appease her is absolutely shocking.  Thai gals are taught to be gentle, demure and to take care of their man.  However, if a guy acts like a weakling who needs his Mother to tell him when to use the toilet, any gal will seize control of the relationship and it is all downhill from there.  It seems no one wants to be James Bond!

My advice to those guys who are contemplating moving to Paradise is to ask yourself if you want to live the life of a single man, or do you really need to be in a committed relationship?  If you just want to spend all of your time with one gal, it certainly is not necessary to move out of your home country in order to do this!  Stay where you are, make that easy money that comes with working in a rich country, and take your holidays here!

Another very common situation is the man who falls for one of the first ladies he meets, moves her in, and then after a period of time starts to long for the single life again.  Unfortunately, I have several friends who fall into this category at the moment.  It can be extremely difficult to move one out once they have dug their heels in and feel like they are living on easy street.  Let’s face it, most western guys make good money and the gals often are living a luxurious life in a large, well located apartment in the central business district along with having a maid and eating most meals out in fine restaurants.  Most gals would rather die than give up such an aristocratic life.  I have a friend right now trying to move his gal out of the apartment, and she is threatening to have her 5 brothers come to town and take care of him if he dares bring the subject up again.  I know this gal and believe me when I say that this is no idle threat.  So please decide on what kind of life you want to lead before making that big move.  There is an ancient Chinese saying “to know others is wisdom, to know yourself is enlightenment.”

I did meet a nice young man the other day that is way too wise for his tender age.  A friend has a nephew who married with a Thai gal.  They subsequently moved to the USA, and have recently returned for an extended vacation in Thailand.  She decided to go upcountry to visit her relatives, but he chose to stay and spend time with his uncle.  When I asked him why he didn’t accompany his wife, his response was “she comes from a VERY poor family and I know that if I had gone with her there is an excellent chance most of her family members would view me as an ATM machine and ask me to give them money.”  I have nothing but admiration for this fine young man!  How did you get so smart?  Perhaps the uncle has taught him the ropes!

I know an entertainment provider who happens to be a deaf mute.  She is also incredibly popular with the customers!  Errrr…I wonder what that says about our taste in women?  Do we think gals talk too much?  Reminds me of a quote from a friend “my perfect gal would be a young large breasted stunner who is able to speak but chooses not to.”

Have you ever noticed that in Bangkok the regular gals dress slutty and the entertainment providers dress just like normal teenagers in the West?  So many times I walk around the upscale shopping centers and the normal gals are wearing extremely short, sexy skirts that leave nothing to the imagination, and then later that same evening I go to Nana Plaza and most of the entertainment providers come to work wearing jeans and a t-shirt. 

Want to know just how rich we are in comparison to the average Thai?  Pepsi has been having a promotion which is called “win enough money to retire for the rest of your life.” The grand prize is considered to be a lifetime’s earning for a typical Thai.  It is 1 million baht, or about $30,000 dollars U.S.  Now before you laugh out loud, divide that sum by an average farmers working life of 25 years and you will get 40,000 baht a year.  Believe it or not, that is about right!  Oh how lucky we are!

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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 Do you want to write your personal story but have been procrastinating, or don’t quite know how to start?  You might want to try “Exploring Your Personal Odyssey”, created by Bangkok-resident Paul Sochaczewski.  Although Paul has run this workshop in some 20 countries, the March event will mark the first time that this seminar will have been held in Thailand.  Paul has had more than 600 by-lined articles published in the International Herald Tribune, Wall Street Journal, CNN Traveller, Reader’s Digest, Destinasian and Travel and Leisure Golf.  He is the author of Redheads, a comic conservation novel, and co-author of Soul of the Tiger: Searching for Nature’s Answers in Southeast Asia, about how wildlife has influenced people in this region.  Date:  Monday, 3 March 2008, Location: Garden Gallery + Café, Neilson Hays Library, Cost: B1750 for Library members, B1850 for non-members, Registration details: call 02-233-1731 to book .

What can one say about these idiots with their electrical equipment in the pool?





From the Foreign Correspondents Club of Thailand: "Cambodian artist Vann Nath, survivor of the Khmer Rouge torture center at Tuol Sleng and 2007 winner of the prestigious Human Rights Watch Hellman/Hammett Award, will exhibit a series of paintings and sketches this month at the FCCT. Entitled Endurance, the exhibition runs from Feb. 1 through Feb. 27.

The exhibit depicts Van Nath’s own story of capture, interrogation, imprisonment at S-21 (Tuol Sleng) prison and ultimate survival.  More than 14,000 men, women and children were sent to Tuol Sleng. Only seven survived, of whom Vann Nath is one of three who remain alive today. With the Khmer Rouge Tribunal in Phnom Penh expected to try former S-21 Prison Chief Duch this year, as well as four other Khmer Rouge leaders, this exhibit has profound historical significance." 


Just click on the painting to enlarge it.  I have been to Tuol Sleng twice and the Killing Fields twice plus one off the beaten path killing field in Siam Reap.  Needless to say it is an amazing and emotional and humbling experience.  Check out these paintings if you can.


"I detest the notion of a new dawn in which Homo sapiens would live in harmony.  The hope this Utopia engenders has justified the bloodiest exterminations in history." 

- Francois Bizot, The Gate


(Francois Bizot was the only Western prisoner to have been arrested by the Khmer Rouge and survive.  His book, The Gate, is truly a must read.  He also spoke at the FCCT some time back.)



A bus in England wouldn't let this Goth guy board just because his "pet" girlfriend is chained up on a leash.  Apparently, the bus company doesn't like kinky people.  A shame.  Being chained, by the way, was the girl's idea and she lost several boyfriends in the past because they didn't like the idea and thought she might be a little off.  It warms the cockles of my heart to see two like-minded people get together in true happiness.  Too bad they can't take the bus.  I guess that's why they're walking.


A friend of mine sold me a used laptop and I had visions of getting some good work done at the upstairs bar at BarBar with the soothing sound of whips and moans in the background.  A bit like a good opera.  (Some like Beethoven, some like Mozart, each to his own.) Now I find out from the doms that none of these clubs have wi-fi.  So what good is the damn laptop?  Related topic: Thanks for the support of those of you who think I should have continued my campaign to be president of the United States but, as I said, the fact that the doms sitting outside the S&M clubs know me by name and ask how the writing is going would probably be used against me by Hillary in addition to what my friend said was about 400 others things he could think of that could be used against me in a presidential campaign.  A shame, really.  I was planning on changing the name of the White House to that of the Asia House and import lots and lots of Asian women, etc., but I fear I am ahead of my time.  And when I "didn't have sex with that woman" it wouldn't have been Monica, but more like the one below.


Please, God, give me her and I promise not to finish reading The God Delusion.  Thai women can be so damn feminine!  May Jesus Christ & the saints preserve us all.  The truth is during the Vietnam War I used to be with the Army Security Agency, cleared top secret, cryptographic, and although there are those who think I moved on to other such nefarious agencies the reason I didn't is because I know how weak and vulnerable I would be if with a woman like this.  "What's that?  You'll go to bed with me if I give you the plans to our latest spy satellites?  Hell, I'll throw in the plans to our latest submarines as well and the bloopers of George Bush."  Money never interested me that much but a woman like the above - aiiiyaaahhh!  I mean, look at that smile, look at those legs, look at, Jesus Christ!


OK, so as you know by now, there is no longer any smoking in Bangkok bars, pubs, restaurants, whatever.  As a non-smoker (former smoker, kind of, but never an anti-smoker) I don't particularly enjoy somebody else's smoke wafting over toward me.  But in my experience anti-smokers are would be dictators who also want to ban what they think we shouldn't eat or see or hear, and if you give them political power, they will become real assholes.  I hate fanatical anti-smokers more than I hate cigarette or cigar smoke.  So, OK, to borrow part of a line from E.M. Forster, two cheers for non-smoking.  But not three.


A friend told me about a girl he had met at Nana Plaza who had a boyfriend.  When he saw her next time she had broken up with him and referred to herself now as "Cheap Charlie girl."  He assumed that meant she would go for less money.  Nope.  She meant that instead of taking a taxi home at night, she would be taking the 8-baht bus.


Matt Hampson Trust.  I believe Matt received the same type of injury that Christopher Reeves had and there is a benefit for him on the 23rd of this month on Koh Samui.  If you would care to bid, you can send the bids to Harry Bonning.  If interested, please click here.




Last column I wrote the following about the Canadian video on Thailand.  When so many people went to youtube and criticized the video, the cowards changed it to private only, so that is why you couldn't see it.  Anyway, the paragraph below is what I am referring to.  But the video is gone.


This may be the most dishonest video I've ever seen.  A Canadian "Global BC" special "news" report about sex slavery in Thailand and the underage children and "dozens of brothels in Nana Plaza."  It is stupid, incorrect, misleading, dishonest and amateurish but this is the type of shit that gets reported on Thai nightlife back in the West.  This video pisses me off.  It will piss you off.  So be prepared to be pissed off.





Yet another Farang Murdered for Money by his Thai Wife

from the Nation

Oil worker Dale Henry, 48, was shot dead at close range. His Thai wife Maneerat, or Nee, her Thai lover and a gunman - allegedly the uncle of her boyfriend - have been charged over the murder. All three are thought to be from Ranong. Thai authorities say that Maneerat organised the killing, allegedly giving him a glass of scotch whisky, waiting for him to fall asleep, then sending a text message to her lover, who allegedly entered the house with a hired gunman through a door she had left unlocked.

Local police have reportedly found incriminating text messages. One allegedly said "Do it tonight, uncle", while a later one allegedly advised him to "behave normally at the cremation".

Henry's death has made headlines in Western Canada - he is the second Canadian shot and killed in Thailand this year, following the fatal shooting of Leo del Pinto by a policeman in Pai on January 6. Members of Henry's family are understood to be en route to Thailand for the funeral, being held in Ranong this week.

Henry's 27yearold wife is thought to have been motivated by greed. National newspaper The Globe and Mail quoted Henry's younger brother Richard as saying he suspected his brother was killed for an insurance policy worth 1 million Canadian dollars (Bt32 million). Speaking from Vancouver Airport as he prepared to board a flight to Bangkok, he was quoted as saying: "It just makes me sick. He was just such a trusting guy and he was way too generous."

Henry grew up in Victoria and worked as a paramedic in Alberta. In recent years he had been working in West Africa - Nigeria - as the regional head of safety for Noble Drilling. His family said he would spend a month in Ranong with his wife, then two months in Nigeria.

The Globe and Mail said the couple had met when Maneerat was working behind a bar on Koh Samui. "Despite an age difference of more than 20 years, Henry thought he had found true love. Once they were married he gave her everything, his brother said. They lived like royalty on his $10,000 a month salary. He bought a home for her parents and bought her an SUV. And while some Western men gave their wives an allowance, Henry gave Maneerat, or Nee as he called her, access to all his bank accounts, his brother said.  "He bought her everything, he said. 'That's why it's so unbelievable,' he was quoted saying.  "But when Richard last visited Thailand in July 2007, the three of them had discussed the $1million life insurance policy provided by his company. Should Henry be killed, Nee was to give his brother 10 per cent of the settlement.  "On a trip with his wife's family to northern Thailand at the end of last summer, Henry fell and broke his leg in eight places. Henry had been off work ever since."


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Letters from Readers


I have recently returned from Oz. I have two daughters and son-in-laws there.  The daughters have become the overweight shrews you occasionally see on the streets of Bangkok clucking in disapproval at the western men taking advantage of the poor farmers daughters.  When I ask how an uneducated poor woman with a couple of small children from a dirt poor town should take care of them. Their response is the government should do it. They think Thailand has this huge welfare system to take care of the poor. I point out they are making way more money in the service industry and supporting more people than they ever could working at slave wages the response is they are being degraded.  I then point out no one is forcing them into the bars.  I also noted the sex industry is driven  more by the Thais than it is by the white oppressor. Supporting facts are readily available. I have been told I am reading the wrong reports. Typical liberal attitude "Don't confuse me with the facts."

The son-in-laws give me the how can you pay for it lecture to which I of course reply you always pay for it one way or another. This way it's all cut and dried. I believe in the adage if it flies, floats or fornicates it's cheaper to rent. Lastly I found that copy of the magazine Grunt, which you edited in the early 70s, with the Chief and the two orphans on the cover in my foot locker. I have directed a few of my friends to your site. I may even have to buy one or two of your books to help maintain your lifestyle.  Richard White


Richard, thanks for yours.  My fun hobby is to barfine a really young looking Thai woman whom I know to be over 20 and walk around the Emporium with her.  I collect the scowls of the foreign ladies.  Kind of like collecting stamps.  "If it flies, floats or fornicates it's cheaper to rent."  Hadn't heard that before; love it.  Your son-in-laws are, I fear, typical pussy-whipped American men who refuse to understand the cultural differences and who insist the mores of their particular nation should be spread across the globe.  May I suggest you invite them to a dinner without their wives, get them drunk, get them laid on camera with beautiful Thai woman?  That should shut them up.  Good God, you mean somebody might actually buy one of my books?!  Let me know when you do so I can ring the bell at the Texas Lone Star Saloon.






I fell in love with the "girl," closest to the camera; she has one eye closed. She's delicate, young, cute....It wasn't until some time later, I had no idea, but on a second glance at the beast sitting down with the little purse and having what looks like maybe a 5 o'clock shadow and then seeing that most of the mare man-made well-endowed, I see that the name of the photo was "Ladyboys." Well all I can say is here's one straight reader who hopes you keep including more such photos ladyboys or not.

(I also liked that short-lived series you had going of the tattooed bar whores who were giving out their emails so they could find a foreigner husband, but I've already requested you continue that.)

A year ago just up from Pattaya's Lek Hotel (Second Road between Soi 12 and 13) where wife, myself, and 7-year-old daughter were staying during Tet (Lunar New Year's) I see a tall (5' 9" or more), lean, young super-model-looking girl with the cutest, beautiful delicate face you'd ever see. She was just standing there like she was waiting for a bus or something, and she discreetly indicated she was ready to go with me. I was suspecting she was a ladyboy what with all that height. My wife and I had gotten pissed off at each other a little earlier, I was by myself, and had I known the two of them would have been gone from the hotel so long, I'd have taken her up to the room! 

Rather strange, for lack of a better word, that I was finally seeing a decent-looking woman in Pattaya (both the wife and I agreed the whole population of them were unremarkable looking), but good chance she wasn't really a female.      

           And chuc mung nam moi (Happy New Year), Lewis in Hanoi



Lewis, I am shocked, shocked, to see you using the term "bar whores"!  As you know, a man of your experience, a man of the world, living in Hanoi, prostitution is illegal in Thailand and we therefore do not have prostitutes or whores.  We do, however, have an abundance of Entertainment Providers.  As for ladyboys, they have never been my cup of tea, cut or uncut, but I know of a lot of guys who have been to bed with them and some who had longer relationships with them.  I would not go with one but I do ask myself this question:  Suppose, just suppose, one of the most beautiful women in Pattaya said she wanted to go back to my hotel for free.  The only thing was that she had a really beautiful ladyboy friend and "she" would have to join us in a threesome.  What would my answer be.  Of course, were I sober, it would be absolutely not.  If I had had three or four black russians, the answer would be, no, I don't think so.  But what If I'd gone to eight or nine black russians?  Then what?  I still doubt I would go but if I did I most likely wouldn't report it here, now would I?  Gung Hsi Fa Tsai!





Dean, Beautiful website. Feminazis - Love it, you couldn't be more right. Just a small suggestion for your site, the most needed warning for all us like-minded, dare I say, liberated western men; we all run the risk of creating new Feminazis by sponsoring visas and taking a beautiful Thai or Issan woman to the west. They do great for the first few years, however, just as too much exposure to radiation can give us cancer, an Asian wife in the U.S. is vulnerable to the poison of a western Feminazi's venom. The Feminazis are constantly threatened and can't stand seeing a western male happily being cared for both inside and outside of the bedroom. They constantly fill the Thai lady's head with bullshit about diamond jewelry, dividing up house cleaning duties and restricting the god given liberty of men. Furthermore, the Thai female thinks back to the married men they knowingly provided so much happiness for while working some bar in Pattaya or Phuket or Bangkok. Now the transformation is complete, that beautiful honey you imported to America to share a happy life with becomes a paranoid, black-jack playing, fat, ungrateful, money-loving, poison-spreading white bitch in brown skin. Be smart, move to Thailand, don't move them to the west!  Anyway, thanks for the great website! G. Dodds


I could not agree more.  If you do take them to the West be careful.  Tommy Lee Jones played in the 1993 Oliver Stone film Heaven and Earth in which the Vietnamese woman changed (Westernized) a great deal once she made it to the Land of the Big PX:  "In the harsh glare of 1970s U.S. culture, Le Ly has trouble adjusting to the American way of life. But not as hard a time as her husband, who, after twenty years in Vietnam, discovers he cannot adapt to civilian life." ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide





Hi Dean, enjoy your comments and observations, very useful for someone like me about to make my first solo trip to BKK (had honeymoon in Bangkok and Samui 10 years ago before BTS was built - 1 1/2 hours from Siam Sq to hotel in Thon Buri! - this time I'm staying down Suk) following your comments about the need for more income to credit your residency status I have ordered "Kingdom of make believe" via amazon here in UK as it seems the only way to get your work this side of the pond!  will try to read it on the plane over in March and presume that I can get more in the English language sections of bookstores when I'm over in BKK.  Cheers, Gary


I don't believe it!  That makes two people buying one of my books!  Soon I can retire.  Thanks, Gary, and, yes, you should be able to find some of my titles in bookstores in this town.  In the States, stores seldom reorder non-famous authors when they sell out the first batch they order (assuming they ordered any in the first place), so is one way, or else the stores will order them for you (My titles are all in their computers) and have them in about three days.


Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand



Listen to







Contact Direct Line for Travel Insurance in the UK




Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only.


Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.


So enter and win 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt, courtesy of Peter, PJ and Jason, third prize the usual Nada diddly-squat. As for last column's contest it was of course the famed Portuguese adventure in Pegu, Philip de Brito y Nicote; our word "nicotine" comes from his family name. 

This column's prize is worth 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  Just send the funniest caption for this picture.


That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at:



More News on the "Religion of Peace"




The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand


1/24/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - A Buddhist teacher is shot to death by Muslim militants while riding to school. 

1/23/2008 (Yala, Thailand) - A Buddhist is among two people murdered by Islamic radicals in separate shooting attacks.

1/26/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Islamic militants open fire on two teenage boys, killing one, whom they then mutilate.


1/27/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - A woman is show to death by Muslim terrorists while riding a motorcycle.


1/27/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Islamists gun down a trained monkey vendor.

2/7/2008 Thailand Narathiwat  Islamic radicals kidnap a young man in his 20's, bind him, slash his throat and then shoot him in the head.

2/9/2008 Thailand Yala  - Two middle-aged men are brutally ambushed and killed by Muslim extremists while sitting in a pickup truck.

2/9/2008 Thailand Yala - A 29-year-old woman is murdered by Islamic gunmen while she is riding a motorcycle.

2/10/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - A 65-year-old man is shot to death by Muslim militants while sitting in a tea shop.


Over 2,900 Thais murdered so far by Muslims and the Thai government is now on its knees babbling about autonomy for the south.  Very sad.





Muslims Attempt to Kill Danish Cartoonist.  So Danish Newspapers Reprint Cartoons.

A Danish newspaper has reprinted a caricature satirising the Prophet Muhammad that sparked violent protests in the Muslim world two years ago. The move by Jyllands-Posten comes a day after the arrests of three people suspected of planning to attack the cartoonist who drew the caricatures. Two Tunisians and a Dane of Moroccan origin were held "to prevent a murder linked to terrorism", officials said. Jyllands-Posten originally published the cartoons in September 2005.

Danish embassies were attacked around the world and dozens died in riots that followed. Jyllands-Posten reprinted the caricature both in its Wednesday printed edition and on its website, the paper's press manager Tage Clausen told the BBC News website.

I have turned fear into anger and resentment
Kurt Westergaard

The cartoon depicts Muhammad wearing a turban shaped like a bomb with a lit fuse. Two other Danish newspapers are reportedly planning to reprint the cartoons as part of their coverage of the issue. They say they want to show that they will not be intimidated by fanatics, the Associated Press news agency reports.

(You can see all 12 cartoons in my The Truth About Islam Rant) but just to show solidarity with the Danes and to defend freedom of expression here is the one being reprinted.  Please show your support for freedom of speech and freedom of expression as well as support for the Danes by republishing this picture on your own website or wherever you can.  Send it around the internet.  As Philip Roth put it so well, "Asking a satirist to be in good taste is like asking a love poet to be less personal." 




A court in Saudi Arabia has sentenced a woman to death for witchcraft.

KABUL, Afghanistan —  "An Afghan court on Tuesday sentenced a 23-year-old journalism student to death for distributing a paper he printed off the Internet that three judges said violated the tenets of Islam, an official said."

Two questions: If nothing has changed in Afghanistan, if the same nutcase Sharia-law lovers condemn any critical discussion of Islam or the Koran, what was the point of going in there to change the government?  And how do you have a genuine "dialogue" with hundreds of millions of Muslims who have been brainwashed into believing that any criticism of Islam or of the Koran is wrong and must be punished (in some Islamic countries by death)?

(There are website hosts which have requested that the photograph of the woman being buried to her waist and about to be stoned to death be removed.  Fortunately, there has been no censorship from my host at all.  Not only that, after the tsunami, they gave all their clients in this part of the world one year free.  Good people.)


More people are killed by Islamists each year than in all 350 years of the Spanish Inquisition combined. (source)

England: Daily Mail: "A story based on The Three Little Pigs has been rejected by a Government-backed awards event because it might offend Muslims... and builders. The digital book, retelling the classic children's tale, was criticized by judges who said "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".

They also claimed the award-winning CD-rom, entitled The Three Little Cowboy Builders, might "alienate parts of the workforce (building trade)". The "virtual" book is designed for use on computers and interactive whiteboards and aimed at primary school children.

Its publishers, Shoo-Fly, insist there is nothing offensive in it. But judges for the annual BETT awards, which recognize excellence in educational technology, claimed they had "concerns about the Asian community" and insisted "the use of pigs raises cultural issues". As a result, they "could not recommend this product to the Muslim community".

Anne Curtis, of Newcastle-based Shoo Fly, said the idea that including pigs in a story could be interpreted as racism was a "slap in the face" and described the criticism as "inflammatory". Mrs Curtis said the product was "tongue in cheek" and took a humorous look at the building trade, with an attack on cowboy builders.

The awards are run by Becta, the Government's educational technology agency, Emap Education and the British Educational Suppliers Association. They said: "This failed to reach the required standard across a number of criteria... In particular, the product was not sufficiently convincing on curriculum and innovation grounds to be shortlisted."

The reason I reprint the above story is because one of the responses to the above was from a Muslim: "I am a Muslim and it sure don't offend me.  My daughter's favorite TV program is Peppa Pig.  Not every Muslim is a fanatic but as usual the government loves to stir the pot and make us all seem the same."  - Tahani, Brighton

This is exactly the point I try to make.  By kowtowing to Muslim fanatics, in this case fear of what might happen before it even did happen, governments only play into the hands of the fanatic Muslims and pull the rug out from moderate Muslims.  The English used to have incredible backbone; what happened?  I've been seeing more and more stories like this in the English press.

Along the same theme, here is a quote from an article by Diana West on the website

Then there's Halabja. Remember Halabja? The name is notorious for being the town where in 1988, 15 years before Operation Iraqi Freedom, Saddam Hussein gassed thousands of Kurdish civilians to death. This month, American-liberated Halabja made headlines as the site of the court that sentenced a Kurdish author in absentia to six months in prison for blasphemy: namely, for writing in a book that Mohammed had 19 wives, married a 9-year-old when he was 54, and took part in murder and rape. (These points, Robert Spencer notes at, "can be readily established from early texts written by pious Muslims.”) The author, Mariwan Halabjaee, who has asylum in Norway, says there's also a fatwa calling for his death unless he asks forgiveness.

Think about it. Where Americans have died, not just to de-fang jihadist threats but to "democratize” Islamic populations, freedom of speech is against the law. And not the law according to "militants” or "extremists,” but the law as enforced by democratically elected governments that we, as a nation, support with everything we've got. What would Bush say to that?



"The Iowa Legislature started just over a week ago and some people were upset before the first issue was even addressed. When the session began, a Muslim Imam began the prayer in the Iowa Legislature. This is where the controversy begins.  The prayer asked for "Victory over those who disbelieve," and "Protection from the great Satan" among other things."

Get it!?  In Iowa, USA, the legislature is opened by a Muslim who prays for victory over those who disbelieve, in other words, over anyone who isn't a Muslim!  In Iowa!  This kind of crap is happening all over Europe, England and the USA.  But when someone points it out we are always told we are "exaggerating the threat" or "guilty of Islamophobia."  Yeah, right.



As you might have expected the idiot Saudis have banned red roses and all Valentine's Day gifts as "unIslamic" and encouraging the mingling of the sexes, a "crime" punishable by law.


Iraq's second-largest city, Basra, is a stronghold of conservative Shia groups. As many as 133 women were killed in Basra last year -- 79 for violation of "Islamic teachings" and 47 for so-called honor killings, according to IRIN, the news branch of the U.N.'s Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.  Almost no one has been brought to justice.  Exactly what Thailand can look forward to if the government is dumb enough to allow Sharia law in southern Thailand or, worse yet, autonomy.



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