THAILAND NIGHTLIFE REVIEW

Welcome to my website. Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere. And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting. It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc. Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt. And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

Khun Bam who used to work at Larry's Dive now at Tenderloins, Sukhumvit soi 33

Fair Warning: When I am struggling to finish the sequel to Skytrain to Murder: The next person who says they tagged a photo of me on Facebook or anywhere else or who wants to be my friend on some idiotic website popular with mongoloid clusterfucks with too much time on their hands and too little understanding of what real friendship is is going to get their ass kicked. (Or worse: see next item)

Chateau Jade: The lovely Mistress Tookada has her whip ready. Don't keep her waiting!

Two nights ago a friend entered Rawhide bar on Soi Cowboy to see a dancer named Nokkao in a semi-conscious state being massaged back to life by the mamasan. Apparently she had leapt up a pole only to find that the internal electric wiring illuminating the bulb at the top had touched the pole itself, and the entire pole was now live! She received quite a shock and was thrown from the pole with some force. There are now those who believe that perhaps this horrendous accident might have in some strange way left her with a superpower. Spiderwoman perhaps?

A customer was roughed up the other night on Soi Cowboy in one of the "Arab" bars. I am told by one in the know that the customer insisted his bill had been padded. He wouldn't pay the full amount and got roughed up by the hired help. To say there is no love lost between the Arab and other bar owners on Soi Cowboy would be an understatement.

Reg is keeping busy on Friday nights at Soi Cowboy - Love those cowgirls!

Happy Londoner Pub Girls; happy customers outside Londoner Pub; Al Eberhardt's 70th birthday and 43rd year in Bangkok

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New Video up on YouTube: Shanghai & Bangkok Ladies - Musicians and Dancers

Click here:

Shanghai & Bangkok Ladies

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The Three Deans

Harold Stephens, Dean of Travel Writers; Denis Gray, Dean of Journalists - Chief AP BKK; Dean Barrett

"You hansum man!"

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The Ungrateful Girl

Emile Janders

Almost, maybe possibly, slightly true.

Lek was always a quiet, studious sort of child. When others would go out and have adventures in the village, she would stay at home, preferring to read a book. Her mother said that sometimes her thoughts would drift away, and it was like she was in another world. You could call her name, and she wouldn’t even hear. At school, the teachers were charmed by her quiet concentration, and always encouraged her. If she wasn’t the cleverest girl in class, she was certainly the most sincere. But her quiet nature shouldn’t be confused with a passive one. From an early age, she had an unusual strength of character. She refused to join the gangs of kids that smoked behind the school, and was horrified to hear tales of classmates’ sexual explorations with boys.

Her family was poor, and her parents worked long hard hours in the fields to provide for the children. Lek felt and understood their burden, and it became her burden too. As she grew older, the pensive, thoughtful look on her face sometimes also betrayed deeper feelings of worry, stress, and anguish. Perhaps it was the mental pressures on her that also affected her health. She was never a strong child, always the first to catch any cold or cough going around. Her stomach was constantly in knots, and she confounded the village doctors, who most often prescribed a tonic and rest.

Perhaps there wasn’t a lot of time for fun in little Lek’s life, but I wouldn’t want you to think that she didn’t have a streak of adventure in her. One day, her friend Waan convinced her to skip school and go into the local town. The thrill, the danger, the sheer naughtiness of it overcame Lek, and they spent a day touring the malls, and seeing the sights of the town. It was so out of character that her parents could hardly believe it, and could barely bring themselves to scold her.

Her quiet, shy nature tended to put off many of the boys in the school, who preferred the flirty girls with short skirts and a mischievous gleam in their eye. But in her time at school, there were a few suitors – the sort of boys who read books and liked animals and didn’t care to smoke – and they were enchanted by Lek. They could see that beneath the timid surface there was something much stronger waiting to be discovered. They would turn up at her parent’s house bearing fruit, flowers, small handicrafts that they had made for Lek. But Lek showed almost no interest at all.

Again, I wouldn’t want you to think that Lek was stand-offish. She certainly had friends, but she was always more comfortable in the company of one or two best friends rather than with a large group. Her friend Waan was the first to leave the village to go to Bangkok, and since there are no secrets in an Isaan village, Lek soon heard that Waan was working in a gogo bar. She was horrified that her friend would make such a decision, and when she failed in her attempts to dissuade Waan from this career choice, couldn’t bring herself to talk to Waan ever again.

Lek’s parents continued to work hard, but luck always seemed against them. They started a small business, but didn’t realize that they needed a license, and had to shut down, losing their savings. Their elder daughter, who had a good job in the city, was also having a hard time, and was unable to help them financially. Lek dreamed that when she finished school she might go to university. She saw a university degree as a key not only to her future, but to the future of her parents and the village. She became frustrated by the corruption and injustice of local politics, which squandered and stole the meager resources and failed to help those who most needed help. And that’s when she met John.

John had known her sister for a few years, and first met Lek when she visited her sister in Bangkok. Lek was so shy to meet a ‘farang’ that she could barely look John in the eye, wai’ing politely and responding to any questions with nods of the head. How they kept in touch, and how John fell in love with Lek is another story. I want you to know only that it was a chaste romance, and that in three years, John and Lek barely engaged in more daring activities than the holding of hands.

She was only a child, but John could not help himself. He loved her. Lek didn’t really know what love was, and initially she found it odd that this small middle-aged Canadian was so enchanted by her. But he was kind and gentle, and he was good to her family, and after a while she started to look forward to his visits to the village, where he would arrive in a rental car bearing coffee for her father and sweets for her sisters. Although he was clearly not poor, Lek seldom asked anything of John. She didn’t have to. John could see for himself the hardships that her family faced daily, he could see her threadbare clothes, and he worried about how thin she was. The little money that he sent her meant nothing to him, but a big difference to Lek.

Three years passed since they first met, and a lot changed in John’s life. But his love for Lek was a constant. Lek’s dreams of university remained, but with her sister’s business in decline and with barely enough money to put food on the table, it seemed unlikely that she would attain her dream. When she was 18, Lek finished her final school year, and had to think about her future. John had to think about his future as well. John wanted Lek to find her dream, he wanted to be with her, and since she had become an attractive young woman, he also wanted her in his bed. But it was not an easy decision. He had enjoyed the freedom of bachelor life for many years, and he wondered if he could change his lifestyle, which – it must be admitted – mostly involved booze and go-go bars. Was he ready for a real girlfriend? And more importantly was Lek ready for a real boyfriend? She was terrified by the idea of sex. Sex had taken away her friend Waan, and it had caused pregnant schoolmates to have to quit school. It was something nasty and dangerous that could give you AIDS and ruin your future.

She did love John – at least she thought maybe she did. He wanted to look after her, and surely she could love him for that. It was with hesitance and caution on both their parts that John carried Lek’s bags into his house in Bangkok one hot, humid day. Initially, there was a certain awkwardness between them. Although they had known each other for three years, they had never spent this much time together. And certainly there was irritation. They had to get used to each other’s annoying habits. But after a few days they became more comfortable in each other’s company, and Lek seemed to relax. If one has known only worry and poverty, it takes a long time before one can start to trust and enjoy security. But with every day she became a little more comfortable.

John booked Lek into an English school, and started to make plans for the future. They took a short holiday to Laos, and John introduced her to great French food. She was still a virgin, even though they shared a bed. Lek could see that John wanted to make love to her, and sometimes his hand strayed across the bed, and she had to gently push it away. She spoke to her sister about it. What was sex like? Would it hurt? Was she strange for not wanting it? What could she do?

Her sister advised her that at some point she was going to have to take the leap. However understanding John might be of her innocence and naiveté, he was still a man, and it was her sister’s considered opinion that ultimately all men whether Thai or farang are ultimately dogs, who need only one thing, and sooner or later if they don’t get it, they will move on. But Lek thought that she could wait a little longer. Things were fine. Lek had food in her stomach. Her school fees were paid, and her dream looked as if it would come true. She was seeing places, eating food, doing things that she had never thought she would experience in her lifetime. It was almost as if she was Cinderella, and she was indeed at the ball.

But she couldn’t get the thoughts of her parents’ poverty out of her head. Every time John took her for a meal, she silently calculated how many days her family could have lived on that money. Every time they hopped in a taxi, she thought about her mother walking five kilometers to market, even though her legs were weak and gave her agony. Every time John took her shopping for clothes, she would think about her sisters clothes, washed so many times the colors were dim. Every time she watered the little garden in front of John’s house, she thought about her father planting rice in the midday sun.

Thus it was that in about the third week, John found her crying. He wanted to know what was wrong, and she couldn’t tell him. How could she tell him that every minute she stayed with him only reminded her of her family’s suffering? And then the rainy season came. And news came from home that the old corrugated iron roof that had covered their little shack for over fifteen years was so rusted that no amount of buckets could catch the rain coming through. It needed to be changed. But it was worse than that. When father climbed up to take a look, with the family watching worriedly from below, he found that the supporting wooden beams were so rotten that he could pull pieces off with his bare hands. If he had bought decent wood fifteen years ago, they wouldn’t have to be replaced, but fifteen years ago they were no richer than today. The family was already over 40,000 Baht in debt. That was from the collapse of the tapioca market after they had spent a year growing the stuff.

Lek also knew, even though her father didn’t, that her mother had pawned all her jewellery for another 10,000 Baht, and unless she made the monthly payments, she would lose it all. The staggering sum of all these small and big costs came to over 100,000 Baht – over two year’s salary for a rural farmer. The cloud that recently seemed to have raised a little above her head now enveloped her utterly. John could see that there was something wrong, and he tried to find out what was wrong.

But how could Lek tell him that the 6,000 Baht he sent home to her family each month was now nowhere near enough? Then one night, John took Lek out to meet some friends. They met at a trendy bar in a high-rise building that make Lek feel out of place and awkward. The friends ordered some strange-smelling farang food, but John said that he had already eaten, even though she knew he hadn’t. They talked English, and Lek was bored. When they finally left, Lek asked John why he hadn’t eaten with his friends. John told her that the food at that restaurant was really expensive – over 400 Baht for one plate of food. He explained that his business was not doing well at the moment, and that they would have to be careful how they spent money.

Lek’s heart sank. Later that night, she phoned her old friend Waan. When John came back from a meeting the next day, Lek had gone. She switched off the mobile phone he had given her, and realized that she might never see him again. But she did see him again. Two weeks later, John and two friends walked into a bar on Soi Cowboy. It wan’t John who saw her dancing on the stage wearing only a bra and mini-skirt and no knickers. It was his friend who saw her – one of the two friends she had been with at the expensive restaurant. She saw the look of surprise on his face, and the delight with which he called out to John. She turned away. She could feel them staring at her. She could feel John’s embarrassment, his shock, his disappointment.

When the song ended, she raced from the stage, and told the mamasan she was feeling ill, and in spite of a telling off and a fine, she got out. John would never understand. John never did understand. Sometimes late at night, when he was already drunk, he would tell the story to friends, bargirls, or anyone who would listen. He would tell a story of a stupid, deceitful, ungrateful girl to whom he promised the world, but who chose the life of a prostitute.

A friend of mine was with a Thai girl the other night in a restaurant. Her phone rang and she talked to a Thai guy assuring him she was at home. So he said turn the TV on. Smart move on his part because she couldn't. So he hung up. Later that week, the girl called my friend to say the guy had split up with her insisting she was a liar, and she was furious at being called a liar. My friend tactfully pointed out the the guy did have a point; she had in fact lied. At which point she was furious at him as well saying: "What?! You're also accusing me of being a liar?" I guess the moral of the story is: keep yo' mouth shut!

I spoke with a Japanese woman the other day who told me stories of Japanese men in Thailand. One, for example, went like this: Older Japanese man falls in love with young, loving Thai village girl. They (he) buy a house and land in Essarn and put everything in it. He goes back to Japan on a trip, happily telling his friends of his good fortune. He returns and finds nothing in the house, everything sold; house and land sold as well. Girl disappeared. He cannot go back to Japan. Loss of face and all his retirement money. He was crying when he told his friend the story.

So, guys, get a grip: There are a lot of loving Thai wives around in a lot of successful marriages with foreigners. But why put all your eggs in one basket? Even if you cannot own the land, I think there is a way for foreigners to own a house, is there not? To put it in your name or a company name, or long lease, whatever? And if you are an old guy and she is a young girl, as the song says, young girls just wanna have fun! How much fun can she have with you? Or with me? Don't know. But I wouldn't bet my bank account on it. Wake the fuck up!!

(Yes, the Bangkok Post has capitulated to Islam and the big bucks that come from those annual national day Islam supplements but they are not the only ones: See the article on Yale University Press caving in to Islam below.)

A shy girl on Soi Cowboy advertises the bar; how much did Tiger Beer pay for that huge Soi Cowboy sign and who did they have to pay? A toy seller (have you bought your favorite girl a toy lately?) Pigeons help themselves to food outside a Washington Square massage parlor; food meant for ghosts. Not sure who these chicks were at Emporium but they were apparently well known and seemed to be pushing makeup, etc.

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The world is in a deep recession and the number of visitors to Thailand is nearly 20% less than last year, and last year was considered a crappy year for tourism. When I walk around the naughty nightlife areas in Bangkok it is very quiet indeed. Plenty of gals to choose from, just not many customers. I can almost feel myself becoming more handsome by the minute. Yes, dear readers, there has never been a better time to visit than now, and forget all the BS the travel books say about the rainy season being uncomfortable and it is better to visit during the “cool” season of December to February. The truth is that there is no cool season; it is hot as hell nearly all of the time. It only rains every few days for an hour or two during the rainy season, and the rest of the time it is not any different than any other time of year---except that there are thousands of hot, horny young Thai gals waiting around to entertain you and nearly no customers here whatsoever.

Sounds absolutely horrible doesn’t it? Paradise is on sale at the moment and a great number of restaurants, hotels and vagin*s have been marked down to bargain basement prices. Regardless of the wild claims I make every week when I recant my sordid tales of sex and debauchery, believe it when I say that it is impossible for me to service all of these gals by myself. So who wants to fly over here and give me a hand? It really would be a shame to stay back there in farangland, watching those huge white buffalos (white women) stuff their faces with fast food and growl at every passing male.

Speaking of the lovely young entertainment providers, I made a tour of Nana Plaza this past week and must say that I was very much impressed. Normally I don’t mention too many establishments by name in my column, as I really just want to entertain more than inform, and the places that cater to our disgusting animal urges tend to change in terms of quality every few months anyway. However, today I am going to make an exception and mention the gogos and beer bars that I found most pleasurable in Nana Plaza as I was so impressed by the vast overall improvement in quality.

In my sick and twisted little mind I divide the bars of Nana into 4 distinct categories: Beer bars, gogos that cater to Japanese, gogos that feature Lady Boys, and gogos that cater to non-Japanese who actually want to have sex with women (normal gogos):

1) Beer Bars- The Golden Beer bar in front of Nana Hotel is not technically in the Plaza, however since it is only a few steps away and has an excellent view of the carnival atmosphere I will list it as my favorite bar in this category. Gals are VERY hot, probably the best looking gals I have ever seen in a beer bar. Normally beer bars have average to below average (and I am being kind here) gals but this place has some serious hotties. The two Thai managers are both pleasant and efficient, and the beers and lady drinks are cheap.

Upon entering the Plaza, the first beer bar on the left is Big Dogs, and wins runner-up honors for best of breed. The always amiable Canadian (“Moose” as he is affectionately known to his mates) is normally seen here and the view of the dregs of humanity coming and going from inside the Plaza is beyond compare. If one wanted to research human degradation and sexual deviancy this would be the spot to begin the study. Yes, I know that I would probably be featured in this study (and not in a positive light) but then I don’t want to brag. Finally, Lucky Lukes on the immediate right upon entering and Pharaohs beer bar straight ahead both have some cute girls, cheap beer and excellent vantage points.

2) Gogos that cater to Japanese- These are all named “Rainbow” and include Rainbows 1,2,3 and 4. Although, to be fair Rainbow 3 has the least Japanese of the group and can be quite fun at times. At Rainbow bars gals are very hot, beers cost about the same as the other gogos, but the bars are packed with Japanese customers who don’t smile or have fun, pay way too much to the gals and have managed to find a way to get Thai gals to look bored, unfriendly and totally disinterested in men. If you want to pay a lot of money for a hot gal who will spend 10 minutes with you at most and run out of your room as if fleeing a fire, then Rainbow bars are for you.

3)Gogos that feature lady boys (transsexuals)-If you want to have sex with men that are either dressed up as women or have been surgically altered to appear somewhat female, then these bars are for you. It is not my style and I have absolutely no mates who frequent these bars so I can only say that there are now 5 all lady boy gogos in Nana Plaza. Yes, sadly Carnival on the top floor is now a lady boy bar as of just this week.

4)Normal gogos where guys who aren’t always Japanese go to look for women- Incredibly, there are still about 11 or 12 of the 20 odd gogos in the Plaza that western guys who like women are welcomed with open arms. The best of these are:

Angel Witch-be sure to say hello to the famous Dave the Rave when there- good shows

Spanky’s- new American owners have revived this once dead bar- good attitudes and shows

Many say that Nana is not as fun as before, but with 7 good gogos and 3 or 4 good beer bars it is still a great place to party and mess around with hot babes. Special thanks go out to my buddy Dave-the-Rave at Angle Witch. Last week I brought a very scared and shy 23-year-old male to his fine bar and the poor guy was practically ravaged by the girls there. He really was scared to death, and Dave did an excellent job of carefully explaining the rules of the game to my mate and calming him down to a point where he could relax and enjoy himself. Some guys just can’t handle all the attention!

Khun Nana comes in with a good report but it is sad that Carnival has now transformed into a ladyboy bar. As Old Timers know, that used to be one of the best hetero bars in Nana Plaza. (I wonder if they'll keep the bull. We'll have to ask Khun Nana to check on that for us.)

Don't forget Dasa Books is moving a few buildings down the street, on the same block in fact. The new location will be closer to Soi 28, between the Peterson Piano Gallery and Sabai Thai Massage (see map on their website for more info). The store phone number and e-mail address will remain the same.

Outside smoking area at Londoners on 2 for 1 Wednesdays is getting more and more popular. That could be because the band is so damn loud even the waitresses can't hear the orders.

Dean, I had a bit of an interesting conversation with a new girl at Tilac the other night. She had just started and it was her first night. She had come from Long Gun and I asked her how she liked it there. She said it was OK but did not like the smoke from the shows. I told here I did not go their much if at all because of the smoking pussy. I asked her if she did any shows and she said no but her little friend does many shows. She said she tried the darts but she had no power like her friend and could only fire the dart to her feet. Needless to say only in Thailand can you hold straight up conversations like this with a woman as to how far she can fire darts with her pussy.

John

John, great letter! Thailand is unique and this is exactly the kind of situation that shows it! Thanks for sharing!

Dean,
Thank you for an entertaining web site. I am writing to thank you for pointing out that the BBC World Service is appalling! I am English and I hate watching it, as it is so poorly done compared to the BBC 24 hr News Service in the UK.

I also agree with you about the over the top reporting of Michael Jackson. He hasn't done anything good for years and I have to say I felt no sadness for him at all, as he had completely lost the plot years ago.

Yours, Jim Snow

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy. Click here and then click "preview videos."

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week? Try this great site:

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

Got feedback to this column? Got information on Thailand you would like to share? Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise? Been ripped off? Just write me.

Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers. The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins the sexy calendar.

First prize: Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

Third prize: Sexy calendar with Pattaya go go dancers, from After Dark magazine

That's all for this fortnightly column. Drop by again. Explore the rest of the website. Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet. And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

"At least one thing seems certain: against people who are ready to die in the cause of destroying freedom, people who are not willing to speak up for freedom for fear of being called a racist or an Islamophobe don't stand much chance of victory."

2009.08.05 (Pattani, Thailand) - A middle-aged Buddhist man is murdered by Islamic gunmen as he returns home from market.

2009.08.05 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Two young men are shot to death by Mujahideen.

2009.08.05 2009.08.04 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - A woman is murdered by Religion of Peace gunmen.

2009.08.04 (Yala, Thailand) - Islamists gun down a 57-year-old man as he returns home from work.

Over 3,600 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

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