Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if youíre just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).


Mojos Dancers do the Oriental Lobby!

(And the hotel will never be the same again!)

As you know, human beings are nothing more nor less than self-sustaining chemical systems capable of Darwinian evolution.  And, yet, when certain of these self-sustaining chemical systems are draped in tiny Armani dresses, they transform into something quite amazing!  Too bad Somerset Maugham and Joseph Conrad missed all the fun when they stayed at the Oriental.


The "In-between Country"

Iím fucking tired of it!  I am fucking tired of every fucking thing in this country being in between.  Look at the fucking language!  D isnít pronounced D, itís somewhere between D and T; R isnít R, itís somewhere between R and L; P isnít P, itís somewhere between P and B.  And the ladyboys arenít men or women, theyíre somewhere between men and women.  And during World War Two the Thais werenít on our side or against us, they were somewhere between beiní an ally or an enemy.  Nobody knows to this day whose fucking side they were on!  And you canít learn the fucking language because they got so many fucking itsy-bitsy, touchy-feely polite words they drop into the sentence or at the end of it or at the beginning of it or who-the-fuck-knows-where?  They sprinkle their fucking language with that shit so we canít speak it, the same way they sprinkle their fucking food with chilies so we canít fucking eat it!  And don't even begin to talk about- Shit, I really got to get off these pep pills, especially when drinking black russians.


Remember: You Heard it Here First!

For those of you of a certain persuasion, this is very sad news indeed, so you had better be sitting down.  Mambo Ladyboy Club in Washington Square is shutting down.  Yes, gone are the silicone breasts and contoured Adam's apples.  Someone said they moved to Rama III but in fact they have had a place on Rama III for quite some time so maybe they just got tired of having two places.  In my as yet unnamed sequel to Skytrain to Murder, I mention the busses of gawking Japanese tourists pulling up at Mambo and I have no intention of changing it.  Some of the vendors were kicked out of the Square but a few have moved into the abandoned room next to the Happy Pub.  Some of the places have also got new leases so it doesn't look like everything will be shutting down and in fact a restaurant will open in the space where Angel Massage was.  So regardless of what others tell you, the Square lives on!  Mekhong Kurt's inimitable website concentrating on the Square and the activities of Squaronians,, is down for awhile while he sorts out a dispute with his server.  Actually, how the fuck would I know you heard it here first?  Anyway, makes for a snappy headline. 

The latest police to join the ranks of the boys in brown are completely free of corruption.  If you don't believe me, just click on the picture.


Hong Kong Swings!

Well, yes it does, but not nearly as cheaply as Bangkok.  The Wanchai Suzie Wong area was always known for its bars and tattoo parlors, etc.  In the 1950's and into the 1960's Hong Kong was said to be the ship captains' favorite port.  How things have changed.  But somehow some of the old-style bars are hanging in there amidst a plethora of pubs and restaurants.  The mama-sans outside the go go bars are Chinese but almost all the girls inside are Thai or Filipina.  And they are very nice and as I learned when I made the mistake of venturing inside them years ago, their drinks are more expensive than in the States.  Well, the States is a big place, but you get my drift, I'm sure. 

The Bottoms Up bar proudly advertises that it was in the James Bond movie, I think in 1971.  Last time I went in (many years ago) it was a boring place with a few topless chicks (South American at that time) sitting at the bar in front of you.  And it was expensive.  I guess the tourists keep it going.

The area where I used to have a publishing office many years ago on Wyndham Street now has its own large number of very modern restaurants and pubs, all just above Lan Kwai Fong, which also has lots of restaurants and pubs.  The city continues to fill in the harbor for land and continues to erect impressive new buildings faster than mushrooms sprout up after rain.

As for food, this is not a fair comparison but while I remember it, I want to mention that Phat Thai is on the menu of the classy Mandarin Hotel for HK$178.  That is about US$23 or 805 baht!  I sometimes eat phat Thai gai (chicken) at outside stalls in Bangkok for about 40 baht, just over US$1. 

They steal My Scissors (Again!)

My understanding is that now we can take small scissors through airports and carry them onto planes even in carry-on luggage.  So I took a small pair I use for mustache trimming to NYC and back to Bangkok and to Hong Kong.  At Hong Kong airport, on the way back to Bangkok, they took my scissors, claiming I would have to check them in with my checkin luggage.

Me: I don't take carry-on luggage when I travel and furthermore the rule now is we can take small scissors.

Him and Her:  But these are sharp scissors.

Me: Of course they are sharp!  How can I trim my mustache with dull scissors?

To make a long story short I told them to keep the damn things.  That is the second or third time in as many years that the airport has stolen my scissors.  So thanks to Muslim fanatics my mustache looks like shit.  Another nail in their coffin.

As for the pictures, the first shows traffic in Central District, the second shows Thai influence in Wanchai, the third and fourth are in Wanchai, the fifth and ninth show a small demonstration in Central District against people who claim CitiBank are crooks who stole their money.  The sixth is in the Standard Chartered Bank in Central.  The windows are beautiful but the guard said not to take pictures.  But I took the one I wanted because the three characters say Dong Fang Hung ("The East is Red") so I suspect the windows were made at a time when the bank felt under pressure to show political allegiance to the Great helmsman, Chairman Mao.  Now they are probably embarrassed by it.  The other pictures were all taken in Wanchai.  Yes, if you stroll Wanchai at night, the girls standing in front of the go go bars are pretty, some very pretty, but better wait until you return to Bangkok (unless you are rich!).



Jazz Guitar


There is actually a great deal of talent in this town, both Thais and farangs.  I went to a free concert at the Alliance Francaise and it was terrific.  Dan Phillips on jazz guitar and some very talented Thais on piano, tenor sax, drums and double bass.  Dan has several original recordings out and has worked as a guitarist, composer and bandleader in NY, Bangkok, Chicago and Tokyo.  He's also been at various festivals from Montreal to Japan.  One of the things I like about being able to see this kind of talent for free is that when I lived in New York City it would have cost me quite a bit if the same people were playing at the Blue Note, for example.  I know this will come as a shock to some readers but there is actually worthwhile activity beyond Cowboy and Nana!  And if you need to know what some of them are, just click into the two related links below in Links You Might Enjoy.  I suppose the more you know about music the more you can enjoy it but you don't really have to speak composer language about impregnated 5ths or strangulated 7ths or whatever the hell they are called to enjoy music.




So which police district takes charge if a farang head in a bag is hanging from the post?



Don't Hang Up!



I was sitting with a farang friend of mine and while we were talking and drinking beer his phone rang.  And rang.  And rang.  He knew who it was, a young Thai lady he did not wish to speak with at the time, so he let it ring.  After about five minutes the same woman called again and the phone rang.  And rang.  And rang.  So then we got into a discussion about the difference between the way farangs call one another and the way Thais call one another.  In general, if a farang doesn't get an answer in six or seven rings, we hang up.  Not so with Thais, however.  They seem to think that if they hold on long enough the person they are calling will miraculously answer the phone.  It seems almost a point of honor with them to keep the phone of the person they are calling ringing about as long as a Thaksin speech.  I asked a few other friends with Thai girlfriends and they all agreed it was true.


There are exceptions, however.  If you need something from a Thai business do not expect any call back at all.  And, of course, when your phone rings for just half a ring that is of course a young Thai lady who wishes to speak with you but not on her dime.  So you should call her back. 


Of course when I first came to Thailand there was no such thing as a cell phone.  Unless you were rich, you didn't even possess a landline phone.  Whenever I tell sweet young things about that they look at me in horror:  NO PHONES!?  I guess that must be what hell would be to other people.


Yes, the lovely Chang Light girl is still at the Londoner Pub.  She is so cute I sometimes even forgo (is there an "e" in "forgo"?  I forget.  Anyway, I know there is one in "forget, so there.) my black russian and drink Chang Light.  Yummy!  And I don't mean the beer.




He's Baaaaaaaaak!


And, Yes, best-selling author Stephen Leather still enjoys his night out when in BKK.  His latest blockbuster has Thailand in it so be sure to read it; you'll enjoy it.  I believe I even saw a character with my name in it.  Coincidence?  Hmmmmm.  Anyway, the title is Live Fire.  The subtitle is: "The Real Terror is yet to come..."  Actually, I know a few guys who would say that subtitle should refer to when guys are about to get married.  One of the characters in the book says: "It gets in your blood, Thailand."  Yeah, Steve, it gets in your wallet too.  Trust me.  You might enjoy his website as well.  It's more professionally done than this one. (So what website isn't?)




As it is a pretty safe bet that most readers of this column have yet to buy my book The Go Go Dancer who Stole My Viagra & other Poetical Tragedies of Thailand I have decided to post one of the poems from the book from time to time.  Some of the poems are serious and some are for fun. 


Stem Cell Research 

She hates the very idea of stem cell research:

ďHow can anyone destroy a human embryo!Ē

She demands to know what I think.


I screw up my face into a thoughtful expression

and take a long hit on my drink.


What I think is that if stem cell research will

in any way

aid me in having and maintaining an erection

now or in old age,

then I say

itís perfectly OK

to experiment on kids

at least up to the age of twelve.


In my opinion,

life begins at puberty

and didnít Patrick Henry say,

ďGive me puberty or give me death!Ē


But minds like hers are made up -

I know better than to waste my breath.


Besides I want to get her to bed

and, if I disagree on this, Iím dead.

So I nod in agreement and say, yes,

my voice choking with distress,

ďHow could anyone kill a human embryo?Ē


Yes, Iím a liar and a hypocrite

but sheís one of the sexiest women Iíve dated.

And, in all honesty,

sometimes honesty is overrated.




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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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As you can see from the above, Soi Cowboy isn't doing that badly, although many of the bars need more dancers.  Rawhide Bar fixed their new sign and also they promise to have the shower show stage up by the door soon.


More Useless, Time-draining Bullshit

"SitOrSquat is a free program for iPhones and BlackBerrys that locates public restrooms. It even includes user reviews and connects to Google Maps to offer directions."

The above information is from a NYTimes article discussing what programs are available on the latest phones, etc.  Thank God I have no time for that silly shit.  But if they do make stuff like that, why not a phone device that lets you know where the most attractive go go dancers are at any given time?  Or a phone that can analyze whether or not they are telling the truth while speaking?  Something really useful for a change.

In a related development, Sony has developed a fantastic new project which should appear to all readers of this column, guaranteed!  Do NOT miss this one.  Click here:


The playwright, Horton Foote, died recently.  I love plays and when I lived in New York I spent a fortune going to them.  And lots of time writing them.  Here is a NY Times photograph of some of America's best: Authur Miller, John Guare, Maria Irene Fornes, Edward Albee, Horton Foote.  The Times appraisal of Horton Foote is here:

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Please note Fred on Everything ( is having an eye operation.  So although he won't be writing new columns for quite some time, his other columns are still up and very entertaining, so I'm leaving the URL in the list.


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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to






Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids




A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Very satirical writing and videos.


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you donít have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

ďBirthday money for Dean Barrett Ė

Absolutely No Bribe EnclosedĒ

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.



Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins the sexy calendar.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        Sexy calendar with Pattaya go go dancers, from After Dark magazine

     Fourth prize:       Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!


Last column's answer to question was:


Only one person got the answer to the question.  If you go to the articles page on this site you can read about Phaulkon of Siam, the colorful Greek adventurer in the 17th century in Ayudhya and Lopburi.  His wife was nicknamed by the Thais: Dame Golden Horseshoe.  His great patron was Phra Narai, one of the great and most enlightened monarchs in Thai history.  When he died in 1688, the Thai nobility, most of whom didn't appreciate Phaulkon's rising power, beheaded him.  Anyway, he had a good run while it lasted.


This column's Contest Question:


This picture was taken in Bangkok.  Where was this picture taken? 


Be the first with the right answer!



That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at:


Thousands of Deadly Islamic Terror Attacks Since 9/11

More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand



A Sample of Recent Violence in Thailand by Muslims


2009.03.04 (Pattani, Thailand) - Two truck drivers are among three people shot to death by Islamic terrorists.


2009.03.07 (Pattani, Thailand) - Two Buddhist brothers riding a motorcycle are shot and then burned by Religion of Peace militants.


2009.03.06 Yala, Thailand - The 52-year-old owner of a tea shop is shot to death at his business by Mujahideen.


2009.03.13 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Three local soldiers are killed in an ambush by Muslim militants.


Many more school burned.




Over 3,500 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks




Muslims Burn a Christian Alive (What else isn't new?)




British Returning Troops Abused by Muslims (in England!)



Troops Returning to England are loudly demonstrated against by Muslims in England.  What will it take to wake up the fucking British government up to the simple fact that the more Muslims you have in your country the more problems you will have?  No Muslims were arrested; those who opposed them were!




What is it Like to be a Woman in Saudi Arabia?


In 2007, a group of Saudi youths caught a woman with an unrelated man in a car and gang-raped her fourteen times. The Saudi Court convicted her of violating the segregation law and sentenced to six monthsí jail and 200 lashes. The rapists were given light sentences of one to five years of imprisonment. When appealed, her punishment was doubled. Judge Dr. Ibrahim bin Salih al-Khudairi of the Riyadh Appeals Court later even regretted for not sentencing her to death.

More including what happens to American women in Saudi Arabia here:


Stop Honorcide!


Lovely Koran?  Religion of Peace?


The Koran is full of hate-filled passages toward anyone who doesn't believe in Mohammad's crap. Just look through a copy of the Koran in any bookstore. Here, for example: GARMENTS OF FIRE HAVE BEEN PREPARED FOR THE UNBELIEVERS. SCALDING WATER SHALL BE POURED UPON THEIR HEADS, MELTING THEIR SKINS AND THAT WHICH IS IN THEIR BELLIES. THEY SHALL BE LASHED WITH RODS OF IRON. 22:19 (Dawood translation).




Bangladesh: Dad Pours Acid on Daughter because She is Not a Boy



Jordanian man kills sister to "cleanse family's honor"


Norway: Islamic Council says female agents shouldn't arrest men


The Quran contains dozens of verses that call Muslims to war with nonbelievers.  Some are quite graphic, with commands to chop off heads and fingers, kill the infidels wherever they may be.  Muslims who do not join the fight are called 'hypocrites' and warned that Allah will send them to Hell. there are few verses of tolerance to balance out the many calls for nonbelievers to be subdued until they either accept humiliation, convert to Islam, or are killed.

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.


Muslim Policeman in UK Beat Homeless Man "Good and Proper"

A Muslim policeman suing Scotland Yard for racial discrimination was sacked after boasting that he beat up a homeless man 'good and proper', an employment tribunal heard today.  Asad Saeed was accused of dragging the vagrant out of a McDonalds and threatening him during only his fifth night on patrol as a Police Community Support Officer.  But the 35-year-old claims he was 'fitted up' over the alleged assault by two racist white officers. The men invented the story after he threatened to expose the 'apartheid' culture at Belgravia police station in central London where there were separate vans for white and black officers, he said.  However, Mr Saeed's immediate superior, Inspector Debbie Jallali, said in a statement that the day after the alleged assault he told her: 'I done the homeless man good and proper.'


Warnings from an ex-Muslim to the Western World

"However, even if Muslims shun the violent way, they will (win) by demographic change. Muslims in Britain are growing ten times faster than the rest. At about 3.5% of the total population, a greater majority of British Muslims are in favor of establishing Sharia laws in the UK than those opposed to it. What will be the religious demographics in the UK, say in the year 2050, and what will be the law of the land? Sharia is horrible for non-Muslims as well as Muslim women; its criminal codes are barbaric: stoning, cutting of hands and feet and more.

Moreover, as soon as Muslims constitute a critical-mass of the population, there will most likely be a civil-war-like situation in Western countries. Indeed, such as situation is already active in Muslim dominated Paris suburbs; non-Muslims dare not enter Muslim ghettos in Sweden. Most of all, I urge my Western brethren to take a glance all over the Muslim world, which may become the scene in the heart of Europe before this century has passed."


How Islam Spread

  • Islam began crusades, not Christianity, and occupied Spain for hundreds of years until the Muslims were thrown out. Charles Martel stopped the Muslim armies in 732 at the Battle of Tours. The Islamic Slave Trade and the slaughter of Hindus are the two greatest holocausts in world history.  To pretend that Islam was not spread by the sword just makes Muslims look stupid and ignorant of history. Bloody aggressive campaigns against peoples who had done them no harm. That is how Islam spread.  The Christian crusades were simply too little, too late, after Muslims had gobbled up so much of what had been Christianity.


    The Koran is in Reality a War Manual against non-Muslims!

    Name: Philip Saenz

    If The Islamic War Manual, sometimes called the Qur'an, is so enlightening, why are all 57 Islamic countries Third World Countries? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why did Muslims have to wait for Christian and Jewish inventions and medicines to get ahead a bit? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why are Muslim women treated as second class citizens? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why did false prophet, pedophile, child molester, slave owner, wife beater, rapist of a little girl, rapist of slave women, polygamist, whoremonger, murderer Muhammad teach that the earth is flat? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why do Muslims stone women to death for adultery? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why in some Muslim countries, are male Muslim perverts allowed to "marry" little girls as young as eight years old and then allowed to rape them on their "wedding" day? If The Islamic War Manual so enlightening, why do Muslim perverts practice Female Genital Mutilation on little girls? If The Islamic War Manual is so enlightening, why does this filthy Muslim book teach pure hatred? Example: "O ye who believe, fight those of the disbelievers who are near to you, and let them find harshness in you, and know that Allah is with those who keep their duty," (Sura 9 Verse 123).



    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything




    ďReligion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.Ē-- by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 



    If I am not mistaken, the Koran never speaks of the greatest empire on earth then in existence, i.e. the Chinese T'ang Dynasty (618-907) and Christ never spoke of the greatest empire on earth during his time, i.e., the Chinese Han Dynasty (206 B.C. - 220 A.D.). If these guys were prophets and had inside info from the Big Guy in the Sky then shouldn't they have at least known what was going on at the time they were alive?




    Some books that tell it like it is!


    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion. 

    Back to the Welcome Page

    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....Ē

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review