Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,500 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 7,000 and, if still no winner, to 10,500, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).



Two answers to a quiz.  Um, not exactly right but not exactly wrong either.




I think the first time I went to Macau was in 1971.  Since that time, I went there with a Chinese woman for sexy afternoons, a woman who later became my ex-wife.  I went there with a Thai chick from Mike's place in Patpong.  I went there with a Korean girlfriend.  I went there with my mother and stepfather.  But I hadn't been back for many years and I knew the place was changing.  So I went back there about four weeks ago and managed to get a bad case of bronchitis from which I am slowly recovering.  I flew Macau Air on which the food was horrible and they do not serve liquor, at least not in the cattle car.  Worse yet, there is no bar of any kind in the Macau Airport.  Aiiyaaahh!

When I was there in the old days Macau was a sleepy place, still nominally under control of the Portuguese, but even then, it was Beijing which had the power.  It was a charming place, though, Portuguese architecture and a few casinos and mysterious China right there facing us across the Pearl River.  One bridge to Macau's outer islands, Coloane and Taipa.  Things have changed! Now there are three bridges and 31 casinos and counting, and a tower like the Seattle tower, from which crazy people bungy jump.  Huge hotels such as the Venetian on Coloane which is larger than the one in Las Vegas.  Yeah, but what about the sex?  OK, I'm coming to that, hang on a minute.

Hong Kong also wanted casinos but Beijing said no as Hong Kong does well without them.  Remember, Hong Kong went back to China in 1997 and Macau in 1999.  Macau was given the "honor" of going back last as it had been first; the place was a Portuguese colony for over 400 years.  The hydrofoils and jetfoils still make their 55-minute runs between Hong Kong and Macau.  I wondered if Chinese were still sneaking across the Pearl River into Macau from nearby villages in China; risking all to do so.  But a friend pointed out that now that visas are so cheap, even poor people can go, so why sneak over?

Anyway, I make no claims to knowing all that happens in Macau at night.  I did find out a few things, though.  In general, I find casinos boring and to be honest the slot machines they had in Macau had so many buttons on them it looked like the cockpit of a 747.  In Vegas, you just pull the lever or now usually you just push the button.  But these things look complicated.  At one point I did push the "service" button but no one came so I left.  I think the people watching the place on cameras had me pegged for a poor gueilo (foreign devil) and decided it would be a waste of time to teach me how to play the slot machines so they didn't send anybody.  So it goes...

I stayed at the Golden Dragon Hotel and on one of the floors is a nightclub, on another was table dancing, and at the top was the most interesting "spa" I have ever seen.  You go in and get undressed in an area similar to that at Bumrungrad Hospital before you take your X-ray.  Then you walk in farther and there are showers and a small pool.  A very sexy Chinese woman was stripping while one Chinese guy was in the pool, not sure if he was naked or not.  My attention was immediately drawn to another part of the large room because girls started filing out from somewhere within.  More came.  And more.  And yet more.  There were at least 100 women who formed a kind of circle around the room while guys wearing towels or bathrobes supplied by the establishment ogled them.  Most of the girls were beautiful; a few weren't.  All were Chinese except for three white chicks.  One of those was good looking, the other two so so.  It was one of the weirdest and most incredible nightlife scenes I have seen.  There were a lot of Chinese guys working there and the papa-san had a book in which he would write down the price of the girl for an hour or so (you would go into one of the small rooms where she would give you a shower and then muck about with you). 

The downside is that the price of a woman for that hour or so is about triple what you would pay in Bangkok or say four times the rate.  The interesting thing is that once you have changed clothes, before going to ogle the girls, one of the young guys working there will ask you to sign a paper so that you understand even if you do not take a girl there is a minimum charge.  I think it was US$35 or something like that.  So my advice is to go there and pay the minimum because it is an incredible scene.  But unless you are really horny (or rich) you had better go elsewhere for satisfaction.

There is yet another scene which is quite incredible.  It is at the old Lisboa Hotel, a gaudy place if ever there was one, NOT the Grand Lisboa next door, an even gaudier place.  If ever an architect should be banned, this is the guy.  Anyway, upstairs on the floor above the lobby of the old Lisboa, a few dozen mainland Chinese chicks walk about among the shopping areas.  This action is not in any special room, but right there by the fruit stand and other shops where tourists are shopping.  It is obvious why they are walking about and many were very beautiful.  It might make sense to stay at the old Lisboa because then you could just bargain with them and take one to your room.  But, believe me, these chicks are a sight to behold, and although most wore sexy clothes, a few wore traditional cheongsams, a la Suzie Wong in The World of Suzie Wong.  I doubt they are cheap either.

There is an area of restaurants by the harbor near the statue of Kuan Yin, Goddess of Mercy.  These are legitimate restaurants patronized by locals and are not for sex.  However, the Filipina waitress began talking to me about how she gives massages in the daytime and asked if I would like that.  I declined as I was leaving the next day and I am such a good Buddhist, of course, which goes without saying.  Her hard luck story was similar to Thai hard luck stories but there was no mention of a water buffalo being struck by lightning.

Finally, I wish I had thought to ask papa-san about the yin and yang.  This is a Chinese concept in which opposites sooner or later become the other opposite.  Opposites such as female (yin) and male (yang), etc.  Well, I heard years ago from a reliable source about an interesting use of yin and yang in Macau.  It seems a young woman, how shall I say, goes down on you.  And at one point she has hot tea in her mouth, and a few moments later, ice or ice cubes in her mouth and continues switching from tea to ice and back again until you um finish up.  I am told it is an incredible BJ.  But for now I don't know if this story is from someone's feverish imagination or if such a scene exists.

I have a lot of pictures of Macau but am having some trouble saving pictures on my new computer as I don't have a regular picture saving program like Photoshop which I had on the old computer.  So far I have downloaded Picasa.  Pictures look fine but when I return to this page after having shut it down the small boxes with an X are sometimes there instead of the pix.  But I'll get it straightened out sooner or later.

You should memorize the large Chinese character you see here.  You do NOT want to have to get involved in one of those establishments because it is the Chinese character indicating a pawn shop.  And in Macau with 31 casinos, and lots and lots of losers who need money to get home, pawn shops are thriving!

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Big Mango Bash- Sukhumvit soi 4

The party details for the Big Mango Bash follow.  Can you guess which line was added by me?

Big Mango's Star Trek Party
"Boldly Goes Where No Bar Party Has Gone Before"

- Saturday May 16th, 8:00 pm-Late
- Romulan Ale (aka Tiger/Heineken Pint) 20 baht each until 2 Kegs run out
- Girls in Star Trek Unis
- Free Snacks
- Occasional Rounds of Free Space Mango Shots

- Free Sex with Beautiful Women

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You have no doubt read about the fisticuffs on Patpong when government inspectors tried to shut down those selling pirated goods.  I don't think people should be allowed to sell pirated shirts and handbags and sunglasses and shit like that.  It is against the law and it is immoral.  (As long as they don't crack down on computer equipment or movie disks - aw shucks, ah is a hypocrite.)

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Blu Ray Copies of the Much-acclaimed Ghost Film "P"


Can you believe a literate and literary person reads this column?  Amazing!  Yes, in The Power and the Glory it was the Red Shirts fascist army chasing the priest in Mexico and of course we have the red shirt group in Thailand.  One Winner and one prize.  You see how it all works out?

Yes, thanks to the generosity of the director Paul Spurrier, one lucky reader of this site is going to win a free copy of a high-definition version of the film with superb picture quality.  You can see information of the film at

OK, what is the downside?  Well, precisely because this is very high quality Blu Ray, far superior to DVD, it will not play on a DVD. It will only play in a Blu Ray player; but they can be bought in any Power Mall in Bangkok or Pattaya.  And since Blu Ray is the coming thing, you might as well get off your ass and buy a Blu Ray player.  This film disk will not be available in shops.  This is a limited collector's edition and has been signed by the Director and reportedly kissed by the succulent leading actress.  If you don't win you can go to the site and buy it there.  I have a tiny role in the film wherein the beautiful leading actress - in her ghost state - eats my heart and liver.  And although I haven't signed the disks, should you ask I will kiss it for you also.  Maybe.

OK, what did you have to do to win?  You just had to answer one simple question.  In what is regarded as Graham Greene's best novel, The Power and the Glory, although the story has nothing to do with Thailand, there is a color connection between Mexico and Thailand.  It involves the plight of the priest.  What is the connection?  Well done.

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I can't help but think Japanese are sometimes a bit strange.  I mean, if you are looking for a woman for let us say a casual stay would you really care about her blood type?  I guess Japanese men do.  Maybe the rarer the blood type the more they pay?



  • Alias: Tina Yuzuki
  • Birthdate: October 29, 1986
  • Zodiac: Scorpio
  • Birthplace: Tokyo, Japan
  • Blood type: A
  • Height: 154 cm (5 ft 1 in)
  • Measurements: 84-58-83 cm (33-23-33 in)
  • Cup size: C
  • Hobby: Karaoke, bath
  • Special skill: Portuguese, people watching
  • Erogenous zone: Ear







Don't Get Them Mad!



Pattaya - A Belgian tourist was severely injured early Thursday when his Thai bit his male organ and almost severed it, police said.  The tourist, Eddy Iam De Velde, 56, was rushed to the Pattaya Memorial Hospital and doctors managed to save the man's organ.  The hospital reported the event to police at 5:30 am. The man told police from his hospital bed that his girlfriend, who he has been living with for about a month, injured him.  She said the woman became angry after learning that he had another Thai lover.The two quarreled while having sex so she bit him and he called friends to send him to the hospital.  Police will arrest the woman whom has yet to be identified.

The Nation



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As it is a pretty safe bet that most readers of this column have yet to buy my book The Go Go Dancer who Stole My Viagra & other Poetical Tragedies of Thailand I have decided to post one of the poems from the book from time to time.  Some of the poems are serious and some are for fun. 


The Pharmacist 

She has a small tag pinned to her waist-length, snow white coat that says


so I guess she is one. 

I think how nice her shoulder-length, coal-black hair is and how wonderfully it contrasts with her waist-length, snow white coat. 


I try to make eye contact

but she is too busy to look at me

while ringing up my

Nivea deodorant anti-perspirant for men

24 hour protection

with a masculine fresh scent



And my Gillette series Splash Cool Wave after shave

with moisturisers

made in Spain.

And my silky smooth natural rubber latex condoms

Electronically textured for mutual pleasure



Ultra sensitive



To ensure a safe ride

They’re loaded with spermicide.

A perfect blend


with reservoir end.


And I think how wonderful her shoulder-length, coal-black hair would look fanned out against

my snow white pillow case

and her curvaceous naked brown body

and that beautiful Siamese face

because she too can benefit from my silky smooth natural rubber latex condoms.

That perfect blend

with reservoir end.


But she is concentrating

Ringing up


Taking my money

Handing me my change.




It might be that

she’s proper and demure

but I was quite sure

I saw her blush when she rang up my condoms.

With reservoir end.


It’s all right

I’ll have her in my mind

which is why God gave minds to men like me, anyway.


So it’s OK

if I cannot take her to bed

but I wonder if she knows that doctors say

a blush is simply an erection of the entire head.




Tripping in Thailand, a Game that Begins with an Innocent

Family Vacation in the Kingdom of Make-Believe

Submitted by A Friend



Messing up a man’s mind                                          1

Divorcing old wife                                               2

Marrying Thai bar girl                                           3

Recruiting old wife to be mamasan                                4

Recruiting daughter to be sex worker                             5

Contracting VD                                                   -1

Losing remaining worldly possessions to Thai wife                -2

Divorcing Thai wife                                              -3

Remarrying old wife                                              -4

Becoming Buddhist monk and renouncing desire                     -5


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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

One of the things I really enjoy about living in Paradise is the lack of the political correctness that is so pervasive in the west.  It really is refreshing to be able to make an observation about others without having to become the victim of the PC brigade.  I can remember being on the sky train with an old flame when 4 or 5 people from a particular Middle Eastern country came aboard.  Nearly every person on the train, regardless of what nationality they happened to be, all in unison moved as far away as possible from the new group of passengers.  These people smelled so bad that my date actually vomited in her hand.  I can recall the German guy next to me saying “man do these people smell terrible.”  I nodded my head in agreement and also felt such freedom to be able to express opinions like that without any recrimination.  The point being that I have nothing against this group of people, I don’t have a problem with their race, religion or choice of lifestyle, they just smelled really bad.  I would hope that if I ever left the house smelling that way someone would have the grace and honesty to tell me.

I was drinking in one of my favorite haunts the other night, and as usual the music was a bit too loud, and I had been indulging in the libations just a bit too much, when the stranger next to me barked out that I must be American as I was speaking very loudly.  I wasn’t really offended but merely curious, so I asked my English and Canadian mates at the bar if they had ever noticed that Americans talked louder than most other groups of people and every one of them agreed with that observation.  Well then, I guess we are a loud bunch!  I really don’t know why that is the case, I can only venture to guess that since it is so quiet everywhere in my country and so loud everywhere in Thailand that we just aren’t very good at adjusting our voice levels to the current situation.

More and more lately I have noticed my friends and acquaintances choosing the worst kind of women imaginable to be their lovers.  I wrote an earlier column about how nobody here wants to be James Bond.  Guys can have a million beautiful girlfriends and live the life of an international playboy, but the vast majority choose to settle down with one woman, and it seems to me that in most cases the women they choose are the least attractive, least educated and in many cases the extreme bottom of the barrel in every way.  I have tried in vain to figure out why this happens to be the case.  Are guys just lazy, therefore choosing the women who are the easiest to access, thus always getting the worst of the lot?  Do guys have such low self esteem that deep inside they think that this is all they can get or even deserve?  Are they so lacking in social skills and confidence that it’s just not possible for them to approach a lady who actually has something to offer?  Worse yet, do they actually enjoy the abuse? 

I became so frustrated at one of my friend’s consistently poor choices in women that I had to sit down with him and teach him step by step how to meet nice gals here.  Subsequently he met a plethora of hot, lovely and personable women, but ended up choosing another pathetic loser to be his live-in girlfriend.  The last time I saw him he had a black eye from another fight with her, and was living in a hotel despite the fact that he owns a condo here!  I have come to the conclusion that giving advice to my friends only makes me feel better, therefore relieving me of the guilty feeling I would naturally have as I watch them jump off another cliff into the abyss below. 

Regardless of how much knowledge people have, they are going to do whatever it is that they were going to do anyway.  The best sales trainer I ever had the privilege of studying with once told me “knowledge isn’t power. Action is power. Knowledge alone is worth nothing if you don’t use it.”  I now know that I can help my friends with their options, but not with their priorities.

It is so wonderful to live in Thailand, where women are proud to be women and absolutely adore men.  Here women go on a diet if they are 3 pounds overweight.  If someone happens to compliment them on their beauty, they light up like a Christmas tree and it absolutely makes their entire day.  Last week I was eating in a small Thai restaurant and admiring the 2 super hot waitresses while pretending to study the menu.  One of the gals brought my drink order and it was served in a really cute glass.  I said something like “wow that’s really cute.”  This little hottie looked down at me, gave me her best bedroom smile and asked “are you talking about the glass or me?”  Giving her my most sexy smile I quipped “the glass is cute. You on the other hand, are absolutely beautiful.”  Now in my home country of America I would certainly get a very nasty look for having given this compliment, and might even be asked to leave the premises by the manager.  However this is Paradise.  She shrieked with glee, turned to the other waitress and they gave each other a high five!

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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How safe is your food and drink?

If you have a maid you had better pay attention.  A domestic helper in Hong Kong mixed her menstrual blood in a pot of vegetables she was cooking.  She did so because she wanted the employer to stop criticizing her.  So, apparently, in hopes of better employer-employee relations she added menstrual blood to the food she was serving.  But the employers spotted her acting suspiciously and found her menstrual pad in the kitchen waste basket. 

Last year, in Saudi Arabia two Asian domestic helpers were sentenced to prison and to 250 lashes each for adding urine and menstrual blood to the tea of their employer.  New Song Title: Menstrual Blood, tea, or me?  And remember these are only the ones who have been caught.  They said they thought it would make the family treat them better.  You might wish to check from time to time on exactly what the woman cooking your tom yam gung is adding to the mix.  (The menstrual pads shown above are advertised as "reusable."  Right, but reusable for what?)

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"At the request of your countries government, we have blocked access to this site."

Sigh.  A guy can't even surf the web these day without finding one of the above messages.  The Thai government is wasting time and taxpayer money on trying to ban porn sites which of course is impossible.  For every one they ban, each day hundreds more appear.  Not to mention the poor grammar in the announcement.  Talk about a Sisyphean journey.



So the Thai government is adding some tax to the price of beer.  A few baht per bottle I think which will of course be passed on to consumers like us.  But as I have said before, you can have cheaper beer in lots of countries but not many countries offer beautiful, available women at the same time.  Or all the fun we can have in nightlife areas in Thailand.  So if I don't complain too much about the cost of beer, I do hope you will be understanding.  But, hey, look below; some drinks are going down in price:

Yes, Sometimes it Happens!

Joy Bar and Apache Coyote Bar on Soi Cowboy have decreased the cost of drinks. 

New Pricing:


Beer: 100 baht

Spirit drinks: 110 baht

Lady Drinks: 130 baht

Lady Tequila: 120 baht


IN ADDITION: Apache Coyote Bar will be having Crazy Happy Hour Mondays where all drinks are 70 baht all night long (excluding Corona and Bacardi Breezers). 


That's good news but I wonder why Tequila is less than other lady drinks.  I thought it would be more.


Calling All Blondes

Try this 36-second video; I think you'll enjoy it.




Richard Yates:  'When a tough, honest writer can look squarely at all the horrors of the world, face all the facts, and still come up with a hard-won, joyous celebration of life at the end, in spite of everything, that can be wonderful... It's a cop-out to say that our times are too hectic or frantic or confusing for good, traditional, formal novels to emerge. I think that's just a cheap answer.' (Ploughshares literary journal, 1972)

'If my work has a theme, I suspect it is a simple one: that most human beings are inescapably alone, and therein lies their tragedy.' (Boston Review, 1999)

The late Richard Yates, author of Revolutionary Road, etc.


Looking Back (at what might have seemed a good idea at the time)

1970 - Southeast Asia: 

"That was one of the scariest moments of my life. But you know, man, we've got to come back here. I bet that if we used motorcycles, dressed casually —really low-profile—we could get off this main road and sort of glide into the villages. We might be able to rap with some of the Cambodians, and then have them take us to where we can get pictures of the action."

—TIME Photographer Sean Flynn, the son of Errol Flynn

Flynn did go back.  He and Stone drove bright red Honda motorcycles.  And he found the Viet Cong (or Khmer Rouge). Or rather the V.C. found him.  Along with his friend, CBS Cameraman Dana Stone, Flynn, the 28-year-old son of Errol Flynn was captured in the Cambodia-South Vietnam border area.  Both were killed.  Exactly where and when is still a mystery.

Thanks to TLCB



Ashton Kutcher is first to reach 1 million followers in Twitter contest with CNN

Can you believe this shit?  Some asshole on Twitter won some dumb contest and that is considered BREAKING NEWS?  How about if the asshole news reporters on CNN and BBC stop saying: "If you like" and "If you will"?  Now THAT would be news!

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Letters from Readers



What happens when A bar girl gets older?   I guess that her pimp takes 80% Do bar girls that get mature go to work at massage shops? Besides marriage hopefully to a foreigner what else is there for mature former bar girls? East Texas


Thai bargirls do not have pimps unless you mean the Thai (often lazy) guy they live with.  Former Thai bargirls are employed by former president Clinton to be on call at all times.




Hello! This is T, I know u guys know me. I am (name deleted)'s

ex wife. Anyway, I just want you all to know that my ex husband

was a Molestor, Predator, Pervert and Monster!!!. He

molested my deaf niece during our vacation in 2007... He
then Brainwash her by giving her money to stop her from
telling people about his malicious act towards her. I
defended him from my family but instead he keep pursuing her
and all year last year he would talk to her online and act
like he was not married and send money for her school
and bought her computer and cellphone. he
was so disrespectful to me and my family in the
Philippines. He stayed at my sister's house for 3 months
and pretended that he was just there innocently for vacation
but instead he would go to my cousin's house and he
would screw my niece and act like nothing happen. my niece
change a lot! she was so innocent when we got there in 200.
she love to go to church every sunday but now
she's spend her time online and cp. (ND) influenced
her in such bad way. my family was so ashamed and humiliated
of what he did there. still (ND) act so arrogantly
towards me and my family. It was so hurtful to me and to all
the people who knew him all these years. he's pursuing a
innocent girl, I know that she have a dream but those things
that (ND) and her did was wrong. i have never had a fight
with my cousins but because of (ND) now my family is divided.
these bad things that he created was really, really
wrong. He is a Coward!!!! the last night he was at my
sister's house he was busy texting my niece. being his
ex wife i was curious of who he was texting. he was sitting
next to the window and i was standing outside and the
curtain was open and i could read everthing he was telling
her. he told her that his "Malibog", which tagalog
means "I am horny". she then replied to him and
she said that "My papa wants to talk to you". I
knew then that it was my niece he's talking to. he told
her that they would meet at "Mc Do" the next day.
My heart was full of sadness and at the same time furious
and hate him for conversing to her like that. I know i could
not do anything about it because I know that he already had
sex with her. 
Email ur opinion about his malicious act towards my
niece. Is this right at all for an OLD DIRTY MAN to
screw my family up???. Where is JUSTICE FOR MY FAMILY?.

The above letter was sent to a small group and I repeat it here with names deleted to warn the reader that you would be wise not to muck about with Filipinas either!  Keep them away from sharp knives at all costs!  Watch out for their teeth.  And don't forget in the age of instant communications the internet can do more damage than a knife.




Welcome to Khao San Road Update. 

This month we give you an update on what's been happening on; the leading website catering for the Khao San Road community. 

The big news is the launch of Khao San Club Crawl. This is a wander down Khao San Road taking in some of its best bars and clubs long the way. The pre-launch party happened at the end of April and 60 people turned up. From tonight May 1, 2009, the event will be every Friday and up to 250 people are expected. This is a great way to meet friends and build some great memories. Also, check out a great video of the 2009 Songkran Festival, and we have a new accommodation option around Khao San Road and one in Chiang Mai.

Click here to see this month's newsletter:

See you on Khao San Road!


I print this letter for those who like this kind of thing; NOT for those who hang about Washington Square bars.  Vely, vely different part of town; vely different cultures.


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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to






Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids




A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Very satirical writing and videos.


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.



Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins the sexy calendar.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        Sexy calendar with Pattaya go go dancers, from After Dark magazine

     Fourth prize:       Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!


Winner of last month's best caption:



"Farang very drunk - forgot to pick up glass"


2nd prize: "Will that hand ever move to his wallet?"



This column's Contest Question:


The following quote is from Memoirs of a Bangkok Warrior.  As far as I know, no one ever noticed that I was having some fun in this description of Whorehouse Charlie's background.  Charlie was a genius in setting up brothelariums throughout Thailand.  The following paragraph from the novel describing Charlie actually suggests the life of another genius.  Who is it? 


"According to Taylor, Whorehouse Charlie was precocious at an extremely early age. Legend had it that he had actually drawn up blueprints for his first brothel at the age of four. It was said that his father (whose talents also lay -- no pun intended -- in that direction) accompanied the child-genius on a tour of the brothels of Europe where Charlie was the sensation of the underworld and acclaimed by pimps, hookers, brothel owners, managers and madames, police on the take, as well as customers wherever he went. Charlie's entrepreneurial and organizational ability in the location, design and management of brothels, as well as his own striking improvisations, was clearly that of a genius. By the time Charlie was a young man he had been named a chevalier of the Order of the Moving Mattress and been named Brothelmeister for all of Europe. It was then that Charlie turned his attention to Asia where before long he had met one of Asia's brothel's most frequent customers, Taylor himself."



Last column's contest: Give me the Best Caption for the Above Photograph


Winner: "Cats on a baht sin spoof"


That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at:


A badly injured Thai soldier from a Muslim bomb in Southern Thailand

(Pictures like this you won't see in the rabidly pro-Islam Bangkok Post)



More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand


(Even though Bangkok English-language Newspapers seldom report it)



2009.05.04 (Yala, Thailand) - Muslim insurgents shoot a 70-year-old man to death inside his home.


2009.05.03 Thailand Narathiwat 2 1 A construction worker is among two people killed in separate Muslim attacks.


2009.05.03 Thailand Narathiwat 1 1 Islamic fundamentalists shoot a 59-year-old pork vendor to death and injure an accompanying minor.


2009.04.30 Thailand Yala 1 1 Muslim terrorists gun down a 51-year-old businessman.


2009.04.28 Thailand Pattani 1 0 A Buddhist man is gunned down by Mujahideen.


2009.04.28 Thailand Yala 4 1 A 16-year-old girl is among four members of a family brutally shot to death in their home by Islamic terrorists.


2009.04.27 Thailand Yala 5 0 A man watching a soccer game and Buddhist plantation worker are among five people murdered separately by Muslim gunmen.


2009.04.22 Thailand Yala 2 0 Two local police are killed in a combination shooting and bombing attack by Muslim militants.


2009.04.10 Thailand Narathiwat 1 2 Mujahideen gunmen fire into a passenger train, killing one railway worker.


2009.04.09 Thailand Pattani 1 0 A teenager is kidnapped and beheaded by Mujahideen.


2009.04.04 Thailand Pattani 2 0 A 60-year-old man and his teenage son are shot to death outside their home by Islamic terrorists.


Monks and soldiers are prime targets for Muslims in southern Thailand




Over 3,600 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks






The Muslim idea of "peace"




The REAL Islam:


A Muslim man sets fire to a Coptic Christian


Stop Honorcide!

A Hospital in England now bans pictures of churches



The Mind of the Muslim Male

Beheadings in Iran


The REAL Islam:

Muslims Stone Dutch Girls in Netherlands

In the city of Gouda, which is already known for the attacks of Muslim youth on bus drivers, ambulance helpers, fire workers and police officers, now 2 Moroccans are arrested because of stoning Dutch girls.

Monday afternoon, two girls riding on their bicycles were first verbally attacked and called "cancer-ho" and other insulting illnesses by islamic youth. They started bicycling faster to get away from that area, but the muslims followed them and caused them to stop. They then started throwing stoned at them, hitting the heads of the girls. They also took the bicycles from the girls and threw these on the girls.

At least 5 muslim boys were involved, but only 2 young ones were arrested by the police in the age of 13 and 15.



University of Chiangmai, Thailand


UK Capitulates

Great Britain scraps Queens medal to avoid offending Muslims!!


The REAL Islam:

The Muslim population of Britain is skyrocketing;

more anti-Muslims speakers are being banned from entering England.


The Muslim Mindset

America capitulates:  Hawaii Lawmakers Back The Creation Of 'Islam Day'


United Kingdom: Muslim dentist 'refused to treat female patients unless they wore Islamic dress'


"Americans are not human beings"


The REAL Islam:



The Muslim Mindset



Mohammad Playing with his Six-year-old Bride to Be

The so-called Prophet Muhammad Married a six-year-old named Aisha and had Sex with the girl by the time she was nine (if not before).


"All it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.


  • "The sword of Muhammad and the Quran are the most fatal enemies of civilization, liberty, and the truth which the world has yet known." - The eminent orientalist Sir William Muir (1819-1905)


    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything





    'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.' - Benjamin Netanyahu




    “Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”        --        by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 





    Some books that tell it like it is!


    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion. 

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    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review