Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every month when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 4,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, Doll House and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 8,000 and, if still no winner, to 12,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  Third prize is an After Dark calendar.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).










Here she is, the former Heineken girl at Londoner, then the Corona girl at Robin Hood pub where the manager proved to be less then gentlemanly, and now at Witch's Tavern on Soi Thonglo.  Still a cutie!  I won't be seeing much of her though as I usually avoid Witch's Tavern due to the fact that their prices are even higher than the other pubs which, to say the least, are not cheap.  For example, I ordered one Corona beer.  They said the promotion was buy two get one free.  I only wanted one.  The bill came: 299 baht!  That, my friends, is about US$9.  Even in Manhattan, beers are not so expensive unless you got trapped in a Times Square or other tourist area bar.  So, like I said, I shall avoid Witch's Tavern.  And if service doesn't get better in Robin Hood, especially in the afternoons, I'll avoid that one as well.




And it came to pass that God created beer girls; Chang, Corona, Heineken, etc., and God said it was good...





OK, so I neglected to get a photo of her face but this lovely Nataree masseuse has a beautiful mythological bird on her thigh.  (It doesn't lick off.)



I sometimes think certain things are not meant to be.  Like my not having a scanner.  I used to have one then stupidly bought a 3-in-1 machine for phone, scanner and printer and of course it was much too complicated and I got screwed up and it wouldn't print or scan and I didn't need the phone.  So I decided I would wait for the American Express catalogue and get one with my points.  Meanwhile, I paid 6,000 baht for a new small refrigerator.  And of course when the catalogue arrived they had no scanner but did have a 6,000 baht refrigerator that I could have used my points to buy.  So I bit the bullet and decided to go to the Office Store opposite Emporium and buy the scanner there.  As you can see from the picture above, the office store or what was the office store is now vacant.  The hell with the scanner.


Also vacant is the Crazy Girl bar which was near the Penalty Spot bar on Sukhumvit.  It was a small space, undecorated, two or three girls, and whoever thought they could make a profit there must indeed have been crazy.




Here we have Attitude Adjustment paraphernalia at a local establishment in which lovely young women in leather happily adjust attitudes.  Fun for the whole family.  And, by the way, did you know BarBar is in the process of redoing and renovating and expanding rooms upstairs?  Business must be good.  Ouch!




Bourbon Street, Washington Square, anniversary spread was fantastic.  Something like 340 baht for all you can eat including just about everything.  Yep, including pecan pie, apple pie and Georgia pecan pie.  A great deal which was reflected in the fact that waits to get a table ranged from 20 minutes to one hour.  I was lucky and snagged a seat at the bar without waiting and even luckier when I realized I was next to where the Maker's Mark girls were standing.




Bongo: A new coyote club on Sukhumvit, Soi 33, same side of the road as Demonia.  Upstairs.  About 18 dancers entertain.  Some are quite pretty and are happy to have left the "Arab's" bars on Soi Cowboy.  Music pretty good, girls nice, but, alas, no barfining.  The owner, or one of the owners, is the Thai fellow who used to be in charge of the coyote dancers on Soi Cowboy for Tilac and Arab bars.  The girls in the bars were offered a choice of following him or staying in the Soi Cowboy bars.  Those who raised their hands to follow him to Soi 33 were fired immediately.  I guess they were lucky they weren't executed.  Anyway, give it a look.  Next column I hope to have lots of coverage of the new coyote bar on Sukhumvit, soi 4.




The Foreign Correspondents Club of Thailand had an extremely interesting speaker, Randall Bennett, of the American Diplomatic Security Service.  He gave glimpses into his years in various danger spots around the globe, especially in Pakistan, involving gunfights, secret contacts, and especially when desperately trying to save the life of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl whom Muslims kidnapped and ultimately beheaded and chopped up into pieces and buried.  Bennett mentioned he has escaped several attempts on his life from guns to bombs.  He is now stationed in Bangkok at the American Embassy.



Word on the street has it that the movie Hangover 2 will be filmed in Bangkok especially on Sukhumvit, soi 7/1.  We all know about the notorious yellow line on that soi and the film crew apparently would like Magic Table, etc., to close for the filming.  Should be interesting, one way or the other.



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The House being built to keep the farang across the soi awake at all hours continues to be built.  (Writers - especially fiction writers - are paranoid; we assume when anything negative occurs, it is a specific plot against us.)  Please, whatever gods may be, let them finish soon.  And please let it be a massage parlor.







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Old Question: If a tree falls in a forest and there is no one around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

New Question: If a man is speaking in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?






Susan Tyrrell and Stacy Keach in Fat City



For six Wednesdays in a row I accompanied a lovely Thai lady to a local Bangkok pub and eventually we would retire to my apartment for the night.  This lady was absolutely charming.  But what I especially enjoyed about her was that she was totally predictable in her drinking to the point that I knew almost to the minute when she would turn to me in the pub and say:


Girl: "Daaaaang..." (not her real name)

Me: "Yes?"

Girl: "Daaaaang..."

Me: Chai, khab, Khun Dang alai, khab?

Girl: Dang lak khun!


And she would hug me and kiss me and tell me again how much she loved me.  Of course, the next afternoon when she woke up, there was no longer any talk about her loving me; which was fine with me as at this stage of my life I don't need that kind of complication.  But my point is that it was after exactly 2 1/5 pints of beer that she suddenly realized how much she loved me.  She was not a sloppy, weepy drunk like Susan Tyrrell in Fat City but she did remind me of the wonderful film and great novel by Leonard Gardner.  So spend just a moment looking at the brilliant acting of this bar scene of two down-and-out people coping with life and with their own devils.




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So there my friends and I were, innocently strolling down soi 6 Pattaya in the mid-afternoon taking a healthful walk in the bright sunshine, no doubt thinking of things spiritual.  Little did we realize that the dozens and dozens of bars there and their Entertainment Providers would attempt to drag us inside and up the stairs.  It was only by the grace of God that I managed to limit my being trapped in such places to once a day!  Beware!


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One of this planet's loveliest sights: A massage parlor room set to go.  The ladies working there informed me that most of their visitors are Thai during the first few days of every month because they just got paid at the end of the previous month.  Then mainly foreigners.  Not sure what you will do with that bit of information but there it is.



Um, what exactly is this about?






















I've been getting down to Pattaya only about twice a year.  But every time I go I remember Pattaya is a lot of fun and I really should go more often.  I went down in a friend's car and traffic was very light.  On the way back, I took a bus and from Pattaya station to Ekkamai station the bus time was one hour and 35 minutes!  The shortest time I have recorded since I first went to Pattaya in 1966.  I gave a talk to the City Expat group, a great bunch of people, and somehow managed to stay sober enough to give the talk.  But as Dean Martin said, "You're not really drunk if you can hold on to the floor without falling off." 


Pattaya of course offers golf, tennis, sailing, etc., etc.  And it also has Walking Street and similar areas.  In fact, as I tell tourists who have never been there, Pattaya makes Bangkok look as if it is run by a Bible Society.  There are too many interesting bars to mention but on all three nights - Thursday, Friday and Saturday - several of the most popular were full.  Peppermint moved downstairs a few months ago, not sure why, but it is still a huge space and lots of pretty ladies.  Without question the most beautiful girls we saw were at Heaven Above but it does seem the place is mainly for the young.  Angelwitch has some good shows and the space to have the girls slide down poles onto the stage; space which the Bangkok Angelwitch does not have.  Unfortunately, the acts are becoming more and more filled with ladyboys, so I will definitely take the Bangkok Angelwitch anytime.  Happy a Go Go had quality ladies and good dancing as always. Baccara was excellent and often full so we had to sit upstairs unless we went earlier in the evening.  Iron was good but very loud music and What's Up was so full there was no place to sit so we left.  We stayed out of both Russian bars as we figured the advertised table dancing would eventually cost quite a bit of money.  And of course I did not fail to purchase a few interesting items of intimate female apparel at Boutique Sexy.  I wonder what lucky ladies will be trying those on?


Anyway, lots of excellent restaurants, lots of decent hotels at rock bottom prices, lots of bars to explore, prices for trysts with Entertainment Providers were in general cheaper than Bangkok and in general seemed to have a less spoiled attitude.  So if you haven't been lately, go and have a blast!



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I once had a lovely Thai lady up to my apartment and she saw all the books I have in piles and shelves and scattered about, etc., and said, "You know, you should get out more."  A great line but that got topped last week when a lovely young thing entered my bedroom and saw all the books and said, "Oh! I never made love in a library before."  (She has now.)


Speaking of libraries:


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Okay, now seriously, over a many month period I have been receiving reports about customers being overcharged and harassed in the bars on Soi Cowboy owned by the Iranian known to many as "the Arab."  Some of these reports are from people I know well and some even from men who know some of the girls in these places.  They are reliable.  One report even says the bouncers don't like people taking pictures of the bars even from the middle of the soi.  Furthermore, you should be aware that many of the girls inside these six bars are so-called "coyote dancers" and cannot be barfined.  So, as you did in the West, you can look and buy drinks but not have. If you know a girl inside one of these bars well, she might even take up your order herself and bring the bill herself trying hard not to have it padded by the mama-san.  


There are six of these bars, each with lots of neon and pretty girls outside beckoning innocents inside.  My advice:  Do NOT patronize these bars.  They are: Kiss, Sahara, Spice Girls, Deja Vu, Midnight and Rio.


Typical report:


"Outside Sahara 22.50ish I see late 40's American well dressed, wet from being on the ground, hands up saying, "I'm going..I'm going..." being shoved hard in the chest both hands, repeatedly by Sahara doorman...blatant aggression and provocation. He walked on with me. I told him not to bother going back as he would get hurt. He was sober and told me that he had gone in for a look, and not ordered a drink.... Shark Bar Papa san looked on aghast. Soi Cowboy operators should start to worry.... makes me reluctant to spend anywhere."


And again:


"The two girls I was with decided they wanted to go to Soi Cowboy.  We went to Deja Vu, where their friend works.  Of course, a padded bill.  And get this...the stealing is now policythe excuse last night was after you buy two lady drinks you're required to buy a drink for the "house."  Guess that's the thieves version of Happy two drinks, pay for three. I paid the exact amount of the bill and dragged the girls out, but they kept wanting to argue and I saw security watching us (me) and I knew we needed to just get out of there."

What you do it up to you but I am getting so many reports of bad treatment from these bars that I can only warn punters to take their business elsewhere.


Happy to say Skytrain to Murder has been optioned for film by Siam West Films, L.A.  Nice timing as the sequel Permanent Damage just came out.  I have now switched back to writing on China but meanwhile I am getting ideas for the third in the Scott Sterling detective-in-Thailand series.  It seems my subconscious is working overtime.  Yes, some of the scenes crowding into my brain involve murders and beautiful women.  How did you guess?


"The problem with the world is that the stupid are cocksure, and the intelligent are full of doubt."  Bertrand Russell


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"No good.  This gun is no good!"  The son of a Viet Cong is examining the K-54 Polish pistol that I am about to fire.  I am at a shooting range located at the Cu Chi Tunnel area outside Saigon and for some foolish reason decided to try my luck with the only pistol they had.  Why I couldn't have chosen something safe like an AK-47 or M-16, I don't know.  He says the weapon was made in the 60's.  I ask if it is safe to shoot.  He doesn't hear me or else doesn't want to hear me.  So I take the pistol and start firing.  It proves to be safe enough.  But because of the weapon or because of my bad aim I see bullets kicking up dust downrange but when I ask if I hit anything, i.e., if they passed through the target first, he shakes his head. 


The tunnels are so small I have to crouch and work my way through carefully.  And yet, incredibly, I am told the tunnels where tourists go have been enlarged a bit so people can get through.  I think of the bravery of the Vietcong in these tunnels, spending months below ground, and of the American "tunnel rats" who had to go down after them, and I am stunned by the courage of all involved.  There is even a glossy brochure describing the Cu Chi Liberation Zone and tourists can take photos alongside dummies made up to look like Vietcong. There is also a display of the types of clever traps set out by the Vietcong in the area as in the photo above.


In Saigon itself at the War Remnants Museum (formerly the "War Crimes Museum") I looked about at the exhibitions and, sure enough, all the horror of war is there.  But it goes without saying that the victor gets to write what happened so the assassinations, killings and atrocities of the Vietcong and the NVA are not there while those of the losers are on full display.  History is written by the winners.  Always.  Outside the building are American planes and tanks and a helicopter.  A man with stumps for arms approaches me.  He says a landmine got him and beneath his trousers he has false legs.  He wants to sell me a book so I chose the Cu Chi tunnel book just to make a purchase.  But it is a fascinating read and I am glad he approached me otherwise I would not have read it.  I also think he approached me because all around are tourists and couples from abroad mingling about the military hardware but I am the oldest and he no doubt felt that men my age would be most likely to feel for him and buy something.  He is not wrong.


I am amazed at how spread out Saigon really is, when riding motorcycle taxis it seems to go on forever.  They do not yet have fancy flyovers like Thailand so it is flat and really does continue on.  The economy is not good and the Vietnamese dong is going down, even against the dollar.  So much so that they had yet another devaluation.  But people I meet are extremely friendly and many said their father or uncle was fighting with the Americans during the war.  The guard at the Museum of Vietnamese History mimicked firing a weapon and said "American GI number one!"  Oh.  During the Southeast Asian war games 1961 -1975 I thought we came in second, runner-up, so to speak, but maybe I'm wrong; I'll have to check; maybe we won.


According to the motorcycle taxi drivers, the corruption in Vietnam is like that in Thailand, the police will pull them over but most problems can be settled on the spot.  And also according to the motorcycle taxi drivers, sex is available, no problem, one even offered marijuana.  Indeed, in less than a minute walk from my hotel near the river - the lovely, colonial-style and several decades-old (1925) Majestic - there is a bar with young ladies, some of whom lounge on the sidewalk asking if I wouldn't mind stepping inside.  Of course some of the hotels of Saigon are famous for where journalists once hung out waiting for the military to give its latest report ("five o'clock follies).  Hotels such as the Rex and Caravelle are two of the most famous and, remodeled of course, are still there.  The roof gardens and roof bars of these hotels make them places for excellent viewing over the nearby area.  But Saigon is quite naturally a quieter city than Bangkok although the incredible hordes of motorcycles make it seem noisier.  The motorcycles drive in all directions at round-a-bouts and I think it is only because they drive slowly that there are so few accidents.  As for English-language bookstores, alas, nothing to write home about.


Saigon also has a lot of local bars and clubs including Apacalypse, Blue Gecko, Lush and Q-Bar and a lot more.  I had heard that some of the bouncers in some of these bars were not so friendly but I smiled and inquired about closing hours, etc., and they were quite gracious.  I guess they like old guys who are polite and most likely won't cause trouble.  Bars such as the Q-Bar can be pretty dead during the week but really pick up on weekends.  They also get started a bit late for my taste so I didn't really hang around to see the height of the action.  But even while I was there there were certainly attractive young ladies about. But all along the tourist section ("District 1") there are girls on the sidewalk handing out leaflets and pamphlets for such services as Roses Spa (Thai massage 60 minutes US$15, etc.), Blue Moon spa (foot reflexology, etc.), Hello spa ("serving you from haed (sic) to toe), Baloma spa for ladies and gentlemen (nail art on request), Chuc Ahn spa ("skin whitening" of course!), and a lot more.  Knock-off clothes and bags and whatnot are also available at markets and along some of the streets and in the relatively small shopping malls.


There is a small backpacker area ("pham ngu lao") but it is nowhere the size of Bangkok's Khao San road and not nearly as interesting.  The markets are certainly worth going to, both the Ben Thanh market (known to the French as "Les Halles Centrale") and especially the Cholon Chinatown area market.  I found the best way to reach the various temples and markets is to take a motorcycle taxi but there is nothing wrong with hiring a car for the day.  There are also the usual Saigon tourist spots such as the opera house, Notre Dame Cathedral, the Reunification Palace, the old post office and various parks.  Outside the Reunification Palace are the North Vietnamese tanks which crashed through the gates in 1975 of what was then the Presidential Palace, ending the bloody conflict once and for all.  Tours through the building are interesting so do not skip this tourist spot.  In the basement is the war command room with its then state-of-the-art radios and other communication equipment, etc. used by the Saigon government and their maps on the wall, detailing the conflict in detail. 


So Saigon has plenty to see in a week and that gives the traveler time to relax and not rush from place to place.  But, fun though it is, it is a hard city to understand in such a short time.  The usual northerner vs. southerner feelings of unease, the expatriates and their bars and clubs, the moods, the aura, the ambiance of the city - it is a unique Vietnamese flavor, just as their famous noodles are unique.  And it would take more than a week to go deeper and to capture it adequately. 


In the same direction as the Cu Chi tunnels is the Cao Dai Temple, described as the Holy See of Cao-Daism, a religion which blends Taoism Buddhism Christianity, Hinduism, Confucianism and probably Marxism for all I know.  But do not miss it as the place is very colorful and the guides know when the ceremonies are about to start. Although this religion is less than one hundred years old, it has about three million people.  I am told it is now in no way political so although the Hanoi government does not aid it in any way, it does not hinder it either.  Their ceremonies are extremely photogenic.


So.  What does it all come down to.  For those of us stationed in Southeast Asia during the war, we have our memories and our emotional baggage.  But it is good to remember that more than half of the Vietnamese alive today were not even born when the war ended.  The war truly has ended.  I was last in Saigon in 1968, at the airport.  I was in the Army Security Agency traveling from Bangkok to Taipei just a few days after the Tet Offensive.  They expected to be rocketed again which they were a few days later but by then I was safely and soundly in Taipei, ROC.  I am sure that those four hours I spent in Vietnam in 1968 at the airport were crucial to the war effort.  I'm just not sure whose war effort they were crucial to...  





















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It is interesting to note that although the Nation published my letter, they left out the more sarcastic parts.  The parts in blue were not published.



Dear Sir,
Nick Ferriman gives the usual distorted leftist version of why the Middle East has so little hope for peace, of course blaming Israel and neglecting to mention a number of facts which a more clear-headed, objective observer could marshal against the Palestinians.  The fact that Hamas wants to destroy Israel and clearly says so means nothing to Mr. Ferriman nor do the youtube videos of two-year old Muslim children being brainwashed to hate Jews (typical of the hate propaganda against Jews in the Middle East).  Mr. Ferriman also neglects to mention that, among other crimes, Hamas dragged Fatah members from hospital beds and threw them off roofs and in general deal with dissidents in the usual horrible way of fanatics.  Even Hamas admits no one is starving in Gaza but where starvation is rampant in Muslim African countries, strangely enough, leftists like Mr. Ferriman say nothing and rich Muslim countries donate nothing.  Apparently, in his mind, if Israel is not involved, there is no problem or cause for concern.
Far from being "constrained by corporate business interests" the Nation is not afraid to give both sides of the story and often does so.  Perhaps Mr. Ferriman is confusing the Nation with another English language paper in Bangkok which relishes the extremely lucrative full page(s) "National Day" ads from Islamic countries and hence is constrained by corporate business interests from criticizing Islam.
As with all fanatics, left or right, whoever disagrees with Mr. Ferriman's point of view is a "sell-out" such as (in his mind) President Obama, President Mubarak and King Abdullah.  Perhaps Mr. Ferriman could rename his group Let's Ignore Crimes of Hamas and Just Bash Israel Campaign.  Then at least there would be truth in advertising.
Dean Barrett
Anti-Leftists BS Solidarity Campaign (ALBSSC) Thailand

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"Don't miss this suspense mystery.  Fabulous read."  Lang Reid, Pattaya Mail


"Literary entertainment is guaranteed."  Bernard Trink  Bangkok Post


"An exciting and fun read - Not to be missed!"  Midwest Book Review



Jesus endorsement






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A former Miss Universe contestant now sports journalist goes into the NY Jets locker room then complains about sexually suggestive comments!  The Shock!  The Horror!  The surprise!


The NY Jets have had to apologize for their "unprofessional behavior" and in America their behavior is a big deal!  What behavior: they reacted as men!  It is OK for women to dicktease but not OK for men to have any male reaction.  Question that I always wonder about: How and why do Western men actually live in Western societies, especially now that the average white heterosexual male is the enemy?!


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OK, once again after several more people have lost hands and feet, etc., to these loathsome creatures of the deep, the shark lobby has come out with their sob stories about how endangered these lovely sweet sharks really are and how they didn't mean it and how they had terrible childhoods and how terrible it is that so many of them end up in Chinese shark's fin soup.


But, get this, they have a new angle.  They have gotten several of the victims of shark attacks to line up and give talks in defense of sharks.  Talk about the Stockholm Patty Hearst Syndrome.  This must be the Shark's Fin Syndrome.  According to their statistics, there have been "57 unprovoked shark attacks" last year or in the last two years or whatever.  But get this: they didn't say 57 shark attacks; they said unprovoked shark attacks.  That suggests that there are other attacks by sharks in which they were provoked; in which they the sharks were the victims.  (These guys should work for the Muslim-as-victim lobby.)  Are they seriously saying that some shark attacks were provoked?!  I mean who on this planet would be nutty enough to provoke a fucking shark into attacking?  No, I mean besides Aussies. 


So some tattooed, thick-necked, muscle-bound guy from Brooklyn or the Bronx or Flatbush goes out on his surfboard waiting to catch the next wave in and he spots a shark and he says Hey, asshole, get the fuck out of the way, I saw this wave first!  And you even think about taking a piece out of my board and you'll be shark's fin soup faster than you can say I Love Great White!  Or maybe the guys says, Hey, you lookin' at me!?  Yeah, you!  Who the fuck you lookin at?! 


And the pissed off, insulted shark charges and the guy loses a foot but the shark gets slugged in the nose.  The shark, mortified and embarrassed and with his nose hurting like hell swims off and the guy who lost a foot gets recruited by the shark lobby to defend these creatures.  I don't know, man, I like to think of myself as a sweetheart of a guy.  But some shark takes a bite out of me, I hope nobody is dumb enough to try to recruit me to speak well of the slimy, big-tooth bastards; he might end up as shark bait.

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Critics say the firm was a "virtual tool for pimps and prostitutes"


(What's wrong with that?)


(But not to worry; they are keeping the "erotic services" section overseas - yea!)



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Professor moonlights as phone-sex dominatrix


Students at the University of New Mexico had no idea that their tenured English professor was also a phone-sex dominatrix who went by the name of "Mistress Jade."



(With that face, it is no wonder she worked only the phone sex angle)



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Trend alert: Thigh high boots are back in USA


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Letters from Readers


Hi Dean,  Came across your site while watching the Youtube video of you walking down Soi Cowboy.  Love the video, and love the site!!  While I am no expert on Thai culture, mores, values, attitudes, etc., I have loved the bit I have seen of the country, and so me and husband are going again in January.  Inc. 5 nights in BKK, where we will undoubtedly frequent the aforementioned Soi nightly.  We similarly loathe the -ists of various sorts, they ruin all the fun, in the name of PC BS.

Speaking of -ists,as you noted in your Rants section, Radical fundamentalists, namely Muslims, are also on our radar.  We are Canadian you see, and have one of the stupidest Human Rights Commissions in the world.  Galaxy.  Universe.  So I read your rant with pleasure, nay, delight, blurting "I know!!!  I know!!" the whole way through. For more idiocy see

So thanx for the refreshing laugh tonight.  I'm book marking this site and sending it to our friend who can only wish he could come with us. Cheers, "D&C from SK, Canada


Hi Dean


The plea to your environmental conscience that hotels fire at you is a load of bollocks. What they are really saying is that it costs them money to clean your sheets and towels and they'd rather not, thanks. I know this because I stayed at a hotel in Tokyo which gave you back the equivalent of $20 a day if you didn't have your sheets and towels changed. You were allowed only three days of this at a time so you didn't get the room too stinky, and you could offset the $20 against any charge in the hotel, such as a restaurant or your room rate. Magnificent.  Regards  Bangkok Barry




Hi Dean,  About girls seeing you as a hero for barfining a lady: I had a similar experience at a Pattaya bathhouse. I took a long time to choose a small, cheerful and light-skinned young lady. When she stood
up the other girls in the fishbowl started applauding and making comments that I could not hear. I know they were not applauding because I am such a prize, although I do try to dress one level above the shorts and sandals crowd. Once in the assigned room I asked her about her coworkers' behavior. She smiled and said it was because she is usually a favorite of the Japanese and I was the first white man to choose her. I wish I could say I upheld the finest standards of we pale faces, but at my age I'm the one who needs upholding!

   About LaBron James: The tears were because they have little else in that corner of the world. I went to school in the same town he did,Akron, Ohio. The state, though poor, turned the 2004 election toward
George Bush. That's the kind of education it's voters get. Nearby Cleveland has half the population it had in 1950 and is referred to as "the mistake by the lake." Akron was a powerhouse of the major rubber industry during WWII but all that went away when the tens of thousands of jobs were shipped overseas in the Reagan era. The Cuyahoga River, which runs past my long-ago home town and into Lake Erie, actually caught fire from all the chemicals dumped into it in Akron and then even more from Cleveland's now rusting steel plants. (An aside: I fled to California in my youth - as soon as I read they had topless waitresses (1966) - and enjoyed working to gain my college education at ground zero of the "hippie era". I loved hanging out at Golden Gate Park and Haight-Ashbury.)    LaBron was a local hero, known nationally even in high school, and the Cleveland professional team was only able to obtain him, right out of high school, because they were so bad they got to choose first.

    Like it means more when a poor man donates his last dollar than when a rich man donates $100, it hurts much more for a city-region-state to lose a lone icon, a reason to hold your head high and something hopeful to talk about in the bars, than for such places as New York or Los Angeles to have one star go missing. Really, other
than restaurants and bingo, it was all they had. Simple thoughts from a simple man.  Ken Utah




Ken, thanks for your thoughtful letter.  I always ask the girl in a massage parlor if on days when they have no customers does the company (massage parlor) pay them.  The answer is always no.  In fact, in Pattaya recently I asked two of them and they both said not only do they not get paid but they have to eat their meals inside the massage parlors and the meals are overpriced.  Secondly, they have to have their hair and makeup made up (by a ladyboy) and it costs 300 baht each time.  So if they have no customers they wasted a day and wasted money.  Moral of the story: Do a good deed for the people of Thailand: Patronize massage parlors!


Regarding the second part of your letter, I do understand your point of view but I find it hard to believe "it was all they had."  What about a community getting behind a scholar in the area and holding their head high for his progress?  In the late 50's there used to be a TV program called College Bowl, I think it was.  It pitted four members of a university against four members from another university and it was quite exciting.  True, it did not measure wisdom only knowledge based on questions asked on the show.  But it actually stressed learning!!  Something sports-mad Americans seem to have forgotten about.


It also reminds me of many decades ago when it was said that the black church congregation held their head high when their preacher had a Cadillac.  I do understand places without much getting more fanatical about something which gives them pride than it would in a sophisticated, metropolitan city.  I just wonder why "school spirit" is always related somehow to yelling for a sports team and never involves pride in intellectual accomplishment or scholastic achievement.  As I have mentioned before, dynastic China's Examination System was based on learning, not on sports, and the Chinese traditionally looked down upon the military mandarins compared with the literati as in the Hanlin Academy. 


I do think America has gone way too far toward promoting sports and worshipping sports "heroes" and should have new programs in place to promote scholarship in such a way that communities can take pride in academic achievement of their local scholars.  When we spend over a billion dollars on a new sports stadium - public or private funds - as in Texas, in my opinion, something is seriously wrong with the values of the society.  But that's obviously just me. 


And as for sports building character, about the only thing it builds is bodies through steroids. 


As for crying, well, last time I cried was back in the 80's when I realized the great La Cherrie Massage Parlor off Patpong on Suriwong had closed it doors forever.  We should save our tears for traumatic events such as that, no?  DB





Reference: Your “Anyone who fought with the Americans in Laos such as the Hmong
get real problems but Americans pay US$35 for a visa on arrival (even less than
Canadians) and no problems at all.”

Dear Dean,

Reminds me of my Hanoian wife and I going to the Chinese embassy in Hanoi for visas for a Shanghai visit.  Everything’s going fine for me - just pay $35, and come back and pick up the visa. But the wife, down a counter or two, is running into difficulty, and the Chinese weren’t going to issue her a visa.

And here it is the Vietnamese and Chinese who are supposed to be like in bed with each other, while the US and China aren’t that far apart from being enemies.  I look over to her counter, tell the Chinese clerk she’s going with me, and then they decide to allow her a visa!

Then a few months ago when I’m in the States, the wife, kids, and her mother (all in Hanoi) are going to visit Hong Kong and Macao.  The wife’s emailing me I need to let her know where I’ve put the kids’ US passports, for Americans can visit Hong Kong for free, whereas for a Vietnamese the visa is $60!

Changing stories, I was in the Laos embassy in Hanoi for a visa. With me in the visa section was a bearded American school teacher with his tall, attractive (but not the slim type typical of the north Vietnamese), young (a lot younger than him) Chinese wife, both down from China. (Actually I was really warming up to her.)

They’d met each other while he was teaching English in Fujian. They’d been in Hanoi only a few days and already despised the Vietnamese, saying the two of them would not let the Vietnamese have any of their money – they wouldn’t buy anything from them.

I despise the Vietnamese too, was talking like one having that attitude, and then noticed the Laotian visa personnel were overhearing me. Oops!  Without my asking for it, the Laotian visa man said he was giving me an extra three months on my visa!

In Phnom Penh I always enjoy talking to that intelligent Cambodian owner of Bohr’s Bookstore with its excellent selection of used books. I forget whether he said the Cambodians hated the Vietnamese even more than the Thai or whether it was they hated the Thai even more than the Vietnamese. Best, Lewis


****************  ****************


Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to






Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids




A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Very satirical writing and videos.


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

********************* *********************


Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 4,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins Nada Diddly-Squat Special.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!


This column's Contest:


Where were these pictures taken?



Which name does not belong in this group:


Raymond Chandler

Charles Bukowski

Dashiell Hammett

Paul Cain


Which name does not belong in this group:


Stephen Leather

Christopher Moore

Dean Barrett




Winners last column: 


1. Be the first to tell me the name of the building below.


2. Name the man in the novel this paragraph refers to:  "'He's dangerous all right.'"  Father said it in a musing way.  Then he chuckled.  "'But not to us, my dear.'"  And then he said what seemed to me a curious thing.  "'In fact, I don't think you ever had a safer man in your house.'"


Hint: He is a chip off the old block, one of the lads.


1.  This is the Hilton on Soi Asoke very near Soi Cowboy.


2.  The book and movie is SHANE with Alan Ladd ("one of the lads," get it?)  Which reminds me that I always wanted to be like Shane when I grew up. 


When I was quite young I saw a Western cowboy movie just like Shane in which a guy was described as the kind of man young boys want to be when they grow up and the kind of man old men wish they had been.  So I decided to be that kind of man.  What the fuck happened?!
Oh, that's right, now I remember, it was shortly after that when I turned 23 and the Army sent me to a place called Thailand...  They should change the name of Thailand to Whatthefuckhappenedland.



That's all for this monthly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" 

And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.



Dean Barrett can be flamed at:




"At least one thing seems certain: against people who are ready to die in the cause of destroying freedom, people who are not willing to speak up for freedom for fear of being called a racist or an Islamophobe don't stand much chance of victory."

"Shhhhhh, we're told. Don't protest the Ground Zero mosque. Don't burn a Koran. It'll imperil the troops. It'll inflame tensions. The "Muslim world" will "explode" if it does not get its way, warns sharia-peddling imam Feisal Abdul Rauf. Pardon my national security-threatening impudence, but when is the "Muslim world" not ready to "explode"? At the risk of provoking the ever-volatile Religion of Perpetual Outrage, let us count the little-noticed and forgotten ways. Just a few months ago in Kashmir, faithful Muslims rioted over what they thought was a mosque depicted on underwear sold by street vendors etc, etc, etc"



More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand


Just some of the recent atrocities committed by Muslims in Thailand




2010.09.19 Thailand Narathiwat  Two elderly Buddhist villagers are shot to death in their homes by Islamic gunmen.


2010.09.19 Thailand Narathiwat  Muslim terrorists murder a Buddhist man and his wife and set fire to their house.


2010.09.16 Thailand Narathiwat  Islamic 'insurgents' riddle a Buddhist father and his teenage son with automatic weapons fire.


2010.09.09 Thailand Yala  Muslim separatists shoot a 52-year-old Buddhist in the head then kick his body under a bridge.


2010.09.07 Thailand Narathiwat  A young Buddhist is gunned down in an Muslim drive-by attack.


2010.09.07 Thailand Narathiwat  Two middle aged Buddhist teachers, husband and wife, are murdered by Islamic radicals.


2010.09.06 Thailand Pattani  A janitor is among two civilians assassinated by Muslim gunmen in separate attacks.


2010.09.06 Thailand Yala  A middle-aged woman is shot to death by Mujahid while walking home.


2010.09.04 Thailand Pattani  Islamist open fire on two civilians riding a motorcycle, killing one.


2010.09.02 Thailand Pattani  A 35-year-old man is murdered in an Islamist drive-by.


2010.09.01 Thailand Yala  A 49-year-old security worker is shot to death as he is riding home from work.


2010.09.01 Thailand Pattani - A Buddhist couple in their 50's are brutally murdered by Jihadi gunmen.


2010.09.01 Thailand Yala - A 49-year-old security worker is shot to death as he is riding home from work.


2010.08.29 Thailand Narathiwat - A 2-year-old boy dies after being shot in the head by Muslim militants.


2010.08.29 Thailand Pattani - A middle-aged Buddhist couple are shot to death in their pickup by Islamic separatists.


2010.08.28 Thailand Narathiwat - A 40-year-old man is shot in the head by Muslim militants.


2010.08.27 Thailand Yala - A young woman is shot to death by Religion of Peace proponents.


2010.08.27 Thailand Pattani - A 21-year-old man is murdered by Muslim gunmen.


2010.08.26 Thailand Pattani - A 42-year-old civilian dies from injuries after being shot twice in the chest by Muslim militants.


2010.08.26 Thailand Pattani - A 52-year-old man is killed in a Muslim ambush.


And Many More badly Wounded




(Isn't it interesting how silent the Bangkok Post is about all this.  Yet they have lots of space to run stories and photos on pandas and a boring, predictable column written by a Muslim fanatic every other Sunday.)






Over 4,300 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks







"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." (Blaise Pascal, mathematician, 1670)




THE RELIGION OF PEACE (in the real world)

















The Mosque in New York











Not Arab enough?  There are no starving Muslims in Gaza,
but there are plenty in Darfur.  So, where's their 'aid flotilla'?






Killed by Muslim fathers, brothers, etc., for trying to live as a human being


Chicago campaign on taxis to stop the Islamization of America & the killing of Muslim women by their family members.  The campaign is now in danger of being discontinued.


This woman had a nose once; until Muslim men decided she wasn't Muslim enough.  Women want go to school?  Talk to a non-relative?  Muslim men have ways to stop that.  Acid, for one.  Click on the photographs.

91 percent of honor killings worldwide are done by Muslims

84 percent of honor killings in US done by Muslims



                                                                                 Happening Now in America:

Islamic foot-washing basins in airports; Shariah finance being introduced by American banks; college campuses designating Islamic prayer rooms for Muslims only; Islamic compounds practicing Shariah law springing up across America; public schools using tax dollars to indoctrinate American students into Islam; demands by Muslim parents that their children be provided private prayer rooms in their public schools; Muslim workers demanding special workplace accommodations no other religious person would ask for; creative people being threatened as with South Park; publishers self-censoring out of fear of Muslim anger and hate; plays self-censored out of fear of Muslim backlash; Muslim Associations on college campuses interrupting speakers they don't like; Muslim taxi drivers refusing to allow guide dogs for the blind in their taxis; high school texts whitewashing Islam; and the list goes on.  And on.  And on.


"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog...No stronger retrograde force exists in the world (than Islam)." Winston Churchill


Mohammad Playing with his Six-year-old Bride to Be

The so-called Prophet Muhammad Married a six-year-old named Aisha and had Sex with the girl by the time she was nine (if not before).  Mohammad ordered the death of two poets who mocked him as well as killed many others.  The Koran is full of hate for non-believers which it equates with "evil-doers."  Islam is not a religion: it is a fanatical brotherhood and hate-filled ideology.  The West continues to ignore the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to anyone who believes in free speech, an independent judiciary, free press, etc., etc.  Self-censorship is now being practiced in Europe and America to appease Muslims.  The more Muslims a country lets in, the more problems it will have.


Raping boys is called "MAN-LOVING DAY"

Is She or isn't he?

"Sexual abuse of boys in the Islamic religious schools known as madrasas is not uncommon, and neither is the rape of boys in Afghanistan, especially on Thursday, known as “man-loving day,” because Friday prayers are thought to absolve a sinner of all his guilt."



"All it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.


"I studied the Quran a great deal. I came away from that study with the conviction that there have been few religions in the world as deadly to men as that of is the principal cause of the decadence so visible today in the Muslim world and, though less absurd than the polytheism of old, its social and political tendencies are more to be feared, and I regard it as a form of decadence rather than a form of progress in relation to paganism itself." Alexis de Tocqueville


Muslim extremists brandishing banners calling British soldiers 'Butchers'


  • "The sword of Muhammad and the Quran are the most fatal enemies of civilization, liberty, and the truth which the world has yet known." - The eminent orientalist Sir William Muir (1819-1905)




    Iran 23

    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything





    'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.' - Benjamin Netanyahu




    The Bodies of Two Dead Gays in Iran


    (killed by adherents of "the religion of peace")




    There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to non-Muslims but when Muslims enter other countries they demand more than equal rights!  Write your congressman and tell him to stop kowtowing to Muslims.


    “Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”        --        by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 



    "Mohammad poisoned the sources of human felicity at the fountain, by degrading the condition of the female sex...and he declared undistinguishing and exterminating war, as a part of his religion, against all the rest of mankind. The essence of his doctrine was violence and lust: to exalt the brutal over the spiritual part of human nature" - John Quincy Adams




    —The unbelievers are your inveterate enemy. (4:101)
    —Mohammed is God’s apostle. Those who follow him are ruthless to the unbelievers but merciful to one another. (48:29).
    —It is unlawful for a believer to kill another believer, accidents excepted. (4:92)
    —Believers, take neither the Jews nor the Christians for your friends. (5:51)
    —Make war on them until idolatry shall cease and God’s religion shall reign supreme. (8:40)
    —Fight against them until idolatry is no more and God’s religion reigns supreme. (2:193)
    —The true believers fight for the cause of God, but the infidels fight for the devil.  (4:76)
    —We will put terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. (3:151)
    —I shall cast terror into the hearts of the infidels. Strike off their heads, strike off the very tips of their fingers. (8:12)

    —Muhammad said to the Jews: “If you embrace Islam, you will be safe. You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. “
    — Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e. Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e. slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.‘ “
    —Mohammed said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and whoever says, “ None has the right to be worshipped but Allah , his life and property will be saved by me.“ (otherwise it will not). Vol. 4:196
    —Mohammed said, “Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him.“ Vol. 9:57
    —Mohammed said, “ No Muslim should be killed for killing a Kafir” (infidel). Vol. 9:50
    —Muhammad said: “Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war, … “. (Sahih Muslim 4294)






    Some books that tell it like it is!


    Now on trial in Holland for "insulting Islam"



    The Islamization of Europe

    Muslims are rapidly destroying freedom in Europe and have even brought about self-censorship and real censorship in the United States.  But there is one city in Holland where a new reality can be seen with the naked eye, more than anywhere else. Here, entire neighborhoods look as if they have been lifted from the Middle East, here stand the largest mosques in Europe, here parts of sharia law are applied in the courts and theaters, here many of the women go around veiled, here the mayor is a Muslim, the son of an imam.  This city is Rotterdam, Holland's second largest city by population, and the largest port in Europe by cargo volume.  Europeans, especially politicians, will not lift a finger to fight against Islamofascism.  And future generations will pay the price. 

    The hate-filled Quran (Koran) consistently uses offending remarks whenever it mentions non-Muslims. It describes non-Muslims as animals (Q.7: 179, Q.25: 44, Q.47: 12). Then it describes the Jews as donkeys Q. 62:5 then as apes and pigs (Q.2: 65, Q. 5:60, Q. 7:166). To be described as an animal is a bad insult in Arabic culture, but pigs, apes and donkeys are particularly bad.  "Religion of Peace," my ass. 


    More people are killed by Islamists each year than in all 350 years of the Spanish Inquisition combined. (source)




    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but, assuming people wake up to the clear and present danger of Islam, it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion.

    " U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah"


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    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review


    “The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion.  It should transcend a personal god and avoid dogmas and theology.  Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual and a meaningful unity.  Buddhism answers this description.  If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism.” - Albert Einstein