Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every month when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 4,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, Doll House and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 8,000 and, if still no winner, to 12,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  Third prize is an After Dark calendar.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

A Japanese customer with a bit too much saki or whatever tries to kiss a pretty girl on Soi Cowboy.




30 January Big Mango Birthday Party for Graham


Beautiful young ladies!  And there is Michael, one of the owners, with a real doll.  And at far right is our very own Khun Nana.



The boys at the Texas Lone Star Saloon started New Year's Eve early.  (As always.)





Artist & Photographer Chris Coles spotted on Soi Cowboy




Mojos dancers lookin' good.  They look like the kind of sexy chick you meet inside a noir novel, Chandler, Cain, Hammett, etc.  The kind you want even though it could mean your doom.  And off to the right are some of the Midnight dancers, Soi Cowboy.  Midnite still has a ladyboy or two but also some cute chicks.  And shows around 11 on Fridays and Saturdays.  But a friend of mine who has been a regular customer there has turned sour on Midnite Bar.  He said they padded his bill, and they also refused to let the girls sit with him outside the bar even though he was buying drinks.  Apparently, they are supposed to stand.  Very strange.  And the two doormen were in disagreement over whether the girls could stand or sit with customers outside.  Some bar managers really know how to discourage customers.






Suzie Wong bar supplied the dancers outside the bar which added greatly to the festivities.  There was also a lion dance and I contributed some cash to the Chinese lion.  After all, I have contributed to God knows how many Thai water buffalo on Soi Cowboy so I thought I might as well contribute to a Chinese lion.







As is known far and wide and even in a galaxy far, far away, the place to be at midnight is in Darel's Doll House bar.  The place is covered in styrofoam balls and the dancers go wild.  The closest most of them will get to frolicking in the snow.  The one in pink made me horny so I asked the bar fine.  It was 2,500 baht.  This was so the bar would be able to keep some of the dancers for the special night instead of ending up with them all barfined.  It worked with me.  Mine stayed.



I was hoping to get through the night without Styrofoam balls in my beer.  I almost made it but then the "fur" really started to fly and the stuff actually made its way into my beer bottle.  I am even now still finding Styrofoam balls in my clothes, on the floor, etc.





And, of course, another lovely lady at Nataree Massage Parlor.  From Chiang Rai.  Twenty-two but going on twenty-three.  And Rajadapisek Road at night continues to resemble Las Vegas strip.  But much better action right here.  Why go to Las Vegas?


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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

One topic of conversation that comes up often among my motley crew of mates is the advantages and disadvantages of paying for sex in the Land of Smiles.  There is no doubt that women of all types are readily available, and it is certainly not necessary to pay for the pleasures of the flesh.  However, I am here today to tell you that many men prefer to “pay for play” in spite of the fact that they could have multiple girlfriends who expect no form of payment.  I suppose on the surface this notion seems absurd, but the reality is that there are many advantages (and some disadvantages) of just paying as you play.   

One of the advantages of going with professional gals is that the customer is in total control of the situation.  Since I am paying her she comes over when I want, and more importantly LEAVES when I want her to.  Charlie Sheen (a famous American actor) once was interviewed by Playboy magazine and was asked why he still went with professional gals in spite of the fact that he could virtually have any woman he wants.  His reply was “you don’t pay women for sex, you pay them to leave in the morning.”  Man I wish I had come up with that one.   

When I want a lady to come service me I simply make a phone call and tell her the time and place.  I also tell her that if she is more than 15 minutes late then don’t bother to come at all.  After all, I am paying her and if she expects to be compensated then she needs to adhere to my rules.  Just the other night I was waiting on a gal I have known for 5 years who happened to be running late.  This gal is super hot and great in the sack, and I must admit I was foaming at the mouth in anticipation.  She also has a German sponsor (idiot guy who sends her money from overseas) so she has almost unlimited time to do whatever she wants.  I had called and told her that she was expected at 7PM as I was having dinner with friends at 8:30 PM and wanted a little action before going out just to take the edge off of the evening.  When 7:15 came and she wasn’t in my room, I simply left the apartment and went about my business.  Naturally within 30 minutes she was on the phone giving me her excuse of the day as to why she was running late, but I was having none of that.  She cried that she “really needed the money” but as we all know, if she had needed the money she would have shown up on time. 

Just last week a very close mate had a date with a normal gal that ended up becoming a night of drunken debauchery.  I met my mate for lunch and was hoping to hear all the gory details of his semen-stained midnight orgy.  Instead he complained all through our lunch of how he couldn’t get her to leave in the morning and how she was just laying around his apartment expecting him to entertain her all the next day.  Man, he was really stressed.  Sometimes it is just better to pay for it! 

Another great thing about paying is that since there is no chance of emotional involvement  I can just be myself.  I don’t have to sweep my room looking to hide photos of other gals, or put away various lotions and creams that are left over from my regulars.  Let me tell you that scouring over every inch of the room looking for hairs left by other women is a real pain in the ass!  Many of my pay for play gals comment as to how beautiful my regular girlfriend is after seeing her photo next to my bedside table.  They are really complimented that I am willing to pay them for sex even though I have a young sexy university student girlfriend.  A gal from last week asked me why I was paying her for sex even though I had such a lovely girlfriend and my reply was “I am a man and have a need for variety and excitement.”  Her response was “it is a good thing men are like that, otherwise I wouldn’t have a job.”  Well said.

You can be totally relaxed when with a professional gal. You don’t need to dress up or even be charming, handsome or gallant.  You don’t need to edit your conversations or worry about making her jealous.  It really is sex with total freedom in many ways.  It is also honest, with none of the bullshit lies and game-playing that take place in normal male/female relationships.  Perhaps most importantly, it may be the only time you deal with a member of the opposite sex when you know exactly what all the rules are right from the start.  I am reminded of an old movie starring Michael Caine (sorry just can’t remember the name of that flick) where he is a famous writer (sorry Dean) who has been divorced multiple times, each time leaving him broken and penniless.  His agent finds out that he is paying gals for sex and asks him why a world famous writer would need to pay for sex.  His response was “don’t criticize prostitution mate.  It is the only honest form of communication left between men and women.  It is the only time the man knows exactly what everything will cost right up front.” 

There are some disadvantages of the pay for play game.  The most obvious is that it can be very expensive.  If you indulge often and/or with expensive gals then the money can really add up. I personally know guys who spend upwards of 50% of their monthly budget on sex.  This can get really ugly if left unchecked.  Of course it is totally up to the individual as to how much you want to pay a gal.  Guys pay anywhere from a few hundred baht to tens of thousands, with the average price for a short time of pleasure being around 1500 baht or US$45.  However as with eating at a restaurant, gals who work at more expensive places cost more money just as a hamburger in a 5-star hotel will cost 5 to 10 times more than one on the street even though it may not taste any better. The salient point is that the pay for play game can be very expensive and one needs to keep one’s wits intact. 

The expense point is closely related to the second big disadvantage which is the fact that pay for play can be very addicting.  Just as there are folks who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, there are people who become totally addicted to the sex game to the point where their entire life revolves around who they are going to meet up with next.  If you already live in Thailand you most likely know 1 or 2 people like this already, and I have to say it is really depressing watching them.  The ultimate act of idiocy is when one of these guys tries to turn his favorite bargirl into his steady girlfriend, which normally works about as well as trying to change a regular gal into a hooker.  These guys end up losing all of their money and become bitter and twisted about life in Thailand.  If you know a guy like this, the most frustrating part is usually that he absolutely won’t listen to a word from any of his mates and it is painful watching as they crash and burn.  I have some friends who say you need to have a little bit of a sadistic sense of humor here and therefore can enjoy watching the most pathetic guys go down the toilet, but as for me I have never been able to enjoy it. 

It isn’t that the gals are tricky or devious, in fact just the opposite.  The little darlings really are simple and predictable and even when they attempt to elicit money from guys can barely come up with a believable story.  However they have radar and can spot a guy with low self-esteem a mile away and as a mate of mine likes to say “the bar gals are lovely but they absolutely destroy guys who don’t understand the game or have low self-esteem.”  Never in my life have I seen so many guys be relieved of their money by gals who are transparently predatory. 

In summary, there are many advantages and a few distinct disadvantages of paying for sex in Paradise.  Although after re-reading my list of disadvantages I must say that they are really a criticism of the customer’s behavior and not the gal’s, so perhaps there are no disadvantages after all!!

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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A lovely Soi Cowboy maiden from Nakorn Pathom, on her first day of work, second hour.  Very sweet.  I hope she stays that way.  I'm trying to get a visa for her for L.A. because I want to see how many seconds it takes her to stop traffic on Wilshire Boulevard.


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A friend of mine was sitting with his girl inside a Phnom Penh coffee shop when suddenly a girl of about 16 came in with an AK-47, sat down and laid it on the table.  Eventually, a cop showed up outside perplexed as hell.  He had apparently gone off to take a leak or whatever and left his weapon; so the girl had brought it in to keep it so nobody would take it.  My friend said the cop was mighty glad to get it back.  Yes, still Cowboy Country out yonder.


Sigourney Weaver does not condone smoking

There has been a big flap in the Land of Political Correctness about the fact that the woman scientist (Sigourney Weaver) in the film Avatar smoked cigarettes.  This of course fit her character perfectly.  But the world is full of assholes who would like to stop everyone from doing everything they personally don't like.  Anyway, the NY Times forum did print my letter:

"These anti-smoking people are typical fanatics; put them in a position of political power and they become would-be dictators - it's in their DNA. Remember the modern artist whose photograph was used as a postage stamp? The cigarette he was smoking was deleted first. This reminds me of the old Soviet Union technique of air-brushing out people who fell from favor. Which foods and drink and clothing will these fanatics try to take out of films (and novels) next time around? Now I understand what the term "healthnazi" means."


"The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D." -  Nelson Algren


Another friend here in Bangkok received an SMS early one morning from his girlfriend which said something to the effect that she loved both him and (apparently a child's name).  The message began with "Darling" and ended with lots of kisses.  My friend, being an old Thailand hand, took it in stride, and simply replied that she apparently had sent the message to the wrong person.  Thirty minutes later another SMS came from her saying that she had actually meant to send it to her mother. Hmmm.  So I guess she send messages to her Issarn mother in English and calls her "darling."  A puzzlement...

Rumor-Control Headquarters has it that there may be a new magazine about Patpong Road.  Somebody apparently thought of that as a way to get more attention to an area in decline.  Word has it that Cigar Bob of After Dark Magazine might have a hand in it as well.  Speaking of which:

Nana Plaza Girls in After Dark magazine


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JR reports From Sodom-by-the-Sea:

I am in Pattaya on holiday and I have terrible news to report. By government decree all go-go bars, beer gardens, BJ bars, body massages parlors, discos and any other place where you can get some nooky have been closed. The government plans to turn Pattaya into a Buddhist religious center so tourists can now find that inner peace they have long ignored in their quest for carnal knowledge. So do not bother to go to Pattaya as part of your sex tourism itinerary. Just stay away. Don't come. Seriously, I mean it. With less of you guys around prices will drop and I’ll have a much better chance of making it with that amazingly stunning, thin-bodied, full breasted blond at Babydolls, who is usually bar-fined within minutes of opening and not returned for weeks at a time.

I was very fortunate one day to stumble upon a Big Sexy Show at the Beach Road entrance to Central Festival, the new shopping complex in Pattaya. The purpose of Big Sexy Show was to promote digital cameras. And what’s the best way to promote digital cameras? It’s obvious in Thailand. You get a bunch of the hottest women you can find, barely clothe them with bikinis, find a bubble machine, park two cars in front of the shopping complex, and have the girls cavort in the bubbles as they sometimes pretend to wash the cars with their backs arched provocatively or more often just cling to each other in various sensual ways as hundreds of cameras click. Oddly it was only guys taking the pictures. I took pictures as fast as humanly and electronically possible but my hands were shaking so badly that only a few turned out. Excuse me for including a picture of a very happy guy who saw the show and certainly has the Buddhist spirit and a wonderful hairdo (makes me wonder why I am so unimaginative with my hair and just let it lie flat on my head).

Two of my favorite go-go bars found business to be so good that they have expanded. What's Up added a second floor room for shows. Silver Star 3 added several mini-bars with one pole each in the former entrance way and a bathtub (they already have a Jacuzzi) where girls can play with each other and stay clean while customers inspect the process and sometimes participate. You can never have enough bathtubs, Jacuzzis or showers in a go-go bar. Remember that cleanliness is next to Godliness.

My favorite bar remains Babydolls. Babydolls has a humdrum dancing bar with poles (you’ve seen that before), an exciting Jacuzzi, and a wild performance bar where naked girls become highly interactive with each other and the audience. You could say that Babydolls is a socially conscious go-go bar that seeks stakeholder input if you know what I mean. All go-go bars seem to have their own unique culture. In some the girls can be dancing naked and seem almost prudish. The star performers at Babydolls are aggressive and totally uninhibited, and, if you are liberal in buying them tequila shooters, they will put a show on you (literally) that you will never forget. I was fortunate to wear very loose shorts the night I visited Babydolls. When a couple of entertainment providers found they could get their heads up the legs of my shorts, well, you can guess what happened. 

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                                         YET MORE INFO DOWN PATTAYA WAY
Where have all the stunners gone? The regulars down here have noticed what is in most of the gogos barely registers a 5 or 6 these days. Did the hot girls all line up new sponsors after the 1 week high season and return to the village on sabbatical? 


Sure, the new guys coming over from the USA used to seeing only +250 cows in Walmart, from the UK seeing only burkas these days, or from the downunder where sheep and kangaroos start to look do-able, everything in the Walking Street area without a male organ between its legs (and even some with) makes them drewl.


WS (the abbreviation you will see on many message boards that even I didn't understand - later learned means Walking Street) at nights is now mainly inhabited by 7-foot-plus Russians (both sexes) Indian guys that seem more interested in putting their arms around each other then on the other sex, and mainland Chinese who just get plain goofy after one or 2 drinks. Thanks TAT, your marketing plan finally got them here, but they don't spend a satang unless its included in the tour package. 

The usual big name gogo's (Peppermint, Happy, Angelwitch, and the Dolls (New Living, House, and Showcase) continue to be licenses to print money. And I guess one Mr. Graem, who posted on the Secrets Message Board that he was the primary stock holder in Peppermint, Happy and 50% of the new Baccara down here, apparently is looking for additional licenses. He just bought Casanova and Sisters a gogo's and is looking for more. One has to wonder if his pockets are deep enough to buy out Angelwitch down here which just got listed at 77,000,000 big ones. Big change from a few years ago when he had to take on additional investors to buy out his now ex-partner Harry. Speaking of the new Baccara down here: While the club looks great on the inside, most have been complaining about the lack of hot girls within. Certainly no match for its Cowboy location. 
Cobra Gold is starting down here for the next 2 weeks or so. Remember, it's not just a job, its an adventure. At least Pattaya will receive a small portion of the US taxpayers money. Unfortunately the bulk will be spent in Phuket where the USS Nimitz and its strike force is now anchored. Jet ski operators, at least should be happy down there.  
Here is Ms. February from the Afterdark Calendar. You can still order them for a mere $15 (which includes free shipping to anywhere except Iran) here:

After you ordered the calendar click on the gallery to see what you missed in past issues on Afterdark Magazine.


Heidi Brittain, a talented English artist now in Bangkok, does nice work.  Don't you just want to snuggle up?




Letter to the Bangkok Post

(which they did not print but the Nation did)


Dear Sir, According to news reports Mohammed-Reza Heydari, a veteran Iranian diplomat based in Norway has resigned from his post, denounced his government and urged colleagues around the world to do the same after the regime’s brutal suppression of huge opposition demonstrations including firing on crowds and killing many.

The Iranian consul in Oslo, is the first Iranian diplomat to publicly quit and condemn the regime.   I was wondering if the local Bangkok representatives of this odious regime have enough integrity to do likewise.  Dean Barrett


The Iranian Response

An unusual request

Re: Will Iranian Diplomats show Solidarity?, Letters to the Editor, January 26
With reference to the letter from Dean Barret, this would be a good opportunity to inquire about the verification process in the opinion section of your esteemed newspaper regarding the letters to the editors. I am wondering about the identity of the writer of such an unrefined article and its originality. So, I would appreciate it if you could clarify the authenticity of the letter and its writer.
I also would be grateful if you kindly publish the identity and nationality of the writers of the letters in order to make it easier for the readers to judge better about differing ideas based on more accurate information.

I won't bother answering this fool but what exactly does my background have to do with what I said?  And last time I looked, my last name was spelled with two t's.  Hasn't this pathetic mongoloid clusterfuck representative of Iranian thugs figured out how to use Google?




Kingdom of Make-Believe is one of my best-selling novels on Thailand and has sold out again in the States so we are reprinting but have decided to give the novel a new cover.  I'm trying to decide between these two covers.  Any comments?


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Without question, one of the best books ever written on Thailand.  But enough about my novel, Kingdom of Make-Believe. Let me mention that Bangkok Books has published a new one: Thailand Love Talk by Terence Doyle.  And each book has the full text in both Thai and English making it ridiculously easy for you and your charmer to reach a new and more sexy understanding.

I haven't had a chance to read it yet but if despite your charm and financial efforts, you still can't get a Thai woman to bed, you might try this book.  Try it anyway, it might be fun.


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"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams


Dave and Fon's new house outside Buriram.  Way to go, folks.  A very successful marriage involving a farang and a go go dancer.  So anybody who says it can't be done has his head up where the sun don't shine.  One of the amazing things about Fon is that she has kept that incredible hour-glass figure.


Parking Sticker for the disabled but lucky


Coyote girls from Teazers Bar, Walking Street, Pattaya


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"She then returns to the ocean, leaving the eggs untended."


I have always contended that sea turtles are the most evil, irresponsible creatures on the planet.  And with good reason. That's right, I'm talking about those slow-moving fuckers surrounded by naive people on the beach oohing and ahing as the mother turtles and later the baby turtles make their way to the sea.  Think they're cute, do you?  But why do you suppose the worst insult you can hurl at somebody in Chinese is wangbadan ("turtle's egg")?  The answer is because the sea turtles abandon their young and, of course, not to know who your parents and ancestors are is still a pretty horrible thing in China.  So what is actually happening when these irresponsible asshole turtles are waddling off to sea is the abandonment of their children.  But on TV, in places like Malaysia, there are always crowds of people standing about saying things like "Aren't they cute?"  etc., etc.  Cute, my ass.  The Chinese have a saying: "kill the monkey to frighten the chickens."  If people would shoot every third turtle abandoning their children, I'm sure the rest of these idiot parent-turtles would get the message and show some responsibility.


And don't even get me started on the fucking shark lobby.  Every time some vicious shark rips off somebody's arm or leg immediately the apologists come out of the woodwork and start babbling about how rare such attacks are and how the poor creatures are just misunderstood.  Rare, my ass.  Methinks sea world-type parks are paying off these experts so that people won't be put off by the true nature of sea creatures.  No racial or pelagic profiling, don't you know?  And just because I'm writing about sea turtles while on a happy pill and a bit of Wild Turkey and may be just a tad paranoid at the moment does not invalidate my argument.  Right?  Right?!


And speaking of turkeys that brings the subject around to Tiger Woods, as in, the Emasculation of.



The good thing about the Tiger Woods affair was that (at least when I last wrote about it) nobody suggested he was a sex addict who needed to go to a sex clinic.  Well, didn't that change in a hurry.  Now he has joined the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.  And it is a very expensive place.  US$6,500 per week.  And he had to sign a contract saying he would have no sex.  And he had to sign a contract saying no sex and no masturbation while he is there.


Well, needless to say, I believe in sex addiction about as much as I believe in the G-Spot and the Muslims' 72 virgins. For one thing, what is considered to be sex addiction in one society (such as the anal-retentive USA) would be considered quite normal behavior in many other societies (such as the Land of Beautiful Women known as Thailand).  So who exactly is to determine when a man or woman is a "sex addict"?  Well, the folks running these sex clinics and making their fortune sure as hell believe in sex addiction, that you can be sure.  They know which side of their bread is buttered and which end of their dildo is lubricated and they intend to make hay while the sun shines (not to mix metaphors).  


OK, we all know that society punishes those who deviate from its norms.  Sure.  But my point here is that "society" refuses to acknowledge the real norm and instead has fabricated a false one.  The real norm is that a guy like Tiger Woods who is rich as Croesus and famous and has plenty of opportunity to bed lots of glamorous women will do so.  The phony, fabricated norm is that a man in that position who takes advantage of his good fortune must have something wrong with him and therefore needs treatment.  What fucking hypocrisy.  And of course in order to redeem themselves in the eyes of society guys like Tiger Woods have to go through with this crap and act real, real sorry.


Not to excuse Tiger Woods.  Besides putting his putter in where it didn't belong, he made no attempt to shield his wife from the consequences.  He blatantly cheated on his wife and his actions were apparently known to all on the golfing circuit.  So that makes him a cold fish and a bad husband but in no way does it make him a sex addict in need of therapy.  Oh, sure, we can quibble with his taste in women as some of the bimbos he bedded were not to my taste at all, but he went for it.  He was lucky in one way: his dad passed away before this happened.  Although of course now reports are coming out of the woodwork that when it comes to bedding lots of women in extramarital affairs, Tiger is just a chip off the old block.  Who knows?  Who cares?


The reason I mention it here is that we who live in Thailand are fortunate enough to do exactly what Tiger Woods did: We can bed beautiful women anytime we want.  And we do.  If there is anyone out there who thinks we are sex addicts all I can say is an awful lot of Asian men are sex addicts.  Here is a letter in a New York newspaper that makes eminent sense to me:


"The mind of the Homo sapiens is beyond comprehension. It is hard to believe that any other species on earth could think that a man who wants sexual variety, and has the money or seductive skills to ensure a constant supply of fresh meat, has a problem." HM

And that brings us to Scott Ritter

Former chief United Nations weapons inspector Scott Ritter was arrested in a Pennsylvania sex sting in November on a litany of charges involving a lewd Internet conversation with a person he thought was a 15-year-old girl.

"Ritter, 48, allegedly masturbated in front of a Web camera while he was engaged in conversation in an Internet chat room with an undercover cop posing as the teenage girl. He declined to discuss the charges Thursday when reporters visited his New York residence...Ritter was reportedly charged in a June 2001 sex sting in New York, but the case was dismissed. He had been charged with attempted child endangerment after arranging to meet a person he thought was a 16-year-old girl at a fast-food restaurant. The girl was actually an undercover police officer.  The New York Post reported Ritter was caught in a similar case in April 2001 involving a 14-year-old girl, but he was never charged."

Sometimes you have to ask yourself, are men stupid or what?  Get it straight right here and now OK?  Pay attention:  There are no 14- and 15-year-old girls on the internet; there are only sheriffs and undercover cops pretending to be 14- and 15-year-old girls.  So if underage girls are your bag, do not repeat do not masturbate in front of your web camera.  Especially if you are very well known and especially if you were a former chief United Nations weapons Inspector everyone listened to during the run-up to the Iraq War.  (He said there were no weapons of mass destruction; he forgot about web cams.)

Jesus Christ, how dumb are men, anyway?  My late mother was given an award for her investment ability in Florida and the guy who gave it to her was eventually caught on the internet in the same kind of sting operation and went to jail for four years.  Yep, men are flawed, horny bastards, but to be stupid as well is beyond belief.

(I have a web camera on my computer but fortunately am too ignorant to know how to use it and have no desire to use it so at least in that regard I am safe.  And, anyway, what teenage girl would get off watching a much older guy masturbate, anyway?)



Kamagra Gel, as you well know but will pretend not to know, sells for 100 baht a pack (sachet).  A very reasonable price for turning those Clark Kent days into Superstud nights.  The problem is the drugstore in Pattaya only had stacks of strawberry-flavored gel.  And experience has shown that Mister Happy much prefers the Orange flavor.  Of course, this might be a psychological thing but I think it stems from the fact that when I was a poor student studying at San Francisco State College (now university) I often ate in Chinatown at the Woy Loy Goy Cafe because about the only dish I could afford was the sweet-and-sour pork.  So Mr. Happy got used to sweet and sour ("addicted" if you like), and that is why the orange flavor does more for me, because it is a bit bitter and a bit sweet like the pork.  Of course in those long-ago days we didn't have Kamagra Gel, but then I didn't need it then either so God got his timing exactly right.  Praise the Lord and pass the gel!


Besides, the strawberry flavor reminds me of that Strawberry Fields Forever gobbledygook for John Lennon and John had a huge closet in his capacious Dakota apartment in New York in which the air was rigidly controlled at a certain temperature because he had lots of fur coats in there.  And it just seems to me that a guy who sings about poverty, etc., shouldn't have a fucking special room temperature-controlled for his fur coats, and if there is one thing that upsets Mr. Happy it is hypocrisy so when on the strawberry-flavored Kamagra Gel Mr. Happy doesn't perform as well as when on the orange-flavored gel.  And, anyway, didn't the comedian, Dick Gregory, say that any religious leader with more than one suit in his closet is a phony?  But getting back to the point, assuming there is one, I notice on-line there is offered a "butterscotch" flavor.  I fucking looove butterscotch.  Man, what a lucky woman that would be if Mr. Happy was on butterscotch at the time.  Of course, all this kind of stuff increases blood flow to the penis.  So Mr. Happy would get more blood plus butterscotch!  Yippee Kayyay!!


I just found a "black currant" flavor in my drawer.  If anybody has a butterscotch flavor, I'll trade you a strawberry and the black currant for one butterscotch.  By the way, this on-line English website I am looking at has two sachets of Kamagra Gel for 8 pounds.  (I can't find a pound key on my keyboard; it must be there somewhere.  If I weren't on a pill I bet I could find it.)  Eight British pounds for two of these 100 mg. sachets?  Are they insane?  That's about 530 baht, no?  If there is no law about bringing it into England, it sounds like money to be made.  I wonder how much it costs in Nigeria.


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is proud to be the organizer of the 15th annual
Charity Golf Tournament to benefit 
Fr. Joe Maier’s Mercy Centre

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After more than 50 years in seclusion, J.D. Salinger dies at 91.

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Letters from Readers


Hi Dean -
Haha, I figured you'd have something to say about me buying your books used, but I am an opportunist and it was a good place to start!! I am happy to say that I just ordered four of your books from Amazon the other day as a birthday present for myself - I just turned 54 and am certainly looking forward to the next birthday, which will give me semi-retirement and the freedom to spend more time in my favourite part of the world.
Thanks for the great Pattaya report in your last column - there really is no place like Sin City by the Sea, is there? - I wish I shared your powers of observation, but after a typical night out in Pattaya I'm lucky if I can even remember where I've been. I managed to spend the whole of Songhkran there last year, an achievement made possible only by the ingestion of copious amounts of alcohol; I can't even imagine trying to get through a solid week of this lunacy while sober, and I can understand why many expats simply bail out and head for Angeles City or some other place where they won't get soaked every time they venture outdoors.
I also enjoyed Khun Nana's column, and can identify with much of what he says even though I have only been visiting for eight years.
As for the Nana Plaza filth, it is rather disgusting, isn't it? The whole area is rather grotty, really - when I was in Morning Night bar in December there was a big rat running around the place in plain sight right in mid-day. I used to hang around the old Hog's Breath bar in the afternoon while it was still there, and the plaza would be overrun with those funny looking little Thai cats, pissing, shitting and fighting and leaving chicken bones, etc., all over from food scraps the girls would give them. Bob, the owner, said he'd been after management before more than once to do something about them, to no avail; so he eventually hired a Muslim to sneak in there in the middle of the night and cull them - he'd pay him so many baht for each pair of ears he'd show him later. I miss the Hog's Breath, it was a nice little hangout for Canadian and American expats and I met some interesting people there; of course, it really belonged to Bob's wife, who is a real piece of work (read Stickman's interview of Boss Hogg for more details!), and she eventually sold it on him.  
I eagerly await the next column. 
Cheers, Gord
PS 72 virgins? I'd rather just have the delectable Cheer for a night... maybe I will too if she doesn't become some millionaire's mia noi first....



You, sir, in buying four of my titles, have made yourself into a hero of the Soi 33 Roundtable and I hereby withdraw the Muslim curse against you and yours.  Cheers!




Am a regular reader of your column.  Oak-Leaf Clusters for your almost-single-handed Bangkok exposé on the "Religion of Peace". WM (A Vet)



Hi Dean,  

As I was on the plane to visit my mother in Canada, I used the time to finish your book Identity Theft.  I liked it and it made me think.   What struck me the most was the description of growing older in Florida.  Operations, funerals, talking to neighbors, and ambulances coming at night to take people away.  Life in Florida was  vividly contrasted with the exciting life of a writer in Thailand, full of sex, intrigue, and beautiful bar girls. 

I have some random thoughts that are kind of related:  My mother is getting older as well.  She is in her seventies.  Her mind is still sharp.  She spends her time watching television, doing astrology, and wandering around the house.  She lives in her house with a man who is 90.  They talk a lot.  That is her life.    I think her life is slowing her down.  Living in Thailand surrounded by beautiful hot Thai bar girls (in various states of dishabille (or nude)) would be preferable to living in Florida or British Columbia, even if I ended up joining the Pattaya flying club in the end.  I might change my mind, however, if I ended up in Julia’s farm of foreign slave men.   

My sisters and Mother were asking me if there was anyone in my life.  I gave them a convoluted story about each girlfriend taking something out of me, so for the time being I preferred to be alone.  I did not tell them the truth: Instead of age appropriate women in the US, I preferred Noi, Ning, Nit… all 18-22.  Aside from the nice skin, sexy bodies, and nice smiles, they are so much more fun.    

Related to the last comment, I wonder, did you try to explain to your sister, step father, or the other people in Florida about your various jaunts with Thai women.  I did not see that discussion anywhere in the book.   

Lek would never have enjoyed being in Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Maugham, or Fitzgerald.  No one has any fun in any of those books.   

Legally, Dan Richards in the book was totally screwed once he started orally pleasing (A to Z?) Julie’s daughters.  The legal environment in the US is hostile towards straight men.  When I read that I was thinking: “No, no, no, don’t go there, they will own you.”  And I was right.   

Anyway, I enjoyed the book.   Good luck in 2010.  Cheers,  Mike USA



Mike, thanks for yours.  No, I never really discussed my tastes with my mother but she did come to Thailand a couple of times and she knew how cute the girls are, as did my stepfather.  And my girlfriends (as well as my wife) have been Asian since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, so I think she understood.  You are right, Lek would not have had fun in those books.  Identity Theft is really a cult fiction novel and as I expected people like it a lot or don't like it a lot.  Folks who like traditional narrative will be disappointed.  The Pattaya reviewer who called it a "wonderful literary masterpiece" was also smart enough to mention that it was not a book for everyone.  Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.  Cheers, Dean


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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to






Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids




A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Very satirical writing and videos.


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.



Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 4,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins the sexy calendar.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        Sexy calendar with Pattaya go go dancers, from After Dark magazine

     Fourth prize:       Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!



Old Contest:  This question is three parts and you need to get all three right.  1.  What was the favorite drink of the Big Lebowski?  Who wrote the great cult classic Fat City?  Where was this picture taken:




Answers were: White Russian, Leonard Gardner, Nana Plaza under the stairs


New Contest:  1. Who wrote the great cult classic A Fan's Notes?  2.  Equestrian questions: Name the following horses of these four men - Roy Rogers, The Lone Ranger, Don Quixote, Kuan Yu (AKA Kuan Ti - Chinese god of war).  Be the first to get them right.


That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" 

And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.



Dean Barrett can be flamed at:




"At least one thing seems certain: against people who are ready to die in the cause of destroying freedom, people who are not willing to speak up for freedom for fear of being called a racist or an Islamophobe don't stand much chance of victory."



More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand


Just some of the recent atrocities committed by Muslims in Thailand



2010.01.26 Thailand Pattani - Two Buddhist contruction workers are among three people gunned down Islamic separatists in two attacks.


2010.01.21 Thailand Narathiwat - 42-year-old defense volunteer is gunned down by Islamic radicals while riding a motorcycle.


2010.01.17 Thailand Pattani - A Buddhist woman is dismembered by a Muslim bomb thrown into a karaoke bar.


2010.01.17 Thailand Pattani - Two civilians are gunned down by Islamic radicals in separate attacks.


2010.01.14 (Pattani, Thailand) - A Buddhist couple is shot to death by Muslims while riding to work. Their bodies are then burned.


2010.01.13 Thailand Pattani - Islamic terrorists ambush a group of electricians, killing one.


2010.01.10 Thailand Narathiwat - Two men sitting in a tea shop are blown away by Muslim terrorists with automatic weapons.


2010.01.07 (Yala, Thailand) - A man is ripped in two by a Religion of Peace nail bomb.


2009.12.30 Thailand Pattani - Two volunteers guarding teachers are taken down in a Mujahideen bombing.


And Many More Wounded



(Isn't it interesting how silent the Bangkok Post is about all this.  Yet they have lots of space to run stories and photos on pandas and a boring, predictable column written by a Muslim fanatic every other Sunday.)







Over 4,000 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks.





"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." (Blaise Pascal, mathematician, 1670)




How Islam "honors" women

Stop Honorcide!


The front door of Muhammad cartoonist Kurt Westergaard's home in Denmark after an assassination attempt by an axe-wielding Islamist. 
Apparently the Muslim who tried to hack the artist to death took
issue with the implication that Islam is not a peaceful religion.






























THE RELIGION OF PEACE (in the real world)

Islamic law: Death for leaving Islam

Germany: Too late for her: Her brother killed her in an "honor killing" ordered by her father


This one is now in America: But fleeing her father - will she be next? 



Saudi Justice

Filipina Raped in Saudi Arabia, jailed, loses baby, faces 100 lashes



Marc Thiessen "Bitch-Slaps" Christiane Amanpour For Lying During CNN Interview



Happening Now in America:

Islamic foot-washing basins in airports; Shariah finance being introduced by American banks; college campuses designating Islamic prayer rooms for Muslims only; Islamic compounds practicing Shariah law springing up across America; public schools using our tax dollars to indoctrinate American students into Islam; demands by Muslim parents that their children be provided private prayer rooms in their public schools; Muslim workers demanding special workplace accommodations no other religious person would ask for; and the list goes on.


"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog...No stronger retrograde force exists in the world (than Islam)." Winston Churchill


Mohammad Playing with his Six-year-old Bride to Be

The so-called Prophet Muhammad Married a six-year-old named Aisha and had Sex with the girl by the time she was nine (if not before).  Mohammad ordered the death of two poets who mocked him as well as killed many others.  The Koran is full of hate for non-believers which it equates with "evil-doers."  Islam is not a religion: it is a fanatical brotherhood and hate-filled ideology.  The West continues to ignore the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to anyone who believes in free speech, an independent judiciary, free press, etc., etc.  Self-censorship is now being practiced in Europe and America to appease Muslims.  The more Muslims a country lets in, the more problems it will have.


"All it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.


Muslim extremists brandishing banners calling British soldiers 'Butchers'

  • "The sword of Muhammad and the Quran are the most fatal enemies of civilization, liberty, and the truth which the world has yet known." - The eminent orientalist Sir William Muir (1819-1905)



    Iran 23

    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything





    'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.' - Benjamin Netanyahu




    The Bodies of Two Dead Gays in Iran


    (killed by adherents of "the religion of peace")



    There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to non-Muslims but when Muslims enter other countries they demand more than equal rights!  Write your congressman and tell him to stop kowtowing to Muslims.


    “Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”        --        by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 



    "Mohammad poisoned the sources of human felicity at the fountain, by degrading the condition of the female sex...and he declared undistinguishing and exterminating war, as a part of his religion, against all the rest of mankind. The essence of his doctrine was violence and lust: to exalt the brutal over the spiritual part of human nature" - John Quincy Adams




    —The unbelievers are your inveterate enemy. (4:101)
    —Mohammed is God’s apostle. Those who follow him are ruthless to the unbelievers but merciful to one another. (48:29).
    —It is unlawful for a believer to kill another believer, accidents excepted. (4:92)
    —Believers, take neither the Jews nor the Christians for your friends. (5:51)
    —Make war on them until idolatry shall cease and God’s religion shall reign supreme. (8:40)
    —Fight against them until idolatry is no more and God’s religion reigns supreme. (2:193)
    —The true believers fight for the cause of God, but the infidels fight for the devil.  (4:76)
    —We will put terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. (3:151)
    —I shall cast terror into the hearts of the infidels. Strike off their heads, strike off the very tips of their fingers. (8:12)

    —Muhammad said to the Jews: “If you embrace Islam, you will be safe. You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. “
    — Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e. Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e. slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.‘ “
    —Mohammed said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and whoever says, “ None has the right to be worshipped but Allah , his life and property will be saved by me.“ (otherwise it will not). Vol. 4:196
    —Mohammed said, “Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him.“ Vol. 9:57
    —Mohammed said, “ No Muslim should be killed for killing a Kafir” (infidel). Vol. 9:50
    —Muhammad said: “Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war, … “. (Sahih Muslim 4294)




    Some books that tell it like it is!


    Now on trial in Holland for "insulting Islam"



    The Islamization of Europe

    Muslims are rapidly destroying freedom in Europe and have even brought about self-censorship and real censorship in the United States.  But there is one city in Holland where a new reality can be seen with the naked eye, more than anywhere else. Here, entire neighborhoods look as if they have been lifted from the Middle East, here stand the largest mosques in Europe, here parts of sharia law are applied in the courts and theaters, here many of the women go around veiled, here the mayor is a Muslim, the son of an imam.  This city is Rotterdam, Holland's second largest city by population, and the largest port in Europe by cargo volume.  Europeans, especially politicians, will not lift a finger to fight against Islamofascism.  And future generations will pay the price. 

    The hate-filled Quran (Koran) consistently uses offending remarks whenever it mentions non-Muslims. It describes non-Muslims as animals (Q.7: 179, Q.25: 44, Q.47: 12). Then it describes the Jews as donkeys Q. 62:5 then as apes and pigs (Q.2: 65, Q. 5:60, Q. 7:166). To be described as an animal is a bad insult in Arabic culture, but pigs, apes and donkeys are particularly bad.  "Religion of Peace," my ass. 


    More people are killed by Islamists each year than in all 350 years of the Spanish Inquisition combined. (source)




    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion. 

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    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review


    “The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion.  It should transcend a personal god and avoid dogmas and theology.  Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual and a meaningful unity.  Buddhism answers this description.  If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism.” - Albert Einstein