Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special.







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This column has been fun but the time it takes to produce is interfering in my research for the sequel to my historical adventure novel, Hangman's Point.  And some of that research involves my traveling to Hong Kong, China and possibly back to London.  Also, because there are millions of crazy people out there who want to read books on machines instead of the way books should be read, I am being dragged into the digital reading age and have started the time-consuming process of putting my books up on Kindle, etc., beginning with Kingdom of Make-Believe which should be available on Kindle, etc., in about a week or so.

So I will end this column now but continue to improve the website by adding more videos, rants, etc.  I also want to start a section called Special Reports.  For example, my first report will be on a two- or three-night stay in a Bangkok Chinatown hotel.  Visiting a place for a few hours by day is not the same as staying there.  So I plan to check into the lowest class hotel I can find there (and, wow, are they ever low class!) and check out Bangkok's Chinatown by night.  On Sundays in Chinatown in broad daylight I have seen the most pathetic and overly made up hookers I've ever seen.  I want to try to interview them.  And Chinatown still has elderly letter-writers on the street for Chinese who need to send a letter but are illiterate.  Bangkok is a fascinating city and I want to cover it in ways that go beyond the limitations of a nightlife column.  So I think by dropping the column I can add more depth to the website.  Anyway, that's the plan.  So come back often and see what's new.  (And, besides, this column has been going for over six years; long enough for any column.  When it comes to nightlife sometimes it's best to have fresh eyes and new blood.)  Last but not least, a million thanks to Khun Nana for his many insightful and often hilarious columns.  See you on Facebook.



This lovely lady with a violin was playing outside the Emporium.  A lovely Asian woman with a violin is a real turnon.  Not sure why but there is it.



Chris Coles had a really cool opening for his paintings, the Koi Gallery on Sukhumvit soi 31.  Lots of folks inside and out.  Who says I never go to cultural events in Thailand?



This is a picture from the local press of young Thai ladies learning to become Special Branch Police Black Tigers.  Come to think of it, a lovely Asian woman with a gun is a real turnon also.






I don't know how they manage to survive but they do: independent bookstores in Bangkok.  This one on Sukhumvit soi 53 has been there for years.  So, remember, in addition to Asia Books, Bookazine and Kinokinuya, there are other stores as well. 




Now, seriously, are Thai girls cute as a button or not?  So what if maybe you lose the land you bought when you separate?  You would have lost your house and more in the West when you divorced, anyway.  And, at least, in Thailand, losing your money was a lot more fun.


Coming to a Kindle and Nook near you!



I counted no fewer than nine customers in the (alas, now closed) Texas Lone Star Saloon one recent evening!  And here is Paul in the striped shirt being toasted on his birthday.  Paul used to manage the Lone Star and now manages MoonShine bar on soi 22.



Khun Game, a real pretty lady with a real pretty smile.  (She is one of many Thai women who are crazy about me but don't know it.)


"I was immensely touched; her youth, her ignorance, her pretty beauty, which had the simple charm and the delicate vigour of a wild-flower..."  Joseph Conrad  Lord Jim



Alas, where Bookazine used to be on Sukhumvit near soi 5 is now, well, nothing.  And this store sold a lot of my books as well.  The whole block is being torn down for, I think, yet another hotel.




Nana Plaza: I had not been to Nana Plaza for awhile and decided to check it out.  On the bright side, there are some mighty purty ladies dancing there and it is fun to sit at Big Dogs or Lucky Lukes and watch the ladies come to work (some are real ladies).  Dave the Rave, while managing Angel Witch, is also in overall charge of the new Billboard Bar (which will be expanded).  I also like the beer bars in the center of the place, the shape, etc., is pretty cool.  I can say that a fellah can definitely have some fun at night at Nana.


On the down side, the cats and the garbage are still on the roofs and the place cannot help but continue looking a bit sleazy.  As with Washington Square, there seems to be some question about the future of Nana Plaza, in this case after the end of 2012.  Tracking down ownership of anything in Thailand can be a tricky business but it seems Indians are leasing the place from Chinese who, for all I know, are leasing it from members of Scientology or Falan Kung.


Surprisingly, DC 10 had a few cute girls and one of them told me she is paid ten thousand baht a month assuming she has nine "boom booms" at least.  Apparently, fewer boom booms results in a lot less pay in which case she said she would just go back to the farm rather than be so underpaid for her work. I pointed out that there were so few customers around Bangkok nightlife compared to four or five years ago and that if she could not reach the nine boom boom requirement it was not her fault but the bar's fault.  She liked that idea and repeated what I said to the mamasan who seemed to like my explanation a lot less.  The Rainbows still have some of the best-looking women and there were some attractive ones at Angel Witch.  Rainbow 3 has expanded and it is said switched girls with one of the other Rainbows.  Whatever, I was underimpressed with the talent there that night.


Mandarin Bar upstairs is still quite fun with lovely young things in attendance.  Problem there is one dancer always tries to foist her "friend" or "sister" on you as well.  I asked the mamasan why the upstairs (I mean the glass ceiling) was not being used for dancing as in Days of Olde.  She said (as she always does) that when there are enough customers they use it.  Actually, the place was doing good business which leaves me to conclude that they just might not be using the glass ceiling for dancing at any time.  But that would mean a mamasan and go go dancer fibbed which, as we all know is not likely, right?


As I came down the back stairs from Mandarin, down to the ground level, I saw - shock! - gambling going on!  Six or seven Thais sitting around gambling on numbers while the dealer eventually revealed the dice in the small basket.  It was a bit like Chinese fantan but not exactly.  I decided not to take a picture as I was not in the mood to commit suicide.


There are also five ladyboy bars at Nana now and that is not counting G-Spot which seems to have trouble making up its mind.  And the ladyboys hang about at the entrance to Nana Plaza discussing, well, whatever ladyboys discuss.  All in all, Nana Plaza is still fun and worth a trip now and then; if only those in charge of sanitation, cleanliness, etc., would clean up a bit.



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What is the guy saying?  Be funny!  If you are the funniest you just won a copy of Memoirs of a Bangkok Warrior or Don Quixote in China: The Search for Peach Blossom Spring.  (Your choice)





Tom Chapman, Publisher, Editor, Photographer & my best friend.  RIP


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It's magic!  Yes, folks, Michele the Magician can be seen around town from time to time and he does know his stuff: card tricks, coin tricks, you name it.  He used to work the streets of the USA performing magic for a living so he must know his business.  More importantly, doesn't the chick above have great legs?




And here we have pretty girls not quite loop-dee-loop but getting there.  Three sheets to the wind and the fourth shaking...





Bangkok Noir is now available on Kindle. It's been getting some great reviews.







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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.


Well readers, it has been a great run and I have thoroughly enjoyed writing the column these past 4 or 5 years.  I thought I would take this time to write about some of the special moments I have enjoyed in Thailand and written about in this column.


Top Five Most Memorable Moments


1) The trip to Isaan for my friend’s wedding.  An eight hour van ride with 11 lovely Thai girls and myself resulted in me getting ravaged 4 separate times along the way.  I will never forget stopping 3 times at rest areas along the highway and being forced to satisfy the disgusting animal lust of a different gal each time. And in those horrible rest stop bathrooms no less.  Perhaps the most tantalizing moment was after finally reaching our destination, me being completely spent both physically and emotionally, but then being forced to perform once again just because I was the only person with enough money to afford a hotel room.  I swear to this day I was not benefited by the wondrous little blue pill. 

2) The Hollywood go-go dancer who invited me to stay at her shabby apartment, and then informed me that I had to sleep in a bed with her and her 2 roommates as well.  I woke up in the middle of the night with a gal using my manhood to pleasure herself, and who was I to try and stop her?  In the morning the gal who had invited me to stay made love to me right in the same bed while the other 2 gals slept away.  I was informed by her later that day that she had heard me pleasuring that gal in the middle of the night and it had really turned her on.  The only problem is that I never did figure out which one of the other 2 gals was the one I had been with! 

3) The night I was invited to a party with 70 Thai Air flight attendants and only myself and 4 or 5 pilots to entertain them.  I have never been surrounded by so much beauty before or since, and no doubt that evening will headline the highlight reel that plays at the bitter end of my days. 

4) I will never forget the first time I went to a dentist here in Thailand.  I think that was the day that it finally hit me that I had no choice but to spend the rest of my life in Paradise.  This small dental office had 2 dentists and 5 of the loveliest angels sent from heaven above working as dental assistants and receptionists.  When I was finished and went to pay my bill, the second dentist asked me if I was married.   When I responded that I was a single man, he casually said that the gals in the office were also single and hadn’t stopped admiring me from the moment I set foot in the place.  I inquired as to which gal was especially fond of me, and to my shock and delight his response was “all of them! Just take your pick.”  I don’t think I have ever fully recovered. 

5) My 40th birthday party in Playschool go-go bar at Nana Plaza in Bangkok.  That night there were nearly 100 gals working in the bar, and the DJ announced that it was my birthday, and since I was a very special customer who had partied there hundreds of times since nearly the very beginning, he wanted each gal to approach me one by one and personally deliver congratulations.  It took almost a half hour for each of the nearly 100 naked gals to take her turn in molesting me in ways that would make even Hugh Hefner blush.  I stumbled back to my apartment that night in a total daze. 

The best moments from all of my time here in Paradise have really been just meeting so many fantastic people.  Bangkok is truly the New York or Paris of the east, and my mates here are lovers, pirates, poets, vagabonds, drifters, writers, scuba instructors, company presidents, go-go mangers, import/export specialists, property developers, princes, bums and millionaires.  I love them all. 

To Dean Barrett.  You ARE the man that I should have aspired to be.


Cheers!  Khun Nana

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We are here on earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I do
not know.
- Matthew Arnold, English poet






"...When it came to marriage, however, it was McSwyney who was taken in.  A wily Chinese lady, Aho, represented herself as the widow of a rich Fukien merchant with property in Canton.  After signing the customary Chinese marriage documents, McSwyney was taken to Guangdong (Canton) and introduced to the lady's "brother" who purported to be an extensive tea dealer whose business would be shared with his new brother-in-law.  He was shown a large house belonging to the family.  On returning one year later to collect the rents due on the house, McSwyney was astonished to find that the occupier knew nothing of Aho or her brother." - 1847 Hong Kong


From Patricia Lim's Forgotten Souls: A Social History of the Hong Kong cemetery


(This book is my current bedside reading which I suppose makes me seem a bit weird)


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Random Thoughts from a Strange Studio



Hong Kong was interesting, as it always is.  I arrived on a Sunday, the Filipina amahs' (maids) day off.  So quite naturally several roads were blocked and literally thousands of Filipinas were sitting around in circles talking, eating, singing, laughing, etc.  They are in the roads, in the malls, under the Hongkong & Shanghai Bank, behind the Mandarin Hotel, in the parks, etc., etc.  It is quite amazing and I'm sure if anyone didn't know about it they might think they landed in Manila by mistake. I stayed in a Wanchai hotel on Lockhart Road in an area where there are a lot of clubs for Filipinos and at one point a really cute one asked me if I wanted a massage.  Unfortunately, I was otherwise engaged.  At one point, I was going to see a play and didn't have time (or money) for a pub meal so I went down into the huge basement of a McDonalds.  I managed to find a seat even though it was full.  There were maybe five or six Chinese customers and over one hundred Filipinas.  And me.  I was the only Caucasian and of course by far the oldest.  Why McDonalds doesn't have a special chain for people over 40 I don't know. 


But as I looked around the room, I have to say there were very few attractive ones.  To be sure, Filipinas can be cute and charming.  But when it comes to beauty, I must say no one can touch the Thais, especially as to the percentage of good-looking females in any given group.  (I didn't bring my camera to Hong Kong because I lived there for 17 years and it just seems like going home - although there is so much building going on and reclamation from the harbour that it changes with lightning speed.)  


I tried to avoid any holidays in Hong Kong but had forgotten about Ching-Ming, Sweeping the Graves Holiday.  Folks go up into the hills and prettify their ancestral graves, tombs, whatever.  And, of course, replicas of everything the deceased enjoyed in life must be burned so that the deceased will not be denied any pleasures just because he or she is dead.  So here, for example, is a credit card and bank book as well as Bank of Hell money and also five bars of "gold".  Replicas of the latest phones and gadgets and games are also available for whoever needs them.




I do enjoy going for my usual upmarket night out, usually finishing with a beer or two at the Captain's Bar in the Mandarin Hotel.  I was sitting at the bar.  There were not many customers and I had noticed a Chinese girl by herself behind me at a table against the wall.  She was all in black dressed up.  At one point I felt something beside me and it was her and she quickly said, "Hi, how are you?" and then asked one of the bartenders for something.  And then went back to her table.  It was a nice, deft move.  In a very classy place.  Moves like that have to be done in a classy way.  Anyway, I wasn't interested and God knows how much that encounter would have cost but when I left I gave her a big smile and said good night and she did the same.


I mentioned last column that I was trying out a new airline and one quite a bit cheaper than Thai or Cathay.  It proved to be a good move.  I did have to get up early for it going to Hong Kong but not coming back.  And coming back it was only half full and I had lots of room.  They also fly to lots of places in China.  The amazing thing was returning to Soyouwannaboomboom Airport.  Of course we all dread the long walk, the long lines at immigration, the lack of taxis, etc.


Well, for whatever reason, this airline landed at a gate which was practically opposite the immigration counters.  The shortest walk I ever had to make at the airport.  There were practically no lines at immigration and I got into one with just three people ahead of me.  And then when I got to the desk I had forgotten to take out my completed arrival form (I did have it filled out).  So I fumbled and got it out while saying Khathort, Khrab.  She had a small radio out on the desk playing a Thai song and while she looked at my passport she asked me if I understood the song.  I told her it was a love song most likely about some guy who had done the singer wrong.  And she laughed and we had a pleasant conversation about love songs in Thailand and she was smiling and pleasant.


And while two pretty girls (touts) inside the airport did ask me if I wanted a taxi (so that has yet to be cleaned up) I got a taxi outside at the normal taxi line right away.  I almost had to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming.


Because I wasn't bright enough to remember about Songgran when I booked my Hong Kong flight, I was stuck in Bangkok during Songgran.  And, another dream, although I did walk around, I was never splashed.  Not even once.  The van I rode in got splashed by happy folks at the side of the road but the window was up.  In fact, it was two days before the festival on the 11th when I was walking in a soi off thonglor that a girl in front of a Thai bar from across the street shot me once with a water pistol.  The irony was that I had my camera at all times and had resigned myself to getting splashed and to taking some photos.  Never happened.  Of course, I did spend most of the time inside bars not outside which might help to explain it.  And during working hours on Soi Cowboy no one was splashing.  It was before and after those hours (when I wasn't there) that the water wars began.


And spending most of my time inside the bars such as the Lone Star caused me to play dice which I always lose at because, for one thing, I have never understood the rules, assuming there are any.



I walked into a pub recently and couldn't even get a seat.  At first I thought it was some *&%#@ soccer game but it turned out that somebody in England was getting married and that thousands of people with nothing better to do stood on Lolndon sidewalks for hours just to get a glimpse of a car going past.  I don't like spectacles, I don't trust the emotions of crowds, I don't see what business it is of the Church or the State to get involved just because two homo sapiens decide to live together (except for money and control, of course) but, hey!, at least it wasn't me getting married.


Sony Playskool, oops, I mean Playstation has been hacked and personal information is now in the hands of the bad guys.  But something good might come out of this.  First, people will hopefully no longer trust companies, banks, etc., online who say your personal information is safe.  Second, people might stop playing stupid games and read books again.  Although not bloody likely.


I went to HOBS, House of Beers, on Sukhumvit 55 Thonglor.  The place specializes in Belgian beer and is doing a great business.  It is just opposite J Avenue on Thonglor.  Before that I finally made it to the pub/restaurant called Tuba, just off Ekkamai on soi 20, I think it was.  Talk about an eccentric place.  Just for the decor it is worth a visit.  I can't say anything very positive about my chicken with cashew nuts dish but I think they are known for their pizza.  I guess I should have tried that.  Some places, such as Tuba and also the Penthouse Hotel in Pattaya are worth a visit just to see the bizarre decor.  Although, as I mentioned, I stop staying at Penthouse because Boyztown is engulfing it as the Gobi desert is encroaching on Beijing.


Have you ever visited the monthly nightlife site:   It is well worth checking out.



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A Modest Proposal


During the Ch'ing Dynasty, the British were losing all their silver to China because the English were hooked on tea.  At wit's end, finally they found something the Chinese really liked: opium.  And it just so happened that the English East India Company was growing lots of it in their controlled area of India.  So sure enough the balance of trade changed and the silver China had began flowing back to England.


And now we have a similar situation.  The balance of trade is too much in China's favor.  And America is losing its silver to China.  But, ahah!  There is plenty of opium being grown in Afghanistan.  So America could take a leaf from the British notebook and smuggle Afghan opium into China.  Then the silver will start flowing once again to America.


Just a thought...





Rama IV, King Mongkut, to the Bishop Pallegoix: "what you teach people to do is admirable but what you teach them to believe is foolish."  Amen, Your Majesty!


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 Yet more construction at Prakhanon.  This city is on a real construction boom.  Not to mention the new Holiday Inn being built at Sukhumvit soi 22, etc.

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Jesus endorsement

Click on Jesus to see his latest message




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Talk about a beautiful and picturesque place - this is it.  As in the case of the old town of Dali, there is an old town of Lijiang but it is much larger.  The town has recovered extremely well from an earthquake several years ago and the scenery is beautiful.  The people (including the ladies) are very friendly.  If you want to breathe some fresh air after being in Bangkok for several years, Yunnan Province is the place.



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"OK, Where Is It?"


by Mike York


One of the amazing things about living in Thailand is that I frequently find myself completely at a loss as to what the Hell is going on.  This has made me think about how much cultural information we recognize and interpret all the time, usually without consciously realizing what we are even doing.  For example, when I walk into an American workplace, say an office, I know within seconds lots of things about the situation in which I find myself.  I will know pretty much who is who, what level of person(s) are working in the office, quite a bit about the attitude and culture of the place, and so forth.  When I walk into a Thai workplace (typically, for me, a Thai government office, since most of my dealings are with Thai officials of one sort or another), I know much, much, much less.  I won't know who is who.  I won't know who reports to whom.  I won't necessarily get what, to a Thai person, are obvious clues about what the culture of the place is all about.  My KISO (key informant/significant other), however, will get all this information immediately, just as I would in the states.  I have tried to figure out where and when I learned how to interpret all this cultural information in my own country.  I certainly never took a course on it in school.  I never read a book about it.  And yet, I share with my countrymen this knowledge base, just as KISO shares a different knowledge base with hers.  Thinking about this reminded me of an incident in my youth.

Many, many years ago, when I was a young man (just before the advent of birds in the earth's history), I married a young Thai woman and took her back to the wilds of Wyoming. The  courage born of complete ignorance combined with the arrogance of youth made it possible for me to do this without dying of stress and fear.  We had not been there very long when I took my bride along on an outing to a mountain recreation area near Laramie, Wyoming called Vedauwoo.(picture of this area is here:  This is a great rock climbing area, some of it requiring technical climbing (way above my pay grade), but lots of it just scramble up the rocks kind of a thing.  That's what my college friends and I and my newly arrived Thai bride did that day.  Bear in mind that my bride had spent her entire life living at an elevation of approximately 3 meters above sea level (maybe that high, maybe less).  Vedauwoo is 2,100 meters above sea level.  Most of you will know that altitude makes a difference, even when you're young.  My friends and I picked out a likely looking granite pile and without further discussion began our climb.  My wife bravely tried to keep pace, but she was pretty height challenged and not yet anything like acclimatized to 2,100 meters of altitude.  So we collectively sort of hauled her up the rock pile with us and by the time we got to the top (probably 30-45 minutes of pretty brisk climbing), she was exhausted.  Upon reaching the "summit", we all looked around, sat down (my wife more or less collapsed, to tell the truth) and started to catch our breath.  The following conversation then took place (in Thai language):

Wife:  "OK.  Where is it?"
Me: "Where's what?"
Wife: "What we came up here to see! (unspoken, but clearly implied, "dum-dum")  Like, where's the temple or the Buddha statue or the Christian statue or whatever it is that we struggled all this way to get to?"
Me:  "There isn't anything up here.  We just climbed up here for the fun of it."
Wife:  Silence.  But I could see in her eyes the first sign I had ever seen of stark terror.  I knew she was thinking, 'OMG! I am thousands of miles away from anyone who speaks Thai.  My English is limited.  And I am completely dependent for my well-being on a person who is obviously insane and whose friends are equally so!!!!'

Those of you who have lived in Thailand will know that almost every hill and mountain of any significance has a shrine at the top.  It was entirely reasonable cultural assumption that the same would hold true in the Land of the Big PX.  But her assumption was false.  It's like my assumption in a Thai office that there must be, all appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, a systematic way of doing whatever it is they are doing.  There would be in the states.  Here, on the other hand, Thais are often engaged in improvising as they go along--something, btw, they are unbelievably good at doing, so that things actually do get done, whereas if Americans try to just make it up as we go, complete and utter chaos quickly descends.  In Thailand, normally, everything will depend on circumstances and relationships.  Nothing will depend on a developed system, in the American sense of that word.  This is why Thailand (and many other parts of Asia, but not all) appear to the average American to be utter chaos.  It's not exactly chaos, it's just barely, barely in control improvisation.  Thais live like they were playing jazz.  Americans live as though we were playing sheet music.  Moreover, most Thais don't even want to live like they were playing sheet music.  Once when I asked a fellow high school teacher how it could possibly be that we still didn't know the schedule of the upcoming final exams even though we were only about four weeks away from the end of the term, she replied with some heat "This isn't a farang (i.e., western) school, OK????  This is Thailand!  When whoever it is that decides when the finals will be decides, they'll tell us.  Don't be so SERIOUS! (unspoken, 'for GOD's SAKE!). Mai pen rai (roughly, it'll all be ok, don't worry, be happy--English has no real equivalent, only Mexican Spanish does, as far as I know, namely, 'no le hace' )"

Later in my life, when I had scrambled up a few rungs of a couple of organizations (which climbs required not an insignificant quantity of damned hard work, enormous amounts of conniving and politicking, and the  consumption of many, many plates of hot, steaming sh*t, all with a bright 'I can do this, boss' smile on my face), I came to think back on this little rock climbing incident as a perfect metaphor for all my striving to ' get ahead'.  When I had gotten to the next rung, I was always disappointed to find that there wasn't anything 'up there'.  For a while I think I continued to believe that, while there wasn't anything 'up there' where I had actually gotten to, there would be if I could just get up to the next rung.  Eventually, of course, I learned that there just wasn't any there there at all.  And, even though I will go to my grave living my life by sheet music (being almost totally incapable of the kind of moment-by-moment improvisation required by jazz), and although I will also die feeling that everything should be done systematically (and seriously), I have come to appreciate the Thai attitude of 'mai pen rai' which often takes better account of the facts that there just isn't any there there and, in a hundred years (and usually in a hundred days, or even minutes and sometimes seconds), whatever has happened or not happened won't make any difference anyway, so why take it so damned seriously?

Mike York first came to Thailand in the 60's as a Thai linguist with the American Army Security Agency.  He and his Thai wife now live in Thailand.



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A Fantastic, Spirited Discussion of which of my Novels is best!


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Question: How do you know that you've been taking too many uppers?  Answer:  When you put up a website offering Invisible Donkey Removal Services.


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Erotic Thai Lottery 

AYUTTHAYA: Police are investigating a new form of underground lottery with a top prize of sex with a young woman.

Complaints have been received about a huai sieow (erotic lottery) operation, said to be gaining in popularity among male factory workers in the old capital, said Prawut Thavornsiri, spokesman for the Royal Thai Police (RTF) yesterday.

All police stations in the jurisdictions of Ayutthaya and officials with the RTF's Children, Juveniles and Women Division have been ordered to launch an investigation into whether such sexual lottery tickets are being sold in the province.  The erotic lottery is the first of its kind in Thailand, Pol Maj Gen Prawut said.  A source familiar with the lottery said the tickets are numbered from 00 to 99 and are sold for 30 baht each.  The lottery results are announced in parallel with the government's two-digit lottery in each fortnightly draw.

For each draw, there are two to four winners who are asked to choose the woman they want to bed from a photo catalogue of female sex workers aged between 18 and 25.  The source said customers are required to have sex with their chosen woman at a hotel provided by the lottery host within three days, or their prize will be revoked.  Jirapan Pimpan, Ayutthaya Provincial Cultural Council president, condemned the lottery operators as immoral people for valuing women's dignity at just 30 baht. 


Huai is basically a Chinese word and I believe the sieow is translated as Sexual Thrill.  Any comment would be superfluous (as Trink used to say)


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(When not swinging, they sell fish in Chumphon)


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Cactus John on a Roll



I mentioned before when John of the Cactus Bar gets going, he turns into Henry Miller. So here's a sample:



No matter how well you think you got it wired, life in the kingdom continues to amaze. Like a pitching machine with a loose bolt, you always gotta be ready for the curve ball if you want to avoid being beaned!


I had an invite to go up to my least favorite village upcountry to meet up with a dolly that was supposedly dying to meet me.


My batting average was dismal in this place and after the “Trip from Hell” I had determined to give it up and drop it from the itinerary.


But then I get a phone call and, not unlike one of Pavlov’s poxie poochies, the mention of a newly pokable patch of pubes portends a pulsing pubic protuberance and a simultaneous loss of blood supply to the primary cranial compartment…..


Without further thought I’m making a booking on a boogie wagon pointed in a North-Easterly direction.


While the train still remains my sentimental favorite transport, I continue to be pleasantly surprised by the strides NCA is making with the bus system.


I boarded my latest chariot and was yet again startled to find a further upgrade. This thing had been newly fitted with seat units worthy of and resembling a business class aircraft cabin.


Modular units incorporating reclining seats – the scooter type that don’t lean back, but instead slide down and sorta under the one in front of it. No massage regrettably, but lo and behold a personal entertainment screen in the seat back ahead!!


Pretty amazing for a bus really. Touch screen lets me tune in on a tutorial, movies, even a game console - although these days fuck if I can figure those things out anyways.


A refugee from the fifties, pinball arcades were the distraction of choice during my formative years.


Pong was as far as I got into the electro-video revolution before retro-ing back to books.


They even offered an option to show the driver’s view via CCTV – an option which was to prove an issue later on.


This isn’t a new concept, they used to do it on aircraft during take-off and landing.


That sort of died out after it was revealed that this system was in use during the disastrous DC-10 engine loss at Chicago’s O’hare airport that resulted in a couple a minute airborne roller coaster ride which ended in a nosedive impact fatal to all aboard.


A little too up close and personal for most to conceive of…watching your own demise unfold via the wonder of modern electronics…ugh…wonder if there was audio of the shrill “AW-FUCKS!!” coming from the cockpit…!!??


I settle in and after I get everything adjusted I was as snug as if wrapped in a black velvet Day-Glo Elvis painting....(and just how snug would that be?)


I explore the movie option and am speechless to find several titles in ENGLISH with Thai subtitles!!


A couple of inane comedies, a nap and box lunch later we were nearing my drop off point.


Previously I had a diagram showing my destination drop – just a simple intersection with the route numbers penciled in including the symbol for a traffic signal which got me to the correct spot every time.


In the interim I had upgraded to a road atlas and had circled the said intersection. The Stewie studied it for a couple of moments and repeated the name of a near by burg leading me to assume she had it dialed in.


Did I mention the stewie was as knock down drag out stunning as you’ll ever see inna bus!!??


I’m talkin’ a high cheek boned, and light skinned stunner with a most likely real nose!!


Doe eyes with that slight upturn on the outside resulting in a look that most girls try to create with a pencil and a mouth full of aligned ivories that made a smile effortless and a frown a real issue.


 I could just see that upper lip stretched over the pearly whites to make a seal on the pink piccolo and those peepers peeping over my belly looking positively FELINE (In a Siamese way of course)!!!!


A pouty lower lip which just begged for a string of saliva between her and the little guy and a wide-ish jaw leading to a prominent chin promising a perfect platform to rest the twins on almost completed the picture….


But, as the late night TV ads go, “DON’T ORDER YET - THERE’S MORE!!!.


The rantings of Cactus John continue here:  No matter how well you think you


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Letters from Readers


Hello Dean,  I can't locate the archived Monthlys.  I am trying to retrieve:

1. 15Jan--31Jan -- 2007
2. 1Mar-15Mar -- 2007
3. 1Mar-15Mar -- 2008
4. 1Feb-15Feb -- 2009
5. April 2010



Nice, try, Dana, but I recognize those dates as the columns in which khun Fon appeared.  Checkmate.

(Stay off the provigal and ritalin and gancha for a day or two and see how that works for you.)

Cheers, Dean


Good Day Dean, Please could you provide me with some info on how to get in touch with Thai Massage Girls who are willing to relocate to open up a spa in Durban South Africa.

 Your assistance will be greatly appreciated Regards Soma

Sure, just as soon as you provide me with some info on how to get in touch with South African Massage Girls who are willing to relocate to open up a spa in Thailand.


Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."


Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:


Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.


Bangkok's weather report.




A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.




A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.


Our Lady in Black




Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?




Maps of all the provinces of Thailand




Listen to






Helping Kids in Thailand


Helping Thai Kids




A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:



Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.


Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page


Very satirical writing and videos.


Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

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Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 3,500 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins Nada Diddly-Squat Special.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        An "Explore your Hidden Self" voucher from BarBar

     Fourth prize:       Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!






Answers to last column's contest:


Give your best humorous caption for this picture - the winners are:


1. When the escort service said she had big eyes, a cute smile, brown skin, and a slender body, I guess they weren't lying.


2. Somewhere in a parallel universe where King Kong is a very gay lobster.

3. Nothing's changed at the Thermae


That's all for this monthly column.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" 

And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.



Dean Barrett can be flamed at:



A Muslim mob hunts down Christians in Nigeria.  They found the Christians.

The embedded Muslim fanatic with the Bangkok Post says Obama is disappointing in that he did not "reach out" to Islamic countries.  How do you "reach out" to people who believe women should be stoned to death for adultery and people should be killed for leaving Islam?  Why should those of us living in the 21st century reach out to barbarians living in the 7th century?  It is they who need to admit that the Koran is as full of shit as much as the bible and torah, and who need to admit that, to say the least, Mohammad was not a "perfect man."  It is Muslims who need to "reach in."  Until then, no reaching out by more civilized countries is possible.  (I won't bother sending this to the pro-Islam Bangkok Post.  They seldom run anything criticizing Islam.)

"At least one thing seems certain: against people who are ready to die in the cause of destroying freedom, people who are not willing to speak up for freedom for fear of being called a racist or an Islamophobe don't stand much chance of victory."



More News on the "Religion of Peace"


The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand


Just some of the recent atrocities committed by Muslims in Thailand



2011.04.22 Thailand Yala One person is killed when Muslim 'insurgents' detonate a bomb hidden in a drainage pipe.


2011.04.21 Thailand Pattani  Muslim 'insurgents' murder a Buddhist in his home.


2011.04.19 Thailand Pattani Two teens are among five people who die from splinter injuries following an Islamist grenade attack.


2011.04.18 Thailand Yala  Muslim 'insurgents' set off a car bomb, killing a passerby in a pickup truck.


2011.04.14 Thailand Narathiwat Islamic militants spray the back of a 45-year old villager's head with automatic weapons fire.


2011.04.08 Thailand Pattani  A 52-year-old man is shot to death by Muslim "separatists."


2011.04.08 Thailand Yala  A Buddhist man and his companion are shot full of holes by Muslim terrorists..


2011.04.07 Thailand Narathiwat  Muslim 'insurgents' stage a drive-by attack on a veterans office, killing a guard.



And Many More badly Wounded



(Isn't it interesting how silent the Bangkok Post is about all this.  Yet they have lots of space to run stories and photos on pandas, lots of anti-American articles from leftist newspapers, and a boring, predictable column written by a Muslim fanatic every other Sunday.)






Over 4,400 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks



Beheaded Thai soldiers





Muslim barbarians executing a woman.  Probably she left the kitchen without permission.



"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." (Blaise Pascal, mathematician, 1670)





What is interesting about articles on the mosque to be in Manhattan near the 9/11 site is that they never once mention the original name given to the mosque by Muslims who wanted to build it.  It was called the Cordoba Project.  So called because when Muslims began the invasion and conquest of Spain they built their first mosque at Cordoba.  Mosques are and always have been a sign of triumph over infidels.  Since the 7th century they have been used to plan battles and store weapons.  They are definitely not the same as a church or Buddhist temple.  When they realized some of us infidels knew what it meant they changed the name.  I do not want this mosque built there as many Muslims also have said the same thing as basically "why fan the flames?"  But I see no legal way to stop it.
Far more worrying to me is what Muslims in America are doing to take away our rights such as freedom of expression, etc., and the wimp response of Americans.  New York publishers cancelled books on Islam because as they admitted they fear for their staff.  A play in Cincinnati was not put on because of Muslim objections so it was moved and put on in Manhattan.  Muslim groups are suing anyone who speaks out against Islam including radio hosts.  It is the stealth Jihad going on in America which is the frightening thing.  They now have the numbers so that Muslim Associations on university campuses heckle and threaten speakers who are pro-Israel and many times campus guards have to protect the speakers and at times police have been needed as well.  People are afraid to invite anti-Muslim speakers now.  They can burn our flag and the Bible but we cannot burn their hate-filled Koran (in which we are called monkeys and apes).  And they are doing their best to change the curriculum of our school systems to whitewash Islam. 
The Muslim who did the right thing and testified against the cowardly bastard who killed 13 Americans at Ft. Hood says now that his entire Muslim community (in America) has cut him dead.  He did the horrible thing of helping infidels against a Muslim.  Never mind that he was a murderer.   There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to its minorities; but when they are in a minority, they demand not just equal but extra rights above everyone else.  Ironically, it is the illegal immigrants from Mexico who are standing up to these arrogant bastards in factories saying no they will not let Muslims tell them when to close for Muslim holidays, etc. 
I fought against Muslim fanatics on the streets of New York in 1989 when they wanted to kill Salmon Rushdie for something he wrote.  I woke up to the very real danger of what happens when these screaming, hate-filled assholes have the numbers to cause problems.  When Muslims want to kill writers I take that very personally - as should everyone.
Whether or not they build the mosque is not such an emotional issue with me.  Bleeding heart liberal denials of the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to a democracy is what puzzles and astonishes me.  Believe me, the more you learn about Islam the more you will come to realize it is not a "religion of peace."  And as real moderate Muslims point out, the more Western liberals deny that their are problems within Islam itself, the more those liberals pull the rug out from the truly moderate Muslims.  And, yes, it is a cliché, but I am a firm believer in the adage that all it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing.


Fighting back against Islamization of the West


THE RELIGION OF PEACE (in the real world)

"The Defense Department now piously condemning Koran burning is the same Defense Department that itself did not give a second thought to confiscating and burning bibles in Afghanistan."


A delighted crowd of Indonesian Sunnis shout praises to
Allah as an Ahmadi religious minority gets schooled on
Islamic tolerance in what has been called the “world’s most
moderate Muslim country” (
during Interfaith Week, no less).





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Killed by Muslim fathers, brothers, etc., for trying to live as a human being


Chicago campaign on taxis to stop the Islamization of America & the killing of Muslim women by their family members.  The campaign is now in danger of being discontinued.


This woman had a nose once; until Muslim men decided she wasn't Muslim enough.  Women want go to school?  Talk to a non-relative?  Muslim men have ways to stop that.  Acid, for one.  Click on the photographs.

91 percent of honor killings worldwide are done by Muslims

84 percent of honor killings in US done by Muslims



                                                                                 Happening Now in America:

Islamic foot-washing basins in airports; Shariah finance being introduced by American banks; college campuses designating Islamic prayer rooms for Muslims only; Islamic compounds practicing Shariah law springing up across America; public schools using tax dollars to indoctrinate American students into Islam; demands by Muslim parents that their children be provided private prayer rooms in their public schools; Muslim workers demanding special workplace accommodations no other religious person would ask for; creative people being threatened as with South Park; publishers self-censoring out of fear of Muslim anger and hate; plays self-censored out of fear of Muslim backlash; Muslim Associations on college campuses interrupting speakers they don't like; Muslim taxi drivers refusing to allow guide dogs for the blind in their taxis; high school texts whitewashing Islam; and the list goes on.  And on.  And on.


"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog...No stronger retrograde force exists in the world (than Islam)." Winston Churchill


Mohammad Playing with his Six-year-old Bride to Be

The so-called Prophet Muhammad Married a six-year-old named Aisha and had Sex with the girl by the time she was nine (if not before).  Mohammad ordered the death of two poets who mocked him as well as killed many others.  The Koran is full of hate for non-believers which it equates with "evil-doers."  Islam is not a religion: it is a fanatical brotherhood and hate-filled ideology.  The West continues to ignore the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to anyone who believes in free speech, an independent judiciary, free press, etc., etc.  Self-censorship is now being practiced in Europe and America to appease Muslims.  The more Muslims a country lets in, the more problems it will have.


Raping boys is called "MAN-LOVING DAY"

Is She or isn't he?

"Sexual abuse of boys in the Islamic religious schools known as madrasas is not uncommon, and neither is the rape of boys in Afghanistan, especially on Thursday, known as “man-loving day,” because Friday prayers are thought to absolve a sinner of all his guilt."


"All it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.


"I studied the Quran a great deal. I came away from that study with the conviction that there have been few religions in the world as deadly to men as that of is the principal cause of the decadence so visible today in the Muslim world and, though less absurd than the polytheism of old, its social and political tendencies are more to be feared, and I regard it as a form of decadence rather than a form of progress in relation to paganism itself." Alexis de Tocqueville


Muslim extremists brandishing banners calling British soldiers 'Butchers'


  • "The sword of Muhammad and the Quran are the most fatal enemies of civilization, liberty, and the truth which the world has yet known." - The eminent orientalist Sir William Muir (1819-1905)




    Iran 23

    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything





    'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.' - Benjamin Netanyahu




    The Bodies of Two Dead Gays in Iran


    (killed by adherents of "the religion of peace")



    There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to non-Muslims but when Muslims enter other countries they demand more than equal rights!  Write your congressman and tell him to stop kowtowing to Muslims.

    “No other religion in Europe is so demanding, and no other migration group depends so much on the social welfare state and is so much connected to criminality.”



    “Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”        --        by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 



    "Mohammad poisoned the sources of human felicity at the fountain, by degrading the condition of the female sex...and he declared undistinguishing and exterminating war, as a part of his religion, against all the rest of mankind. The essence of his doctrine was violence and lust: to exalt the brutal over the spiritual part of human nature" - John Quincy Adams




    —The unbelievers are your inveterate enemy. (4:101)
    —Mohammed is God’s apostle. Those who follow him are ruthless to the unbelievers but merciful to one another. (48:29).
    —It is unlawful for a believer to kill another believer, accidents excepted. (4:92)
    —Believers, take neither the Jews nor the Christians for your friends. (5:51)
    —Make war on them until idolatry shall cease and God’s religion shall reign supreme. (8:40)
    —Fight against them until idolatry is no more and God’s religion reigns supreme. (2:193)
    —The true believers fight for the cause of God, but the infidels fight for the devil.  (4:76)
    —We will put terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. (3:151)
    —I shall cast terror into the hearts of the infidels. Strike off their heads, strike off the very tips of their fingers. (8:12)

    —Muhammad said to the Jews: “If you embrace Islam, you will be safe. You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. “
    — Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e. Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e. slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.‘ “
    —Mohammed said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and whoever says, “ None has the right to be worshipped but Allah , his life and property will be saved by me.“ (otherwise it will not). Vol. 4:196
    —Mohammed said, “Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him.“ Vol. 9:57
    —Mohammed said, “ No Muslim should be killed for killing a Kafir” (infidel). Vol. 9:50
    —Muhammad said: “Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war, … “. (Sahih Muslim 4294)






    Some books that tell it like it is!


    Now on trial in Holland for "insulting Islam"



    The Islamization of Europe

    Muslims are rapidly destroying freedom in Europe and have even brought about self-censorship and real censorship in the United States.  But there is one city in Holland where a new reality can be seen with the naked eye, more than anywhere else. Here, entire neighborhoods look as if they have been lifted from the Middle East, here stand the largest mosques in Europe, here parts of sharia law are applied in the courts and theaters, here many of the women go around veiled, here the mayor is a Muslim, the son of an imam.  This city is Rotterdam, Holland's second largest city by population, and the largest port in Europe by cargo volume.  Europeans, especially politicians, will not lift a finger to fight against Islamofascism.  And future generations will pay the price. 

    The hate-filled Quran (Koran) consistently uses offending remarks whenever it mentions non-Muslims. It describes non-Muslims as animals (Q.7: 179, Q.25: 44, Q.47: 12). Then it describes the Jews as donkeys Q. 62:5 then as apes and pigs (Q.2: 65, Q. 5:60, Q. 7:166). To be described as an animal is a bad insult in Arabic culture, but pigs, apes and donkeys are particularly bad.  "Religion of Peace," my ass. 


    More people are killed by Islamists each year than in all 350 years of the Spanish Inquisition combined. (source)


    For the latest roundup of Muslim atrocities around the world click here:



    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but, assuming people wake up to the clear and present danger of Islam, it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion.

    " U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah"


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    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review


    “The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion.  It should transcend a personal god and avoid dogmas and theology.  Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual and a meaningful unity.  Buddhism answers this description.  If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism.” - Albert Einstein