Being the full and true Description of a voyage to the strange planet of Chaostika in the Outer Region of Llihelom, and with the beings who reside in a Kingdom known as Thailand, including a Full Account of the Customs, Habits, Beliefs and Quaint Behavior of the Inhabitants. In One Volume.

 

Chapter the Seventh

The Kingdom's Many Insects  

The Censorship Bug

While my sister, Silaic, and brother, Artivel, and I were being escorted through the wonderful Kingdom of Thailand, I learned that there are many insects, some of which are edible and some of which are deadly.  But the insect that interested me the most was The Censorship Bug. This Bug is found in Thailand and other areas of Southeast Asia in large numbers.  These insects attack in such an insidious manner that the people of Thailand fail to realize their books, magazines and films - and sometimes newspapers - are horribly mutilated as a direct result of the aggressive activities of this insect.  All reading and viewing material in this Kingdom is susceptible to attacks by the Censorship Bug, and I was told that it has spread to many other areas of the planet.  It seems that those environments without a high level of educated people often become breeding grounds for this type of insect.

 

Symptoms of the Censorship Bug's Bite

Several pages missing from books or else heavy black lines completely obliterating sentences; several areas of films which make no sense; illustrations and photographs in magazines partly obscured by child-like patches of ink.  Books and films banned outright.  Newspaper reports seldom varying from government press release handouts.  A tendency for the mind to operate sluggishly; lack of new ideas; similarity of thought between and among neighbors.  Strange to relate,  in those areas of the country most infected by this bug, ideas presented as patriotic are indistinguishable from ideas held by those in positions of power. 

Local community radio stations have also been infected by the Censorship Bug as the bug seems to enjoy eating away at the towers of these stations.  Why this bug prefers to eat away at stations which broadcast ideas in opposition to the government party in power was a mystery to my brother, sister and me.  When my sister mentioned this to my government escort, he quickly changed the subject and held up a large circle with an X through it which seemed to indicate that her question was not welcome.  As I did not wish to in any way insult the wonderful people in the government of this kingdom, I cautioned my sister not to raise this point again. 

 

Known Cures of the Censorship Bug's Bite

Unfortunately, certain misguided community leaders of the Thai Kingdom often keep such insects as pets and allow them to indulge in their activity.  However, damages inflicted by the Censorship Bug were sometimes cured by exposure of its activities combined with proper education and eradication of the insect wherever discovered by whatever insecticidal cleansers are available.

 

Additional information

The Censorship Bug can be found in many colors and shapes.  It is a very self-righteous bug, full of messianic fervor, which places a great deal of importance on sexual activity.  It has also been known to become extremely agitated if it cannot infest books, magazine and celluloid.  The bug has, at one time or another, penetrated every Kingdom of the planet.  The insect often thrives for several years and activity-spans of several decades are not uncommon.

A member of the Phylum Dictatoria, Class Obsoleta, the Censorship Bug is closely related to the Benighted Humbug.  It is easily spotted by its aforementioned agitation and its determination to infest and devour those parts of viewing and reading material most likely to offer new ideas or to expose the fallacies of old ones.

The Censorship Bug is also known for its unusual labial palpus, enlarged abdomen, segmented body, demented head, compound eye and simple brain.  Its forelegs often resemble a pair of scissors.  These pulp-eating invertebrates are almost totally parasitic, adept at camouflage, and instinctively hostile to new ideas and honest standards of morality.  Children of Candidata may not realize how fortunate they are that this insidious insect has yet to reach our own planet.

 

To Be Continued with a new chapter every month.

Argaivís Diary has been translated from the Candidatan script by Dean Barrett.

 

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