Being the full and true Description of a voyage to the strange planet of Chaostika in the Outer Region of Llihelom, and with the beings who reside in a Kingdom known as Thailand, including a Full Account of the Customs, Habits, Beliefs and Quaint Behavior of the Inhabitants. In One Volume. Written for the edification and amusement of the children of Candidata.


Chapter the Third

In the early morning hours the beautiful, brown-skinned maiden favored me with one last sniff-kiss and quietly slipped from the bed and left the room. I was exhausted but feeling wonderful. And at breakfast as I stole several glances at my brother he seemed to have the same happy smile on his face as I knew must be upon mine, leaving me to wonder if he had perhaps received the same thoughtful welcome from an Issan woman as I had. I noticed my sister looking at us with a strange expression as if trying to understand the reason for our secret joy but, being the discreet type, not once did she mention it.

The young maiden who had given me such a wonderful welcome during the night was nicknamed “Noy,” and she was 19 years old. She worked the ricefields and planted other types of crops as well. She said she had many sisters but they were working now in the capital city of this land. When I asked if they too worked ricefields there, she said they had found more lucrative work than planting rice but never quite specified what exactly that work was.

I must say I was fascinated by her lovely smile and with the way she could bend her lovely hands backward into an arc. Indeed, much about this maiden beguiled, enchanted, and enraptured me. In fact, so fascinated was I by her that I never even complained about the incredibly spicy food (somtan) that left my tongue sore for days.

I must say that in my experience the women of Candidata could learn a bit about bedroom techniques from these lovely ladies of Issarn; this, however, being an account of my voyage for the children of Candidata, I shall with all due propriety leave specific details of my encounter with a Siamese maiden to the imagination and, for the moment, say no more of it.

After breakfast, more officials came to see us and, as we toured the villages in the area, we were again chaperoned by those the Issan people referred to as Protectors of the Hi-So Status Quo, as well as the official interpreter from the capital city who had been assigned to us. I could not help but remark that those with a darker shade of skin seemed to be working with the land and animals on the land while those with a lighter shade of skin seemed to avoid this type of labor. I found that my Interpreter seemed somewhat embarrassed about this and quickly changed the subject.

Finally, later that afternoon, it was time we left for the capital to pay our respects to the government officials and to offer them what information we could regarding the laws, customs and manners of our own planet. I saw Noy lingering about some mango trees in a small garden to the rear of the house and managed to sneak off for just a few minutes to say goodbye to her in private. I could tell from her expression that she was extremely sorry to see me leave and I too wished I could spend more time with her. As I wiped her tears away, she begged for some small souvenir for her to remember me by, and suggested I might leave my ATM card with her.

However, I explained that the system we have on Candidata was completely different than that here in her country of Siam and that we were not issued with such cards. I had a difficult time convincing her of this but at last she seemed to understand; and upon understanding broke down completely. I am certain this was because she was so fond of me and I had no souvenir to give her to remind her of the unique and never-to-be-forgotten felicity of our late encounter, but promised to return and to have a gift for her from the capital when I did so. At this she at last brightened and with one last sniff-kiss she scampered off into the growing darkness.

To Be Continued with a new chapter every month.

Argaiv’s Diary has been translated from the Candidatan script by Dean Barrett.


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