I Never Pay for It!


You know the type. The Western male with the gargantuan ego who doesn’t realize he’s been brainwashed by Western societies into thinking that only socially inept losers would ever actually pay for sex. Not entirely his fault, of course, because something in Western society does make money changing hands for sex quite sordid most of the time.

The fact that it might be a bit different in other cultures has never occurred to him. I still remember the Time magazine stringer in Bangkok years ago. He was just over from the States – “Still pissing Stateside water” as we used to say. He sat in a Patpong Road coffee shop one afternoon while local boys such as myself reminisced about the wonderful time we had had the night before with go go dancers and how much we had paid. This guy listened silently for a while and then finally blurted out, “I never pay for it!” He said it with a certain pride and defiance. And we looked at each other and groaned. Of course, after a month or so in Bangkok, and being introduced to dozens of lovely bargirls, you can be certain he changed his mind and his habits and soon found that he did indeed “pay for it.”

The way it works in the minds of feminazis and their allies in the West is this: If some low-class, crude character with money, say, just for example, a stockbroker, picks up a poorly paid, not too well educated, secretary in a Manhattan singles bar and they go to an apartment and have sex, and he never really knows her name and doesn’t intend to see her again it is all right because he never paid her money the next day when they parted. But if you live in Thailand and even speak some Thai and meet a go go dancer who strikes your fancy, and if you barfine her and take her to your apartment and have a great time with her, if you gave her some money in the morning, that makes you a loser. Sorry, I don’t buy the argument.

Of course, there are those who say “men always pay for it,” one way or the other, and that getting married for sex is like buying the 747 just to get the peanuts. But the point is this: Westerners who have never left their own countries cannot seem to grasp that many of their most cherished beliefs and prejudices lose their meaning in other cultures. That just maybe it might be best to withhold judgement on others in other lands. I do find something smug about Westerners who come here to Thailand – yes, especially some of the women – and who are quick to judge everyone and everything by their own values. As the Buddhist monks say, “Who is it who judges?”

You may have seen the film Leaving Las Vegas with Nicolas Cage and Elisabeth Shue as Ben the alcoholic and Sera the prostitute. Well, the novel by the late John O’Brien was even better. It is truly an overlooked American classic. Anyway, here is a quote from the book:

“To him (Ben) there’s no better meshing of social and biological functions than paid sex. It’s always gratifying, leaving him quite pleased with himself and with the world in general. He is amused by men who proudly proclaim that they have never paid for it. This remark, so unnecessarily spoken yet spoken out of great necessity to the speaker, indicates to Ben that these guys are either completely superficial, or strongly homosexual and running scared, or…what? Why must they assert this, and always using the exact same phrase? Unless of course they’re stating that money is more sacred to them than sex, a position that would truly separate a man from his species.”

In my opinion men assert this “I never pay for it” nonsense mostly because they have been brainwashed by their society’s mores into believing that only a loser would pay for sex. Just as they have been brainwashed into thinking that a man who takes up with a much younger woman must be “afraid of older, accomplished women.” These cliches will serve you well if you are an older Western woman because they help to stop Western men from trying something different. From straying from the norm, for example. Because, remember: society always punishes those who deviate from its norms. In this case, with ridicule, repugnance and disapproval. And if you go through life buying into the values which serve the needs of people like them, if you worry about what such people will think of your actions, then you have wasted a great deal of your life.

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