Apology to Fox News






I wish to issue an apology to Fox News.  One of their reporters said that in downtown Bangkok, in a place called Washington Square, in the “painters” bars, there were lots of hungry children being duped into the slave and sex trades and even beaten if they refused to participate.  I said some rather nasty things about Fox News and sent those thoughts to them which I now regret.  Because, although the reporter mixed up the painter bars with Washington Square and made other geographical mistakes, I have learned to my horror that not only are children in Washington Square being duped into the slave and sex trades, as was accurately reported, but, it is far worse than that.


I was tipped off to what is happening there by one of the young women vendors outside a Washington Square bar known as The Feminist Nightmare.  She was selling bamboo worms and beetles deep fried in oil from her cart.  She is actually a Muslim with beautiful dark brothel-brown skin and was wearing a T-shirt with the face of Osama Bin-laden with a bullet hole in his eye on it. She was also wearing no bra so that her lovely budding nipples caused Bin-laden’s eyes to protrude outward like Hezbollah missiles about to be launched.  But I digress.


She told me go into some of the restaurants, say that I was a friend of Good Pork Betty’s and ask for the “special kids” menu.  I was a bit perplexed but I did this and never in my wildest dreams had I thought it would come to this.  The children of Thailand are not only being sold as sex objects by merciless foreigners, but some of them, those thought to be too unsightly or too old for that trade, are actually being – Sweeny Todd style – murdered, and then prepared in the kitchens of Washington Square, and served to customers!


A typical dish is Phet Pla dek dam Issarn Pom Pui Khao Niu (Pudgy dark child from Northeast Thailand with spicy fish and sticky rice).  As most Thais prefer light skin to dark, this dish is for those on a low budget.  Besides the fish and child, the dish consists of several standard Thai ingredients including lemon grass stalks, wild lime leaves, basil leaves to taste, chopped green onions, chopped ginger, and a pinch of coriander.  (Despite the danger if I was caught, I managed to get a shot of this dish in preparation as you can see at right.  Just click on the shocking photo to enlarge. Are there no depths to which these horrid foreigners will not stoop?)


Other dishes on the menu included:


Dek on kahnom jeep gung het (baby dumplings with shrimp and mushrooms)

Mee grob dek ying nom soey (crispy Thai noodles with beautiful breast of female child)

Dek Chai Phet nung song kuop manao (Spicy steamed two-year-old male child with lime juice)

Bah mee pla muk dek on uon ping moo dang (Squid and baby fat grilled with yellow noodles with red roast pork)

Gaeng poo talay dek niu khem (crab curry with salted child fingers)

Som tam kha aloy dek ying dek chai (spicy papaya and shrimp salad with delicious legs of both female and male children)


Desserts included:


Ma muang khao nieo tap dek chin (mango and sticky rice with child liver slices)  


Kluay nakrian burisut buat chee (bananas and virginal students in coconut milk)


Khanom chan isakrem samong dek Khamen suey (layer cake and ice cream with attractive Cambodian child’s brains)


Dek niew ponlamai a la Washington Square (Chewy strings of young children in rocky road ice cream with fruit of the season, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and cherries).


Rudyard Kipling said “You’ll know what my riddle means when you’ve eaten mangosteens.”  Well, have I got a riddle for Rudyard: “You’ll know what my meaning is when you’ve eaten child brains hers and his.” 


While I have to admit that prices were very reasonable and service was excellent, I think at last this horrendous practice on the part of unscrupulous foreigners is now being brought into the light of day and I would like to applaud Fox News for their fair and accurate reporting of the unspeakable events taking place in Bangkok’s Washington Square.