Espionage in Beijing



Britain's security service, MI5, as well as various American security agencies, have been warning about the Chinese effort to blackmail foreign business people over sexual relationships and other improprieties.  The Chinese are employing "honey trap methods" and to "exploit vulnerabilities such as sexual relationships to pressurize individuals to cooperate with them.  Hotel rooms in major Chinese cities such as Beijing and Shanghai which have been frequented by foreigners are likely to be bugged.  Hotel rooms have been searched while the occupants are out of the room."


Well, I think I know a way to fool the Chinese.  I plan on going to Beijing again this year and I was thinking we could plant false documents.  I will prepare and bring false documents with me and then hire a girl from one of the escort services and while in the room will leave the documents out in plain site.  I will make sure they are clearly labeled in English and Chinese something like "Top Secret - Cryptographic - NOFORN" (No foreign nationals), etc.  The documents will outline various American strategies being implemented and once they obtain the documents it will seem to Beijing as if Beijing has obtained a great motherload of information but actually the documents will cleverly lead them to spend millions of dollars and countless man hours on the wrong track.  You see, no doubt the girl will report this and my room will be searched when I am out of it and the documents photographed. What's that you say?  I will probably fuck this espionage operation up?  Well, I can't do any worse than the CIA, can I?


I think you will agree this is a very patriotic thing to do.  The problem is I can never afford to stay in the top hotels in Beijing; the ones definitely bugged and searched.  Staying in a nondescript guesthouse would be of no use whatever.  And that's where you come it.  Because if you would buy my books, then I could have enough money to stay in a top Beijing hotel, hire the girl, plant the documents, and help the Western World in its fight for (as Superman used to say) truth, justice and the American way.


Or, alternatively, you could just send me money.  Just make the checks out to me and be sure to mark the outside envelope:




All photographs from Beijing Craig's List Erotic Services - Yum, yum, yum!

(There is a Thailand Craig's List Erotic Services, but don't bother: more than 50 per cent are ladyboy ads)