FROM PAUL TO PAUL

 

(This may apply to you also, so read it!)

 

Dear Paul,
 
I am writing this letter you to because I am worried about you.
You seem to be trapped in a pattern of behaviour that causes you to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

I think it's fair to say that I know you better than anyone else, and I really feel that if only you will listen to me, maybe I can help.
 
I understand that right now you don't want to listen.
I understand that you are in love, and that love is a powerful emotion.
But I also understand that sometimes it blocks out rational thought, and it can block out reality.
 
So... here goes!
 
The girl you've just met - I understand that she's adorable.
She's sweet.
She's young.
She seems to have a touch more vulnerability than the others.
You can talk to her. You feel maybe you can actually trust her - maybe she doesn't just like you for your money like all the rest.
And she has character - real character.  In that, she really isn't like the others.
The sex seems all the more powerful with her because it has emotion behind it.
But it is also because there is emotion that the sex isn't everything. Sometimes you just lie in bed talking. Sometimes you just want to hug her and hold her, and feel her warmth.
All the cliches you've ever heard about two souls meeting - you begin to wonder if they're true.
And you feel like you've known her all your life.
And you can't imagine not knowing her.
You don't want to leave. You don't want her to leave. You want to take care of her.
 
I understand why.
You know that she's staying in a shitty little room with only a fan and a thin bedmat, and you don't want her to have to live like that.
And even though she's clearly smart, the poor girl never had a chance to even finish high school. You could give her that opportunity.
Her parents know she works in a bar, and they take her money anyway.  How can they love her?  Has anyone ever really loved her? 
You could show her love - real love.
 
But most importantly, you can't bear to imagine her being fucked by a skinheaded, tattooed, football-vested moron called Neil from Northampton, or Gunther from Germany, or Mats from Sweden.
It makes you mad, doesn't it?
 
And she' s so adorable, so helpless.
It would be so easy wouldn't it?
Of course you would probably have to buy her out.
But it's only 10,000 Baht.
How much is 10,000 Baht in the whole grand scheme of things?
You used to spend that in a night back home.
To you it's nothing.
But to her, it could be everything.
It could save her from a lifetime of seedy short-time rooms.

 
NOW STOP RIGHT THERE!

 
Don't you remember!
You've been here before!
You've felt this before!
And did it work? Did it?
 
Don't think it won't be like last time. It will be exactly the same.
 
She won't like Western food, apart from the occasional Pizza Hut pizza and KFC.
So you're going to have to eat Thai food - every day.
And not just Thai food - Issan food.
So we're talking somtam, pla ra, and every other sort of stinky concoction. Your place will never smell the same again.
And she will eat and eat. Okay, Thai food is cheap, but she will just eat all day long.
And if there isn't any food in the house, you're going to have to interrupt everything you're doing and take her to buy more.
Because God forbid you don't feed her. She'll sulk and grumble and make your life hell.
 
Lost, Prison Break, House, Seinfeld - remember them?
Well you'd better remember them, because you won't be watching them any more.
Because she doesn't understand them, even with subtitles.
No, you'd better like Thai soap operas, because that's what you'll be watching.
That's not quite true. She does like some of the Truevision channels: the ones that play either Thai music or cartoons.
And if you don't like them or want to change channels, she will turn into a demon from hell.
 
But of course you can always escape the house and spend time with your friends, right?  
Wrong.
Because Thai girls get lonely.  And they are scared that there are ghosts in your place.  So they don't like to be left alone.
But if you take her with you, she can't speak to your friends, and she will get annoyed within about ten seconds that she's not getting all your attention, and will make such a noise that in the end you'll just take her home.
 
Gogo bars. Forget it!
 
Watching any form of sports. Forget it!
 
Going out for an Indian meal. Forget it!
 
But think of all the things you get in return!
 
Go on. Think of them!
 
Keep trying!
 
Oh no. That's right. There aren't any, are there.
 
You get blunt razors and strange bottles cluttering up the basin.
You get weird fruits left rotting around the place.
You get women's underwear in the sink.
You'll lie on something strange in bed and find it's a Boysian nasal spray.
You'll get constant reminders of how poor her family is, and how every time you spend any money, it's money you've basically deprived her village of.
Do I need to go on?
Do you really want me to remind you about women's menstruation - about the sheets, and the bathroom, about how once a month, your place will become a set from CSI.
 
And don't think you'll keep talking to her like you used to.
You've heard all her stories. She hasn't got any left.
And she isn't interested in your life. She barely knows what you do for a living.
 
But there's sex, isn't there?
Isn't there?
It's funny how that dwindles isn't it?
It's funny how boring her pussy will become to you.
You used to want to go down on her all the time, didn't you?
But more and more, you will just kind of skip that step.
You used to want it to last all night.  But soon, you'll just want to climax a.s.a.p and go to sleep.
It will almost become a chore.
 
And that's it really.
That is the end.
When the sex goes, you will start to wonder what the hell it's all for.
And then you'll begin to realise the terrible mistake you've made.
She thinks this is forever.
She thinks that you can put up with this for all eternity.
She thinks that you will never again fuck another girl.
She thinks that you're going to have kids together.
 
And you'll just want to get her the hell out of there.
You'll just want to be free.
And you know it's going to be hard.
You know there will be tears.
There may even be violence.
And your mind will already be working out the best way.
Can you fake a trip abroad?
Or a deadly disease?
 
And you'll wonder, how did I get myself into this again?
Why didn't anyone warn you?
Why didn't anyone stop you from making the same mistake again?
 
Well that's what I'm doing now.
Because I've just been through it.
And I was lucky.
I got out.
But please, please let it never happen again.
 
Paul