Ten Golden Rules of Thai Bargirls

by Khun Nana

When I first started writing this column I explored the top ten rules for dealing with regular gals as well as a top ten for surviving with bar gals.  I received a lot of positive feedback from both readers and close mates of mine who have to be constantly bombarded by my rants and unsolicited opinions.  Since I live in an area surrounded by bar gals who are plying their trade (much like Louis Armstrong and Vincent Van Gogh did) I am often privy to the way these gals think and act.  So if you were ever curious about how the other side thinks, here comes Khun Nana’s top ten rules for being a bar gal:

1) The Golden Rule is to make the most money while doing the least amount of work.  Yes, I know that most of you are thinking that this is rule number one for anyone working any job.  You would be right!  The gals are no different.  They all want money and most are generally very lazy (I can relate) so maximum income for minimum effort is the key.  Guys who send money from abroad are the Holy Grail.  Huge money for virtually no effort.  Ever wonder why they always ask what hotel you are staying at?  There are two reasons for this.  First is to set the price, as punters staying in four or five start hotels will definitely be charged more.  Just as important is that they want to know how far it is to your place.  Guys staying two minutes away are much more desirable than guys staying across town.  If you are willing to use the short time room that is 50 feet away you are a dream come true.

2) Try to have fun.  Thai gals are fun loving and easily bored, so it is very important for them to have at least some fun while making money.  Many gals will quit a job that they consider no fun (“mai sanuk” in Thai) even if it is the 28th of the month and they have no money for next month’s rent!  This may seem insane to us responsible foreigners, but believe me when I tell you that the biggest insult you can receive in this country is to be labeled “mai sanuk.”  Most gals have chosen the venue that they work in because they have at least one friend there.  Often if the friend quits or moves to another bar the gal in question will move on with her.  What fun will it be to work in a bar with no friends? 

3) Never ever ever ever say you have a boyfriend!  They all realize that they are not just selling their bodies, but are also selling a fantasy to the customer.  I wish I had one baht for every gal I have heard say “I no have boyfriend. Thai man no good.”  They may have a steady Thai boyfriend, several Thai lovers, four western guys sending money every month and dozens of customers, but they will absolutely tell you that they are unattached.  This also works in reverse.  Many of the customers are married or have a girlfriend but very few ever talk about it when meeting new gals.

4) Seize every opportunity to benefit financially from the time spent with a customer.  Receiving clothes, jewelry, mobile phones, etc. will all increase the bottom line.  The customer really should be prepared for this one.  If you go to a tailor shop to buy a shirt, he is going to attempt to sell you suits, shoes, etc.  It’s his job. One of my favorite gals always says “my job to ask, your job to say no.”

5) Collect phone numbers and email addresses from every customer even if he only bought you a cola.  I don’t need to tell you the HUGE reward that comes from sending out 357 emails and 642 sms messages requesting money.  Just a one or two percent response rate and bills are paid for the month.  One gal joked with me “my Mom is sick and the buffalo died, or the buffalo is sick and my Mom died, can’t remember which one but it’s really bad!”

6) Learn to put your mind away in a separate place.  Whether the gal is bored, tired, listening to a punter drone on and on about his pathetic life, staring at the ceiling while a stranger has his way with her, or perhaps just not in the mood to work, it is essential to be able to separate the mind from the body.  I once asked a gal what she thought about when she was making love with a strange man. Her response was “I think about how I am just about to walk out of there with xxx baht in my hand. And what I am going to buy with that money.”

7) Always say to the customer that the reason you are working in the bar is to help out your desperately poor family.  Some gals actually do send some money home.  Some give it away to their Thai boyfriends.  Many others just blow their money on the latest fashions and mobile phones.  Regardless, everyone must learn to say the following: “I no have boyfriend. I no like Thai man. Thai man no good. I no like work in bar but need money to send to family.”  No gal will be allowed to work in the bar until she memorizes that script.

8) Learn to prey on the emotional weaknesses of Western men.  You must learn how to make customers feel lust, guilt, responsibility, jealousy, and a myriad of other emotions.  This isn’t that easy as no Thai man would ever fall for the silly little games that come from this but many (certainly not all) Western men are unequipped to handle these games. One of my best mates likes to say (when referring to Western customers dealing with Thai bar gals) that “the gals have the home field advantage and many of us don’t even know the rules to this game.”

9) Don’t trust all the other gals in the bar.  Yes friends, they lie, cheat and steal from each other as much (if not more so) than they do with customers.  One more reason it is so important to have at least one true blue friend in the bar.  There is no such word as “LOAN” in the bar gal dictionary.  It was not a loan, it was a gift.

10) Always accompany the customer to the airport.  Guys are so emotional when they must leave Paradise that they are known to lavish gals with money and gifts while waiting for the plane to antisepticville. I was in G-Spot in Nana Plaza one night when a gal came in and started throwing bank notes around the bar and the whole place went nuts.  She later told me that her customer gave all of his local currency to her while he cried at the airport. It was over 76,000 baht.

Until next time have fun and be happy!